r 


k 


Lane'a    Uniform   Edition. 


PETER  SIMPLE; 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  A  MIDSHIPMAN. 

BT 

CAPTAIN  MARRYATT 

COMPLKTK    Ilf    TWO    VOLUMES. 

VOL.  I. 

aan^botnton,  "N.  W. 

PUBLISHED  BY  CHARLKS  LANE. 

18S8. 


BTiKEOTVPZD  BT  ALLISOn    AND   F08Ti«; 

Concord,  N.  H. 


PETER    SIMPLE. 


CHAPTER  I. 


The  (Toat  ndTmitnxe  of  bring  the  fool  of  the  family  — My  destiny  ia 
dtviiteil.  Kiid  I  Km  coii!ii|tned  to  a  stock  broker  as  a  part  of  bis  majeity'a 
■ca«lock  —  Unfortunately  for  me,  Mr.  Handycock  is  •  b«tr,  and  I 
got  rer}-  littJc  dinnrr. 

If  1  cannot  narrate  a  life  of  adventurous  and  dar- 
ing exploits,  fortunately  I  have  no  heavy  crimes  to 
confess,  and  if  I  do  not  rise  in  the  estimation  of 
the  reader  for  acts  of  gallantry  and  devotion  in  my 
country's  cause,  at  least  I  may  claim  the  merit  of 
humble  and  unobtrusive  continuance  in  my  vocation. 
We  are  all  of  us  variously  gifted  from  above,  and 
he  who  is  content  to  walk,  instead  of  running,  his 
allotted  path  through  life,  although  he  may  not  so 
rapidly  attain  the  goal,  has  the  advanUige  of  not 
being  out  of  breath  upon  his  arrival.  Psot  that  1 
mean  to  infer  that  my  life  has  not  l)een  one  of  ad- 
venture. 1  only  mean  to  say,  that  in  all  which  has 
occurred,  I  have  been  a  passive,,  rather  than  an 
active,  personage  ;  and  if  events  of  interest  are  to 
be  recorded,  they  certainly  have  not  been  sought 
by  me. 

As  well  as  I  can  recollect  and  analyze  my  early 
propensities,  I  think  that,  had  I  been  iwrmiited  to 
select  my  own  profc.sision,  I  should  in  all  probability 
have  bound  inysrif  apprentice  to  a  tad  or  ;  fori 
always  envied  the  comforttihlc  seat  which  they 
appeared  to  enjoy  upon  the    shopboard,  and   their 


4  PETER  SIMPLE. 

elevated  position,  which  enabled  them  to  look  down 
upon  the  constant  succession  of  the  idle  or  the  busy, 
who  passed  in  review  before  therrrin  the  main-street 
of  the-  country-to\^R  near  to'  whieh  I  passed  the 
first  fourteen  years  of  my  existence. 

But  my  father,  who  'was  a  clergyman  of  the 
Church  of  England,  and  the  youngest  brother  of 
a  noble  family,  had  a  lucrative  living,  and  a  '-soul 
above  buttons,"  if  his  son  had  not.  It  has  been 
from  time  immemorial  the  heathen  custom  to  sacri- 
fice the  greatest  fool  of  the  family  to  the  prosperity 
and  naval  superiority  of  the  countrj-,  and  at  the 
age  of  fourteen  I  was  selected  as  the  victim.  If 
the  custom  be  judicious,  I  had  no  reason  to  com- 
plain. There  was  not  one  dissentient  voice,  when 
I  was  propyosed,  before  all  the  varieties  of  my  aunts 
and  cousins,  invited  to  partake  of  our  new-year's 
festival.  I  was  selected  by  general  acclamation. 
Flattered  by  such  a  unanimous  acknowledgment  of 
my  qualification,  and  a  stroke  of  my  father's  hand 
down  my  head  which  accompanied  it,  I  felt  as  proud, 
and,  alas  !  as  unconscious,  as  the  calf  with  gilded 
horns,  who  plays  and  mumbles  with  the  rlowers  of 
the  garland  which  designates  his  fate  to  every  one 
but  himself.  I  even  felt,  or  thought  I  felt,  a  slight 
degree  of  military  ardor,  and  a  sort  of  vision  of 
future  grandeur  passed  before  me,  in  the  distant 
vista  of  which  I  perceived  a  coach  with  four  horses 
and  a  service  of  plate.  It  was,  however,  driven 
away  before  I  could  decipher  it,  by  positive  bodily 

f)ain,  occasioned  by  my  elder  brother  Tom,  who 
laving  been  directed  by  my  father  to  snuff  the 
candles,  took  the  opportunity  of  my  abstraction  to 
insert  a  piece  of  the  still  ignited  snuff  into  my  left 
car.  But  as  my  story  is  not  a  very  short  one,  I 
must  not  dwell  too  long  at  its  commencement.  I 
shall  therefore  inform  the  reader,  tliat  my  father, 
who  lived  in  the  north  of  England,  did  not  think  it 
ri^ht   to  fit  me  out  at  our  country-town,  near  to 


PETER  SIMPLE.  5 

which  we  resided ;  but  about  a  fortnight  after  the 
decision  to  which  I  have  referred,  he  forwarded  me 
to  London  on  the  outside  of  the  coacli,  with  my 
best  suit  of  bottle-green  and  six  shirts.  To  prevent 
mistakes  I  was  booked  in  the  way-bill  ''  to  be  de- 
livered to  Mr.  Thomas  Handycock,  No.  14,  St. 
Clement's  lane — carriage  paid."  My  parting  witli 
Ihe  family  was  very  aflccting;  my  mother  cried 
bitterly,  for,  like  all  motliers,  she  liked  the  greatest 
fool  which  she  had  presented  to  my  father  better 
than  all  the  rest ;  my  sisters  cried  because  my 
mother  cried  ;  Tom  roared  for  a  short  time  louder 
than  all  the  rest,  having  been  chastised  by  my  father 
for  breaking  his  fourth  window  in  that  week ; — dur- 
ing all  which  my  father  walked  up  and  down  the 
room  with  impatience,  because  he  was  kept  from 
his  dinner,  and  like  all  orthodo.x  divines,  he  was 
tenacious  of  the  only  sensual,  enjoyment  permitted 
to  his  cloth. 

At  last  I  tore  myself  away.  I  had  blubbered  till 
my  eyes  were  so  red  and  swollen,  that  the  pupils 
were  scarcely  to  be  distinguished,  and  tears  and 
dirt  had  veined  my  cheeks  like  the  m:irblc  of  the 
chimney-piece.  My  handkerchief  was  soaked 
through  with  wiping  my  eyes  and  blowing  my 
nose,  ocfore  the  scene  was  over.  My  brother  'J'om, 
with  a  kindness  which  did  honor  to  his  heart, 
exchanged  his  for  mine,  saying  with  fraternal  regard, 
"  Here,  IVUr,  take  mine,  it's  as  dry  as  a  bone." 
But  my  father  would  not  wait  for  a  second  handker- 
chief to  perform  its  duty.  He  led  me  away  through 
the  hall,  when,  having  shaken  hands  with  all  the 
men.  and  kissed  all  the  maids,  who  stood  in  a  row 
with  their  aprons  to  their  eyes,  I  quitted  my  pater- 
nal roof. 

The  coachman  accompanied  me  to  the  place 
whence  the  coach  wa.H  to  start.  Having  scon  mo 
securely  wedged  bi-tvvecn  two  fat  old  women,  and 
having  put  my  parcel  inside,  he  took  his  leave,  and 
in  a  few  minutes  I  was  on  my  road  to  L(':!ili'.i. 


6  PETER  SIMPLE. 

I  was  too  much  depressed  to  take  notice  of  any 
thing  during  my  journey.  When  we  arrived  in 
London,  they  drove  to  the  Blue  Boar,  (in  a  street 
the  name  of  which  I  forget.)  I  had  never  seen  or 
heard  of  such  an  animal,  and  certainly  it  did  not 
appear  very  formidable  ;  its  mouth  was  open  and 
teeth  very  large.  What  surprised  me  still  more 
was,  to  observe  that  its  teeth  and  hoofs  were  of 
pure  gold.  Who  knows,  thought  I,  but  that  in 
some  of  the  strange  countries  which  t  am  doomed 
to  visit,  I  may  fall  in  with  and  shoot  one  of  those 
terrific  monsters  ?  with  what  haste  shall  I  select 
those  previous  parts,  and  with  what  joy  should  I, 
on  my  return,  pour  them  as  an  offering  of  filial 
affection  into  my  mother's  lap ! — and  then,  as  I, 
thought  of  my  mother,  the  tears  again  gushed  into 
my  eyes. 

The  coachman  threw  his  wliip  to  the  ostler  and 
the  reins  upon  the  horses'  backs ;  he  then  dis- 
mounted, and  calling  to  me,  *'Now,  young  gentle- 
man, I'se  a  waiting,"  he  put  a  ladder  up  for  me  to 
get  down  by  ;  then  turning  to  a  porter,  he  said 
to  him,  '•  Bill,  you  must  take  this  here  young 
gem'man  and  that  ere  parcel  to  this  here  direction. 
Please  to  remember  the  coachman,  sir."  I  replied 
that  I  certainly  would,  if  he  wished  it,  and  walked 
off  with  the  porter ;  the  coachman  observing,  as  I 
went  away,  '■  Well,  he  is  a  fool — that's  sartin." 
I  arrived  quite  safe  at  St.  Clement's  lane,  when  the 
porter  received  a  shilling  for  his  trouble  from  the 
maid,  who  let  me  in,  and  I  was  shown  up  into  a 
parlor,  where  I  found  myself  in  company  with  Mrs. 
Handycock. 

Mrs.  Handycock  was  a  little  meagre  woman,  who 
did  not  speak  very  good  English,  and  who  appeared 
to  me  to  employ  the  major  part  of  her  time  in  bawling 
out  from  the  top  of  the  stairs  to  the  servants  below. 
I  never  saw  her  either  read  a  book  or  occupy  herself 
with  needle-work .duriuTf  the  whole  time  1  was  in  the 


PETER  SIMPLE.  7 

house.  She  had  a  large  gray  parrot,  and  really  I 
cannot  tell  which  screamed  the  worst  of  the  two— 
but  she  was  very  civil  and  kind  to  me,  and  asked 
me  ten  times  a  day  when  I  had  last  heard  of  my 
grandfather,  Lord  Privilege.  1  observed  that  she 
always  did  so  if  any  company  happened  to  call  in 
during  my  stay  at  her  house.  Before  1  had  been 
tliere  ten  minutes,  she  told  me  that  she '' hadored 
sailors — they  were  the  defendors  and  preservora 
of  their  kings  and  countries.''  and  that  "  Mr.  Han- 
dycock  would  be  home  by  four  o'clock,  and  then 
we  should  go  to  dinner.'  Then  she  jumped  nlTher 
chair  to  bawl  to  tlic  cook  from  the  head  oftlie 
stairs — ''Jemima,  Jemima! — ve'll  ha'e  vitingbiled 
instead  of  Iricd."  *'  Can't,  marrn,"'  relied  Jemima, 
"they  be  ail  hegged  and  crumbled,  with  tlicir  tails 
in  their  mouths,  '  '*  \  el,  tlhcn.  nevermind,  Jemi- 
ma," rrplicd  the  lady.  '•  Dont  put  your  linger  into 
the  parrot's  cage,  my  love — he's  hapt  to  be  cross 
wjth  strangers.  Mr.  Handycock  will  be  at  home  at 
iijur  o'clock,  and  then  we  shall  have  our  dinner.  Are 
ynu  fond  of  viting?" 

As  I  wa-s  very  anxious  to  see  Mr.  Handycock, 
and  sery  anxious  to  have  my  dinner,  1  was  not  sorry 
to  hear  the  dock  on  ti.e  stairs  strike  four ;  when 
Mrs.  IlamlycfK-k  again  jumped  up,  and  put  her  head 
over  tljn  banisters,  "  Jemima,  Jemima,  it's  four 
o'clock  1"  "  1  hi»ar  it,  marm,"  roplio<l  the  cook  ;  and 
she  gave  the  frying-pan  a  twist  wtiich  made  the 
h»8ing  and  the  smell  come  llyiiig  up  into  the  par- 
lor, and  made  mo  more  hungry  tlian  ever. 

Kap,  tap,  tap!  "  There's  your  master,  Jemima," 
screamed  llir  lady.  '•  I  hear  him,  mann,''  replied 
the  cook.  '•  linn  down,  my  dear,  and  lot  .Mr.  Han- 
dycock in,''  said  liis  wife.  "  \lv.'\[  be  so  surprised 
at  seeing  you  open  llie  door." 

I  ran  down  as  Mrs.  Handyrnrk  desired  me,  and 
opened  the  street  door.  ••  Who  the  devil  are 
you  !"  cried  Mr.   Handycock    in  a   grufl  voice  j   a 


8  PETER  SIMPLE. 

man  about  six  feet  high,  dressed  in  blue  cotton-net 
pantaloons  and  Hessian  boots,  with  a  black  coat 
and  waiscoat.  I  was  a  little  rebuffed,  I  must  own, 
but  I  replied  that  I  was  Mr.  Simple.  "  And  pray, 
Mr.  Simple,  what  would  your  grandfather  say,  if  he 
saw  you  now?  I  have  servants  in  plenty  to  open 
my  door,  and  the  parlor  is  the  proper  place  for 
young  gentlemen." 

'•  Law,  ]Mr.  Handycock,"  said  his  wife,  from  the 
top  of  the  stairs,  "  how  can  you  be  so  cross  ?  I  told 
him  to  open  the  door  to  surprise  you."  "  And  you 
have  surorised  me,"  replied  he,  "with  your  cursed 
foUv." 

AVhile  Mr.  Handycock  was  nibbing  his  boots  on 
the  mat,  I  went  up  stairs  again,  rather  mortified,  I 
must  own, as  my  father  had  told  me  that  Mr.Handy- 
cock  Wiis  his  stock-broker,and  would  do  all  he  could 
to  m:ike  me  comfortable  ;  indeed  he  had  written  to 
that  effect  in  a  letter,  which  my  fatiicr  showed  to 
me  before  I  lelt  home.  When  I  returned  to  the 
parlor,  Mrs.  Handycock  whispered  to  me,  "  Never 
mind,  my  dear,  it's  only  because  there  is  something 
wrong  on  "Change.  ^Ir.  Handycock  is  a6f<^rjust 
now."  I  thought  so  too,  but  I  made  no  answer,  for 
Mr.  Handycock  came  up  stairs,  and  walking  with 
two  strides  from  the  door  of  the  parlor  to  the  fire 
place,  turned  his  back  to  it,  and  lifting  up  his  coat- 
tails  began  to  whistle." 

"  Are  you  ready  for  your  dinner,  my  dear  V  said 
the  lady,  almost  trembling. 

''  If  tlie  dinner  is  ready  for  me.  I  believe  we 
usually  dine  at  four,"  answered  her  husband,  gruffly. 

"  Jemima,  Jemima,  dish  up  !  do  you  hear,  Jemi- 
ma ?"  ''Yes,  marm,  replied  the  cook,  ''directly 
I've  thickened  the  butter  j"  and  Mrs.  Handycock 
resumed  her  seat  with  "  Well,  Mr.  Simple,  and  how 
is  your  grandfather,  Lord  Privilege  V  ''  He  is  quite 
well,  ma'am,"  answered  I,  for  the  fifteenth  time  at 
least.     Bat  dinner  put  an  end  to  the  silence  which 


PETER  SIMPLE.  9 

followed  this  remark.  Mr.  Handycock  lowered  his 
coat  tail  and  walked  down  stairs,  leaving  his  wifb 
and  me  to  follow  at  our  leisure. 

"  Pray,  ma'am,"  inquired  1,  as  soon  as  he  was  out 
of  hearing,  "  what  is  the  matter  with  Mr.  Handy- 
cock,  tliat  he  is  so  cross  to  you?" 

""Vy,  my  dear,  it  is  one  of  the  misfortunes  of 
matermonv,  that  ven  the  husband's  put  out,  the  vife 
is  sure  to  have  her  share  of  it.  Air.  Handycock 
must  have  lost  money  on  "Change,  and  then  he 
always  comes  home  cross.  When  he  vins,  then  he 
is  as  merry  as  a  cricket.'-* 

'•  Are  you  people  coming  down  to  dinner  ?"  roared 
Mr.  Handvcock  from  below.  "  Yes,  my  dear,"  re- 
plied the  lady,  "  I  thought  that  you  were  washing 
your  hands."  We  descended  into  the  dining-room, 
where  we  found  that  Mr.  Handycock  had  already 
devoured  two  of  the  whitings,  leaving  only  one  on 
the  dish  for  his  wife  and  me.  "  Vould  you  like  a 
little  viting.  my  dear  ?"'  said  the  lady  to  me.  "It's 
not  worth  having."  observed  the  gentleman,  in  a 
surly  tone,  taking  the  fish  up  with  his  own  knife  and 
fork,  and  putting  it  on  his  plate. 

•'  Well,  i'm  so  glad  you  like  them,  my  dear,"  re- 
plied the  lady,  meekly  ;  then  turYiiiig  to  me,  "there's 
some  nice  roast  weal  coming,  my  dear." 

The  veal  made  its  appearance,  and  fortunately  for 
us,  Mr.  Handycock  could  not  devour  it  all.  He 
took  the  lion's  share,  nevertheless,  cutting  off  ill 
the  brown,  and  then  shoving  tlie  dish  over  to 
his  wife  to  help  herself  and  me.  I  had  not  j)ut 
two  pieces  in  my  mouth  before  Mr.  Handycock 
desired  me  to  get  up  and  hand  him  the  porter-pot, 
which  stood  on  the  sideboard.  I  thought  that  if 
it  was  not  right  for  me  to  open  the  door,  neither 
was  it  for  me  to  wait  at  table ;  bdl  1  obeyed  him 
without  making  a  remark.  • 

After  dinner.  Mr.  Handycock  went  down  to  the 
cellar  for  a  bottle   of  wine.      '*  O  deary  me,"  ^x- 


10  PETER  SIMPLE. 

claimed  his  wife,  "  he  must  have  lost  a  mint  of 
money ;  we  had  better  go  up  stairs  and  leave  him 
alone  j  he'll  be  better  after  a  bottle  of  port  per- 
haps." I  was  very  glad  to  go  away,  and  being  very- 
tired,  I  went  to  bed  without  any  tea,  for  Mrs.  Han- 
dycock  dared  not  venture  to  make  it  before  her 
husband  came  up  stairs. 


CHAPTER  II. 


Fitting  out  on  the  shortest  notice — Fortunately  Tor  me,  this  diy  Mr. 
Handycock  it  a  bear,  and  I  fare  very  well — I  set  off  for  Portsmouth — 
Beliind  the  coach  I  meet  a  man  before  the  mast — He  is  du^uitcdv/i\ii 
liquor,  but  is  not  the  only  disguise  I  fall  in  with  in  my  journey. 

The  next  morning  Mr.  Handycock  appeared  to 
be  in  somewhat  better  humor.  One  of  the  linen- 
drapers,  who  fit  out  cadets,  &-c.  "  on  the  shortest 
notice,"  was  sent  for,and  orders  given  for  my  equip- 
ment, which  Mr.  Handycock  insisted  should  be 
ready  on  the  day  afterwards,  or  the  articles  would 
be  left  on  his  hands ;  adding  that  my  place  was  al- 
ready taken  in  the  Portsmouth  coach. 

"  Really,  sir,"  observed  the  man,  "  I'm  afraid — 
on  such  very  short  notice  " 

"Your  card  says  'the  shortest  notice,'"  rejoined 
Mr.  Handycock,  with  the  confidence  and  authority 
of  a  man  who  is  enabled  to  correct  another  by  his 
own  assertions.  '•  If  you  do  not  choose  to  under- 
take the  work,  another  will." 

This  silenced  the  man,  who  made  his  promise, 
took  my  measure  and  departed,  and  soon  after^vards 
Mr.  Handycock  also  quitted  the  house. 

What  with  my  grandfather  and  the  parrot,  and 
Mrs.  Handycock  wondering  how  much  money  her 


PETER  SIMPLE.  11 

husband  had  lost,  running  to  the  head  ot  the  stairs 
and  talking  to  the  cook,  the  day  passed  away  pretty 
well  till  four  o'clock;  when,  as  before,  Mrs.  Han- 
dycock  screamed,  the  cook  screamed,  the  parrot 
screamed,  and  Mr.  Handycock  rapped  at  the  door 
and  was  let  in — but  not  by  me.  He  ascended  the 
stairs  with  three  bounds,  and  coming  into  the  par- 
lor, cried,  "  Well,  Nancy,  my  love,  how  are  you  ]" 
Then  stooping  over  her,  "  Give  me  a  kiss,  old  girl, 
I'm  as  hungrv  as  a  hunter.  Mr.  Simple,  how  do 
you  do  ?  f  hope  you  have  passed  tne  morning 
agreeably.  I  must  wash  my  hands  and  change  my 
boots  my  love ;  I  am  not  fit  to  sit  down  to  table 
with  you  in  this  pickle.  Well,  Polly,  how  are 
you  ?" 

"  I'm  glad  you're  hungrv,  my  dear.  I've  such  a 
nice  dinner  for  ^ou,"  replied  the  wife,  all  smiles. 
"Jemima,  be  quick  and  dish  up— Mr.  Handycock 
is  so  hungry." 

"  Yes,  marm,"  replied  the  cook  :  and.  Mrs.  Han- 
dycock followed  her  husband  into  his  bedroom 
on  the  same  floor,  to  assist  him  at  his  toilet. 

"  By  Jove,  Psancy,  the  bulls  have  been  nicely 
taken  in,"  said  Mr.  Handycock  as  we  sat  down  to 
dinner. 

"  O,  1  am  so  glad  !"  replied  his  wife  giggling , 
and  BO  I  believe  she  was,  but  why  I  did  not  under- 
stand. 

"  Mr.  Simple,"  said  he,  "  will  you  allow  me  to 
offer  you  a  little  fish  ?''  "  If  you  do  not  want  it  all 
yourself,  sir,"  replied  I,  politely. 

Mrs.  Handycock  frowned  and  shook  her  head  at 
me  ;  while  her  husband  helped  me.  "  My  dove,  a 
bit  of  fish  T" 

We  both  had  our  share  to-djif ,  and  I  never  saw 
a  man  more  polite  than  Mr.  Haildvcock.  He  joked 
with  his  wife,  asked  me  to  drink  wine  with  him 
two  or  three  times,  talked  about  my  grandfather  j 
and  in  short,  wc  had  a  very  pleasant  evening. 


12  PETER  SIMPLE. 

The  next  moniing  all  my  clothes  came  home,  but 
Mr.  Handycock,  who  still  continued  in  good  humor, 
said  that  he  would  not  allow  me  to  travel  at  night  j 
that  I  should  sleep  there  and  set  off  the  next  morn- 
ing, which  I  did  at  six  o'clock,  and  before  eight  I 
hiid  arrived  at  the  Elephant  and  Castle,  where  we 
stopped  for  a  quarter  of  an  hour.  I  was  looking 
at  the  painting  representing  this  animal  with  a 
castle  on  its  back  3  and  assuming  that  of  Alnwick, 
which  I  had  seen,  as  a  fair  estimate  of  the  size  and 
weight  of  that  which  he  carried,  was  attempting  to 
enlarge  my  ideas  so  as  to  comprehend  the  stupen- 
dous bulk  of  the  elephant,  when  I  observed  tlie 
crowd  assembled  at  the  corner,  and  asking  a 
gentleman  who  sat  by  me  in  a  plaid  cloak,  whether 
there  was  not  something  very  uncommon  to  attract 
so  many  people ;  he  replied,  "Not  very,  for  it  was 
only  a  drunken  sailor." 

1  rose  from  my  seat,  which  was  on  the  hinder 
part  of  the  coach,  that  I  might  see  him,  for  it  was 
a  new  sight  to  me,  and  excited  my  curiosity ;  when 
to  my  astonishment  he  staggered  from  the  crowd, 
and  swore  that  he'd  go  to  Portsmouth.  He  climbed 
up  by  the  wheel  of  the  coach,  and  sat  down  by  me. 
1  believe  that  I  stared  at  him  very  much,  for  he 
said  to  me,  "  \Vhat  are  you  gaping  at,  you  young 
Bculpin  ?  Do  you  want  to  catch  flies  ?  or  did  you 
never  see  a  chap  half  seas  over  before  V 

I  replied,  "  that  I  had  never  been  at  sea  in  my 
life,  but  that  I  was  going." 

"  Well  then,  you're  like  a  young  bear,  all  your 
sorrows  to  come — that's  all,  my  hearty,"  replied 
he.  "  When  you  get  on  board,  you'll  find  mo^- 
key's  allowance — more  kicks  than  half  pence.  J 
say,  you  pewter  carrier,  bring  us  another  pint  of 
ale." 

The  waiter  of  the  inn,  who  was  attending  the 
coach,  brought  out  the  ale,  half  of  which  the  sailor 
drank,  and   the  other  half  threw  into  the  waiter'4( 


PETER  SIMPLE.  IS 

face  .telling  him  that  was  his  allowance  :  and  ''  now/* 
said  he,  "  what's  to  pay  ?"  The  waiter  who  looked 
very  angry,  but  appeared  too  much  afraid  of  the 
Bailor  to  say  any  tliiug,  answered  four-pence  ;  and 
th6  sailor  pulled  out  a  handful  of  bank  notes,mixed 
up  with  gold,  silver, and  copper9,and  was  picking  out 
tJie  money  to  pay  for  his  beer,  when  the  coachman, 
whb  was  impatient,  drove  off. 

"  There's  cut  and  run,"  cried  the  sailor,  thrust- 
ing all  tfie  money  back  again  into  his  breeches 
Cocket.  ''  Thai's  what  you  11  lam  to  do  my  joker, 
clbre  you  have  been  two  cruises  to  sea." 

In  the  mean  time,  the  gentleman  in  the  plaid 
cloak,  wlio  was  seated  by  me,  smoked  his  cigar 
without  saying  a  word.  1  commenced  a  conversa- 
tion with  him  relative  to  my  profession,  and  asked 
him  whether  it  was  not  very  difficult  to  learn. 
"  Larn,"  cried  the  sailor,  interrupting  us,  "  no  ;  it 
may  be  dilficult  for  such  chaps  as  me  before  the 
mast  to  larn,  but  you,  I  presume,  is  a  reefer,  and 
they  an't  got  much  to  larn,  'cause  why  ?  they 
pipeclays  their  weekly  accounts,  and  walk  up  and 
down  with  their  hands  in  their  pockets.  You  must 
larn  to  chaw  baccy,  drink  grog,  and  call  the  cat  a 
beggar,  and  then  you  knows  all  a  midshipman's 
expected  to  know  now-a-days.  Ar'nt  I  right,  sir  ?" 
said  the  sailor,  appealing  to  the  gentleman  in  a 
plaid  cloak.  "  I  axes  you,  because  1  see  you're  a 
sailor  by  the  cut  of  your  jib.  Beg  pardon,  sir," 
contiimcdhe,touching  his  hat,  '•  I  hope  no  offence." 

"  I  am  afraid  that  you  have  nearly  hit  the  mark, 
my  Rood  fellow,"  replied  the  gentleman. 

The  drunken  fellow  then  entered  into  conversa- 
tion with  him,  stating  tliat  he  had  been  paid  ofT 
from  the  Audacious,  at  Portsmouth,  and  had  come 
up  to  London  to  spend  hisujoney  witli  his  messmatesj 
but  that  yrsterday  ho  had  discovered  that  a  Jew  at 
Fortiimfiutli  had  Kold  him  a  seal  an  a  gold  seal,  for 
fif\cen  RhilIin;,'H,  whirh  proved  to  be  copper,  and  that 


U  PETER  SIMPLE. 

he  was  going  back  to  Portsmouth  to  give  the  Jew  a 
a  couple  of  black  eyes  for  his  rascality,  and  that 
vhen  he  had  done  that,  he  was  to  return  to  liis 
messmates  who  had  promised  to  drink  success  to 
the  expedition  at  the  Cock  and  Bottle,  St.  Martin'g- 
lane,  until  he  should  return. 

The  gentleman  in  the  plaid  cloak  commended 
him  very  much  for  his  resolution  5  for  he  said  that 
although  the  journey  to  and  from  Portsmouth  would 
cost  twice  the  value  of  a  gold  seal,  yet,  that  in  the 
end,  it  might  be  worth  a  Jew's  eye.  What  he  meant, 
I  did  not  comprehend. 

Whenever  the  coach  stopped,  the  sailor  called 
for  more  ale,  and  always  threw  the  remainder  which 
he  could  not  drink  into  the  face  of  the  man  who 
brought  it  out  for  him,  just  as  the  coach  was  starting 
off,  and  then  tossed  the  pewter  pot  on  tlie  ground 
for  him  to  pick  up.  He  became  more  tipsy  every 
stage,  and  the  last  from  Portsmouth,when  he  pulled 
out  his  money,  he  could  find  no  silver,  so  he  hand- 
ed down  a  note,  and  desired  the  waiter  to  change 
it.  The  waiter  crumpled  it  up  and  put  it  in  his 
pocket,  and  then  returned  the  sailor  the  change  for 
a  one  pound  note  :  but  the  gentleman  in  the  plaid 
had  observed  that  it  was  a  five  pound  note  which 
the  sailor  had  given,  and  insisted  upon  the  waiter's 
producing  it  and  giving  the  proper  change.  The 
sailor  took  his  money,  which  the  waiter  handed 
to  him,  begging  pardon  for  the  mistake,  although 
he  colored  up  verj-  much  at  being  detected.  "  1 
really  beg  your  pardon,"  said  he  again,  ''  it  was 
quite  a  mistake  3''  whereupon  the  sailor  threw  the 
pewter  pot  at  the  waiter,  saying,  "  I  really  beg  your 
pardon  too/" — and  with  such  force  that  it  flattened 
upon  the  man's  head,  who  fell  senseless  on  the 
road.  The  coachman  drove  off,  and  1  never  heard 
whether  the  man  was  killed  or  not. 

After  the  coach  had  driven  off,  the  sailor  eyed  the 
gentleman    in  the  plaid  cloak  for  a  minute  or  two, 


PETER  SIMPLE.  15 

and  then  eaid,  "  When  I  first  looked  at  you  I  took 
you  for  some  officer  in  the  niul\i ;  but  now  that  1 
see  that  you  look  so  sharp  alter  the  rhino,  it's  my 
idea  that  you're  some  poor  devil  of  a  Scotchman, 
mayhap  second  mate  ot  a  merchant  vessel — there's 
half-a-crown  for  your  services — I'd  give  you  more, 
if  I  thought  you  would  spend  it." 

The  gentleman  laughed, and  took  the  half-crown, 
which  I  al\erwards  observed  that  he  gave  to  the 
cray-headed  beggar  at  the  bottom  ot  Postdown 
Hill.  I  inquired  of  him  how  soon  we  should  be  at 
Portsmoutli ;  he  answered  that  wo  were  passing  the 
lines  ]  but  I  saw  no  lines,  and  I  was  ashamed  to 
show  my  ignorance.  He  asked  me  what  ship  1 
was  going  to  join.  1  could  not  recollect  the  name, 
but  1  told  him  it  was  painted  on  the  outside  of  my 
chest  which  was  coming  down  by  the  wagon  :  all 
that  1  could  recollect  was  that  it  was  a  French 
name. 

"  Have  you  no  letter  of  introduction  to  the  cap- 
tain ?"  said  he. 

".Yes,  I  have,"  replied  I ;  and  I  pulled  out  my 
pocket-book  in  which  the  letter  was.  "  Captain 
Savage,  H.  M.  ship  Diomede,"  continued  I,  reading 
to    him. 

To  my  surprise  he  very  coolly  proceeded  to  open 
the  letter,  which,  when  I  perceived  what  he  was 
doing,  occasioned  me  immediately  to  snatch  the 
letter  from  him,  stating  my  opinion  at  the  same  time 
tliat  it  was  a  breach  of  honor,  and  that  in  my  opinion 
he  was  no  gentleman. 

'•Just  as  you  please,  youngster,"  replied  he. 
"  Recollect,  you  have  told  me  f  am  no  gentleman." 

He  wrapped  his  plaid  around  him,  and  said  no 
more  ;  and  I  was  not  a  little  pleased  at  having 
silenced  him  by  my  resolute  behavior. 


PETER  SIMPLE. 


CHAPTER  III. 

I  am  made  to  look  very  blue  at  the  Blue  Posts— Find  wild  Spirita 
arouDd,  and,  sooQ  after,  liOt  npirits  wiliiio  roe  ;  at  leiieth  my  ro''"''^ 
overcome  me-Call  to  pay  my  respects  to  the  capuuu,aDd  find  cbat  1  had 
bad  iJie  pleasure  of  meeting  him  before — No  sooaer  out  of  one  scrape 
than  into  another. 

When  we  stopped,  I  inquired  of  the  coachman 
which  was  the  best  inn.  He  answered,  "  That  it 
was  the  Blue  Postesses,  where  the  midshipmen 
leave  their  chestesses,  call  for  tea  and  toastesses, 
and  somtimes  forget  to  pay  for  their  breakfastesses." 
He  laughed  when  he  said  it,  and  I  thought  that  he 
was  joking  with  me ;  but  he  pointed  out  two  large 
blue  posts  at  the  door  next  the  coach  office,  and 
told  me  that  all  the  midshipmen  resorted  to  that 
hotel.  He  then  asked  me  to  remember  the  coach- 
man, which  by  thi§  time  I  had  found  out  implied 
that  I  was  not  to  forget  to  give  him  ashilling,which 
I  did,  and  then  went  into  the  inn.  The  coffee-room 
was  full  of  midshipmen,  and  as  I  was  anxious  about 
my  chest,  I  inquired  of  one  of  them  if  he  knew 
when  the  wagon  would  come  in. 

"  Do  you  expect  your  mother  by  it  V  replied  he. 

"  Oh  no  !  but  I  expect  my  uniforms— 1  only  wear 
these  bottle-greens  until  they  come." 

"  And  prajr  what  ship  are  you  going  to  join  ?" 

/'The  Die-a-maid — captain  Thomas  Kirkwall 
Savage." 

"  The  Diomede — I  say,  Robinson,  a'n't  that  tlie 
frigate  in  which  the  midshipmen  had  four  dozen 
apiece  for  not  having  pipe-clayed  their  weekly  ac- 
counts on  the. Saturday  ?"' 

"To  be  sure  it  is,"  replied  the  other;  "why  the 
captain  gave  a  youngster  five  dozen  the  other  day 
for  wearing  a  scarlet  watch-ribband." 

"He  is  the  greatest  Tartar  in  tlic  service,"  con- 
tinued the  other;  "  he  flogged  the  whole  starboard 


r::Ti:R  siMri.t:.  n 

watrh  the  lust  time  lliat  l.e  was  uii  a  craise,  because 
the  ship  would  only  6;iil  nine  knots  upon  a  bowling." 
"  O  dear,"  said  1,  "  tliea  I  am  very  sorry  that'l'm 
goinc;  to  join  him." 

••  I'on  my  soul  I  pity  you ;  you'll  be  flogged  to 
death }  for  there  is  only  three  midshipmen  in  the 
ship  now — all  tlic  rest  ran  away.  Didn't  they  Rob- 
inson 1" 

'•  There  is  only  two  left  now — for  poor  Matthews 
died  of  fatigue.  He  was  worked  aJl  day,  and  kept 
watch  all  night  for  six  weeks,  and  one  morning  he 
was  found  dead  upon  his  chest." 

"  (jod  bless  ujy  soul  I"  cried  I,  "  and  yeton  shore 
tlicy  say  he  is  such  a  kind  man  to  his  midshipmen." 
"  Ves,"  replied  Robinson,"  he  spreads  that  report 
everywhere.  Aow,  observe,  when  you  first  call 
upon  him,  and  report  your  having  come  to  join  his 
ship,  he'll  tell  you  tiiat  he  is  very  liappy  to  see  you, 
and  that  he  hopes  your  family  arc  well — then  he'll 
reconiiiiend  you  to  go  onboard  and  learn  your  duty. 
AJler  that,  stand  clear.  ISow  recollect  what  1  have 
said,  and  see  if  it  docs  not  prove  true.  Come,  sit 
down  witii  us,  and  take  a  glass  of  grog  3  it  will  keep 
your  .spirits  up." 

'ilicse  midshipmen  told  me  so  much  about  mv 
c^iplain  and  the  lu>rrid  cruelties  which  he  prucliscJ. 
tl'.at  I  hud  some  donbls  wlielhcr  I  had  not  better  set 
oil'  home  ;igain.  When  I  asked  ihcir  o|)inion,  they 
said  that  if  1  did,  I  should  be  taken  up  as  a  deserter, 
ami  hanged  J  that  my  bch.1  plan  was  to  beg  his 
acceptance  of  a  few  gallons  of  run>,  for  he  wai 
very  loud  «»f  grog,  arid  llint  then  1  miglit  perhaps  be 
in  Ills  good  prices  as  long  as  the  rum  might  last. 

I  am  sorry  to  sLite  that  ttie  midshipmen  mule  mc 
very  lip.-.y  \\\\X  evening.  1  don't  rernHect  being 
|.ut  to  Lc;l.  but  1  found  myself  thcr«  the  nc.\t 
inoming  wu'"  a  dreadful  headache,  and  a  very 
coufuscd  rcc<  llocli.)!!  of  what  had  passed.  I  was 
very  much  shocked  at  my  having  io  toon  foij,otle» 
Vol..  I.  2 


18  PETER  SIMPLE. 

the  injunctions  of  my  parents,  and  was  making  vows 
never  to  be  so  foolish  again,  when  in  came  the 
midshipman  who  had  been  so  kind  to  me  the  night 
before.  "  Come,  Mr.  Bottlegreen/''  he  bawled  out, 
alluding,  I  suppose  to  the  color  of  my  clothes, 
"  rouse  and  bitt.  There's  the  captain's  coxswain 
waiting  for  you  below.  By  the  powers,  you're  in  a 
prettj-  scrape  for  what  you'did  last  night!" 

"  Did  last  night  I"  replied  I,  astonished.  "  Why, 
does  the  captain  know  that  I  was  tipsy  1" 

"  I  think  you  took  devilish  good  care  to  let  him 
know  it  when  you  were  at  the  theatre." 

"  At  the  theatre  !     Was  I  at  the  theatre  1" 

"To  be  sure  you  were.  You  would  go,  do  all 
we  could  to  prevent  you,  though  you  were  as  drunk 
as  David's  sow.  Your  captain  was  there  witli  the 
admiral's  daughters.  You  called  him  a  tyrant,  and 
snapped  your  fingers  at  him.  Why,  don't  you 
recollect  ?  You  told  him  you  did  not  care  a  fig  for 
him." 

"  O  dear  !  O  dear  !  what  shall  I  do  ?  what  shall 
I  do  1"  cried  I.  "  My  mother  cautioned  me  so 
about  drinking  and  bad  company." 

"Bad  company,  you  whelp — what  do  ycu  mean 
by  that?" 

"  Oh  I  did  not  particularly  refer  to  you." 

"  I  should  hope  not !  However,  I  recommend 
you,  as  a  friend,  to  go  to  the  George  Inn  as  fast  as 
you  can,  and  see  your  captain,  for  the  longer  you 
stay  away  the  worse  it  will  be  for  you.  At  all 
events,  it  will  be  decided  whether  he  receives  you 
or  not.  It  is  fortunate  for  you  tliat  you  arc  not  on 
the  ship's  books.  Come,  be  quick,  the  co.vswain  is 
gone  back."  "  Not  on  the  ship's  books,"  replied  1, 
sorrowfully.  "  Now  I  recollect  there  was  a  letter 
from  the  captain  to  my  father,  stating  that  he  put 
me  on  the  books." 

••'  Upon  my  honor,  I'm  sorrj' — very  sorry  indeed," 
replied  the  midshipman — and  he  quitted  the  room, 


PETER  SIMPLE.  19 

looking  as  grave  as  if  the  misfortunR  had  happened 
to  himself.  I  got  up  with  a  heavy  head,  and 
heavier  heart,  and  as  soon  as  I  was  dressed,  I  asked 
the  way  to  the  George  Inn.  I  took  my  letter  of 
introduction  with  me,  although  1  was  afraid  it 
would  be  of  little  service.  When  I  arrived,  I  asked, 
with  a  trembling  voice,  whether  Captain  Thomas 
Kirkwall  .Savage,  of  H.  M.  ship  Diomede,  was 
staying  there.  The  waiter  replied,  that  he  was  at 
breaktast  with  Captain  Courtney,  but  that  he  would 
take  up  my  name.  I  gave  it  to  him.andin  aminute 
tlie  waiter  returned  and  desired  that  I  would  walk 
up.  O  how  my  heart  beat — I  never  was  so  frightened 
— I  thought  1  bhould  have  dropped  on  the  stairs. 
Twice  I  attempted  to  walk  into  the  room,  and  each 
time  my  legs  failed  me  :  at  last  I  w  iped  the  per.'jpi- 
ratiun  froni  my  forehead,  and  with  a  desperate 
eflbrt  I  went  into  the  room. 

"Mr.  Simple,  I  am  glad  to  see  you,"  said  a  voice. 
I  iiad  held  my  head  down,  for  1  was  afraid  to  look 
at  him,  Lut  the  voice  was  so  kind,  that  1  mublered 
up  courage  ;  and  when  I  did  look  up,  there  sat,  with 
his  uniform  and  epaulettes,  a:id  his  sword  by  his 
side,  the  passenger  in  the  plaid  cloak,  who  wanted 
to  open  my  letter,  and  wliom  I  had  told  to  his  face 
that  he  was  no  ^entltman. 

I  thought  I  should  have  died  as  the  other  mid- 
flhipmaii  did  ui>on  his  chest.  I  was  just  sinking 
down  on  my  knees  to  beg  for  mercy,  when  the 
captain.  j)erceiving  my  confusion,  burst  out  into  a 
laugh,  and  said,  "  So  you  know  me  again,  Mr. 
Simple  I  Well,  don't  be  alarmed,  you  did  yeurduty 
in  not  permitting  me  to  open  the  letter,  t-upposing 
me,  as  you  did,  to  be  some  other  person,  and  you 
were  perfectly  right  under  that  supposition  to  tell 
roe  that  I  was  not  a  gentleman.  1  give  }(-u  credit 
for  your  ( onducl.  Isow  sit  down  and  take  scmo 
breakfast.'' 

"  CapAain  Courtney,"  said  lie  to  the  other  captain, 


30  PETER  SIMPLE. 

who  v/as  at  the  table,  "  this  is  one  of  my  j.xungslcra 
just  entering  the  service.  We  were  passengers 
by  the  same  coach.'  He  then  told  him  the  cir- 
cumstance winch  had  occurred^  at  which  they 
laughed  heartily. 

1  now  recovered  my  spirits  a  little — but  still  there 
was  the  affair  of  the  theatre,  and  I  thought  that 
perhaps  he  did  not  recognise  me.  I  was,  hov.ever, 
soon  relieved  from  my  anxiety  by  the  other  captain 
inquiring,  "  Were  you  at  the  theatre  last  night, 
Savage  V 

'•  Jso  :  I  dined  at  the  admiral's :  there  is  no  get- 
ting away  from  those  girls,  they  are  so  pleasant." 

*•  I  rather  think  your  are  a  little — taken  in  that 
quarter.*- 

"  No,  on  my  word  !  I  might  be  if  I  had  time  to 
discover  which  I  liked  best ;  but  my  ship  is  at 
present  my  wife,  and  the  only  wife  I  intend  to  have 
until  I  am  laid  on  the  shelf." 

Weil,  thought  1,  if  he  was  not  at  the  theatre,  it 
could  not  have  been  him  that  I  insulted.  ISow  if 
I  can  only  give  him  the  rum,  and  make  friends  with 
him. 

*•'  Pray,  Mr.  Simple,  how  are  your  father  and 
mother  1"  said  the  captain. 

••  Very  well,  I  thank  you,  sir,  and  desire  me  to 
present  their  compliments." 

"I  am  obliged  to  them.  New  I  think  the  sooner 
you  go  on  board  and  learn  your  duty  the  better." 
(Just  as  the  midsliipman  told  me — the  very  words, 
thought  I — then  it's  all  true — and  I  began  to  tremble 
again. j 

"  I  nave  a  little  advice  to  offer  you,"  continued 
the  captain.  "  In  the  first  place,  obey  your  superior 
officers  without  hesitation  ;  it  is  for  me,  not  for 
you,  to  decide  whether  an  order  is  unjust  or  not. 
In  the  next  place,  never  swear  or  drink  spirits. 
The  first  is  immoral  and  ungentlenian-like,  the 
second  is  a  vile  habit  which  v,ill  grow    upon  ycu. 


PETER  SIMPLE.  21 

I  never  touch  spirits  myself,  and  I  expect  tliat  my 
younp  gentlemen  will  refrain  from  it  also.  Now 
you  inav  go,  and  as  soon  as  your  uniforms  arrive, 
you  will  repair  on  board.  In  the  mean  time,  as  I 
had  some  little  insight  into  your  character  when  we 
travelled  together,  let  me  recommend  you  not  to 
be  too  intimate  at  first  sight  with  those  you  meet,or 
you  may  be  led  into  indiscretions.  Good  morning." 

I  quitted  the  room  with  a  low  bow,  glad  to  have 
surmounted  so  easily  what  appeared  to  be  a  chaos 
of  difficulty,  but  my  mind  was  confused  with  the 
testimony  of  the  midshipman,  so  much  at  variance 
with  the  language  and  behavior  of  the  captain. 
When  I  arrived  at  the  Blue  Posts,  I  found  all  the 
midshipmen  in  the  coffee-room,  and  I  repeated  to 
them  all  that  hid  passed.  When  I  had  finished, 
tliey  burst  out  laughing,  and  said  that  they  had  only 
been  joking  with  me.  "  Well,"  said  I  to  the  one 
who  had  called  me  up  in  the  morning,  '•  you  may 
calj  it  joking,  but  I  call  it  lying." 

"  Pray,  Mr.  Bottlegreen,"do  you  refer  to  me  1" 

"  Yes,  I  do,"  replied  I. 

"  Then,  sir,  as  a  gentleman,  I  demand  satisfac- 
tion. Slugs  in  a  saw-pit.  Death  before  dishonor, 
d c." 

"  I  shall  not  refuse  you,"  replied  I,  '•  although  I 
had  rather  not  fight  a  duel :  my  father  cautioned  mc 
on  th«'  subjcrt,  desiring  me,  if  possible  to  avoid  it, 
as  it  was  Hying  inlf)  the  face  of  my  Creator;  but 
aware  tliat  1  mustu()hold  my  character  as  an  officer, 
he  left  me  to  my  own  discretion,  should  I  ever  be 
BO  unfortunate  as  to  be  in  such  a  dilemma." 

"  Well,  we  don't  want  one  of  your  father's  ser- 
mons at  second  hand,"  rcolied  the  midshipman, (for 
I  had  told  them  that  my  lather  was  a  clergyman,) 
"  the  plain  question  is,  will  you  fight  or  will  you 
not?" 

"  Could  not  the  affair  be  arranged  otherwise  ?" 
interrupted  another.  "  Will  not  Mr.  Bottlei^reea 
retract  ?" 


22  PETER  SIMPLE. 

"  My  name  is  Simple,  sir,  and  not  BotUegreen," 
replied  I :  "  and  as  he  did  tell  a  falsehood;  I  will 
not  retract." 

'•  Then  the  affair  must  go  on,"  said  the  midship- 
man. "  Robinson,  you  will  oblige  me  by  acting  as 
my  second." 

''  It's  an  unpleasant  business,"  replied  the  other, 
"  you  are  so  good  a  shot ;  but  as  you  request  it,  I 
shall  not  refuse.  Mr.  Simple  is  not,  I  believe,  pro- 
vided with  a  friend." 

"  Yes,  he  is,"  replied  another  of  the  midship- 
men. "  He  is  a  spunky  fellow,  and  I'll  be  hoB 
second." 

It  was  then  arranged  that  we  should  meet  the 
next  morning  with  pistols.  I  considered  that  as  an 
officer  and  a  gentleman,  I  could  not  well  refuse, 
but  I  was  yery  unhappy.  jSot  three  days  left  to 
my  own  guidance,  and  I  had  becon>e  intoxicated, 
and  was  now  to  fight  a  duel.  I  went  up  into  my 
room  and  wrote  a  long  letter  to  my  mother,  enclos- 
ing a  lock  of  my  hair ;  and  hanng  slied  a  few  tears 
at  the  idea  of  how  sorry  she  would  be  if  I  were 
killed,  I  borrowed  a  Bible  from  the  waiter,  and  read 
it  during  the  remainder  of  the  day. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

I  am  taught  on  a  cold  morning,  before  breflkfast,  iiow  to  slaiid  fire,  and 
thus  pnjve  iny  courage — After  breai fast  1  also  prove  my  gstUantry — 
My  proof  tneetg  reprcof— Woman  at  the  bottom  of  all  mischief— By 
one  1  lose  my  liberty,  and  by  another,  my  mouey. 

When  I  began  to  wake  the  next  morning  I  could 
not  think  what  it  was  that  felt  like  a  weight  upon 
%nj  chest,  but  as  I  roused  and  recalled  my  scattered 


PETER  SIMPLE.  tS 

thoughts,  I  remembered  that  in  an  hour  or  two  it 
•would  be  decided  whether  I  were  to  exist  another 
day.  I  prayed  fervently,  and  made  a  resolution  in 
my  own  mind,  that  I  would  not  have  the  blood  of 
another  upon  my  conscience,  and  would  tire  my 
pistol  up  in  the  air.  And  after  I  had  made  that 
resolution  I  no  longer  felt  the  alarm  which  I  did 
before.  Before  I  was  dressed,  the  midshipman  who 
had  volunteered  to  be  my  second  came  into  my 
room,  and  informed  me  that  the  affair  was  to  be 
decided  in  the  garden  behind  the  inn  ;  that  my 
adversar)-  was  a  very  good  shot,  and  tliat  I  must 
expect  to  be  winged,  if  not  drilled. 

"And  what  is  winged  and  drilled  ?"  inquired  I } 
"  I  have  not  only  never  fought  a  duel,  but  I  have 
not  even  fired  a  pistol  in  my  life." 

He  explained  what  he  meant,  which  was,  that 
being  winged  implied  l)eing  shot  through  the  arm 
or  leg,  whereas  l)eing  drilled  was  to  be  shot  through 
the  iKxly.  "  But,"  continued  he,  *'  is  it  possible 
that  you  have  never  fought  a  duel  ?' 

"  ]>io,"  replied  I,  "  1  am  not  yet  fifteen  years 
old." 

"  IS'ot  fifteen  ?  why  I  thought  you  were  eighteen 
at  the  least."  (But  I  wa-s  very  tall  and  stout  for 
my  age,  and  people  generally  thought  me  older  than 
I  actually  was.) 

1  dressed  myself  and  followed  my  second  into  the 
garden,  where  I  found  all  the  midshipmen,  and 
some  of  the  waiters  of  the  inn.  They  all  seemed 
very  merry,  as  if  the  life  of  a  fellow  creature  wan 
of  noconsecjuence.  The  seconds  talked  apart  for  a 
little  while,  and  then  measured  the  ground,  which 
was  twelve  paces  ;  we  then  took  our  stations.  I 
believe  that  I  turned  pale,  for  my  second  came  to 
my  side  and  whisj)erea  that  I  must  not  be  frighten- 
ed. I  replied  that  I  was  not  frightened,  but  *^at  1 
considered  tliat  it  was  an  awful  momen 
second  to  my  adversary  then  came  up,  and  9 


24  PETER  SLMPLE. 

whether  I  would  make  an  apology,  which  I  refuged 
to  do,  as  before  3  they  handed  a  pistol  to  each  of  us, 
and  my  second  showed  me  how  I  vvas  to  pull  the 
trigger.  It  was  arn;!i;^ed  that  at  the  word  given,  we 
were  to  fire  at  the  same  time.  I  made  sure  that  I 
should  be  wounded,  if  not  killed,  and  I  shut  my 
eyes  as  I  fired  my  pistol  in  the  air.  I  felt  my  head 
swim,  and  thought  I  w.as  hurt,  but  fortunately  I  was 
not.  The  pistols  were  loaded  again,  and  we  fired 
a  second  time.  The  seconds  then  interfered,  and 
it  was  proposed  that  we  should  shake  hands,  which 
I  was  very  glad  to  do,  for  I  considered  my  life  to 
have  been  saved  by  a  miracle.  We  all  went  back 
to  the  coffee-room,  and  sat  down  to  breakfast. 
They  then  told  me  that  they  all  belonged  to  the 
same  ship  that  I  did,  and  that  they  were  glad  to  see 
that  I  could  stand  fire,  for  tlie  captain  was  a  terrible 
fellow  for  cutting  out  and  running  under  the  enemy's 
batteries. 

The  next  day  ray  chest  arrived  by  the  wagon,  and 
I  threw  off  my  ''bottle-greens"  and  put  on  my  uni- 
form. I  had  no  cocked  hat,  or  dirk,  as  the  ware- 
house people  employed  by  Mr.  Handycock  did  not 
supply  those  articles,  audit  was  arranged  that  I 
should  procure  them  at  Portsmouth.  When  i  in- 
quired the  price,  I  found  that  they  cost  more  mo- 
ney than  I  had  in  my  pocket,  so  I  tore  up  the  letter 
I  had  written  to  my  mother  before  the  duel,  and 
\TTOte  another  asking  for  a  remittance  to  purchase 
my  dirk  and  cocked  hat.  I  then  walked  out  in  my 
uniform,  not  a  little  proud  I  must  confess.  I  was 
now  an  officer  in  his  majesty's  service,  not  very 
high  in  rank  certainly,  but  still  an  officer  and  a  gen- 
tleman, and  I  made  a  vow  that  I  would  suppoit  the 
character,  although  1  was  considered  the  greatest 
fool  of  the  family. 

I  had  arrived  opposite  a  place  called  Sally  Port, 
when  a  young  lady  very  nicely  dressed  looked  at 
xne  very  hard,  and  said,  '•  Well,  reefer,  how  are  you 


PETER  SIMPLE.  25 

off  for  soap?"'  I  was  astouishcd  at  the  question, 
and  more  so  at  the  interest  which  she  seemed  to 
take  in  my  affairs.  I  answered,  •' Thank  you,  I  ani 
very  well  off;  I  have  four  cakes  of  Windsor,  and 
two  bars  of  yellow  for  washing."  She  lau;:lied  at 
my  reply,  and  asked  me  whether  I  would  walk  home 
and  Uike  a  bit  of  dinner  with  her.  I  was  astonish- 
ed at  this  polite  ofler,  which  my  modesty  induced 
mc  to  ascribe  more  to  my  uniform  than  to  my  own 
merits,  and  as  I  lelt  no  inclination  to  refuse  the 
compliment,  I  said  that  I  should  be  most  happv.  I 
thought  I  might  venture  to  offer  mv  arm,  which  she 
accepted,  and  we  proceeded  up  High-street  on  our 
way  to  her  home. 

Just  as  we  passed  the  admiral's  house,  I  perceiv- 
ed my  captain  walking  with  two  of  the  admiral's 
daughters.  1  was  not  a  little  proud  to  let  him  see 
that  I  had  female  acquaintances  as  well  as  he  had, 
and  as  I  passed  him  with  the  young  lady  under  my 
protection.  I  took  olf  my  liat  and  made  him  a  low 
bow.  To  my  8iirprit;e.  not  only  did  he  not  return 
the  salute,  but  he  looked  at  me  w  ilh  a  very  stem 
countenance.  I  concluded  that  he  was  a  very  proud 
man,  and  did  not  wish  the  admiral's  daughters  to 
suppose  that  he  knew  midshipmen  by  sight ;  but  I 
had  not  exactly  made  up  my  mind,  on  the  subject, 
when  the  captain,  having  seen  the  ladies  into  the 
admiral's  house,  sent  one  of  the  messengers  after 
me.  to  desire  that  I  would  immediately  come  to 
him  at  the  George    Inn,  which  was  nearly  opposite. 

1  apologised  to  the  young  l.idy,  :tnd  promised  to 
return  immediately  if  she  wf)uld  wait  for  me  ;  but 
she  replied,  "If  that  was  my  captain,  it  was  her 
idea  that  I  should  have  a  confounded  wigging,  and 
be  sent  on  board."  So,  wishing  me  good  b'ye,  she 
led  me  and  continued  her  way  home.  I  could  as 
little  comi)r('hend  all  lliis,  a.s  why  the  captain  look- 
ed so  bl^ck  when  I  passed  him  -,  but  it  was  soon 
explained  when  I  went  up  to  him  in  the  parlor  at 


26  PETER  SIMPLE. 

the  Geofge  Inn.  '•'lam  sorry,  Mr.  Simple,"  sairl 
the  captain  when  I  entered,  "  that  a  lad  like  you 
should  show  such  early  symptoms  of  depravity ; 
still  more  so,  that  he  should  not  have  the  grace 
which  even  the  most  hardened  are  not  wholly  des- 
titute of — I  mean  to  practice  immorality  in  secret, 
and  not  degrade  themselves  and  insult  their  captain 
by  unblushingly  avowing,  I  may  say,  glorying  in 
their  iniquity,  by  exposing  it  in  broad  day,  and  in 
the  most  frequented  street  of  the  town." 

"  Sir,"  replied  I,  with  astonishment,  "  O  dear ! 
O  dear!  what  have  I  done  ?" 

The  captain  fixed  his  keen  eyes  upon  me,  so  that 
they  appeared  to  pierce  me  through  and  nail  me  to 
the  wall.  "  Do  you  pretend  to  say,  sir,  that  you 
were  not  aware  of  the  character  of  the  person  with 
whom  you  were  walking  just  now?" 

"  No,  sir,"  replied  I,  "  except  that  she  was  very 
kind  and  good  natured  ;"  and  then  1  told  him  how 
she  had  a!ddressed  me,  and  what  subsequently  took 
place. 

"  And  is  it  possible,  Mr.  Simple,  that  you  are  so 
great  a  fool  1"  I  replied,  "  that  I  certainly  was 
considered  the  greatest  fool  of  our  family."  "  I 
should  think  you  were,"  replied  he,  dryly.  He  then 
explained  to  me  who  the  person  was  with  whom  I 
was  in  company,  and  how  my  association  with  her 
would  inevitably  lead  to  my  ruin  and  disgrace. 

I  cried  very  much,  for  I  was  shocked  at  the  nar- 
row escape  which  I  had  had,  and  mortified  at  hav- 
ing fallen  in  his  good  opinion.  He  asked  me  how  I 
had  employed  my  time  since  I  had  been  at  Ports- 
mouth, and  I  made  an  acknowledgment  of  having 
been  made  tipsy,  related  all  that  the  midshipmen 
had  told  me,  and  how  I  had  that  morning  fought  a 
duel. 

He  listened  to  my  whole  story  very  attentively, 
and  I  thought  that  occasionally  there  was  a  smile 
upon  his  face,  although  he  bit  his  lips  to  prevent  it. 


PETER  SIMPLE.  27 

When  I  had  finislied^  he  said,  '*  Mr.  Simple,  I  can 
no  longer  trust  you  on  shore  until  you  are  more  ex- 
perienced in  the  world.  I  shall  desire  my  coxswain 
not  to  lose  eight  of  you  until  you  are  sale  on  board 
of  the  frigate.  When  you  liave  sailed  a  few  months 
■with  me,  you  will  then  be  able  to  decide  whether  I 
deserve  the  character  which  the  young  gentlemen 
have  painted,  with,  I  must  say,  1  believe,  the  sole 
intention  of  practising  upon  your  inexperiance." 

Altogether  I  did  not  teel  sorry  when  it  was  over. 
I  saw  that  the  captain  believed  what  I  had  stated, 
and  that  he  was  disposed  to  be  kind  tome,  although 
he  thought  me  vcrj-  silly.  The  coxswain,  in  obedi- 
ence to  his  orders,  accompanied  me  to  the  Blue 
Posts.  I  packed  up  my  clothes,,  paid  my  bill,  and 
the  waiter  wheeled  my  chest  down  to  the  Sally 
Fort,  where  the  boat  was  waiting. 

"Come,  heave  a-head,  my  lads,  be  smart.  The 
captain  says  we  are  to  take  the  young  gentleman 
on  board  directly.  His  liberty's  stopped  forgetting 
drunk  and  running  after  the  Dolly  Mops  !" 

"  I  should  thank  you  to  be  more  respectful  in  your 
remarks,  Mr.  Coxswain,"  said  I,  with  displeasure. 

"  Mister  Coxswain  I  tlianky,  sir,  for  giving  me  a 
handle  to  my  name,"  replied  he.  "  Come,  be 
smart  with  your  oars,  my  lads  !" 

"La,  Bi  I  Freeman,"  said  a  young  woman  on  the 
beach,  "  what  a  nice  young  gentleman  you  have 
there  !  He  looks  like  a  sucking  iS'elson.  I  say,  my 
pretty  young  officer,  could  you  lend  me  aHhillmg  ?  ' 

I  was  80  pleased  at  Uie  woman  calling  me  a  young 
Nelson,  tliat  1  immediately  complied  with  her  re- 
quest. "  I  have  not  a  shilling  in  my  pocket,"  uaid  I, 
"  but  here  is  half-a-crown,  and  you  can  change  it, 
and  bring  me  back  the  eighteen-pence."  Well, 
you  are  a  nice  young  man."  replied  she,  taking  the 
half-crown.     "  I'll  l)o  back  directly,  my  dear.' 

The  men  in  the  boat  laughed,  and  the  coxswam 
desired  Uicm  to  shove  off. 


28  PETER  SIMPLE. 

"No,"  obserred  I,  "you  must  wait  for  my  eigh- 
teen-pence." 

'•  We  shall  wait  a  devilish  long  while  then,  I  sus- 
pect. I  know  that  girl,  and  she  has  a  very  bad 
memory." 

"  She  cannot  be  so  dishonest  or  ungrateful,"  re- 
plied I.  ''  Coxswain,  I  order  you  to  stay — I  am  an 
officer." 

"  I  know  you  are,  sir,  about  six  hours  old  3  well, 
then,  I  must  go  up  and  tell  the  captain  that  you  have 
another  girl  in  tow,  and  that  you  wont  go  on  board." 

''  O,  no,  Mr.  Coxswain,  pray  don't ;  shove  off  as 
soon  as  you  please,  and  never  mind  the  eighteen- 
pence." 

The  boat  then  shoved  off,  and  pulled  toward  the 
ship,  which  lay  at  Spithead. 


CHAPTER  V. 


1  am  introduced  to  the  quarterdeck  and  first  lieutenant,  who  pronounc- 
es me  very  clever — Trotted  below  to  Mrs.  Trolttr — Connubial  blia*  in 
a  cock-pit — Mr.  Trotter  takti  me  in,  as  a  messmate — Feel  very  iiiuch 
surprised  that  so  many  people  know  tliat  1  am  the  son  of— my  Tather. 

On  our  arrival  on  board,  the  coxswain  gave  a  note 
from  the  captain  to  the  first  lieutenant,  who  hap- 
pened to  be  on  deck.  He  read  the  note,  looked  at 
me  earnestly,  and  then  I  overheard  him  say  to  an- 
other lieutenant,  ''The  service  is  going  to  the  devil. 
As  long  as  it  was  not  popular,  if  we  had  not  much 
education,  we  at  least  had  the  chance  that  natural 
abilities  gave  us  5  but  now  that  great  people  send 
their  sons  for  a  provision  into  the  navy,  we  have  all 
the  refuse  of  their  families,  as  if  any  thing  was  good 
enough  to  make  a  captain  of  a  man-of-war,  who  has 
occasionally  more  responsibility  on  his  shoulders, 


PETER  SIMPLE.  59 

and  is  placed  in  situations  requiring  more  judgment, 
than  any  other  people  in  existence.  Here'sanother 
of  the  fools  of  a  family  made  a  present  of  to  the 
country- — another  cub  for  me  to  lick  into  shape. 
Well,  I  never  saw  the  one  yet  I  did  not  make  some- 
thing of.    Where's  Mr.  Simple  ?" 

"lam  Mr.  Simple,  sir,"  replied  I,  very  much 
frightened  at  what  I  had  overheard. 

"  Now,  Mr.  Simple,"  said  the  first  lieutenant, 
"  observe,  and  pay  particular  attention  to  wiiat  I 
say.  The  captain  tells  me  in  this  note  that  you 
have  been  shamming  stupid.  Now,  sir,  I  am  not  to 
be  taken  in  in  that  way.  You're  something  like  the 
monkeys,  who  won't  speak  bcc^iuse  they  are  afraid 
they  will  be  made  to  work.  I  have  looked  atten- 
tively at  your  face,  and  I  sec  at  once  that  you  are 
very  clever,  and  if  you  do  not  prove  so  in  a  very 
short  time,  why — you  had  bettor  jump  overboard, 
that's  all.  Perfectly  understand  me.  I  know  that 
you  are  a  very  clever  feilow,  and  having  told  you  so, 
clon't  you  pretend  to  impose  upon  me,  for  it  won't 
do." 

I  was  very  much  terrified  at  this  speech,  but  at 
the  same  time  I  was  pleased  to  hear  that  he  thought 
me  clever,  and  I  determined  to  do  all  in  my  power 
to  keep  up  such  an  unexpocted  reputation. 

"  Quarter-master,"  said  the  first  licutcnaut,  "  tell 
Mr.  Trotter  to  come  on  deck." 

The  quarter-master  brought  up  Mr.  Trotter,  who 
apologised  for  being  so  dirty,  as  he  was  breaking 
casks  fiut  of  the  hold.  He  was  a  short  thirk-sct 
man,  about  thirty  years  of  age,  with  a  nose  which 
had  a  red  club  t(")  it,  very  dirty  teeth,  and  large  black 
whiskers. 

"  Mr.  Trotter,"  said  tho  first  lieutenant,  "hero  is 
B  young  gentleman  who  has  joined  the  ship.  In- 
troduce him  into  the  berth,  and  see  his  hammock 
slung.     You  must  lr»uk  al\er  him  a  little." 

"  I  really  have  very  little   time  to  look  alter   any 


30  PETER  SIMPLE. 

of  them,  sir,'"' replied  Mr.  Trotter,  "  but  I  will  do 
what  I  can.  Follow  me,  youngster."  Accordingly 
I  descended  the  ladder  after  him;  then  I  went 
down  another,  and  then  to  my  surprise  I  was  desir- 
ed by  him  to  go  down  a  third,  which  when  I  had 
done,  he  informed  me  that  I  was  in  the  cock-pit. 

'•Isow,  youngster,"  said  Mr.  Trotter,  seating  him- 
self upon  a  large  chest,  '•  you  may  do  as  you  please. 
The  midshipmen's  mess  is  on  the  deck  above  this, 
and  if  you  like  to  join,  why  you  can  ;  but  this  I  will 
tell  you  as  a  friend,  that  you  will  be  thrashed  all 
day  long,  and  fare  very  badly  ;  tlie  weakest  always 
goes  to  the  wall  there,  but  perhaps  you  do  not  mind 
that.  Now  that  we  are  in  harbor,  I  mess  here, 
because  Mrs.  Trotter  is  on  board.  She  is  a  very 
charming  woman,  I  can  assure  you,  and  will  be  here 
directly;  she  has  just  gone  up  into  the  galley  to 
look  alter  a  net  of  potatoes  in  the  copper.  If  you 
like  it  better,  I  will  ask  her  permission  for  you  to 
mess  with  us.  You  will  then  be  away  from  the 
midshipmen,  who  are  a  sad  set,  and  will  teach  you 
notliing  but  what  is  immoral  and  improper,  and  you 
will  have  the  advantage  of  being  in  good  society,  for 
Mrs.  Trotter  has  kept  the  very  best  in  England.  I 
make  you  this  offer  because  I  want  to  oblige  the 
first  lieutenant,  who  seems  to  take  an  interest  about 
you,  otherwise  I  am  not  very  fond  of  having  any  in- 
trusion upon  my  domestic  happiness." 

I  replied  that  I  was  much  obliged  to  him  for  his 
kindness,  and  that  if  it  would  not  put  Mrs.  Trotter 
to  an  inconvenience,  I  should  be  happy  to  accept 
of  his  offer;  indeed,  I  thought  myself  very  fortunate 
in  having  met  with  such  a  friend.  I  had  scarcely 
time  to  reply,  when  I  perceived  a  pair  of  legs,  cased 
in  black  cotton  stockings,  on  the  ladder  above  us, 
and  it  proved  that  they  belonged  to  Mrs.  Troiter, 
who  came  down  the  ladder  with  a  net  full  of  smok- 
ing potatoes. 

*•'  Upon  my  word,  Mrs.  Trotter,  you  must  be  con- 


PETER  SIMPLE.  31 

scioua  of  having  a  very  pretty  ankle,  or  you  would 
not  venture  to  display  it  as  you  have  to  Mr.  Simple, 
a  young  gentleman  whom  I  beg  to  introduce  toypu, 
and  who,  with  yourpermission,  will  join  our  mess." 

"  My  dear  Trotter,  how  cruel  of  you  not  to  ^nve 
me  warning  ;  I  thought  that  nobody  was  below. 
I  declare  I'm  so  ashamed,"  continued  the  lady 
simpering,  and  covering  her  face  with  the  hand 
which  was  unemployed. 

"  It  can't  be  helped  now,  my  love,  neitlier  was 
there  any  thing  to  be  ashamed  of.  I  trust  Mr. 
Simple  and  you  will  be  very  good  friends.  I  believe 
I  mentioned  his  desire  to  join  our  mess." 

'•I  am  sure  1  shall  be  very  happy  in  his  company. 
TliJs  is  a  strange  place  for  me  to  live  in,  Mr.  Simple, 
aller  the  society  to  which  I  have  been  accustomed^ 
but  affection  can  make  any  sacrifice  j  and  rather  thaji 
lose  the  company  of  my  dear  Trotter,  who  has  been 
unfortunate  in  pecuniary  matters — " 

"  Say  no  more  about  it,  my  love.  Domestic 
happiness  is  every  thing,  and  will  enliven  even  the 
gloom  of  a  cock-pit." 

''  And  yet,"  continued  Mrs.  Trotter,  '•  when  I 
tliink  of  the  time  when  we  used  to  live  in  London, 
and  keep  our  carriage.  Have  you  ever  been  in 
London,  Mr.  Simple  ?" 

I  answered  that  I  had. 

'•Then,  probably,  you  may  have  been  acquainted 
with,  or  have  heard  of,  the  Smiths." 

I  replied  that  the  only  people  that  I  knew  there, 
were  a  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Handy(<»ck. 

••  Well, if  1  had  known  tliat  you  were  in  London, 
'.  sliould  have  been  verv'  glad  to  have  given  you  a 
letter  of  introduction  to  the  Smiths.  They  are 
quite  the  topping  people  of  the  place." 

'•  But  my  dear,"  interrupted  Mr.  Trotter,  "  is  it 
not  time  to  look  after  our  dinner  V 

''  Yes  ;  I  am  going  forward  for  it  now.  We  have 
kkewer  pieces  to  day.     Mr.  Simple,  will  you  excuse 


32  PETER  SLMPLE. 

me  ?" — and  then,  with  a  great  deal  of  flirtation  and 
laughing  about  her  ankles,  and  requesting  me,  as  a 
favor,  to  turn  my  face  away,  Mrs.  Trotter  ascended 
the  ladder. 

As  the  reader  may  wish  to  know  what  sort  of 
looking  personage  she  was,  I  will  take  this  opportu- 
nity to  describe  her.  Her  figure  was  very  good, 
and  at  one  period  of  her  life  I  thought  her  face 
must  have  been  very  handsome  ;  at  the  time  I  was 
introduced  to  her  it  showed  the  ravages  of  time  or 
hardship  very  distinctly  5  in  short,  she  might  be 
termed  a  faded  beauty,  flaunting  in  her  dress,  and 
not  very  clean  in  her  person. 

"  Charming  woman,  Mrs.  Trotter,  is  she  not, 
Mr.  Simple  ?'  said  the  master's  mate  ;  to  which 
of  course  I  immediately  acquiesced.  "  JVow,  Mr. 
Simple,''  continued  he,  "  there  are  a  few  arrange- 
ments which  I  had  better  mention  while  Mrs. 
Trotter  is  away,  for  she  would  be  shocked  at  our 
talking  about  such  things.  Of  course  the  style  of 
living  which  we  indulge  in  is  rather  expensive. 
Mrs.  Trotter  cannot  dispense  with  her  tf  a  and  her 
other  little  comforts  5  at  the  same  time  I  must  put 
you  to  no  e.\tra  expense — I  had  rather  be  out  of 
pocket  myself.  I  propose  that  during  the  time  you 
mess  with  us,  you  shall  only  pay  one  guinea  per 
week ;  and,  as  for  entrance  money,  why  1  think 
I  must  not  charge  yea  more  than  a  couple  of 
guineas.     Have  you  any  money  V 

"  Yes,"  I  replied,  "  I  have  three  guineas  and  a 
half  left." 

"  Well,  then,  give  me  three  guineas,  and  the 
half-guinea  you  can  reserve  for  pocket-money. 
You  must  write  to  your  friends  immediately  for  a 
further  supply." 

I  handed  him  the  money,  which  he  put  in  his 
pocket.  '' Your  chest,"  continued  he,  "  you  shaJI 
bring  down  here,  for  Mrs.  Trotter  will,  I  'nm  sure, 
if  1  request  it,  not  only  keep  it  in  order  for  you. 


PETER  SIMPLE.  9$ 

but  aee  that  your  clothes  are  jprop>€rly  mended.  Sb« 
is  a  charming  woman,  Mrs.  Trotter,  and  very  fond 
of  younj:  i^'entlemen.     How  old  are  you  ?' 

I  replied  that  I  was  fifteen. 

"No  more!  well,  I  am  glad  of  that,  for  Mrs. 
Trotter  is  very  particular  after  a  certain  age  ;  I 
should  recommend  you  on  no  account  to  associate 
with  the  other  midshipmen.  They  are  very  angry 
with  me,  because  I  would  not  permit  Mrs.  Trotter 
to  join  their  mess,  and  they  are  sad  story-tellers." 
"  That  they  certainly  are/'  replied  1  ;  but  here 
we  were  interrupted  by  Mrs.  Trotter  cominjj  down 
with  a  piece  of  stick  in  her  hand,  upon  which  were 
skewered  about  a  dozen  small  pieces  of  beef  and 
pork,  which  slie  first  laid  on  a  plate,  and  then  began 
to  lav  the  cloth,  and  prepare  for  dinner. 

"  Air.  Simple  is  only  fifteen,  my  dear,"  observed 
Mr.  Trotter. 

'•  Dear  me,''  replied  Mrs.  Trotter,  "  why,  how 
tall  he  is  !  He  is  quite  as  tall,  for  his  age.  as  young 
Lord  Fourtretown,  whom  you  used  to  take  out  with 
you  in  the  cliay.  Do  you'know  Lord  Fourtretown, 
Mr.   Simple?"' 

"  No,  1  do  not,  ma'am,"  replied  I ;  but,  wishing 
to  let  them  know  that  I  was  well  connected,  I  con- 
tinued, "but  I  dare  sny  that  my  grandfather,  Lord 
l'rivile;ie.  does." 

*'(Jod  bless  me!  is  Lord  Privilejjo  your  grand- 
father  ?  Well,  I  thought  I  saw  a  likeness  some- 
where. Don't  you  rocolleft  Lord  Privilege,  my 
dear  Trotter,  that  w<!  met  at  Lady  Scamp's — an 
elderly  person  f  It's  very  ungrateful  of  you  not  to 
recollect  him,  for  he  sent  you  a  very  fi'ie  haunch 
of  venison." 

"  Privilege— l»|ess  me.  yen.  O  yes  !  an  old  gentle- 
man, is  he  not  ?'  said  Mr.  Trotter,  appealing  to  me. 

"  Yes,  sir,"  replied  I,  quite  delighted  to  find 
myself  amonjjst  those  who  were  acquainted  with 
my  family. 

vol..  I.  3 


34  PETER  SIMPLE. 

"  Well,  tlien,  Mr.  Simple,'"  said  Mrs.  Trotter, 
"since  we  have  tlie  pleasure  of  being  acouaiiited 
witii  your  family,  I  shall  now  take  you  undei  mv 
own  cliarge,  and  I  shall  be  so  fond  of  yoa,  thit 
TrcUer  si  jdl  become  quite  jealous,''  added  aho, 
laughing.  "  We  h.ave  but  a  poor  dlnr.er  to-day,  for 
the  bum-boat  wi^man  disappointed  me.  I  particu- 
larly requested  her  to  bring  me  off  a  log  of  lamb, 
but  she  says  that  there  was  none  in  the  market. 
It  is  rather  early  for  it,  that's  true,  but  Trotter  is 
very  nice  in  his  catinj.  Now  let  us  sit  down  to 
dinner." 

I  felt  very  sick  indeed,  and  could  eat  nothing. 
Our  dinner  consisted  of  the  pieces  of  beef  rjvl 
pork,  the  potatoes,  and  a  baked  padding  in  a  tin 
dish.  Mr.  Trotter  went  up  to  serve  tlie  spirits  out 
to  the  Siiip's  company,  and  returned  witli  a  bottle 
of  rum. 

'•  Have  you  got  Mr.  Simple's  aiiawaoce,iny  love  V 
inquir.7cl  Mr?.  Trotter. 

"  Yes.  he  is  virtualled  to-day,  as  he  came  on 
board  before  twelvie  o'clock.  Do  you  drink  r.pirllr.. 
Mr.  S'lnitde  ?" 

'  "so.  i  thank  you,"  replied  T.  for  I  remomhoif  u 
tl:e  captain's  injn  :ct!on. 

•^T?^inj;.  as  I  do,  fuch  an  in' 
fare,  f  maVt  earr.-^stly  recomm: ; 
fi-o::^   :";  -.:>."  ^aid   Mr.  Trotter. 
hr^bir.  "i:,!  ";^c-o  ^  ••";:iired,  m-t  e^  ■ 
am  ';'bi'..c  \  to  uriiik  tiiem  that  1  ;■■- 
persnirati'^'a    after   wr.rking    in    the.  ikIU;    1    ..■      . 
nevertheless,  a  natural  abhorrence  of  them,  •;;:*  •.: 
champagne  and  cliretd.iys  are  go;\c  by,  and  I  uiu.it 
submit  tp  circumstances." 

.'^My  poor  Trotter!*'  said  the  lady. 

'•'  Well."'  continued  he,  '•  it's  a  poor  heart  that 
never  reioicclh.'  tie  then  poured  out  half  a  tum^ 
tner  O!  rui;\.  and  filled  the  glass  up  with  water. 

*-My  love,  will  ypu  taste^  it  ?" 


PETER  SIMPLE.  35 

"  Now.  Trotter,  you  know  lliat  I  never  touch  it, 
except  when  the  water  is  so  bad,  that  I  must  have 
the  taste  taken  away.     How  is  the  water  to-day  ?" 

"As  usual,  my  dear,  not  drinkable."     .After  much 

fersuasion.iMrs.  Trotter  agreed  to  sip  a  little  out  ot* 
is  glass.  I  thought  that  she  took  it  pretty  often, 
considering  that  she  did  not  like  it,  but  I  felt  so 
unwell  that  I  was  obliged  to  go  on  the  main-deck. 
There  I  was  met  by  a  midshipman  whom  I  had  not 
ceen  before.  He  looked  very  earnestly  in  my  face, 
and  then  asked  my  name.  "  .Simple  ?"  said  he  j 
"what,  are  you  the  son  of  old  .Simple  ?'' 

"  Yes,  sir,"  replied  I,  astonished  that  so  many 
fhould  know  my  family.  •'Well,  I  thought  so  by 
the  likeness.     And  how  is  your  father?" 

'■'Very  well.  I  thank  you,  sir." 

"  When  you  write  to  him,  make  my  compliments, 
and  tell  Irim  that  I  desired  to  be  particularly  re- 
membered to  him  ;■'  and  he  walked  forward,  but  as 
he  forgot  to  mention  his  own  name,  I  could  not 
do  it. 

I  went  to  bed  very  tired ;  Mr.  Trotter  had  my 
hammock  hung  up  in  the  co<k-pit,  separated  by  a 
<  ;invass  screen  from  the  cot  in  which  he  slept  with 
his  wife.  1  thought  tliis  very  odd,  but  tliey  told  nie 
it  was  the  general  <  ustom  on  board  ship,  although 
Mrs.  Trclter's  delicacy  was  very  much  siiocked  by 
it.  I  was  very  sick,  but  Mrs.  Trotter  was  very 
'•ind.  When  1  was  in  bed  she  kis.sed  me  and 
wislied  r»c  good  night,  and  very  soon  afterwardi 
I  fell  fast  asleep. 


PETER  SIMPLE 


CHAPTER  VI. 

Puzzled  with  very  coniinon.worJs — ^Mrs-Trotlei  (a/.-s  care  of  my  ward- 
robe— A  matrimouiHl  duel,  euUiiig  eon  slrcjiilo. 

I  AWOKE  the  next  morning  at  daylight  with  a 
noise  over  my  head  which  sounded  like  tJiunder ; 
I  found  it  proceeded  from  hohstoniug  and  wasiiing 
down  the  main-deck.  1  was  very  much  refreshed 
nevertheless,  and  did  not  ieel  "the  least  sick  or 
giddy.  Mr.  Trotter  who  had  been  up  at  four  o'clock, 
came  Ao\vn  and  directed  one  of  tlie  marines  to  fetch 
me  some  water.  I  washed  myself  on  my  cliest, 
and  then  went  on  the  main-deck,  v.iiich  they  were 
swabbing  dry.  Standing  by  the  sentry  at  the  cabin 
door,  I  met  one  of  the  midshipmen  with  whom  I 
had  been  in  company  at  the  Blue  Posts. 

*'  So,  Master  Simple,  old  Trotter  and  his  fagot  of 
a  wife  have  got  hold  of  you — have  they  7'  said  he. 
I  replied,  that  1  did  not  know  the  meani;ig  of  fa^ot. 
but  that  I  considered  Mrs.  Trotter  a  very  charming 
woman.  At  wliich  he  burst  into  a  loud  laugh. 
"  Well,"  said  he,  '•  I'll  just  give  you  a  caution. 
Take  care,  or  they'll  make  a  clean  sweep.  Has 
Mrs.  Trotter  shown  you  her  ankle  yet  ?"' 

"Yes,"   I  replied,"  and  a  very  pretty  one  it  is." 

"Ahl  she's  at  her  old  tricks.  You  had  much 
better  have  joined  our  mess  at  once.  Ycu're  not 
the  first  -greenhorn  that  they  have  plucked.  Well," 
said  he,  as  he  walked  away,  ••  keep  the  key  of  your 
own  chest — that's  all."' 

But  as  Mr.  'JVotter  had  warned  mc  that  the 
midshipmen  would  abuse  them,  1  paid  very  little 
attention  to  wliat  he  said.  When  he  left  me  I  went 
on  the  (lu  irter-deck.  A!l  the  sailors  were  busy  at 
work,  and  the  firtt  lieutenant  cried  out  to  the  gun- 
ner, "'jNow,  Mr.  D)sj)art.  if  you  are  ready,  we'll 
breech  these  i-un:;.'" 


PETEK  SIMPLE.  37 

"Now,  my  latjs,"  said  the  first  lieutenant,  "we 
must  slue  (the  part  tliat  breeches  cover)  more  for- 
ward." As  I  never  heard  of  a  gun  having  breeches, 
I  was  verv  curious  to  see  what  was  going  on,  and 
went  up  close  to  the  first  lieutenant,  who  said  to 
me,  "  \oungstcr,  hand  me  that  7no)ikey's  tail."  I 
saw  nothing  like  a  motikey's  tail,  but  I  was  so 
frightened  tliat  i  snatched  up  the  first  thing  that  I 
saw,  which  w;is  a  short  bar  of  iron,  and  it  so  hap- 
pened tliat  it  w.is  tlic  very  article  which  he  wanted, 
when  1  gave  it  to  Iiim,  the  first  lieutenant  looked 
at  me,  and  said,  "  So  you  know  what  a  monkey's 
tail  is  already,  dT)  you  !  iS'ow  don't  you  ever  sham 
stupid  al\er  that.'' 

Thought  I  to  myself,  I'm  very  lucky,  but  if  that's 
a  monkey's  tail  it's  a  very  stiff  one  ! 

I  resolved  to  learn  the  names  of  ever)'  thing  as 
fast  as  I  could,  that  I  might  be  prepared,  so  1  list- 
ened attentively  to  what  was  said ;  but  I  soon 
became  quite  confused,  and  despaired  of  remem- 
bering any  thing. 

"  How  is  this  to  be  finished  off,  sir  V  inquired  a 
sailor  of  the  boatswain. 

"  Why,  I  beg  leave  to  hint  to  vou,  sir.  in  the 
most  delicate  manner  in  the  world,"  re|)lied  the 
boatswain,  '•  that  it  must  be  with  a  tUnible-iL-all — 
and  b«-  d  d  to  you — don't  you  know  that  yet  ? 
Captain  of  the  foretop,"  said  he,  ''up  on  your  horses, 
ami  take  your  stirrups  up  three  inciics.'  '  .\y,  ay, 
sir."  (I  looked  and  looked,  but  I  could  see  no 
horses.) 

"  Mr.  Chucks,"  said  the  first  lieutenant  to  the 
boatswain,  ''  what  blocks  have  we  below — not  on 
charge  ?'' 

"  Let  me  see,  sir,  I've  one  tixter,  t'othe  •  wc  split 
in  half  the  other  day,  and  I  think  I  have  a  couple 
of  monkfyi  down  in  the  store-room.  I  say,  you 
Smith,  pass  that  brace  tlirough  the  bitU'a  eyr,  and 
take  the  sheepshank  out  before  you  come  down." 


38  PETER  SIMPLE. 

And  then  ho  asked  the  first  lieutenant  whether 
something  should  not  be  lit'f3d  v.ith  a  maiise  or  only 
a  iurk's-head — told  him  the  goose-neck  must  be 
spread  out  by  the  armorer  as  soon  as  the  forge  was 
up.  In  short,  what  with  dead-eyes  and  shrouds, 
cats  ind  cat-blocks,  dolphins  and  dolphin-strikers, 
tchips  and  puddings,  I  was  so  puzzled  with  what  I 
heard,  that  1  was  aliout  to  leave  the  deck  in  abso- 
lute despair. 

"And,  Mr.  Chucks,  recollect  this  afternoon  that 
you  bleed  all  the  buoys." 

Bleed  the  boys,  thought  I,  what  can  that  be  for  ? 
at  ail  events,  the  surgeon  appears  to  be  the  proper 
person  to  perform  that  operation. 

This  last  incomprehensible  remark  drove  me  off 
the  deck,  and  I  retreated  to  the  cock-pit,  where  I 
found  Mrs.  Trotter.  '•  O  my  dear  !"  said  she,  •'  I 
am  glad  you  are  come,  as  I  wish  to  put  your  clothes 
in  order."  Have  you  a  list  of  them — where  is  your 
key  V  I  replied  that  I  had  not  a  list,  and  I  handed 
her  the  key,  although  I  did  not  forget  the  caution 
of  the  midshipman  :  yet  I  considered  that  there 
could  be  no  harm  in  her  looking  over  my  clothes 
when  I  was  present.  She  unlocked  my  chest,  and 
pulled  every  thing  out,  and  then  commenced  telling 
me  what  v/ere  likely  to  be  useful  and  Vv'hat  were 
not. 

'•  Isow  these  worsted  stockings,"  she  said,  "  will 
be  very  comfortable  in  cold  v,-eather,  and  in  the 
summer  time  these  brown  cotton  socks  will  be 
deliglitfuUy  cool,  and  you  have  enough  of  each  to 
last  you  till  you  outgrow  them  ;  but  as  for  these  fine 
cotton  stockings,  ihey  are  of  no  use — only  catch 
the  dirt  when  the  decks  are  swept,  and  always  look 
untidy.  I  wonder  how  they  could  be  so  foolish  as 
to  send  them  3  nobody  wears  them  on  board  ship 
now-a-days.  They  are  only  fit  for  women — I  won- 
der if  they  would  tit  me."  She  turned  her  chair 
away,  and  put  on  one  of  my  stockings,  laughing  the 


PETKR  SIMPLE.  39 

wholo  of  the  time.  Then  she  liirned  round  to  me,and 
showed  mc  h-jw  nicely  they  littod  her.  "  Bless  you, 
Mr.  Simple,  it's  well  that  Trotter  is  in  tlie  hold, 
he'd  be  so  jor.lous — do  yon  know  what  these  stock- 
in;;s  cost  ?  They  arc  of  no  use  to  you,  and  they 
fit  m'j.  1  will  spoaU  to  Trotter,  and  take  tl-.cm  off 
your  hands."  I  rejdicd,  that  !  ecu'.d  not  think  of 
Felling  them,  and  a>:  they  were  of  no  u.^e  to  ms  and 
iiit'jd  her,  1  be/ied  tliat  si.e  wou!<l  accej)t  of  the 
tiozen  pair.  At  itrst  she  p«:si»ively  rclused.  hut  as  I 
prcsseu   lier  sI.e  at   l&st  ro.-.fcnt','.!.  and  I  wa-j  very 


-xppvto  '^\\ 
nJ  I  t|ji;uj 


,'ht,  with    her   i'H.-baiuI,  that  she  was  a 
very  clnrniin^  woman. 

Wc  had  berf-steaks  ar.d  onions  fo:  dinner  that 
day,  but  I  coull  not  Ixi.ir  the  !:n:cii  cf  t!ie  onions. 
Mr.  Trotter  came  down  very  eros.s,  bee  luse  the  first 
lieutenant  I.aJ  found  fault  with  him.  He  ::woro  that 
he  wou'.l  cut  the  .sorvrc — llsit  lie  hal  only  remain- 
ed to  obli:^c  tlie  ciptiin,  w::<)  siid  that  lie  would 
sooner  oart  with  his  ri;j!:t  arm,  and  that  he  would 
demand  ^•ati'^faolion  of  ih'^  fii  5t  lieutenant  as  soon 
OS  he  ccul'l  obtiin  his  discharge.  Mrs.  Trott'-r  did 
all  she  could  to  p-icify  l.im.  reminded  him,  tl;.it  he 
had  the  prolcrtiou  of  Lord  tills  unJ  Sir  '^!'I;om-.s  that, 
Yfhii  would  see  him  ri.htcd.  5  but  in  vain.  TiiC  first 
licutpna>!t  had  told  him.  Ir;  slid,  that  ho  was  not 
worth  his  silt,  and  blo-id  on!;  e-  dd  wipe  away  the 
insult.  He  drank  v'.'is  of  ^'r''.-  i'";er  jtIlss  of  ;rro;T:, 
aiid  each  pla.'^s  becajiy  r.ur.  violr-nt,  and  Mrs. 
Trotter  drank  also.  I  observed,  a  great  dc  d  more 
than  I  t!iou;,dji  fhc  ou.;lit  to  have  done  ;  l.-ut  rhe 
whispered  to  me,  that  Siic  drank  it  that  Trotter 
mi'^ht  not,  as  he  would  certninb  1/C  tipsy.  I  thou -ht 
this  vrry  devnfod  on  her  part ;  ^^ut  they  sat  p-j  l;>to 
that  I  went  to  l)rd  and  leU  them — he  still  drinking 
and  vowiiii,' \e:ij''- M.  <•  a  a.D^r  tie  lir.-t  lieutenant. 
I  had  not  been  a  b  cp  a!;ov  fvo  cr  three  l.j'urs, 
when  I  v.as  av.uk: i.cd  by  a  S'/cit  ncirc  and  quar- 


4a  PETER  SIMPLE. 

relling,  and  I  discovered  that  Mr.  Trotter  waa 
(drunk  and  beating  his  wife.  Very  much  shocked 
that  such  a  charming  woman  should  be  beaten  and 
ill-used,  I  scrambled  out  of  my  hammock  to  see  if 
I  could  be  of  any  assistance,  but  it  was  dark  al- 
though they  scuffled  as  much  as  before.  I  asked 
the  marine,  who  was  sentry  at  the  gun-room  door, 
above.to  bring  his  lantern,  and  was  very  much  shock- 
ed at  his  replying  that  I  had  better  go  to  bed,  and 
let  tliem  fi^^ht  it  out. 

Shortly  afterwards  Mrs.Trotter,who  had  not  taken 
off  her  clothes,  came  from  behind  the  screen.  1 
perceived  at  once  that  the  poor  woman  could  hard- 
ly stand  :  she  reeled  to  my  chest,  where  she  sat 
down  ar.d  cried.  I  pulled  on  my  clothes  as  fast  as 
I  could,  and  then  went  up  to  her  to  console  her^ 
but  she  could  not  speak  intelligibly.  After  attempt- 
ing in  vain  to  comfort  her,  she  made  me  no  answer, 
but  staggered  to  my  hammock,  and,  after  several 
attempts,  succeeded  in  getting  into  it.  I  cannot 
say  that  I  much  liked  that,  but  what  could  I  do  ? 
So  I  finished  dressing  myself,  and  went  up  on  the 
quarter-deck. 

The  midshipman  who  had  the  watch  was  the  one 
who  had  cautioned  me  against  the  Trotters  ;  he  was 
very  friendly  to  me.  '-"Well,  Simple  ;"  said  he, 
'•'what  brings  you  on  deck?"  I  told  him  how  ill 
Mr.  Trotter  had  behaved  to  his  wife,  and  how  she 
had  turned  into  my  hammock. 

"  The  cursed  drunken  old  catamaran,"  cried  he  j 
"  I'll  go  and  cut  her  down  by  the  head  j"  but  I  re- 
quested he  would  not,  as  she  was  a  lady. 

"  A  lady  1"  replied  he,  ''yes,  there's  plenty  of 
ladies  of  her  description ;''  and  then  he  informed 
me  that  she  had  many  years  ago  been  the  mistress 
of  a  man  of  fortune,  who  kept  a  carriage  for  her  j 
but  that  he  grew  tired  of  her,  and  had  given  Trot- 
ter 200/.  to  marry  her.and  that  now  they  did  nothing 
but  get  drunk   together  and  fight  with  each  other. 


PETER  SIMPLE.  41 

I  was  very  much  annoyed  to  liear  all  this  ;  but 
as  I  perceived  that  Mrs.  Trotter  was  not  sober,  I 
began  to  think  that  what  the  midshipman  naid  was 
true.  •*  I  hope,"  added  he,  ''  that  siie  has  not  had 
lime  to  wheedle  you  out  of  any  of  your  clothes." 

I  told  him  that  I  had  i^iven  her  a  dozen  pairs  of 
stockings,  and  had  paid  Mr.  Trotter  three  guineas 
for  my  mess.  "  This  must  be  looked  to,''  replied 
he  ;  "  I  shall  speak  to  the  first  lieutenant  to-mor- 
row. In  the  meantime,  I  shall  get  your  liammock 
for  you.  Quarter-master,  keep  a  pood  lookout." 
He  then  went  below,  and  I  followjd  him,  to  see 
w  hnt  he  would  do.  He  went  to  my  hammock  and 
lowered  it  down  at  one  end,  so  that  Mrs.  Trottei 
lay  with  her  head  on  tlie  deck  in  a  very  uncomfort- 
able position.  To  my  astonishment,  she  swore  at 
him  in  a  dreadful  manner,  but  refused  to  turn  out. 
He  was  abusing  her,  and  shaking  her  in  the  ham- 
mock, when  Air.  Trotter,  who  had  been  roused  by 
the  noise,  rushed  from  behind  the  screen.  "  You 
villain  I  what  are  you  doing  with  my  wife  ?"  cried  he 
pummelling  at  him  as  well  as  he  could,  for  he  was 
80  tipsy  that  he  could  hardly  stand. 

I  thought  the  midshipman  able  to  take  care  of 
himself,  and  did  not  wish  to  interfere  ;  so  I  remain- 
ed above,  looking  on — the  sentry  standing  by  me 
with  his  lantern  over  the  roombings  of  the  hatcli- 
way  to  give  light  to  the  midshipman,  and  to  witness 
the  fray.  Mr.  Trotter  was  soon  knocked  down, 
when  all  of  a  sudden  Mrs.  Trotter  jumped  up  from 
the  hammock,  and  caught  the  midshipman  by  the 
hair,  and  pulled  at  him.  Then  the  sentry  thought 
right  to  interfere  ;  he  called  f»ut  for  the  niastt-r-at- 
arms,  and  went  down  himself  to  help  tlie  niidsliii>- 
nian,  who  was  faring  badly  l)etween  the  two.  Hut 
Mrs.  Trotter  snatched  the  lantern  out  of  his  hand 
and  smashed  it  all  to  pieces,  and  then  we  were  all 
led  in  darkness,  and  I  could  not  sec  what  took 
place,  although  the  scuffling  continued.     Such  waa 


42  PETER  SIMPLE. 

the  posture  of  affairs  when  the  master-at  arms  came 
up  with  his  liL^ht.  The  midshipmnn  and  sentry 
went  up  the  ladder,  and  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Trotter  con- 
tinued beating  each  other.  To  this  none  of  them 
paid  any  attention,  saying  as  the  sentry  had  said 
before,  '•  Let  them  fight  it  out.'' 

After  they  had  fought  some  time,  they  retired 
behind  the  screen,  and  I  followed  the  advice  of  the 
midshipman  and  got  into  my  hammock,  which  the 
master-at-arms  hung  up  again  for  me.  1  heard  Mr. 
and  Mrs.  Trotter  both  crying  and  kissing  each 
other.  "  Cruel,  cruel  Mr.  Trotter,"  said  she,  blub- 
bering. 

"  My  life,  my  love,  I  was  so  jealous  !"  replied  he. 

"D — n  and  blast  your  jealousy,"  replied  the 
lady  5  "  Fve  two  nice  black  eyes  for  the  galley  to- 
morrow." After  about  ain  hour  of  kissing  and  scold- 
ing, they  both  fell  asleep  again. 

The  next  morning  before  breakfast,  the  midship- 
man reported  to  the  first  lieutenant  the  conduct  of 
Mr.  Trotter  and  his  wife.  I  was  sent  for,  and 
obliged  to  acknowledge  that  it  was  all  true.  He 
sent" for  Mr.  Trotter,  who  replied  that  he  was  not 
well,  and  could  not  come  on  deck.  Upon  which 
the  first  lieutenant  ordered  the  sergeant  of  marines 
to  bring  him  up  directly.  Mr.  Trotter  made 
his  appearance,  with  one  eye  closed,  and  his  face 
very  much  scratched. 

"■  Did  I  not  desire  you,  sir,"  said  the  first  lioiiten- 
ant,  "'  to  introduce  this  young  gentleman  into  the 
midshipmen's  berth  ?  instead  of  wiiich  you  have 
introduced  him  to  that  disgraceful  wife  of  yours, 
and  have  swindled  him  out  of  his  property,  f  order 
you  immediately  to  return  the  three  guineas,  which 
you  received  as  mess-money,  and  also  that  your 
wife  give  back  the  stockings  which  she  cajoled  him 
out  of." 

But  then  I  interposed,  and  told  the  first  lieuten- 
ant that  the  stockings  had  been  a  free  gift  on  my 


PLTER  iflMFLE.  43 

part ;  and  that,  although  I  had  been  very  foolisli, 
yrt  tli:it  1  considered  that  1  could  not  in  honor  de- 
inanil  them  back  again. 

"  Well,  youngster,''  replied  the  tirbt  lieutenant, 
"  perhaps  your  ideas  are  correct,  and  if  you  wish  it, 
I  will  not  enforce  that  part  of  my  order  ;  but,"  con- 
tined  he  to  Mr.  Trotter,  ''  I  desire  sir,  that  your 
wife  leave  the  ship  immediately ;  and  I  trust  that 
when  I  have  reported  your  conduct  to  the  captain, 
he  will  serve  you  in  the  same  manner.  In  the 
mean  time,  you  will  consider  yourself  under  an 
arrest  for  drunkenness." 


CHAPTER  VII. 

Scandaliim  mngnntum  clf«rly  proved — I  prove  to  the  cnptain  tlmt  I  con- 
miler  Imii  «  griiilem  lu  allliuugli  I  bad  told  liim  Uic  contrary,  and  I 
pnive  to  tiie  inidnliipiiieu  lliat  I  am  a  gentleman  myarir— Tbiy  prove 
tiieir  ;n>lilude  l>y  pracljaiug  upon  ms,  because  practice  makes  per* 
feci. 

TilK  captain  came  on  board  about  twelve  o'clock, 
and  ordered  the  discharge  of  Mr.  Trotter  to  be 
made  out,  as  soon  as  the  first  lieutenant  had  report- 
ed what  had  occurretl.  H«'  then  sent  for  all  the 
midshipmen  on  the  Jiuarter-deck. 

"  Gentlemen,"'  saitJ  tlie  captain  to  them  with  a 
stern  counteiiancc,  "  I  feel  very  much  indebted  to 
some  of  you  for  the  character  which  you  have  been 
pleased  to  give  of  me  to  Mr.  Simj)lc.  I  must 
now  request  that  you  will  answer  a  few  questions 
which  I  am  alM>ut  to  put  in  his  presence.  Did  I 
ever  tlog  the  wliolc-  atarbtjard  watch,  because  tlie 
ship  would  only  sail  nine  knots  on  a  bowling  1" 

"No,  sir,  no  !"  replied  they  all,  very  much  fright- 
ened. 


44  PETER  SIMPLE. 

"  Did  I  ever  give  a  midshipman  four  dozen  I'or 
not  liaving  his  weekly  accounts  pipe-clayed,  or 
another  five  dozen  for  wearing  a  scarlet"  Avatch- 
riband!'' 

'•  Iso,  sir  "  replied  they,  altogether. 

'-  Did  any  midshipman  ever  die  on  his  chest  from 
fatigue  ?" 

They  again  replied  in  the  negative. 

"Then,  gentlemen,  you  will  oblige  me  by  stating 
which  of  you  thought  proper  to  assert  these  false- 
hoods in  a  public  coffee-room  5  and  farther,  which 
of  you  obliged  this  youngster  to  risk  his  life  in  a 
duel  ?•' 

They  were  all  silent. 

'•  Will  you  answer  me,  gentlemen  V 

"  With  respect  to  the  duel,  sir,"  replied  the  mid- 
shipman who  had  fought  me,  '•'  I  heard  say,  that  the 
pistols  were  only  charged  with  powder.  It  was  a 
joke." 

'•  Well,  sir,  we'll  allow  that  the  duel  was  only  a 
joke,  (and  I  hope  and  trust  that  your  report  is  cor- 
rect ;)  is  the  reputation  of  your  captain  only  a  joke, 
allow  me  to  ask  ?  I  request  to  know  who  of  you 
dared  to  propagate  such  injurious  slander  ?"  (Here 
there  was  a  dead  pause.)  "  Well  then,  gentlemen, 
since  you  will  not  confess  yourselves,  I  must  refer 
to  my  authority.  Mr.  Simple,  have  the  goodness 
to  point  out  the  person  or  persons  who  gave  you 
the  information." 

But  I  thought  this  would  not  be  fairj  and  as  they 
had  all  treated  me  very  kindly  ai\er  the  duel,  I 
resolved  not  to  tell ;  so  I  answered,  "  If  you  please, 
sir,I  consider  that  I  told  you  all  that  in  confidence." 

"  Confidence,  sir,"  replied  the  captain  ;  '•  who 
ever  heard  of  confidence  between  a  post-captain 
and  a  midshipman  ?" 

"  No,  sir,"  replied  I,  "  not  between  a  post-cap- 
tain and  a  midshipman,  but  between  two  gentle- 
men." 


PETER  SIMPLE.  45 

The  first  lieutenant,  who  stood  by  the  captain, 
put  hii5  hand  before  his  face  to  hide  a  laugh.  "  He 
niHV  be  a  fool,  sir,"  observed  he  to  the  captiin, 
aside,  "  but  I  can  assure  you  he  is  a  very  straight- 
forw;ud  one." 

-The  captnin  bit  his  lip,  and  then  turning  to  the 
midshipmen,  said,  "  You  may  thank  IMr.  Simple, 
•rentlomcn  that  I  do  not  press  this  matter  further.  1 
<lo  believe  that  you  were  not  serious  when  you  ca- 
lumniated mc  ;  but  recollect  that  what  is  said  in 
a  joke  is  too  often  repeated  in  earnest.  1  trust  that 
Mr.  Simple's  conduct  will  have  its  effect,  and  that 
you  will  leave  o!f  practising  upon  him,  who  has 
saved  you  from  a  very  severe  punishment." 

When  the  midshipmen  went  down  below,  they 
all  6hof)k  hands  witli  me,  and  said  that  I  was  a  good 
fellow  for  not  peaching  •,  but  as  for  the  advice  of 
the  captain  that  they  should  not  practise  upon  n>e, 
a.s  he  termed  it,  they  forgot  that,  for  they  com- 
menced again  immediately,  and  never  left  olf  until 
they  found  that  I  wa^^  not  to  be  deceived  any  longer. 

1  had  not  been  ten  minutes  in  the  berth  before 
ihey  be-jan  their  remarks  upon  me.  One  said  that 
I  looked  like  a  hardy  fellow,  and  asked  me  whether 
I  could  not  bear  a  good  deal  of  sleep. 

I  replied  that  I  could,  1  dare  say,  if  it  was  neces- 
sary for  the  poofl  of  the  service  ;  at  which  they 
laughed,  and  1  supposed  that  I  had  said  a  good 
thing. 

"  Why  here's  Tomkins,'' said  the  miilshipman; 
'•  he'll  show  you  how  to  perform  tliat  part  of  your 
duty.  He  inherit.s  it  from  his  fathfr.  who  was  a 
marine  olHcer.  He  can  snore  for  i'ourteen  hours  on 
a  stretch  without  once  turnin;,'  round  in  his  ham- 
mock, and  finish  his  nap  on  the  chest  during  the 
wliole  of  thf  day  excopt  meal  times." 

But  'J'onikins  tiefemlcd  himself  by  saying,  that 
"some  |>ei)ple  were  very  ouick  in  doing  things,  and 
others  were    vtrv  slow  :  tliat    he    was    one    of  the 


4()  PETER  SIMPLE. 

slow  ones,  and  that  he  did  not  in  reality  obtain  mere 
refreshment  from  his  long  naps  than  other  people 
(lid  in  short  ones,  because  he  slept  much  slower 
than  they  did." 

Tills  ingenious  argument  was,  however,  over- 
ruled iiem.  con.,  as  it  was  proved  that  he  ate  pud- 
ding faster  than  any  one  in  the  mess. 

Tlie  postman  came  on  board  with  the  letters,  and 
put  his  head  into  the  midshipmen's  berth.  1  was 
very  anxious  to  have  one  from  home,  but  I  was  dis- 
appointed.     Some  had  letters    and  some    had  not. 

Those  who  had  not,  declared  that  their  parents 
were  very  undutiful,  and  that  they  would  cut  them 
off  with  a  shillings  and  those  who  had  letters,  after 
they  had  read  them,  offered  them  for  sale  to  the 
otliers.  usually  at  half  price.  I  could  not  imagine 
wl;y  they  sold,  or  why  the  others  bought  them;  but 
tlioy  did  so  :  and  one  that  was  full  of  good  advice 
was  sold  tliree  times,  from  which  circumstance  1 
was  inclined  to  form  a  better  opinion  of  the  morals 
of  my  companions.  Tlie  lowest  priced  letters  sold 
were  those  written  by  sisters.  I  was  oifercd  one 
for  a  penny,  but  1  declined  buying,  as  I  had  plenty 
of  sisters  of  my  own.  Directly  after  I  made  tiiat 
observation  they  immediately  inquired  all  their 
names  and  whetlser  they  were  pretty  or  not.  When. 
I  had  informed  them,  they  quarrelled  to  v.hom  tiiey 
sliould  belong.  One  would  have  Lucy,  and  anoth- 
er tcok  3lary  5  but  there  was  a  great  dispute  about 
EUea,  as  I  had  said  that  she  was  the  prettiest  of 
tlie  whole.  At  last  they  agreed  to  put  her  up  to 
auction,  and  she  was  knocked  down  to  a  master's 
mate  of  the  name  of  O'Brien,  who  bid  seventeen 
shillings  and  a  bottle  of  rum.  They  requested  tiiat 
1  would  write  home  to  give  their  love  to  my  sisters, 
and  tell  them  how  they  had  been  disposed  of,  which 
I  tiiought  very  strange  ;  but  I  mght  to  have  been 
flattered  at  tlie  price  bid  for  Ellen,  as  I  repeatedly 
have  =!Gce  been  witness  to  a  very  pretty  sislcr  ba 
ing  soiu  for  a  glass  of  grog. 


PETER  SIMPLE.  47 

I  mentioned  the  reason  why  I  was  so  anxious  for 
a  letter,  viz.  be<-ause  I  wanted  to  buy  n»y  dirk  and 
cocked  liat ;  upon  whicii  tliey  told  me  that  there 
was  no  occaiiion  for  my  spendini;  my  money,  as, 
by  the  rci,'ulutions  of  the  service,  the  purser's  stew- 
ard served  them  out  to  all  tlie  othcers  who  applied 
for  tliem.  -\s  I  knew  where  the  purser's  steward's 
room  was,  having  seen  it  wlien  down  in  the  cock- 
pit with  the  Trotters,  I  went  down  immediately. 
"  Mr,  I'urser's  .Steward,"  said  I,  ''  let  me  have  a 
cocked  hat  and  dirk  immediately.'' 

'*  \ery  gootl,  sir,"  replied  lie,  and  he  wrote  an 
order  upon  a  slip  of  paper,  w  hich  ho  handed  to  me. 
"  There  is  the  order  for  it,  sir  ;  but  tlie  cocked  hats 
are  kcjjt  up  in  the  clicst  in  the  maintop  ;  and  as  for 
the  dirk,  you  must  apply  to  the  butclicr,  who  has 
them  uniler  his  charge." 

I  went  up  with  the  order,  and  thouslit  I  would 
first  apply  lor  the  dirk  ;  so  I  iiujuirrd  for  if.e  luitcli- 
er,  wh«>nj  1  found  sitting  in  tlie  she(?p-pen  with  the 
sheep,  mending  his  trousers.  In  reply  to  my  de- 
mand, he  told  me  that  he  had  not  the  key  of  tlio 
store-room,  wliich  was  under  the  charge  of  one  of 
the  corporals  of  marines, 

I  inquired  who,  and  he  said,  "  Cheeks*  the  ma- 
rine." 

1  went  every  wliere  about  the  ship,  inquiring  for 
Checks  the  mnrinc.  but  could  not  find  him.  Srnie 
said  that  thry  believed  he  w.is  in  the  forotop,  .si.in- 
din„'  sentry  over  llu;  wind,  tliat  it  mitilit  not  chaiirrc  ; 
others,  lliat  he  was  in  the  tralley,  to  prevent  the 
miclsliipmen  from  soaking  their  biscuit  in  tlie  ca|«- 
tain's  dripping  pan.  At  last,  1  inquired  of  scnie  of 
the  women  who  were  standing  between  the  guns  en 
the  main-deck,  and  one  of  them  answered  that  it 
was  no  use  looking  for  him    among   them,  au    tli'.-y 

*Th!«  crlrbraUd  [>rr*oniv{e  U  the  pro(ut>p«  uf  Mi.  nobody  nn  boBnt 
oT  amuiurwiir. 


43  PETER  SIMPLE. 

all  had  husbands,  and  Cheeks  was  a  tvidow^s  man.* 
As  I  could  not  find  the  marine,  I  thouglit  I  might 
as  well  go  for  my  cocked  hat,  and  get  my  dirk  af- 
terwards. I  did  not  much  like  going  up  the  rigging, 
because  I  was  afraid  of  turning  giddy,  and  if  1  fell 
overboard  I  could  not  swim;  but  one  of  the  mid- 
shipmen offered  to  accompany  me,  stating  that  I 
need  not  be  afraid,  if  I  fell  overboard,  of  sinking  to 
the  bottom,  as  if  I  was  giddy,  my  head,  at  all  events, 
woidd  swim;  so  I  determined  to  venture.  1  climb- 
ed up  very  near  to  the  main-top.but  not  without  mis- 
sing the  little  ropes  very  often,  and  grazing  the  skin 
off  my  shins.  Then  1  came  to  the  large  ropes 
stretched  out  from  the  mast,  so  that  you  must  climb 
them  with  your  head  backwards.  "  The  midship- 
man told  me  these  were  called  the  cat-harpings, 
because  they  were  so  difficult  to  climb,  that  a  cat 
would  expostulate  if  ordered  to  go  out  by  iheni.  1 
was  afraid  to  venture,  and  then  he  proposed  that  I 
should  go  through  lubber's  hole,  which  he  said  had 
been  made  for  people  like  me.  I  agreed  to  attempt 
it,  as  it  appeared  more  easy,  and  at  last  arrived, 
quite  out  of  breath,  and  very  happy  to  find  myself 
in  tlie  main-top. 

The  captain  of  the  main-top  was  there  with  tv/o 
other  sailors.  The  midshipman  introduced  me  ver/ 
politely  : — ''  Mr.  Jenkins — Mr.  Simple, midshipman, 
— Mr.  Simple — Mr.  Jenkins,  captain  of  the  main- 
top. Mr.  Jeinkns.Mr.  Simple  has  come  up  with 
an  order  for  a  cocked  hat."  The  captain  of  the 
top  replied  that  he  was  very  sorry  that  he  had  not 
one  in  store,  but  the  last  had  been  served  out  to  the 
captain's  monkey.  This  was  very  provoking.  The 
captain  of  the  top  then  asked  me  if  I  was  ready 
with  my  footing. 


*  Widows'  men  are  imaginary  sailors,   borne  on    tlie   bookt  and    re- 
ceiving pay  and  prize-money,  which  is  appropriated  to  Greeuwicli  lio»pi- 


I  repliel,  "  Not  very,  for  1  had  lost  il  two  or  three 
times  when  coming  up."  He  lau^jhed,  and  replied, 
Uiat  i  should  loae  it  altogetiier  before  1  went  down; 
and  that  I  must  haiid  it  cat.  "  Hand  out  my  foot- 
ing," said  I,  puzzled,  and  appealing  to  tlio  midship- 
man :  "  what  does  he  mean  .'"'  "  Ho  means  that  you 
must  fork  rut  n  seven-shillin^r  bit."  I  was  just  as 
wi^o  as  ever,  and  stared  very  much ;  when  Mr. 
Jenkins  desired  the  other  men  to  get  halt'  a  dozen 
foxes  and  make  a  spread  ea-^U  of  me,  unless  he  had 
his  pirkis'tP.  I  never  should  have  found  out  what 
it  nil  rncnni  >  id  not  llic  midshipman,  who  laughed 
till  he  cried,  at  list  informed  me  ttiat  it  was  the 
custom  to  pivp  the  men  somethinp  to  drink  the  first 
time  that  i  eame  ahilt.  and  that  if  1  did  not,  they 
would  tie  me  up  to  the  ritrtring. 

Having  no  money  in  my  pocket,  I  promised  to 
pay  them  as  eoon  as  I  went  below  ;  but  Mr.  Jenk- 
ins would  not  trust  me,  I  then  became  very  angry, 
and  inquired  of  him ''if  he  doubted  my  honor." 
He  replied.  "  Not  in  the  least,  but  that  he  must  have 
the  seven  shillings  boiorc  1  went  below.'  •'  Why, 
sir,"  said  I,  '•  do  you  know  whom  you  are  speaking 
to  /  1  am  an  olficcr  and  a  gciitlcman.  Do  you  know 
wlio  my  grandfather  is  V 

"Ove.'.,"  replied,  he  "  very  well." 

<*  Tficn,  wijo  is  he,  sir  ?"  replied  I,  very  angrily. 

"  Who  i>  he  !  why  he's  the  /.ord  htmos  who." 

"  No,"  n^plied  I,  *•  tliat's  not  his  name;  he  ifl 
Lord  Privilege.''  (1  was  very  much  surprised  that 
he  knew  that  my  crandl'ather  wa.s  a  lord.)  "  And 
do  you  Huppoto,"  continued  I.  "that  I  would  forfeit 
the  iKinorof  my  family  for  a  paltry  seven  shillings?" 

Thif  observation  ot  mine,  and   a  promise  on  the 

pirt  «»r  the  midihinman,  who  said  ho  would  Ik*  bail 

M^r.  Jenkins,  and  he  allowed  mo  to 

,_'.      I  went  to  my  chest  and  paid 

I  ,  to  one  of  th<'   tnp-men   who  fol- 

1  Av;  d  iiic,  aiKl  then  .vent  up  o:i   the  main-d«ck,  t» 

V.il..    I.  \ 


*0  PETER  SIMPLE. 

learn  as  much  as  I  could  of  my  profession.  I  ask- 
ed a  great  many  questions  of  tlic  midshipmen  rela- 
tive to  the  truns,  and  they  crowded  round  me  to  an- 
swer them.  One  told  me  they  were  called  the  fri- 
gate's teeth,  because  they  stopped  the  Frenchman's 
jcuv.  Another  midshipman  said  that  he  had  been 
so  often  in  action  that  he  was  called  the  Fire-eater. 
I  asked  him  how  it  was  that  he  escaped  being  kill- 
ed. He  replied  that  lie  always  made  it  a  rule,  up- 
on the  first  cannon  ball  coming  through  the  ship's 
side,,  to  put  his  head  into  the  hole  wiiich  it  had 
made  5  as  by  calculation  made  by  Professor  Ii>n- 
man,  the  odds  were  32,6-17  and  some  decimals  to 
boot,  that  another  ball  would  not  come  in  at  the 
same  hole.  That's  what  I  never  should  have 
thought  of. 


CHAPTER  VHI. 

My  messmates  sliow  me  1  be  Tolly  of  running  in  ilfbt— Duty  cnrrieil  on 
politely — 1  became  acquainted  wiili  K>me  gentleman  of  the  Home  De- 
partment—Tne  Episode  (if  Shollo  MToy. 

Now  that  I  have  been  on  board  about  a  month,  I 
find  that  my  life  is  not  disagreeable.  I  don't  smell 
the  pitch  and  tar,  and  1  can  get  into  my  hammock 
without  tumbling  out  on  the  other  side.  My  mess- 
mates are  good-tempered,  although  they  laugh  at 
me  very  much ;  but  I  must  say  that  they  are  not 
T«ry  nice  in  their  ideas  of  honor.  They  appear  to 
consider  that  to  take  you  in  is  a  capital"  joke  5  and 
tWt  because  they  laugh  at  the  time  that  they  are 
C*-  wiring  you,  it  then  becomes  no  cheating  at  all. 
r.  jw  I  cannot  think  otherwise  than  that  cheating  is 
cheating,  and  that  a  person  is  not  a  bit  more  honest 


PETER  SIMPLE.  31 

because  he  laughs  at  you  in  the  bargain.  A  few 
days  atler  I  came  on  board,  I  purchased  some  tarts 
of  the  bumboat  woman,  as  she  is  called  ;  I  wished 
to  pay  for  tliem,  but  she  had  no  change,  and  very 
civilly  told  me  she  would  trust  me.  She  produced 
a  narrow  book,  and  said  that  she  would  open  an  ac- 
count with  me,  and  I  could  pay  her  when  1  thought 
proper.  To  this  arranj;enient  I  had  no  objection, 
and  1  sent  up  for  diiferent  things  until  I  thought  that 
my  account  must  have  amounted  to  eleven  or 
twelve  shillings.  As  I  promised  my  father  that  I  ne- 
ver would  run  in  debt,  I  considered  that  it  was 
then  time  that  it  should  be  settled.  When  I  asked 
for  it,  what  was  my  surprise  to  find  that  it  amounted 
to  21.  lis.  Gd.  !  1  declar«Hl  that  it  was  impossible, 
and  re(juosted  that  she  would  allow  me  to  look  at 
the  items,  when  I  f«mnd  that  I  was  booked  for  at 
least  three  or  four  dozen  tarts  every  day,  ordered 
by  tiie  young  gentleman  '•  to  be  put  down  to  Mr. 
Sitnpls's  account.''  I  was  very  much  shocked,  not 
only  at  the  sum  of  money  which  I  had  to  pay,  but 
also  at  the  want  of  honosly  on  the  part  of  my  mess- 
mates ;  but  when  I  complained  of  it  in  the  berth, 
thev  all  laughed  at  uic. 

At  last  one  of  them  said,  ••  Peter,  tell  the  truth  ; 
did  not  your  father  caution  you  not  to  run  in  debt?'' 

"  Yes,  he  did,"  replied  I. 

"I  know  that  very  v.-ell,''  replicil  ho;  "all  fathers 
do  the  same  when  tlieir  roi.s  leave  thcni  ;  it's  a 
matter  of  course.  JSow  observe,  Peter;  it  is  ouf 
of  regard  to  you  that  your  messmates  have  been 
ealins  tarts  at  your  expense.  You  disobeyed  your 
father's  injunctions  before  you  had  l>een  a  munth 
from  lionv; ;  a.id  it  is  to  pive  you  a  lesson  th  it  m  ly 
be  u.=f'fu!  in  after  life,  that  thev  have  considered  it 
theirduty  to  ord^rtlr;  tarts.  I  trust  that  it  will  ni)t 
be  thrown  away  upon  you.  (Jo  to  the  woma.i,  pay 
your  bill  and  n«>\(M-  run  up  another.'' 

"That  I  certainly  sli.ill  not,"   replied  I  ;    but  as  I 


52  fi:tkr  simple. 

could  not  prove  who  ordered  t:iG  t  iris,  and  did  not 
think  it  fiir  that  the  woman  should  lose  her  money, 
I  went  up  and  paid  the  bill  with  a  determination 
never  to  open  an  account  with  any  body  again. 

But  this  left  my  pockets  quite  empty,  so  I  wrote 
to  my  father,  stating  the  whole  transaction,  and  the 
consequent  state  of  my  finances.  My  father  in  his 
answer,  observed  that  whatever  might  have  been 
their  motives,  mv  messmates  h.ad  done  me  a  friendly 
act ;  and  that  as  1  had  lost  my  money  by  my  own 
carelessness,  1  must  not  expect  that  he  would  allow 
me  any  more  pocket-money.  But  my  mother,  who 
added  a  postscript  to  his  letter,  slipped  in  a  five- 
pound  note,  and  1  do  believe  that  it  was  with  my 
father's  sanction,  although  he  pretended  to  be  very 
angry  at  my  forgetting  his  injunctions.  This  time- 
ly relief  made  me  quite  comfortable  again.  What 
a  pleasure  it  is  to  receive  a  letter  from  one's 
friends  wiien  far  away,  especially  when  there  is 
some  money  in  it ! 

A  few  days  before  this,  Mr.  Falcon,  the  first  lieu- 
tenant, ordered  me  to  put  on  my  side  arms  to  go 
away  on  duty.  I  replied  that  I  had  neither  dirk  nor 
cocked  hat,  although  I  had  applied  for  them.  He 
laughed  at  my  story,  and  sent  me  on  shore  with  the 
master,  who"  bought  them,  and  the  first  lieutenant 
sent  upth.e  bill  to  my  fatlier,  who  paid  it,  and  wrote 
to  thar.k  him  for  his'  trouble.  That  morning.  tl:e 
first  lieutenant  said  to  me,  ''  Now,  Mr.  Simple, 
we'll  take  the  shine  off  that  cocked  hat  and  dirk  of 
yours.  You  will  go  in  the  boat  with  Mr.  O'Brien, 
and  take  care  that  none  of  the  men  slip  away  fVoni 
it,  and  get  drunk  at  tlie  tap."' 

This  was  the  first  time  that  I  had  ever  been  sent 
away  on  duty,  and  I  was  very  proud  of  being  an 
officer  in  charge.  I  put  on  'my  full  uniform,  and 
was  ready  at  the  gangway  a  quarter  of  an  hour 
before  the  men  were  piped  away.  W'c  v.ere  order- 
ed to  the  dock-vard.  to  draw  sea-stores.     When  we 


PETER  SIMPLE.  53 

arrived  there,  I  was  quite  astonished  at  the  piles  of 
timber,  the  ranpes  of  storehouses,  and  the  immense 
anchors  which  lay  on  the  wharf  There  was  such 
a  bustle,  every  body  appeared  to  be  so  busy,  that  I 
wanted  to  look  every  way  at  once,  (-lose  to  where 
the  boat  landed,  they  were  hauliu;^  a  large  frigate 
out  of  what  they  called  the  basin  ;  and  I  was  so 
interested  with  the  sight,  that  I  ara  sorry  to  say  1 
quite  forgot  all  about  the  boat's  crew,  and  my  orders 
to  look  after  them.  Wliat  surprised  me  most  was, 
that  althoui^h  the  men  employed  appeared  to  be 
sailors,  their  lanjjuage  was  very  ditferent  from  what 
I  had  been  lately  accustomed  to  ou  board  of  the 
frig.ite.  Instead  of  damning  and  swearing,  every 
body  was  so  polite.  '"Oblige  me  with  a  pull  of  the 
starboard  bow  hawser,  Mr.  Jones." — "  Ease  off  the 
larboard  hawser,  Mr.  Jenkins,  if  you  please." — 
"Side  her  over,  gentlemen,  side  her  over.'" — "  My 
compliments  to  Mr.  Tomkins,  and  request  tliat 
he  will  cast  off  the  quarter-check."  — "  Side 
her  over,  gentlemen,  side  her  over,  if  you 
please." — "  In  the  boat  there,  pull  to  Mr.  Simmons, 
and  beg  he'll  do  ine  tlie  favor  to  check  her  as  she 
Bwings.  What's  the  matter,  Mr.  Johnson  ?" — '•  Vy, 
there's  one  of  them  ere  midshipmites  has  tiirowu  a 
red  hot  tater  cut  of  the  stern-port,  and  hit  our 
officer  in  the  eye." — '•  Keport  him  to  the  cominis- 
sionnr,  .Mr.  VViirtrins;  and  oblige  mo  bv  under-run- 
ning the  guess  warp.  Tell  Mr.  Sinipklns,  with  my 
compliments,  to  coil  away  upon  the  jftty.  Sitle  lier 
over,  side  her  over,  gonllemen,  if  you  please.' 

I  asked  of  a  bystander  who  the.se  people  were, 
and  he  told  me  that  they  were  dock-yard  niateys. 
I  certiinly  thou<jrht  that  it  apjiearcd  to  be  quite  as 
easy  to  say,  "  if  you  please,"  as  "  d — n  yout  eyes," 
and  that  it  sounded  much  more  agrroabie. 

During  the  time  that  I  was  looking  at  tiie  frigate 
being  hauled  out,  two  of  Uio  men  Iwlonging  to  the 
boat  slipped  away,  and  on  my  return  they  were  not 


64  PETER  SIMPLE. 

to  be  seen.  I  was  very  much  frightened,  for  I  knew 
that  I  had  neglected  my  duty,  and  that  on  the  first 
occasion  on  which  I  had  been  intrusted  with  a 
responsible  service.  What  to  do  I  did  not  know. 
I  ran  up  and  down  every  part  of  the  dock-yard  until 
I  was  quite  out  of  breath,  asking  every  body  I  met 
whether  they  had  seen  my  t«'o  men.  Manv  of 
them  said  that  they  had  seen  plenty  of  men,  but 
did  not  exactly  know  mine  5  some  laughed,  and 
called  me  a  greenhorn.  At  last  I  met  a  midship- 
man, v.-ho  told  me  that  he  had  seen  two  men 
answermg  to  my  description  on  tile  roof  of  the 
coach  starting  for  London,  and  that  I  must  be  quick 
if  I  wished  to  catcl)  them  5  but  he  would  not  stop 
to  ans%ver  any  more  questions.  I  continued  walking 
about  the  yard  until  I  met  twenty  or  thirty  men 
with  gray  jackets  and  breeches,  to  whom  I  applied 
for  information  ;  they  told  me  that  they  had  seen 
two  sailors  skulking  behind  the  piles  of  timber. 
They  crowded  round  me,  and  appeared  very  anxious 
to  assist  me,  when  they  were  summoned  away  to 
carry  down  a  cable.  I  observed  that  they  all  had 
numbers  on  their  jackets,  and  either  one  or  two 
bright  iron  rings  on  their  legs.  I  could  not  help 
inquiring,  although  I  was  in  such  a  hurry,  why  the 
rings  were  worn.  One  of  them  replied  that  they 
were  orders  of  merit,  given  to  them  for  their  good 
behavior. 

I  was  proceeding  on  ver\"  disconsolately,  when, 
as  I  turned  a  corner,  to  my  great  delight,  I  met  my 
two  men,  who  touched  their  hats  and  said  that  they 
had  been  looking  for  me  I  did  not  believe  that 
they  told  the  truth,  but  I  was  so  glad  to  recover 
them  that  I  did  not  scold,  but  v/ent  with  them  down  to 
the  boat,  which  had  been  waiting  some  time  lor  us. 
O'Brien,  the  master's  mate,  called  me  a  young 
sculping,  a  word  I  never  heard  before.  When  we 
arrived  on  board,  the  first  lietuenaat  asked  OBrien 
why  he  had  remained  so  long.     He  answered  that 


PETER  SIMPLE.  56 

two  of  the  men  had  left  the  boat,  but  that  I  had 
found  them.  The  first  lieutenant  appeared  to  be 
pleased  with  me,  observing,  as  he  had  said  before, 
that  I  was  no  fool,  and  I  went  down  below  overjoyed 
at  my  good  fortune,  and  very  much  oblii.'ed  to 
O'Brien  for  not  telling  the  whole  truth.  After  I 
had  taken  off  my  dirk  and  cocked  hat,  1  felt  for  my 
pocket-handkerchief,  and  found  that  it  was  not  in 
my  pocket,  having  in  all  probability  been  taken  out 
by  tne  men  in  gray  jackets,  who,  in  conversation 
with  my  messmates,  I  discovered  to  be  convicts 
condemned  to  hard  labor  for  stealing  and  picking 
jmckets. 

\  day  or  two  afterwards,  we  had  a  new  messmate 
of  the  name  of  M'Koy.  I  was  on  the  quarter-deck 
when  he  came  on  board  and  presented  a  letter  to 
the  captain,  inquiring  first  if  his  name  was  "  Captain 
Sauvage."  He  was  a  florid  young  man,  nearly  six 
feet  high,  with  sandy  hair,  yet  very  gofKl-looking. 
As  his  career  in  the  service  was  very  short,  I  will 
tell  at  once  what  I  did  not  find  out  till  some  time 
afterwards.  The  captain  had  agreed  to  receive  him 
to  oblige  a  brother  officer,  who  had  retired  from  the 
service  and  lived  in  the  Highlands  of  .Scotland. 
The  first  notice  which  the  captiin  had  of  the  arrival 
of  Mr.  M'Koy,  was  from  a  letter  written  to  him  by 
the  young  man's  uncle.  This  amused  him  so  much, 
that  he  gave  it  to  the  first  lieutenant  to  read  ;  it 
ran  as  follows  : — 

"  Glasgow,  April  '25,  1 . 

"  Sir, 
"Our  much  esteemed  and  mutual  friend,  Captain 
M'Alpine,  having  communicated  by  letter,  dated 
the  14th  inst.,  your  kind  intentions  relative  to  my 
nephew  Sholto  M'Koy,  (for  which  you  will  be  pleas- 
ed to  accept  my  best  tlianks,)  I  write  to  acquaint 
fou  that  he  is  now  on  his  way  to  join  your  ahip,  the 
^iornede,  and  will  arrive,  God  willing,  twenty-su 
hours  after  the  receipt  of  this  letter. 


A6  I'ETER  SIMPLE. 

'•'  As  1  have  been  given  to  understand  by  thoEC 
who  liave  some  acquaintance  with  the  service  cf 
the  kincr,  that  his  cquipnient  as  an  otricer  v.ill  Le 
somewhat  expensive.  1  iiavc  cousideied  it  but  lair 
to  ease  your  mind  as  to  any  responsibility  on  tl.at 
score,  and  have  tiierelore  enclosed  the  haii"  of  a 
Bank  of  England  note  lor  ten  pounds  sterling,  I\u. 
3742,  tlic  other  half  of  which  will  be  duly  forwarded 
in  a  frank  promised  to  me  tlie  day  after  to-morrow. 
1  beg  you  will  make  tl.e  necessary  purciiases,  and 
apply  the  balance,  should  there  be  any.  to  his  mets 
account,  cr  any  other  expenses  which  you  may 
consider  warrantable  or  jusliliablc. 

•'  it  is  at  the  same  time  preper  to  inform  yea, 
that  Sholto  had  ten  shillings  in  his  pocket  at  tho 
time  of  his  leaving  Glasgow ;  the  satisfactory  ex- 
penditure of  which  I  have  no  doubt  you  will 
inquire  into,  as  it  is  a  large  sum  to  be  placed  at  the 
discretion  of  a  youth  only  fourteen  years  and  live 
montiis  old.  I  nienticu  his  age,  as  Shclto  is  so  tall 
that  you  might  be  deceived  by  his  appearance,  and 
be  induced  to  trust  to  his  prudence  in  affairs  of  this 
serious  nature.  Should  he  at  any  time  require 
further  assistance  beyond  his  pay.  which  I  am  told 
is  extremely  handsome  to  ail  king's  officers,  1  beg 
you  to  consider  that  any  draft  of  yours,  at  ten  days' 
sight,  to  the  amount  of  five  pounds  sterling  English, 
win  be  duly  honored  by  the  firm  of  Alonteitli, 
M-Killop,  and  Company^  of  Glasgow.  Sir,  with 
many  thanks  for  your  kindness  and  consideration, 
•'  I  remain,  your  most  obedient, 

•'  Walter  Monteith.'' 

The  letter  brought  on  board  by  M'Foy  was  to 
prove  his  identityr  WJiile  the  captain  read  it, 
M'Foy  stared  about  him  like  a  wild  stag.  The 
captain  welcomed  him  to  the  ship,  asked  him  one 
or  two  questions,  introduced  him  to  the  first  lieu- 
tenant, and  then  went  on  shore.     The  first  lieuteu- 


PETKR  Sl.Mi'LE.  .07 

ant  had  asked  me  to  dine  in  the  puji-room ;  I 
supposed  that  he  was  pleased  with  nie  because  I 
had  found  the  men  ;  and  when  the  captain  pnllsd 
on  shore,  !ic  also  invited  Mr.  M*Foy,  when  tlie  fol- 
lowing conversation  took  place. 

•*  Well.  Air.  iM"F«>v,  you  have  had  a  Ion;?  journey} 
I  presume  it  is  the  tir>t  tiiat  you  have  ever  made." 

••  Indeed  it  is,  sir,"  replied  M'Toy  5  ''and  sorely 
I've  been  pestered.  Had  1  minded  all  they  whis- 
pered in  my  lu^  as  I  came  alonvr,  I  had  need  been 
made  of  money — sax-pence  here,  sax-{>ence  there, 
sax-pence  everywere.  Sich  extortion  I  ne'er  dreamt 
of.' 

•'  How  did  you  come  from  Glasj^ow  1" 

'•  By  the  w  heel-boat,  or  steam-boat,  as  they  ca'd 
it,  to  Lunnon  ;  where  they  charired  me  sax-pence 
for  taking  my  ba^<4age  on  sliore — a  wee  boxy  nae 
bigtrer  than  yon  cocked-up  hat.  I  would  fain  carry 
it  mysel',  but  they  wadna  let  me." 

*'  Well,  where  did  yoa  go  to  wlien  you  arrived  in 
London  ?'' 

'*  I  went  to  a  place  ca'd  Chichester  Rents,  to  the 
house  of  Storm  and  Mainwaring,  warehousemen, 
and  they  must  have  another  sax-iience  for  showing 
me  the  way.  Tlierc  I  waited  half-an-hour  in  the 
countin^-liouse.  till  they  took  me  to  a  place  ca'd 
Bull  and  Mouth,  and  put  me  into  a  coach,  paying 
my  whole  fare  ;  nevertheless,  they  must  din  me  for 
monev  the  whole  of  the  way  down.  There  was 
first  the  ffuard.and  then  the  coachman,  and  another 
guard,  and  another  coachman-,  but  1  wiulna  listan 
to  thrm,  and  so  they  urowh-d  and  abused  me." 

"  And  when  did  you  arrive  ?" 

'*  I  came  here  hist  night ;  and  I  otdy  had  a  bed 
and  a  breakfast  at  the  twa  Blue  Pillars'  houpe,  for 
whifh   thi'y  extortioned  me  three  8hillin;fH  and  sax- 

Knce,  lus  I  sit  hrrc.     .\ml  tiien  there  was  tlie  cham- 
rmaid  hussy  and  waiter  loon  axed  me  to  remember 
tliem,  and  wanted   more  siller:  but  I  told  them  aa 


58  PETER  SIMPLE. 

I  told  the  guard  and  coachman,  that  I  had  none  for 
them." 

'"  How  much  of  your  ten  shillings  have  you  left  V 
inquired  the  first  lieutenant,  smiling. 

"  Hoot !  sir  lieutenant,  how  came  you  for  to  ken 
that  ?  Eh !  it's  my  uncle  Monteith  at  Glasgow. 
VV^hy,  as  1  sit  here,  I've  but  three  shillings  and  a 
penny  of  it  left.  But  there's  a  smell  here  that's  no 
canny;  so  I'll  just  go  up  aeain  into  the  fresh  air." 

When  Mr.  M'Foy  quitted  the  gun-room,  they  all 
laughed  very  much.  After  he  had  been  a  short 
time  on  deck,  he  went  down  into  the  midshipmen's 
berth  :  but  he  made  himself  very  unpleasant,  quar- 
relling and  wrangling  with  every  body.  It  did  not, 
however,  last  very  long  ;  for  he  would  not  obey  any 
orders  that  were  given  to  him.  On  the  third  day, 
he  quitted  the  ship  without  asking  the  permission 
of  the  first  lieutenant ;  when  he  returned  on  board 
the  following  day.  the  first  lieutenant  put  him  under 
an  arrest,  and  in  charge  of  the  sentry  at  the  cabin 
door.  During  the  afternoon  I  was  under  the  half- 
deck,  and  perceived  that  he  was  sharpening  a  long 
clasp  knife  upon  the  after-truck  of  the  gun.  I  went 
up  to  him,  and  asked  him  why  he  was  doing  so, 
and  he  replied  as  his  eyes  flashed  fire,  that  it  was 
to  revenge  the  insult  offered  to  the  bluid  of  M'Foy. 
His  look  told  me  that  he  was  in  earnest.  "  But 
what  do  you  mean  ?'  inquired  I.  '•  I  mean,"  said 
he,  drawing  the  edge  and  feehng  the  point  of  his 
weapon,  "  to  put  it  into  the  wheam  of  that  man  with 
the  gold  podge  on  his  sh  lulder,  who  has  dared  to 
place  me  nere." 

I  was  very  much  alarmed,  and  thought  it  my  duty 
to  state  his  murderous  intentions,  or  worse  might 
happen ;  so  I  walked  up  on  deck,  and  told  the  first 
lieutenant  what  M-Foy  was  intending  to  do,  and 
how  his  life  was  in  danger.  Mr.  Falcon  laughed, 
and  shortly  afterwards  went  down  on  the  main-deck. 
M'Foy 's  eyes  glistened,  and  he  walked  forward  to 


rilTKR  SLMPLi:.  5y 

where  the  first  lieutenant  was  standing ;  but  the 
sentry,  who  had  been  cautioned  by  me,  kept  him 
back  with  his  bayonet.  The  first  lieutenant  turned 
round,  and  percoivinp  what  was  poing  on.  desired 
the  sentry  to  see  if  Air.  M'Foy  had  a  knife  in  his 
hand  ;  and  he  had  it  sure  enoutzh,  open,  and  held 
behind  his  back.  He  was  disarmed,  and  the  first 
lieutenant,  perceiving  that  the  lad  meant  mischief, 
reported  his  conduct  to  the  captain,  on  his  arrival  on 
board.  The  captain  sent  for  AI'Koy.  who  wa.s  very 
olwtinate.  and  when  ta.xed  with  his  intention  would 
not  deny  it,  or  even  say  that  he  would  not  acain 
attempt  it;  so  he  was  sent  on  shore  immediately, 
and  returned  to  his  friends  in  the  Hi-jhlands.  \Ve 
never  saw  any  more  of  him  ;  but  I  heard  that  he 
obtained  a  commission  in  the  army,  and  three 
months  after  he  had  joined  his  rei^iment.  was  killed 
in  a  duel,  resenting  some  fancied  affront  offered  to 
the  bluid  of  M  Foy. 


CHAPTER  IX. 


We  iKwt  up  lo  PooUlonrn  (I'lr—Contrtfimct  nrilMlurimig  «  l«dy  at  sup- 
per— Natural  i/recliiin  of  tlir  Ptln  an  provfil  nt  my  rxpfiise — Sponla- 
nrom  rombudinn  »t  KaiirU|>li  Giirilpn*— PaMr)  verttu  Piely— Many 
•re  hiJ  to  tiie  feiMl ;  but  not  tlie  iMit,  tbe  Uinr,  or  titc  blind. 

A  rr.w  days  after  M'P^oy  quitted  the  ship,  we  all 
had  leave  from  the  first  lieutenant  to  go  to  Post- 
down  fair,  but  he  would  only  allow  the  oldsters  to 
sleep  ^n  shore.  We  anticipated  so  much  ple.isure 
from  yjxiT  excursion,  that  some  of  us  were  up  early 
enough  to  go  awav  in  tlie  boat  sent  for  fresh  beef. 
This  was  very  foolish.  'I'here  were  no  carriages  to 
take  us  to  the  fair,  nor  indeed  any  fair  so  earh'  in 
the  morning  •,  the  shops  were  all  shut,  and  the  Blue 


60  PETER  SIMPLE. 

Posts,  where  we  always  rendezvoused,  was  hardly 
opened.  We  waited  there  in  the  cofFee-room, 
until  we  were  driven  out  by  the  maid  sweeping 
away  the  dirt,  and  were  forced  to  walk  about  until 
she  had  finished,  and  lighted  the  fire,  when  we  or- 
dered our  breakfast ;  but  how  much  better  would  it 
have  been  to  have  taken  our  breakfast  comfortably 
on  board,  and  then  to  have  come  onshore,  especial- 
ly as  we  had  no  money  to  spare.  iSext  to  being 
too  late,  being  too  soon  is  the  worst  plan  in  the 
world.  However,  we  had  our  breakfast,  and  paid 
the  bill  5  then  we  sallied  forth,  and  went  up  George- 
street,  where  we  found  all  sorts  of  vehicles  ready 
to  take  us  to  the  fair.  We  got  into  one  which  they 
called  a  dilly.  I  asked  the  man  who  drove  it  why 
it  was  so  called,  and  he  replied,  because  he  only 
charged  a  shilling.  O'Brien,  who  had  joined  us 
after  breakfasting  on  board,  said  that  this  answer 
reminded  him  of  one  given  to  him  by  a  man  who 
attended  the  hackney-coach  stands  in  London. 
"  Fray,"'  said  he,  "  why  are  you  called  Watermen  1" 
"  Watermen,"  replied  the  man,  ''vy,  sir,  'cause  ve 
opens  the  hackney-coach  doors."  At  last,  ^^  ith  plen- 
ty of  whipping,  and  plenty  of  swearing,  and  a  great 
deal  of  laughing,  the  old  horse,  whose  back  curved 
upwards  like  a  bow,  from  the  difficulty  of  dragging 
so  many,  arrived  at  the  bottom  ofPostdown  hill, 
where  we  got  out,  and  walked  up  to  the  fair.  It 
really  was  a  most  beautiful  sight.  The  bright  blue 
sky,  and  the  colored  flags  dapping  about  in  all 
directions,  the  grass  so  green,  md  the  white  tents 
and  booths,  the  sun  shining  so  bright,  and  the 
shining  gilt  gingerbread,  the  variety  of  toys  and 
variety  of  noise,  the  quantity  of  people  and  the 
quantity  of  sweetmeats;  little  boys  so  hcppy,  and 
shop-people  so  polite,  the  music  at  the  booths,  and 
the  bustle  and  eagerness  of  the  people  outside, 
made  my  heart  quite  jump.  There  was  Richardson, 
with  a  clown  and  harlequin,  and  such  beautiful  wo- 


PETER  SIMPLE.  Gl 

men,  dressed  in  clothes  all  over  gold  spangles,  danc- 
ing reels  and  waltzes,  and  looking  so  liappy  !  There 
was  Flint  and  CJyngell,  witii  fellows  turnhling  over 
head  and  he<;ls,  playing  such  tricks — eating  fire,  and 
drawing  yards  of  tape  out  of  their  moutlis.  Then 
there  was  the  royal  circus,  all  the  horses  standing 
in  a  line,  with  men  and  women  standing  on  their 
backs,  waving  fla^s,  while  the  trumpeters  blew  their 
trumpets.  And  t lie  largest  giant  in  the  world,  and 
Mr.  Paap,  the  smallest  dwarf  in  tlie  v.nrkl,  and  a 
female  dwarf,  who  was  smaller  still,  and  Miss  Hiffin, 
who  did  every  thing  without  legs  or  arms.  There 
was  also  the  learned  pig,  and  the  Hercfordt^hire  ox, 
and  a  hundred  other  sights  which  I  cannot  now  re- 
member. We  walked  about  for  an  liour  or  two  see- 
ing the  outside  of  every  thing:  we  determined  to 
go  and  see  the  inside.  '  First  we  went  into  Rich- 
ardson's, where  we  saw  a  bloody  tragedy,  with  a 
ghofit  and  thunder,  and  afterwards  a  pantomine,  full 
of  tricks  and  tumbling  over  one  another.  Then  we 
saw  one  or  two  other  things,  I  forget  what,  but  this 
I  know,  that,  generally  speaking,  the  outside  was 
better  than  the  inside,  '.\fter  this,  feeling  very  hun- 
|?ry,  we  agreed  to  go  into  a  booth  and  have  some- 
thing to  eat.  The  tables  were  ranged  all  round, 
and  in  the  centre  there  was  a  boiirdnd  platform  for 
dancing.  The  ladies  were  there  already  drr.'^srd 
for  partners  ;  and  the  music  was  so  livelv,  that  1  felt 
very  much  inclined  to  dance,  l.ut  we  had  agreed  to 
go  and  see  the  wild  beasts  fed  at  ^Tr.  Pojiio's  men- 
agerie, an<l  as  it  was  now  almost  eight  o'clock,  wo 
paid  our  bill  and  set  off.  It  was  a  very  curious 
sight,  and  better  worth  seeing  than  any  thing  in  the 
fair;  I  never  had  an  idea  that  there  were  so  many 
Rtrange  animals  in  existence.  They  were  all  secur- 
ed in  iroi,  crujes,  and  a  large  clnndelier,  with  twen- 
ty liphts,  hung  in  the  centre  of  the  booth,  and  light- 
ed tliem  up.  while  the  keeper  went  round  and  Ktir- 
red  them  up  with  his  long  pole  ;  at  the  same  timo 


62  PETER  SIMPLE. 

he  gave  us  their  histories,  which  were  very  inter- 
esting. I  recollect  a  few  of  them.  There  was  the 
tapir,  a  great  pig  with  a  long  nose,  a  variety  of  the 
hiptostamasS;  which  the  keeper  said  was  an  amphi- 
bilious  animal,  as  couldn't  live  on  land,  and  dies  in 
the  water — however,  it  seemed  to  live  very  well  in 
a  cage.  Then  there  was  tlie  kangaroo  with  its 
young  ones  peeping  out  of  it — a  most  astonishing 
animal.  The  keeper  said  that  it  brought  forth  two 
young  ones  at  a  birth,  and  then  took  them  into  its 
stomach  again,  until  they  ai-rived  at  years  of  discre- 
tion. Then  there  was  the  pelican  of  the  wilderness, 
(I  shall  not  forget  him.)  with  a  large  bag  under  his 
throat,  wliich  the  man  put  on  his  head  as  a  night- 
cap ;  this  bird  feeds  its  young  with  its  own  blood — 
when  tish  are  scarce.  And  there  was  the  laughing 
hyaena,  who  cries  in  the  wood  like  a  human  being 
in  distress,  and  devours  those  who  come  to  his  as- 
sistance— a  sad  instance  of  the  depravity  of  human 
nature,  as  the  keeper  observed.  There  was  a  beau- 
tiful creature,  the  royal  Bengal  tiger,  only  three 
years  old,  wliat  grov.ed  ten  inches  every  year,  and 
never  arrived  at  its  full  growth.  The  one  we  saw, 
measured,  as  the  keeper  told  us,  sixteen  feet  from 
the  snout  to  the  tail,  and  seventeen  from  the  tail  to 
the  snout;  but  tliere  must  have  been  some  mistake 
there.  There  was  a  young  elephant  and  tliree  lions, 
and  several  other  animals  v.hich  I  forget  now,  so  I 
shall  go  on  to  describe  the  tragical  scene  which  oc- 
curred. Tiie  keeper  had  poked  up  nil  the  animals, 
and  had  commenced  feeding  them.  The  great  lion 
was  growling  and  snarling  over  the  shin-bone  of  an 
ox,  cracking  it  like  a  nut,  when,  by  some  misman- 
agement, one  end  of  tiie  pole  upon  which  the 
chandelier  was  suspended  fell  down,  striking  tlie 
door  of  the  cage  in  which  the  lioness  wa3  at  supper, 
and  bursting  it  open.  It  v.as  all  done  in  a  second  j 
the  chandelier  fell,  the  cage  opened,  and  the  lion 
ess  sprung  out.     I  remember  to  this  moment  seeing 


PETER  SIMP1.E.  G3 

the  iKxiy  of  the  lioness  in  the  air,  and  then  all  was 
dark  as  pitch.  What  a  change  !  not  a  moment  be- 
fore all  of  us  siarinsT  with  delight  and  curiosity,  and 
then  to  be  left  in  darkness,  horror,  and  dismay ! 
There  was  such  screaming  and  shrieking,  such  cry- 
ing, and  fighting,  and  pushing,  and  faintmg,  nobody 
knew  where  to  go,  or  how  to  find  their  way  out. 
The  people  crowded  first  on  one  side,  and  then  on 
the  other,  as  their  fears  instigated  them.  I  was  ve- 
ry soon  jammed  up  with  my  back  against  the  bars 
of  one  of  the  cages,  and  feeling  some  beast  lay  hold 
of  me  behind,  made  a  desperate  etfort,  and  succeed- 
ed in  climbing  up  to  the  cage  above,  not  however 
without  losing  tiie  seat  of  my  trousers,  which  the 
laughing  hya?na  would  not  let  go.  I  hardly  knew 
where  I  was  when  I  climbed  up  j  but  1  knew  the 
birds  were  mostly  stationed  above.  However,  that 
I  might  not  have  the  front  of  my  trousers  torn  as 
well  as  the  behind,  as  soon  as  I  gained  my  footing 
I  tunied  round,  with  my  back  to  the  bars  of  the 
cage,  but  I  had  not  been  there  a  minute,  before  I 
was  attacked  by  something  which  digged  into  me 
like  a  pickaxe,  and  as  tne  hya'na  had  torn  my 
clothes.  I  had  no  defence  against  it.  'J'o  turn  round 
would  have  been  worse  still ;  so.  arter  having  receiv- 
ed above  a  dozen  stabs,  I  contrived  by  degrees  to 
Bhirt  my  position,  until  I  was  opposite  to  another 
cage,  but  not  until  the  |>eliran.  for  it  was  that  brute, 
1)3(1  drawn  as  much  blood  from  me  a.s  would  have 
fed  his  voung  for  a  week.  I  was  surmising  what 
danger  (  should  next  encounter,  wiien  to  my  joy  I 
discovered  that  1  had  gained  the  open  door  from 
which  the  lioness  had   escaped.     I  crawled  in,  and 

ftulled  the  door  to  afler  me,  thinking  myself  very 
brtunate  ;  and  there  1  sat  very  quietly  in  a  corner 
during  the  remainder  ot  the  noise  and  confusion.  I 
had  not  been  lliere  but  a  few  minutes,  when  the 
beef-eaters,  as  they  were  called,  who  played  the 
music   outsido,  came   in  witli   torclies  and  loaded 


&4  PETER  SIMPLE. 

muskets.  The  sight  which  presented  itself  was 
truJv  shocking  ;  tv.enty  or  thirty  men,  women,  and 
children,  lay  on  the  ground,  and  I  thought  at  first 
the  lioness  had  killed^them  all,  but  they  were  only 
in  fits,  or  had  been  trampled  down  by  the  crowd. 
No  one  was  seriously  hurt.  As  for  the  lioness,  she 
was  not  to  be  found  '5  and  as  soon  as  it  was  ascer- 
tained that  she  had  escaped,  there  was  as  much  ter- 
ror and  scampering  awav  outside,  as  there  had  been 
in  the  menagerie."  It  appeared  afterwards  that  the 
animal  had  been  as  much  frightened  as  we  had  been, 
and  h.ad  secreted  herself  under  one  of  the  wagons. 
It  was  some  time  before  she  could  be  found.  At 
last  O'Brien,  who  was  a  very  brave  fellow,  went 
ahead  of  the  beef-eaters,  and  saw  her  eyes  glaring. 
They  borrowed  a  net  or  two  from  the  carts  which 
had  brought  calves  to  the  fair,  and  threw  them  ov- 
er her.  When  she  was  fairly  entangled,  tliey  drag- 
ged her  by  the  tail  into  the  menagerie.  All  this 
while  I  had  remained  very  quietly  in  the  den,  but 
when  I  perceived  that  its"  lawful  owner  had  come 
back  to  retake  possession,  I  thought  it  was  time  to 
come  out 5  so  1  called  to  my  messmates,  who,  with 
O'Brien,  were  assisting  the  beef-eaters.  They  had 
not  discovered  me,  and  laughed  very  much  when 
they  saw  where  I  was.  One  of  the  midshipmen 
shot  the  bolt  of  the  door,  so  that  I  could  not  jump 
out,  and  then  stirred  me  up  with  a  long  pole.  At 
last  I  contrived  to  unbolt  it  again,  and  got  out.  v.hen 
they  laughed  still  more  at  the  seat  of  my  trowsers 
being  torn  off.  It  was  not  exactly  a  laughing  mat- 
ter to  me,  although  I  had  to  congratulate  myself 
upon  a  very  lucky  escape  ;  and  so  did  my  mess- 
mates think,  when  I  narrated  my  adventures.  The 
pelican  was  the  worst  part  of  the  business.  O'Brien 
lent  me  a  dark  silk  handkerchief,  which  I  tied  round 
my  waist,  and  let  drop  behind,  so  tliat  my  misfor* 
tunes  might  not  attract  any  notice,  and  then  we 
quitted  the  menagerie ;  but  I  was  so  stiif  that  I 
could  srarrelv  walk. 


PETER  SIMPLE.  66 

We  then  went  to  what  they  called  the  Ranelagh 
Gardens  to  see  the  fire-works,  which  were  to  be  let 
off  at  ten  o'clock.  It  was  exactly  ten  when  we  paid 
for  our  admission,  and  we  waited  ver)'  patiently  for 
a  quarter  of  an  hour,  but  there  were  no  signs  of  the 
fire-works  being  displayed.  The  fact  was,  that  the 
man  to  whom  the  gardens  belonged,  wailed  until 
more  company  should  arrive,  although  the  place 
was  already  very  full  of  people.  IVow  the  first  lieu- 
tenant  had  ordered  the  boat  to  wait  for  us  until 
twelve  o'clock,  and  then  return  on  hoard  ;  and  as 
we  were  pcven  miles  from  Portsmouth,  \vc  had  not 
much  time  to  spare.  We  waited  anotiicr  quarter 
of  an  hour,  and  then  it  was  agreed  that  as  the  fire- 
works were  stated  in  the  handbill  to  commence  pre- 
cisely at  ten  o'clock,  that  we  were  fully  justified  in 
lettin;;  them  off  ourselves.  O'Brien  went  out  and 
returned  with  a  dozen  penny  ratans,  which  he  notch- 
ed in  the  end.  The  lire-works  were  on  the  posts 
and  stages,  all  ready,  and  it  was  agreed  that  we 
should  light  them  all  at  once,  and  then  mix  with 
the  crowd.  The  oldsters  lighted  cigars,  and  fixing 
them  in  the  notched  end  of  the  canes,  continued  to 
puff  them  until  they  were  all  w  ell  lighted.  They 
nanded  one  to  ench  of  us,  and  at  a  signal  we  all  ap- 
plied them  to  the  match  papers,  and  a«  soon  as  the 
fire  communicated,  we  threw  down  our  canes  and 
ran  in  among  the  crowd.  In  about  half  a  minute, 
off  they  all  went  in  the  most  beautiful  confusion; 
there  were  silver  stars  and  golden  stars,  blue  lights 
and  Catherine-wheels,  mines  and  bombs,  (irecian- 
fires  and  Homan-candles,  Chinese  trees,  rockets  and 
illuminated  mottoes,  all  firing  away,  cracking,  pop- 
ping, and  fizzing,  at  the  same  time.  It  was  unani- 
mously agreed  that  it  was  a  great  improvement  up- 
on the  intended  show.  The  man  to  whom  the  gar- 
dens belonged  ran  out  of  a  booth  where  he  had  been 
drint;ing  beer  at  his  ease,  while  his  company  w«re 
waiting,  swearing  vengeance  against  the  pcrpetrm 
VOL.  I.  5 


66  PETER  SIMPLE. 

torj}  indeed,  the  next  day  he  offered  fifty  pounds 
reward  for  tlic  discovery  of  the  offenders.  But  I 
think  that  he  was  treated  very  properly.  He  was, 
in  his  situation,  a  servant  of  the  public,  and  he  had 
behaved  as  ii"  he  was  their  master.  We  all  escaped 
very  cleverly,  and  taking  another  dilly,  arrived  at 
Portsmouth,  and  were  down  to  the  boat  in  good  time. 
The  next, day  1  was  so  stitf  and  in  such  pain,  that  I 
was  obliged  to  go  to  the  doctor,  wlio  put  me  on  the 
list,  wliere  1  remained  a  week  before  I  could  return 
to  my  duty.     So  much  for  Fostdown  fair. 

It  was  on  Saturday,  that  1  returned  to  my  duty, 
and  Sunday  benig  a  fine  day,  we  all  went  on 
shore  to  church  witli  Mr.  Falcon,  the  first  lieute- 
nant. We  liked  going  to  church  very  much,  not, 
I  am  sorry  to  say,  from  religious  feelings,  but  for 
the  following  reason  : — the  first  lieutenant  sat  in 
a  pew  below,  and  v.e  were  placed  in  the  gallery 
above,  wliere  he  could  not  see  us,  nor  indeed 
could  we  see  him.  We  all  remained  very  quiet, 
and  1  may  say  very  devout,  during  the  time  of  the 
service,  but  tlie  clergyman  who  delivered  the  ser- 
mon was  so  tedious,  and  had  such  a  bad  voice, 
that  we  generally  slipped  out  as  soon  as  he  went 
up  into  i!ie  pulpit,  and  adjourned  to  a  pastry-cook's 
opposite,  to  eat  cakes  and  tarts  and  drink  ciierry 
brandy,  whicli  we  iutinitely  preferred  to  hearing  a 
sermon.  Somehow  or  other,  the  first  lieutenant 
had  scent  of  our  proceedings  j  we  believed  tliatthe 
marine  officer  informed  against  us,  and  this  Sunday 
he  served  us  a  pretty  trick.  We  had  been  at  the 
pastry-cook's  as  usual,  and  as  soon  as  we  perceived 
the  jeople  coming  nut  of  the  church,  we  pui  all 
our  larts  aud  sweetmeats  into  our  hats,  which  we 
then  slip  jed  on  our  tieads,  and  took  our  station  at 
the  chur:  I  -dour,  as  ii  we  had  just  come  down  from 
the  gallery,  and  had  been  waiting  for  him.  Iiisiead, 
however,  of  appearing  at  the  church-door,  he  walk- 
ed up  the  street,  and  desired   us  to  follow  hirq  to 


PETER  SIMPLE.  G 

tl;«  boat.  Tlie  fact  was,  he  had  been  in  the  back- 
room at  the  pastry-cook's  watching  our  motioiui 
throu^'li  the  green  blinds.  We  had  no  suspicion,  but 
thouglit  lie  had  come  out  of  church  a  little  sooner 
than  usu:d.  When  we  arrived  on  board  and  follow- 
ed him  up  the  side,  he  said  to  us  as  we  came  n 
deck, — "  Walk  all,  young  gentlemen."  Wc  dia  j 
and  he  desired  us  to  "  toe  a  line,"  which  means  to 
btanil  in  a  row.  '•  Now,  Mr.  Dixon,''  said  he,  "  what 
was  the  text  to-day  ?"  As  he  very  often  asked  us 
llial  question,  wc  always  left  one  in  the  church 
until  the  text  was  given  out,  who  brought  it  to  us 
ill  the  pastry-cook's  shop,  when  we  all  marked  it  in 
our  Bibles  to  be  ready  it  he  asked  us.  Dixon  im- 
mediately pulled  out  his  Bible  where  he  had  marked 
down  the  leaf,  and  read  it.  "O!  that  was  it,'  said 
Mr.  Falcon ;  *•  you  must  have  remarkably  good 
enrs,  .Mr.  Dixon,  to  have  heard  the  clergym.in  Irom 
the  pastry-cook's  shop.  ISow.  gentlemen,  hats  off, 
if  yoH  please,"'  We  all  slided  oti"  our  hats,  which, 
as  he  expected,  were  full  of  pastrv.  "Really, gen- 
tlemen," said  he,  feeling  the  dift'erent  papers  of 
pjstry  and  sweetmeats,  "  1  am  quite  delighted  to 
perceive  that  you  have  not  l)een  to  church  for 
iiotliin".  P'ew  rrmie  away  with  so  many  good 
thing's  pressed  upon  the  seat  of  their  memory. 
M.i>ler-at-arm9,  send  all  tlie  ship's  boys  all,'' 

'J'lie  buys  all  came  tumbling  up  the  ladders,  and 
the  liri;t  lieutenant  desired  each  of  ihrin  to  take  a 
seal  U[»oii  the  carron;id<'  slid<'s.  When  they  were 
all  stationed,  he  ordered  us  to  go  round  with  our 
liaLs  and  request  of  each  his  acceptance  of  a  tart, 
wliifh  we  were  obliged  to  do,  handing  first  to  one 
.111(1  then  to  another,  until  the  hats  were  all  em|)ty. 
W^hat  annoyed  me  more  than  all.  was  the  grinning 
of  the  boys  :it  their  l)eing  served  by  us  like  foot- 
men, as  well  as  t!ie  ridicule;  and  laughter  of  Uie 
whole  ship's  <'M!i>  "IV  who  had  assembled  at  the 
gangways. 


68  PETER  SIMPLE. 

\Vhen  all  the  pastry  was  devoured,  the  first  lieu- 
tenant said,  ''There,  gentlemen,  now  that  you  have 
had  your  lesson  for  the  day,  you  may  go  below.' 
We  could  not  help  laughing  ourselves,  when  we 
went  down  into  the  berth  ;  Mr.  Falcon  ahvays 
punished  so  good-humoredly,  and  in  some  viay  or 
other,  his  punishments  were  severally  conr.ecled 
with  the  description  of  the  offence.  He  always 
had  a  remedy  for  every-thing  that  he  disapproved 
of,  and  the  ship's  company  used  to  call  him  'Kenicdy 
Jack.'  I  ought  to  observe  that  some  of  my  mess- 
mates were  very  severe  upon  the  ship's  l.-oys  after 
that  circumstance,  always  ginng  them  a  kick  or  a 
cuff  on  the  head  whenever  they  could,  telling  them 
at  the  same  time,  -There's  another  tart  lor  you, 
you  whelp."  I  believe  if  the  boys  had  known  what 
was  in  reserve  for  them,  they  would  much  rather 
have  left  the  pastry  alone. 


CHAPTER  X. 


A  pressgniig  be.iien  offby  oiie  womnn— Danjers  at  SpU-Uead  ami  Poiitt  — 
A  lr<?Ht  for  both  partiw  of  pitlUd  c/iicAvii,  at  my  exp<ns* — Also  gin  for 
Iwculy — 1  am  oiaJe  a  prisouer ;  escape  iim!  r^joiu  my  sliip. 

I  MUST  now  relate  what  occurred  to  me  a  few 
days  before  the  sliip  sailed,  Avhich  will  prove  that  it 
is  not  necessary  to  encounter  the  winds  and  waves, 
or  the  cannon  of  the  enemy,  to  be  in  danger,  v.hen 
you  have  entered  his  majesty's  service  ;  on  the 
contrary,  I  have  been  in  action  since,  and  1  declare, 
without  hesitation,  tliat  I  did  not  feel  so  much  alarm 
on  that  occasion,  as  I  did  on  the  one  of  which  I  am 
about  to  give  the  history.  We  were  reported 
readv  for  sea,  and  Uic  adniiraltv  was  an.xious  that 


PETER  SIMPLE.  G9 

we  should  proceed.  The  only  obstacle  to  our  sail- 
ing was,  thut  we  had  not  yet  completed  our  com- 
plement of  men.  The  captain  applied  to  the  i)ort 
admiral,  and  obtained  perraissson  to  send  parlies  on 
shore  to  impress  seamen.  The  second  and  third 
lieutenants,  and  the  oldest  midshipmen,  were  de- 
spatched on  shore  every  night,  with  some  ot"  the 
most  trustworthy  men,  and  generally  brought  on 
board  in  the  morning  about  half  a  dozen  men, 
whom  they  had  picked  up  in  the  ditTerent  ale- 
houses, or  grog-shops  as  the  sailors  call  tlicm. 
Some  of  them  were  retained,  but  most  of  them 
sent  on  shore  as  unserviceable  ;  for  it  is  the  custom, 
when  a  man  eitlier  enters,  or  is  impressed,  to  send 
him  down  to  the  surgeon  in  the  cockpit,  where  he 
is  stripped  and  examined  all  over,  to  see  if  he  bo 
sound  and  fit  for  his  majesty's  service  ;  and  if  not, 
he  is  sent  on  shore  again.  Impressing  appeared  to 
be  rather  serious  work,  as  far  as  I  could  judge  from 
the  accounts  which  I  heard,  and  from  the  way  in 
which  our  sailors,  who  were  employed  on  the 
service,  were  occasionally  beaten  and  wounded  ; 
the  seamen  who  were  impressed  appearing  to  Jight 
as  hard  not  to  he  forced  mto  the  service,  as  tliey 
did  for  tlie  honor  of  tlie  country,  al\er  they  were 
fairly  embarked  in  it.  I  had  a  great  wish  to  be 
one  of  the  party  before  the  ship  sailed,  and  asked 
O'Brien,  who  was  very  kind  to  me  in  general,  and 
allowed  nobody  to  thrash  me  but  himself,  if  he 
would  take  me  with  him,  which  he  did  on  the  night 
after  I  had  made  the  retjuest.  I  put  on  my  dirk, 
that  they  might  know  I  was  an  officer,  as  well  as  for 
ray  nroti'ction.  About  dusk  we  rowed  on  slmre, 
and  landed  on  tlie  (losport  side  ;  the  men  were  all 
armed  with  cutlasses,  and  wore  pea  jackets,  which 
are  very  short  great  coats  made  of  what  they  call 
Flushing.  We  did  not  stop  to  look  at  any  of  the 
grOjj-shops  in  town,  as  it  was  too  early,  but  walked 
out  about  three  miles  in  the  suburbs,  an  1  went  to  a 


70  PETER  SLMPLE. 

house  llie  door  of  which  was  locked,  but  wc  forced 
it  open  in  a  minute,  and  hastened  to  enter  the  pas- 
sage, where  we  found  the  landlady  standing  to 
defend  the  entrance.  The  passaue  was  long  and 
narrow,  and  she  was  a  very  tall  corpulent  wo- 
mar.  so  that  her  body  nearly  filled  it  up,  and  in  her 
liands  she  held  a  long  spit  pointed  at  us,  with  w  iiich 
she  kept  us  at  bay.  The  officers,  who  were  the 
foremost,  did  not  like  to  attack  a  woman,  and  she 
made  such  drives  at  them  with  her  spit,  that  had 
they  not  retreated,  some  of  them  would  soon  have 
been  ready  for  roasting.  The  sailors  laughed  and 
stood  outside,  leaving  the  otiicers  to  settle  the 
business  how  they  could.  At  last  the  landlady 
called  out  to  her  husband,  ••'  Be  they  all  out,  Jem  V 
"Yes,"  replied  the  husband,  ''they  be  all  safe 
gone."  "  Weil,  then,"  replied  she,  "  I'll  soon  have 
all  these  gone  too ;"  and  with  these  words  she 
made  such  a  rush  forward  upon  us  with  her  spit, 
that  had  we  not  fallen  back  and  tumbled  one  over 
another,  she  certainly  would  have  run  it  through 
the  second  lieutenant,  who  commanded  the  party. 
The  passage  was  cleared  in  an  instant,  and  as  soon 
as  we  were  all  in  the  street  she  bolted  us  out ;  so 
there  we  were,  three  officers  and  fifteen  armed 
men,  fairly  beat  off'  by  a  fat  old  woman  ;  the  sailors 
who  had  been  driixking  in  the  house  having  made 
their  escape  to  soijie  other  place.  But  I  do  not 
well  see  how  it  could  be  otherwise,  either  we  must 
have  killed  or  wounded  the  woman,  or  sVie  would 
have  run  us  through,  she  was  so  resolute.  Had  her 
husband  been  in  the  passage,  he  would  have  been  set- 
tled in  a  very  short  time  ;  but  what  can  you  do  with 
a  woman  who  fights  like  a  devil,  and  yet  claims  all 
the  rights  and  immunities  of  the  softer  se.x  ?  We 
all  walked  away,  looking  very  foolish,  and  O'Brien 
observed  that  the  next  time  he  called  at  tliat  house 
he  would  weather  the  old  cat,  for  he  would  take 
her  ladyship  in  the  rear. 


Pt'I'KK  blMFLK.  71 

We  then  called  at  other  houses,  where  we  picked 
up  one  or  two  men,  but  most  of  them  escaped  by 
getting:  out  at  the  windows  or  the  bark  doors,  as  we 
entered  the  front.  Now  there  was  a  gro<;-shop 
whicli  was  a  very  favorite  rendezvous  of  the  seamen 
belon^'ing  to  the  merchant  vessels,  and  to  which 
they  were  accustomed  to  retreat  when  they  heard 
that  the  prcssganfrs  were  out.  Our  officers  were 
aware  of  this,  and  were  therefore  indifTercnt  as  to 
the  escape  of  the  men,  as  they  knew  that  they 
would  all  go  to  that  place  and  conliile  in  their 
numl>ers  for  beatinir  us  ofi".  As  it  was  then  one 
o'clock,  tlioy  thought  it  time  to  (50  there  ;  we 
proceeciod  without  any  noise,  but  they  had  people 
on  the  look-fKit,  and  as  soon  as  we  turned  the  corner 
of  the  lane  the  alarm  was  ei\t;n.  1  was  afr.iid  that 
they  would  all  run  away,  and  we  should  lose  them ; 
but'  on  the  contrary,  they  mustered  vcr)'  stron;j  on 
that  ni^ht.  and  had  resolved  to  '•  give  fi;;hL"  The 
men  remained  in  the  house,  but  an  alvanccd  truard 
of  about  thirty  of  their  wives  saluted  us  with  a 
»hower  of  stones  and  mud.  Some  of  our  sailors 
were  hurt,  but  thcv  did  not  appear  to  mind  what 
the  women  did.  They  rushed  on,  and  then  they 
were  attacked  by  the  women  with  their  fists  and 
nails.  Notwithstandin;T  this,  the  sailors  only  laujrhed, 
pushing  the  women  on  one  side,  and  savinir,  "  Be 
(juict.  I'oll;"— "I)on't  be  fr.oiish,  Molly*."— "Out 
of  the  w-ay,  Sukey  :  we  a'n't  come  to  lake  awavyour 
fancy  man  ;"  with  e.xprcs.sions  ol"  that  sort,altliougli 
the  blood  trickled  down  many  of  their  fa.ces,  from 
the  way  in  which  thoy  had  been  clawed.  Thus  we 
alt'-inpled  to  force  our  wny  throuiih  tlicm,  but  I  had 
a  vf-ry  narrow  escape  even  in  this  instanre.  A 
woman  sfi/.ed  me  by  the  arm,  and  nulled  me 
towards  her  •,  had  it  not  been  for  one  of  the  (,uarter- 
mastertt    1   Khould  have    b<  en    separated    from  my 

tarty,  but,  just  as  they  dragged  me  away,  he  caught 
old  of  mc  by  the  le^.  and  stopi>cd  Ihom.     "  Clap 


72  PETER  SIMPLE. 

dji  here,  Peg.  cried  the  woman  to  another,  "  and 
let's  have  this  little  midBhipmite,  I  wants  a  baby 
to  dry  nurse."  Two  more  women  came  to  her 
assistance,  catching  hold  of  my  other  arm,  and  they 
would  have  dragged  me  out  of  the  grasp  of  the 
quarter-master  had  he  not  called  out  for  more  help 
on  his  side,  upon  which  two  of  the  seamen  laid 
hold  of  my  other  leg,  and  there  was  such  a  tussle, 
(all  at  my  expense,)  such  pulling  and  hauling  3 
sometimes  the  women  gained  an  inch  or  two  of  me, 
tlien  the  sailors  got  it  back  again,  At  one  moment 
I  thoUi^ht  it  was  all  over  with  me,  and  in  the  next  I 
was  with  my  own  men.  "  Pull,  devil ;  pull,  baker  \" 
cried  tlie  women,  and  then  they  laughed,  although 
I  did  not,  I  can  assure  you,  for  I  really  think  that  I 
was  pulled  out  an  inch  taller,  and  my  knees  and 
shoulders  pained  me  very  much  indeed.  At  last 
the  women  laughed  so  much,  that  they  could  not 
hold  on,  and  I  Was  dragged  into  the  middle  of  our 
ov.-n  sailors,  where  I  took  care  to  remain;  and  after 
a  little  more  squeezing  and  fighting  was  carried  by 
the  crowd  into  the  nouse.  The  seamen  of  the 
merchant  ships  had  armed  themselves  with  bludg- 
eons and  other  weapons,  and  had  taken  a  position 
on  the  tables.  They  were  more  tlian  two  to  one 
against  us,  and  there  was  a  dreadful  fight,  as  their 
resistance  was  very  desperate.  Our  sailors  were 
obliged  to  use  their  cutlasses,  and  for  a  lew  minutes 
I  was  quite  bewildered  witli  the  shouting  and 
swearing,  pusliing  and  scuffling,  collaring  and  figlit- 
ing,  together  with  the  dust  raised  up,  which  not 
only  blinded,  but  nearly  choked  me.  By  the  time 
that  my  breath  was  nearly  squeezed  out  of  my 
body,  our  sailors  got  the  best  of  it,  which  the  land- 
lady and  women  in  the  house  perceiving,  they  put 
out  all  the  lights,  so  that  I  could  not  tell  wliere  I 
was ;  but  our  sailors  had  every  one  seized  his  man, 
and  contrived  to  haul  him  out  of  the  street  door, 
where  they  were  collected  together  and  secured. 


PKTKR  SIMPLE.  73 

Now  Jijiiin  I  waa  in  great  duriculty  ;  I  had  been 
knocked  down  and  trod  upon,  and  wlien  I  did  con- 
trive to  get  up  aj^ain,  1  did  not  know  llie  direction 
in  which  the  door  lay.  1  felt  about  by  the  wall, 
and  at  last  came  to  a  door,  for  tlie  room  was  at  that 
lime  nearly  emuty,  the  women  having  followed  the 
men  out  of  the  house  ;  1  opened  it,  and  found  that  it 
was  noi  the  right  one,  but  led  into  a  little  aide  pal- 
lor, where  there  was  a  fire,  but  no  lights.  1  had 
just  discovered  my  mistake,  and  was  about  to  re- 
treat, when  I  was  shoved  in  from  behind,  and  the 
key  turned  upon  me  ;  there  I  was  all  alone,  and  I 
must  acknowledge,  very  much  frightened,  as  I 
tliou''ht  that  tlie  vengeance  of  the  women  would  be 
wrealted  upon  me.  Iconsidered  that  my  death  wag 
certain,  and  that,  like  the  man  Orpheus  I  had  road 
of  in  my  books,  I  should  be  torn  in  pieces  by  these 
Bacchannals.  However,  I  reflected  that  I  was  an 
officer  in  his  majesty's  service,  and  that  it  was  my 
duty,  if  necessary,  to  sacrifice  my  life  for  my  king 
and  country.  I  thought  of  my  poor  mother  5 "but  as 
it  made  me  unhappy.  I  tried  to  forget  her,  and  call 
to  my  memory  all  I  had  read  of  the  fortitude  and 
courage  of  various  brave  men,  when  death  stajed 
tliem  in  the  face.  I  peeped  through  the  key-hole, 
and  perceived  that  the  candles  were  re-lighted,  and 
that  there  were  only  women  in  the  room,  who  were 
talking  all  at  once,  and  not  thinking  about  me.  But 
in  a  minute  or  two,  a  woman  came  in  from  the 
street  with  her  long  black  hair  hanging  about  her 
shoulders,  and  her  cap  in  her  hand.  "  Wr-U'  cried 
she,  "  they've  nabbed  my  husband;  but  I'll  be  dish- 
ed if  I  hav'n't  bo.xed  up  the  midshipmite  in  that 
parlor,  and  he  shall  take  his  place.  '  I  thought  I 
should  have  died  when  I  looked  at  the  woman,  and 
perceived  her  coming  up  to  the  door,  followed  by 
some  other.'*,  to  unlock  it.  As  the  door  oit)ened.  I 
drew  my  dirk,  resolving  to  die  like  an  omcer,  and 
as  they  advan-ed  I  retreated  to  a  corner,  brandish- 


74  PETER  SIMPLE. 

ing  my  dirk,  without  saying  a  word.  ''  Veil."'  cried 
the  w  Oman  who  had  made  me  a  prisoner,  ' '  I  do 
declare  I  likes  to  see  a  puddle  in  a  storm- --only 
look  at  the  little  biscuit  nibbler  showing  fight. 
Come,  my  lovey,  you  belongs  to  me."' 

'•  Never  I"  exclaimed  I,  with  indignation  ;  "  keep 
off,  or  I  shall  do  you  mischief,"  (and  1  raised  my 
dirk  in  advance)  3  "  I  am  an  officer  and  a  gentle- 
man."' 

''  Sail,"  cried  the  odious  woman,  '*  fetch  a  mop 
and  a  pail  of  dirty  water,  and  I'll  trundle  that  dirk 
out  of  his  fist." 

•'  iSo,  no,"  replied  another  rather  good-looking 
young  woman,  "  leave  him  to  me — don't  hurt* him 
— he  really  is  a  very  nice  little  man.  What's  your 
name,  my  dear  V 

"  Peter  Simple  is  my  name,"  replied  I :  "  and  I 
am  a  king's  officer,  so  be  careful  what  you  are 
about." 

"Don't  be  afraid,  Peter,  nobody  shall  hurt  you  ; 
but  you  must  not  draw  your  dirk  before  ladies,  that's 
not  like  an  officer  and  a  gentleman — so  put  up  your 
dirk,  that's  a  good  boy." 

'•  I  will  not,"  replied  I,  "  unless  you  promise  me 
that  I  shall  go  away  unmolested." 

''  I  do  promise  you  that  you  shall,  upon  my  word, 
Peter — upon  my  honor — will  that  content  you  ?" 

"Yes,"  replied  I,  "  if  every  one  else  will  promise 
the  same." 

"  Upon  our  honors,"  they  all  cried  together  5  up- 
on which  I  was  satisfied,  and  putting  my  dirk  into 
its  sheath,  was  about  to  quit  the  room. 

"  Stop,  Peter,"  said  the  young  woman  who  had 
taken  my  part;  "  I  must  have  a  kiss  before  you  go." 
"  And  so  must  I ;  and  so  must  we  all,"  cried  the 
other  women. 

I  was  very  much  shocked  and  attempted  to  draw 
my  dirk  again,  but  they  had  closed  in  with  me,  and 
prevented  me.  "  Recollect  your  honor,"  cried  I  to 
the  yonng  woman,  as  I  struggled. 


PKTRR  SIMPLE.  75 

"  My  honor  ! — Lord  bless  you,  Peter,  the  less  we 
say  about  that  tlic  better." 

"  But  you  promised  that  I  should  go  away  quiet- 
ly,"' said  I,  appealing  to  them. 

"  Well,  and  so  you  shall  ;  but  recollect,  Peter, 
that  you  are  an  otficer  and  a  g;entleman — you  surely 
would  not  be  so  shabby  as  to  go  away  without  treat- 
ing us.  What  money  have  you  got  in  yournocket  V 
and,  without  giving  me  time  to  answer,  sne  felt  in 
my  pocket,  and  pulled  out  my  purse,  which  she 
opened.  ''  Why,  Peter,  vou  are  as  rich  as  a  Jew,'' 
said  she,  as  they  counted  thirty  shillings  on  the  ta- 
ble.    "  Now  what  shall  we  have  V 

"  .\nv  thing  you  please,"  said  I,  "provided  that 
you  will  let  me  go.'' 

"  Well,  then,  it  shall  be  a  gallon  of  gin.  Sail, 
call  Mrs.  Flanagan.  Mrs.  Flanagan,  we  want  a 
gallon  of  gin,  and  clean  glasses." 

Mrs.  Flanagan  received  the  major  part  of  my 
money,  and  in  a  minute  returned  with  the  gin  and 
wine  glasses. 

"  Now,  Peter,  my  cove,  let's  all  draw  around  the 
table,  and  make  ourselves  cosey." 

"  O  no,"  replied  I ,  "  take  my  money,  drink  the 
pin.  but  pray  let  me  en;"  but  thev  wouldn't  listen 
to  me.  Then  I  was  obliged  to  sit  down  with  them, 
the  gin  was  poured  out,  nnil  they  made  mo  drink  a 
glass,  wliicli  nearly  choked  me.  It  had, however, one 
good  etlect.  it  gave  me  courage,  and  in  a  minute 
or  two,  I  felt  as  if  I  could  fight  them  all.  The 
door  of  the  room  was  on  the  same  side  ns  the  fire- 
place, and  I  perceived  that  the  poker  was  between 
the  Ijars,  and  red-hot.  I  com[)laiiied  that  I  was 
cold,  although  I  was  in  a  burning  fever  ;  and  they 
allowed  me  to  get  up  to  warm  my  hands.  As  soon  as 
I  reached  the  fire-place,  1  snatched  out  the  red-hot 
poker,  and  brandishing  it  over  my  head,  ni:ide  for 
the  door.  They  all  jumped  up  to  detain  me,  but 
I  make  a  poke  at  the  foremost,  which  made  her  run 


76  PKTER  SIMPLE. 

back  with  a  shriek.  (I  do  believe  that  I  burnt  her 
nose.)  I  seized  my  opportunity  and  escaped  into 
the  street,  whirling  tiie  poker  round  my  head  : 
while  all  the  women  followed,  hooting  and  shouting 
after  me.  I  never  stopped  running  and  whirling  my 
poker  until  I  was  reeking  with  pirspiration,  and  the 
poker  was  quite  cold.  Then  1  looked  back,  and 
found  that  1  was  alone.  It  was  very  dark  ;  every 
house  was  shut  up,  and  not  a  light  to  be  seen  any 
where.  I  stopped  at  a  corner,  not  knowing  where 
I  was,  or  what  I  was  to  do.  1  felt  very  miserable 
indeed,  and  was  reflecting  on  my  wisest  plan,  when 
who  should  turn  the  corner,  but  one  of  the  quarter- 
masters who  had  been  left  on  shore  by  accident.  I 
knew  him  by  his  pea  jacket  and  straw  hat  to  be 
one  of  our  men,  and  1  was  delighted  to  see  him. 
I  told  him  wliat  had  happened,  and  he  replied  that 
he  was  going  to  a  house  where  the  people  knew 
him,  and  would  let  him  in.  When  he  arrived  there, 
the  people  of  the  house  were  very  civil ;  the  land- 
lady made  us  some  purl,  which  the  quartermaster 
ordered,  and  which  I  thought  verv'  good  indeed. 
After  we  had  finished  the  jug,  we  both  fell  asleep 
in  our  chairs.  I  did  not  awaken  until  I  was  roused 
by  the  quartermaster,  at  past  seven  o'clock,  when 
we  took  a  wherrj-,  and  went  off  to  the  ship. 


CHAPTER  XI. 

O'Brien  Iskes  me  under  his  protection — The  sliip'g  company  are  paid, 
■oare  Uie  liunit>oat.noinen,  the  Jews  and  the  emancipationist  after  ft 
fashion — We  go  to  »tn— Doctor  O'Brien's  cure  for  sea  sitluiess— On* 
pill  of  the  doctor's  more  tli.iii  a  Uose. 

When  we  arrived,  I  reported  myself  to  the  first 
lieutenant,  and  told   him   the  whole   story  of  the 


PETER  SIMPEE.  77 

maimer  in  which  I  had  been  treated,  allowing  him 
the  poker  which  I  brought  onboard  with  me.  He 
heard  me  very  patiently,  and  then  said/'  Well.  Mr. 
Simple,  you  may  be  the  greatest  fool  of  your  fami- 
ly for  all  1  know  to  the  contrary,  but  never  pretend 
to  be  a  fool  with  me.  'I'liat  poker  proves  the  con- 
trary 5  and  if  your  wit  can  serve  you  upon  your 
own  emergency,  I  expect  that  it  will  be  employed 
for  the  beneht  of  the  service.''  He  then  sent  for 
Olirieii,  and  gave  him  a  lecture  for  allowing  me  to 
go  with  the  pressgang,  pointing  out,  what  was  v»ry 
trr.r.  that  I  could  have  been  of  no  service,  and 
might  have  met  with  a  serious  accident.  1  went 
down  on  the  ma'n  deck,  and  O'Brien  came  to  mo. 
'' Peter,"  said  he,  *' I  have  been  jawed  for  lettin^i 
you  go,  so  it  is  but  fair  that  vou  should  be  thraslicd 
for  having  asked  me."  I  wished  to  argue  the  point, 
but  he  cut  all  argument  short  by  kicking  me  down 
the  hatchway  ;  and  thus  ended  my  zealous  attempt 
to  procure  seamen  for  his  majesty's  service. 

At  last  the  frigate  was  full  manned,  and,  as  we 
had  received  drafts  of  men  from  other  ships,  we 
were  ordered  to  be  paid  previously  to  our  goiu"  to 
eea.  Tl;e  people  on  shore  always  find  out  when 
a  ship  is  to  be  paid,  and  very  early  in  the  morning, 
we  were  surrounded  with"  wherries,  laden  witli 
Jews  and  other  people,  some  recjucstiiig  admittance 
to  Fell  their  goods,  others  to  get  paid  for  what  they 
had  allowed  the  sailors  to  tike  up  up.on  credit. 
But  the  first  lieutenant  would  not  allow  any  oitlicm 
to  come  on  board  until  after  the  tliip  was  paid  ;  al- 
though they  were  so  urgent,  that  he  was  loreed  to 
place  sentries  in  the  chains  with  cold  shot,  to  stave 
the  boats  if  they  came  along-^idc.  I  was  standing 
at  the  gangway,  looking  at  the  crowd  of  boats,  when 
a  black-looking  fellow  in  one  of  the  wh.erriey  said 
lo  me,  "  1  say,  hir,  let  mo  slip  in  at  the  port,  and  1 
have  a  very  nice  present  to  mnkr  ycu  ;''  and  ho 
disj'laycd  a  gold  seal,  which  \:s  hold'  pp  to  inc.     1 


78  PETER  SIMPLE. 

immediately  ordered  the  sentry  to  keep  him  farther 
o;i",  lor  1  \vas  very  much  allroiited  at  liis  supposing 
i;ic  capable  of  beiug  bribed  to  disobey  my  orders. 
About  eleveu  o'clock  the  dock-yard  boat,  with  all 
the  pay  clerks,  and  the  cashier,  with  his  chest  of 
mruey,  came  on  board,  and  was  shown  into  the 
Ibre-cabiu,  where  the  captain  attended  the  pay-table, 
'i'iie  men  were  called  in,  one  by  one,  and,  as  the 
amount  of  wages  due  had  been  previously  calcula- 
ted, they  were  paid  very  fast.  I'he  money  was  al- 
ways received  in  their  hats,  after  it  had  been  coun- 
ted out  in  presence  of  the  officers  and  captain. 
Uutside  the  cabin  door,  there  stood  a  tall  man  in 
black,  with  hair  straight  combed,  who  had  obtained 
an  order  from  the  port  admiral  to  be  permitted  to 
come  on  board.  He  attacked  every  sailor  as  he 
came  out,  with  his  money  in  his  hat,  for  a  subscrip- 
tion to  emancipate  the  slaves  in  the  West  Indies  ; 
but  the  sailors  would  not  give  him  any  tiling,  swear- 
ing that  the  niggers  were  better  off  than  they  were  5 
for  they  did  not  work  harder  by  day,  and  had  no 
watch  and  watch  to  keep  during  the  night.  •■  Sar- 
vitude  is  sarvitude  all  over  the  world,  my  old  psalm 
singer,"'  replied  one.  "  They  sarve  their  masters, 
as  in  duty  bound  3  we  sarve  the  king,  'cause  he 
can't  do  without  us — and  he  never  axes  our  leave, 
but  helps  himself." 

"  Yes,"  replied  the  straight-haired  gentleman, 
'•  but  slavery  is  a  very  different  thing." 

"Can't  say  that  I  see  any  difference:  do  vou, 
Bill  ?" 

"A'ot  1;  and  I  suppose  as  if  they  didn't  like  it. 
they'd  run  away." 

"  Run  away  1  poor  creatures  !"  said  the  black 
gentleman.  "  Why  if  they  did,  they  would  be  flog- 
ged." 

•'  Flogged — heh  !  well,  and  if  we  run  away,  we 
are  to  be  hanged.  The  nigger  is  better  off  nor  we  5 
ar'n't  he.  Tom  ?"  Than  the  purser's  steward  came 


PETER  SIMPLE.  79 

out  5  he  was  what  they  called  a  bit  of  a  lawyer, 
that  is,  had  received  more  education  Uian  the  sea- 
men in  general. 

"  1  trust,  sir,"  said  the  man  in  black,  "  that  you 
will  contribute  something." 

"Mot  I,  my  hearty  ;  I  owe  every  farthing  of  my 
money,  and  more   loo,  I'm  afraid.'' 

"  Still,  sir,  a  small  trifle." 

•'  Why,  wliat  an  infernal  rascal  you  must  be,  to 
ask  a  man  to  give  away  what  is  not  his  own  proper- 
ty !  Did  I  not  tell  you  that  I  owed  it  all  ?  There's 
an  old  proverb— be  just  before  you're  generous. 
Now  it's  my  opinion,  that  you  are  a  mcthodistiral 
good-for-nothing  blackguard  :  and  if  any  one  is  sucli 
a  fool  as  to  give  you  money,  you  will  keep  it  for 
yourself.'' 

When  the  man  found  that  he  could  obtain  noth- 
ing at  the  door,  he  went  down  on  the  lower  deck, 
in  which  he  did  not  act  very  wisely  }  for  now  that 
the  men  were  paid,  the  boats  were  permitted  to 
come  alongside,  and  so  mucli  spirits  were  smug- 
pled  in,  that  most  of  the  seamen  were  more  or  less 
intoxicated.  \s  soon  as  he  went  below,  ho  com- 
menced distributing  prints  of  a  black  man  knc^eliug 
in  chains,  and  saying,  "  .\m  not  I  your  brother?"' 
Some  of  the  men  laughed,  and  swore  Uiat  they 
would  paste  their  brother  up  in  the  mess,  to  say 
prayers  for  the  ship's  company  ;  but  others  were 
very  angry,  and  abused  him.  At  last,  one  man,  wlui 
was  tipsy' came  up  to  liim.  -'Donou  pretend  for 
Ui  insinivate  that  this  crving  black  ihitf  is  my  bro- 
ther r 

"  To  be  sure  I  do,"  replied  the  methodist. 

"Then  take  that  for  vour  infernal  lie,"  said  the 
Bailor,  hitting  him  in  the  face  right  and  left,  and 
knocking  the  man  down  into  the  cable  tier,  from 
whence  he  climbed  up,  aixl  made  his  escape  out 
of  iho  frJL'atc  ar  soon  us  he;  \va^  able. 

The   3liii)   wa:)  now  in    a  sUite    of  confusion  and 


80  PETER  SIMPLE. 

uproar  ;  there  were  J«ws  trying  to  sell  clothes,  or 
to  obtain  money  for  clothes  which  they  had  sold  ; 
bumboat  men  and  bumboat  women  showing  their 
long  bills,  and  demanding  or  coaxing  for  payment ; 
other  people  from  the  shore,  with  hundreds  of  small 
debts  ;  and  the  sailors'  wives,  sticking  close  to  them, 
and  disputing  every  bill  presented,  as  an  extortion 
or  a  robbery.  There  were  such  bawling  and  threat- 
ening, laughing  and  crying — for  tlie  women  were 
all  to  quit  the  ship  before  sunset — at  one  moment  a 
Jew  was  upset,  and  all  his  hamper  of  clothes  tossed 
into  the  hold  ;  at  another  a  sailor  was  seen  hunting 
everywhere  for  a  Jew  who  had  cheated  him, — all 
squabbling  or  skylarking,  and  many  of  them  very 
drunk.  It  appeared  to  me  that  the  sailors  had  ra- 
ther a  difficult  point  to  settle.  They  had  three 
claimants  upon  them,  the  Jew  for  clothes,  the 
bumboat  men  for  their  mess  in  harbor,  and  their 
wives  for  their  support  during  their  absence  5  and 
the  money  which  they  received  was,  generally 
speaking,  not  more  than  sufficient  to  meet  one  of 
the  demands.  As  it  may  be  supposed,  the  women 
had  the  best  of  it  5  the  others  were  paid  a  trifle, 
and  promised  the  remainder  when  they  camo  back 
from  their  cruise  5  and  although  as  the  case  stood 
ti.en,  it  might  appear  that  two  of  the  paities  were 
ill  used,  yet  in  the  long  run  they  were  more  than 
indemnified,  for  their  charges  were  so  extravagant, 
that  if  one  third  of  their  bills  were  paid,  tncre 
would  still  remain  a  profit.  About  five  o'clock,  the 
orders  were  given  for  the  ship  to  be  cleared.  All 
disputed  points  were  settled  by  the  sergeant  of  ma- 
rines witn  a  party,  who  divided  their  antagonists 
from  the  Jews  ;  and  every  description  of  persons 
not  belonging  to  the  siiip.  whether  male  or  female, 
was  dismissed  over  the  side.  The  hammocks  were 
piped  down,  those  who  were  intoxicated  were  put 
to  bed,  and  the  ship  was  once  more  quiet.  Xobody 
was  punished    for  having  been  tipsy,  as    pay-day  is 


rr/i'i:!;  simplk.  8i 

Coiisiilerctl,  on  boaril  a  mnn  cf  wnr,  as  the  wind- 
ing up  of  all  incorrect  bcliavior,  and  from  that  day 
the  sailors  turn  over  a  ne^*•  loaf;  foralthoui^h  some 
lattituuc  is  permitted,  and  the  seamen  arc  seldom 
fioj^cd  in  harbor,  yet  the  moment  that  the  anchor 
is  at  the  bo\v3.  strict  disciijline  is  exacted,  and  in- 
toxication must  no  longer  linpe  to  be  forgiven. 

Tlie  next  day  every  thing  was  prepared  ibr  sea, 
and  no  leave  was  permitted  to  the  olficers.  Stock 
of  every  kind  was  brounht  on  board,  and  the  larga 
boats  hoisted  and  secured.  On  liie  morning  after, 
at  daylight,  a  signal  from  the  11  ig-hliip  in  harbor 
was  made  for  us  to  unmoo.-j  our  orders  had  come 
down  to  cruise  in  the  Bv.'  ol"  Biscay.  The  captain 
ranie  on  board,  the  anchor  weighed,  and  we  ran 
ihronirh  tho  >«eedle.s  with  a  fine  N.  K.  breeze.  I 
admired  the  scenery  of  the  isle  of  Wight,  looked 
with  admiration  at  Alum  Bav,  was  astonished  at 
the  Needle  rocks,  and  then  lelt  fd  very  ill  that  I 
went  down  below.  What  ocrurred  for  the  iiuxt  six 
('■r.s  I  cannot  tr-ll.  I  tiionght  tliit  I  should  die 
<vrry  moment,  and  lay  in  my  hammock  or  on  the 
(  I:esis  !er  the  wliole  of  that  time,  incapable  of  eat- 
ing, drinkiti'r,  or  walking  a!)out.  O'Brien  came  to 
luj  on  the  bcventii  morning,  aiul  said,  lliat  if  I  did 
not  exert  myself  I  never  should  get  well,  that  he 
was  very  fond  of  me,  and  had  taken  me  under  his 
p.oteclion,  and,  to  prnvo  his  reirard,  he  would  do 
for  me  what  he  v/ould  not  take  the  trotibh^  to  do 
for  any  other  younjrster  in  the  ship,  which  was,  to 
i:ivc  me  a  go(Ml  basting,  which  was  a  sovereigtl 
remedy  for  se.i-sickness.  He  suited  the  action  to 
the  woril,  and  drubbed  iwe  on  the  ribs  without 
mercy,  until  I  thought  the  breath  was  out  of  my 
body,  rnd  then  he  took  out  a  rope's  end  and  tlirashcd 
me  until  F  n!)pyfd  his  orilers  to  go  on  dork  imme- 
diately. IJoforc  he  fiime  to  me,  I  could  have  never 
belieTftd  it  possible  that  I  could  have  obeyed  him, 
but  somohow  or  another  I  did  cotitrive  to  crawl  up 

vol..' I.  i'i 


82  PETER  SLMFLE. 

tlie  ladder  to  the  main-deck.  Avherc  I  sat  down  on 
the  shot-racks  and  cried  bitterly.  What  would  I 
have  given  to  have  been  at  home  again  I  It  was 
not  my  fault  that  I  was  the  greatest  fool  in  the 
family,  yet  how  was  I  punished  for  it!  If  this  was 
kindness  iVoin  O'Brien,  what  had  I  to  expect  from 
those  who  were  not  partial  to  me  ?  But,  l)y  degrees, 
I  recovered  myself,  and  certainly  felt  a  great  deal 
better,  and  that  night  I  slept  very  soundly.  The 
next  morning  O'Brien  came  to  me  again.  '•  It's  a 
nasty  slow  fever,  that  sea-sickness,  my  Peter,  and 
we  must  drive  it  out  of  you  5"'  and  then  he  com- 
menced a  repetition  of  yesterday's  remedy  until  I 
was  almost  a  jelly.  Whether  the  fear  of  being 
thrashed  drove  away  my  sea-sickness,  or  whatever 
might  be  the  real  cause  of  it,  I  do  not  know,  but 
this  is  certain,  that  I  felt  no  more  of  it  after  the 
second  beating,  and  the  next  morning  when  I  awoko 
I  was  very  hungry.  I  hastened  to  dress  myself 
before  O'Brien  came  to  me,  and  did  not  see  him 
until  we  met  at  breakfast. 

"  Pater,"'  said  he,  "  let  me  feel  your  pulse." 

'^O  no  [''  replied  I,  "indeed  I'm  quite  well." 

"  Quite  well  1  Can  you  eat  biscuit  and  salt 
butter  1" 

"  Yes,  I  can.*' 

"And  a  piece  of  fat  pork  ?" 

"  Yes,  that  I  can." 

"  It's  thanks  to  me  then,  Pater,"  replied  he  5  "so 
you'll  iiave  no  more  of  my  medicine  until  you  fall 
sick  again." 

"I  hope  not,"  replied  I,  ''for  it  was  not  very 
pleasant.'' 

"Pleasant!  you  simple  Simple,  when  did  you 
eter  hear  of  nhysic  being  pleasant,  unless  a  man 

{describe  for  himself?  I  suppose  you'd  be  after 
oUipops  for  the  yellow  fever.  Live  and  larn,  boy, 
and  thank  Heaven  that  you've  found  somebody  wh« 
loves  you  well  enough  to  baste  you  when  it's  good 
for  your  health." 


PETER  SIMPLE.  83 

I  repliod  '"that  I  certainly  hoped  that  much  as  I 
felt  obliged  to  him,  I  should  not  require  any  more 
proofs  of  his  regard." 

'•  Any  more  such  striking  proofs,  you  mean,  Pa- 
ter j  but  let  me  tell  you  that  they  were  sincere 
proofs,  for  since  you've  l)cen  ill  I've  been  eating 
your  pork  and  drinking  your  grog,  which  Utter  can't 
be  too  plentiful  in  the  bay  of  Biscay.  And  novir 
that  I've  cured  you,  you'll  be  tucking  all  that  into 
your  own  little  breadbasket,  so  that  I'm  no  gainer, 
and  I  think  that  you  may  be  convinced  that  you 
never  had  or  will  have  two  more  disinterested 
thumpings  in  all  your  born  days.  However,  you're 
very  welcome,  so  say  no  more  about  it." 

1  held  my  tongue  and  ate  a  very  hearty  breakfast. 
F'iom  that  day  1  returned  to  mv  duty,  and  was  put 
into  tlie  same  watch  with  O'ftrien,  who  spoke  to 
the  first  lieutenant,  and  told  him  that  he  had  taken 
me  under  his  charge. 


CHAPTER  Xil. 

K«ir  tlicory  of  Mr.  Muddle  rrin»rkiilile  for  Imrin;  lui  rnJ  to  it — Novel 
pracUcr  of  .Mr.  Cliuck* — O'Brini  cninninii-F*  In*  lii»{or>' — Tlirr«  were 
(iaiitt  m  Uic>»?  daya— I  bring  up  llie  nmatrr'i  »ii4'/i«  glan. 

As  I  liave  already  mentioned  sufficient  oC  the 
captiin  and  the  first  lieutenant  to  enable  tl.o  reader 
to  gain  an  insight  into  their  cliaracters,  1  shall  now 
mention  two  very  odd  iicrsonagcs  who  were  my 
shipmates,  the  cari)enter  and  the  boatswain.  The 
carpenter,  whose  name  was  Muddle,  used  to  go  by 
the  appellation  of  Philosopher  Chips,  not  that  ho 
followed  anv  particular  school,  but  had  formed  a 
theory  of  his  own,  from  which  he  was  not  to  bo 
dissuaded.    This  was.  that  the  universe  had  its  cvclo 


8J  PRTER  SIMPLE. 

of  cvciil;5  turned  rcund,  so  that  in  a  ccrlaiii  period 
of  time  every  thing  was  to  happen  over  again.  I 
never  could  make  him  explain  upon  what  data  his 
calculations  were  founded-  he  said,  that  if  he  ex- 
plained it.  I  was  too  young  to  comprehend  it ;  but 
t!;e  fact  was  this,  "that  in  27,G72  years  every  thing 
that  v.as  going  on  now  would  be  going  on  again, 
with  the  same  people  as  were  existing  at  the  pres- 
ent time."'  He  very  seldom  ventured  to  make  thp, 
remark  to  Captain  Savage,  but  to  the  first  lieutenant 
he  did  very  often.  "I've  been  as  close  to  it  as 
possible,  sir,  1  do  assure  you,  although  you  find 
fault ;  but  27,G72  years  ago  you  were  first  lieutenant 
of  this  ship,  and  I  was  carpenter,  although  we 
recollect  nothing  about  it;  and  27,672  years  hence 
we  shall  both  be  standing  by  this  boat  talking  abcut 
the  repairs,  as  we  are  now." 

"  I  do  not  doubt  it,  Mr.  Muddle,"  replied  the  first 
lieutenant  3  "  I  dare  say  that  it  is  all  very  true  ;  bat 
the  repairs  must  be  finished  this  night,  and  27,672 
ycari  hence  you  will  have  the  order  just  as  positive 
as  you  have  it  new,  so  let  it  be  done." 

This  theory  made  him  very  indifferent  as  to  dan- 
ger, or  indeed  as  to  any  thing.  It  was  of  no  conse- 
quence, the  affair  took  its  station  in  the  course  of 
time.  It  had  happened  at  the  above  period,  and 
would  happen  again.     Fate  was  fate. 

But  the  boatswain  was  a  more  amusing  personage. 
He  was  considered  to  be  the  tuiighlest  (that  is,  the 
most  active  and  severe)  boatswain  in  the  service. 
He  went  by  the  name  of  "  Gentleman  Chucks,"— 
the  latter  was  liis  surname.  He  appeared  to  have 
received  half  an  education;  sometimes  his  language 
was  for  a  few  sentences  remarkably  well  chosen, 
but,  all  of  a  sudden,  he  would  break  dor.  n  at  a  hard 
word;  but  I  shall  be  able  to  let  the  rf.ader  into 
more  of  his  lustoiy  as  I  go  on  with  my  at; ventures. 
He  had  a  very  handsome  person,  inclined  to  be 
stout,  keen  eyes,  and  hair  curling  in  ringlets.     He 


PETER  SIMPLE.  85 

held  his  head  up,  and  strutted  as  ]ie  walked.  He 
declared  ''  that  an  officer  should  look  like  an  officer, 
and  comport  himself  accordingly."'  In  his  j)crson 
he  was  very  clean,  wore  rings  on  his  great  hngers, 
and  a  large  frill  to  his  bosom,  whiclj  stuck  out  like 
the  back  fin  of  a  perch,  and  the  collar  of  his  shirt 
was  always  pulled  up  to  a  level  with  his  cheek 
bones.  He  never  appeared  on  deck  without  his 
"  persuader,"  which  was  three  ratruis  twisted  into 
one.  like  a  cable;  sometimes  he  called  it  his  order 
of  the  bath,  or  his  trio  juncto  in  uno  ;  and  this  per- 
suader was  seldom  idle.  He  attempted  to  be  very 
polite  even  when  addressing  the  common  seamen, 
and,  certainly,  he  always  commenced  his  observa- 
tions to  them  in  a  very  gracious  manner,  but.  as  he 
continued,  he  became  less  choice  in  his  phraseol- 
ogy. O'Brien  said  that  his  speeches  were  like  the 
Bin  of  the  poet,  very  fair  at  the  upper  part  of  them, 
but  shocking  at  the  lower  extremities.  As  a  speci- 
men of  them,  he  would  say  to  the  man  on  tlie  fore- 
castle, '•  .\llow  me  to  observe,  my  dear  man,  in  tlie 
most  delicate  way  in  tlie  world,  that  you  are  spilling 
lliat  tir  upon  the  deck — a  deck,  sir,  ii"  I  may  venture 
to  make  the  observation,  I  had  the  duty  of  seeing 
holystoned  this  morning.  You  underatautl  me,  sir, 
you'liave  defiled  his  majesty's  forecastle.  I  must  do 
my  duty,  sir,  if  you  neglect  yours;  so  take  th;it — 
ajid  that — and  tliat — (thrashing  llie  man  with  his  rat- 
an) — you  d — n  haymaking  son  of  a  sea  cook.  Do  it 
again,  d — d  your  eyes,  and  I'll  cut  your  liver  out." 

I  remember  one  of  the  ship's  boy's  going  forward 
with  a  kid  of  dirty  water  to  empty  in  the  head, 
without  putting  his  liand  up  to  his  hat,  as  he  passca 
the  l)oaLtwain.  "  Stop,  my  little  friend,"  said  die 
boatswain,  pulling  out  his  frill,  and  raising  up  both 
sides  of  his  shirt  collar.  "  Are  you  aware,  sir,  of 
nay  rank  and  station  in  society  ?"' 

"Yes,  sir,"  replied  the  boy,  trembling  and  eyeing 
the  raUn. 


86  PETER  SIMPLE. 

"  Oh,  you  are  !"'  replied  Mr.  Chucks.  '^  Had  you 
not  been  aware  of  it.  I  should  have  considered 
a  gentle  correction  necessary,  that  you  might  have 
avoided  such  an  error  in  future  5  but,  as  you  were 
aware  of  it,  why  then,  d — n  you,  you  have  no  ex- 
cuse, so  take  that — and  that — you  yelping,  half-star- 
ved abortion.  I  really  beg  your  pardon,  Mr.  Sim- 
ple.'" said  he  to  me,  as  the  boy  went  howling  for- 
ward, for  I  was  walking  with  him  at  the  time  ;  ^'but 
reallv  the  service  makes  brutes  of  us  all.  It  is 
hard  to  sacrifice  our  health,  our  night's  rest  and  our 
comforts  5  but  still  more  so,  that  in  my  responsible 
situation,  I  am  obliged  too  often  to  sacrifice  my 
gentility." 

The  "master  was  the  ofiicer  who  had  charge  of 
the  watch  to  which  I  was  stationed  5  he  was  a  very 
rough  sailor,  who  had  been  brought  up  in  the  mer- 
chant service,  not  much  of  a  gentleman  in  appear- 
ance, very  good-tempered,  and  very  fond  of  grog. 
He  always  quarrelled  with  the  boatswain,  and  de- 
clared that  the  service  was  going  to  the  devil,  now 
that  warrant  officers  put  on  white  shirts,  and  wore 
frills  to  them.  But  the  boatswain  did  not  care  for 
him ;  he  knew  his  duty,  he  did  his  duty,  and  if  the 
captain  was  satisfied,  he  said,  that  the  whole  ship's 
company  might  grumble.  As  for  the  master,  ne 
said,  the  man  was  very  well,  but  having  been  brought 
up  in  a  collier,  he  could  not  be  expected  to  be  very 
refined ;  in  fact,  he  observed,  pulling  up  his  shirt 
collar — '•  it  was  impossible  to  make  a  silk  purse  out 
of  a  sow's  ear."  The  master  was  very  kind  to  me, 
and  used  to  send  me  down  to  my  hammock  before 
my  watch  was  half  over.  Until  that  time,  I  walked 
the  deck  with  O'Brien,  who  was  a  very  pleasant 
companion,  and  taught  me  everything  that  he  could 
connected  with  my  profession.  One  night,  when 
•we  had  the  middle  watch.  I  told  him  I  should  like 
very  much  if  he  would  give  me  the  history  of  bis 
life.     "That  I   will,  my  honey,"   replied  he,  "all 


PETER  SIMPLE.  SI 

that  I  can  remember  of  it,  tliough  I  have  no  doubt 
but  that  I've  forgotten  the  best  part  of  it.  It's  now 
within  five  minutes  of  two  bells,  so  we'll  heave  the 
log  and  mark  the  board,  and  then  I'll  spin  you  a 
yarn,  which  will  keep  both  of  us  from  going  to 
sleep."  O'Brien  reported  the  rate  of  sailing  to  the 
master,  marked  it  down  on  the  log-board,  and  then 
returned. 

"  So  now,  my  boy,  I'll  come  to  an  anchor  on  the 
topsail  halyard  rack,  and  you  may  sciucezc  your 
llircadpaper  little  carcass  under  my  loo,  and  then 
ril  tell  you  all  about  it.  F'irst  and  foremost,  you 
must  know  that  I  am  descended  from  the  great 
O'Brien  Borru,  who  was  a  king  in  his  time,  as  the 
great  Fiiigal  was  before  him.  Of  course  you've 
lieard  of  Fingal." 

"  I  can't  say  that  I  ever  did,"  replied  I. 
"  A'ever  lieard  of  Fingal ! — murder  I  Where 
must  you  have  l>ccn  all  your  life  ?  Well,  then,  to 
give  vou  some  notion  of  Fingal,  I  will  first  tell  you 
how  Vingal  bothered  the  great  Scotch  giant,  and 
then  1*11  go  on  with  my  own  storv.  Finical,  you 
must  know,  was  a  giant  himself,  and  no  fool  of  one, 
and  any  one  tliat  affronted  him  was  as  sure  of  a  bat- 
ing as  1  am  to  keep  the  middle  watch  to-iii;.'lit.  But 
there  was  a  giant  in  Scotland  as  t.ill  as  the  main- 
mast, m«)re  or  less,  as  we  say  when  wn  a'n't  quite 
■ure,  as  it  saves  telling  more  lies  than  there's  occa 
■ion  for.  Well,  this  Scotch  giant  lieard  of  Fingal, 
and  how  he  had  l>eaten  cverylnxly,  and  he  said, 
'  Who  is  thifl  Fingal  ?  By  Jasue,'  says  he  in  Scotch, 
'  I'll  just  walk  over  and  see  what  he's  made  off.' 
So  he  walked  across  the  Irish  channel,  and  landed 
within  half  a  mile  of  Belfast,  but  whether  he  wag 
out  of  bin  depth  or  not  I  can't  tell,   although  I  bub- 

Cect  that  he  was  not  dry-footed.  When  Fingal 
card  that  this  great  chap  was  coming  over,  he  was 
in  a  devil  of  a  fnght,  for  they  told  him  that  the 
Scotchman  was  taller  bv  a  few  feet  or  bo.     Gianta 


86  PETER  SIMPLE. 

you  knov.',  measure  by  feet,  and  don't  Lotlor  them- 
selves about  the  inches,  as  we  little  devils  are 
obliged  to  do.  So  Fingal  kept  a  slmrp  looU-out  for 
the  Scotchman,  and  one  line  morning,  there  he  was, 
sure  enough,  comiuir  up  the  iiiil  to Tinjars  house. 
If  Fingal  was  afraid  Lcibre.  he  had  more  reason  to 
be  afraid  when  he  s.-iv/  tlic  fellow,  for  he  looked  for 
all  the  world  like  the  monument  upon  a  voyage  of 
discovery.  So  Fingal  ran  into  his  licu.sc,  and  called 
to  his  wife  Shaya,  'My  voumeen,'  savs  he.  '  be 
quick  now;  there's  that  big  LuUy  ot"a  Scotchman 
coming  up  the  hili.  Kiver  me  up  with  the  blankets, 
and  if  he  aiks  who  is  in  the  bed,  tell  liim  it's  tlie 
child.'  So  Fingal  laid  dov.n  on  ti;e  bed,  and  liis 
■wife  had  just  time  to  cover  him  up,  when  in  comes 
the  Scotchman,  and  though  he  stooped  low,  he 
broke  ids  head  again.-?t  the  portal.  '  U'here's  that 
baste,  Fingal  V  says  he,  rubbing  his  forehead  ;  *  show 
him  to  me  that  I  may  give  him  a  bating.'  *  Whist, 
whist '.'  cries  Sliaya, '  you'll  wake  the  babby,and  then 
him  that  you  talk  of  bating  will  be  tiic  death  of  you, 
if  he  comes  in.'  •  Is  tliat  the  babby  ?"'  cried  the 
Scotcliman  with  surprise,  looking  at  tlie  great  car- 
cass muffled  up  in  the  blankets.  '  Sure  it  is,'  repli- 
ed Shaya,'andFingars  babby  too ;  so  don't  you  wake 
him,  or  Fingal  will  twist  your  neck  in  a  minute.' 
'  By  the  cross  of  St.  Andrew,'  replied  the  giant, 
'  then  it's  time  for  mo  to  be  ciF;  for  if  that's  his 
babby,  I'll  be  but  a  mouthful!  to  the  fellow  hirasell* 
Good  morning  to  ye.'  So  the  Scotch  giautran  out 
of  the  house,  and  never  stopped  to  eat  or  drink  un- 
til he  got  back  to  his  own  hills,  foreby  he  was  near- 
ly drowned  in  having  mistaken  his  passage  across 
the  channel  in  his  great  hurry.  Tiion  Fingal  got  up 
and  laugljed,  as  well  he  might,  at  liis  own  'cuteness  ; 
and  so  ends  my  story  about  Fingal.  Aud  now  I'll 
begin  about  myself.  As  I  said  befo"©,  I  am  descend- 
ed frcui  the  great  O'Brien,  who  was  a  king  in  his 
-time,  but  that  time's  past.    I  suppose,  as  the  world 


PETER  SIMPLE.  89 

turns  round,  my  children's  cliildren'a  posterity  may 
be  kings  again,  allliouj^h  there  sceins  but  little 
chance  of  it  just  now  ;  but  there  u|>:>  ami  downs  on 
a  grand  scale,  as  %^ell  as  in  a  man's  own  hislorv,  and 
the  wheel  of  fortune  keeps  turning  for  tl-.e  (<  infort 
of  those  w  ho  are  at  the  lowest  spoke  as  1  may  be 
just  now.  To  cut  tlie  ttory  a  little  shorter,  1  skip 
down  to  my  great  grandfather,  who  lived  like  a  real 
gentleman,  as  he  wns,  upon  his  ten  tl:ouiand  ayear. 
At  hist  l:c  died,  and  eiglit  thousand  of  the  ten  was 
buried  with  him.  My  <;randfathcr  followed  his  fath- 
er all  in  good  course  of  time,  and  only  left  my  fath- 
er about  one  hundred  acres  of  bog  to  keep  up  the 
dignity  of  the  family.  I  am  the  youngest  ol  ten, 
and  devil  a  copper  have  I  but  my  pay,  or  am  likely 
to  have.  You  may  talk  about  descent,  but  a  more 
descending  family  than  mine  was  never  in  existence, 
for  here  am  I  with  twenty-live  pounds  a  year,  and 
a  half-pay  of'  nothing  a  day,  and  find  myself,'  when 
my  great  ancestor  did  iust  what  he  pleased  with  all 
Ireland,  and  every  body  in  it.  But  this  is  allnoth- 
ing,cxcept  to  prove  satisfactorily  that  I  am  not  worth 
a  kkillagalee,  and  that  is  tiie  reason  which  induced 
roe  to  condescend  to  serve  his  majesty.  Fatlicr  M'- 
Grath  the  priest,  who  lived  with  my  father,  taught 
me  llie  elements,  as  tliey  call  them.  I  tliought  I 
had  enougli  of  the   elements   tlien,  but  I've  seen   a 


deal  more  of  them  since.  '  Terence,'  said  my  fath- 
er t(i  me  one  day,  '  what  do  vou  mane  to  do  .''  'To 
t;ct  iijy  dinner,  ^re,'  replied  I,  for  I  was  not  a  little 
jungry.  '  And  so  you  shall  lo-day,  my  vourneen,' 
replied  my  father,  '  but  in  future  you  mustdosome- 
liiing  to  get  your  own  dinner;  tljere's  not  praties 
enow  for  the  whole  of  ye.  Will  you  go  to  the  say  f 
'  I'll  just  elrj>  down  and  look  at  it,'  nays  I,  for  wc 
lived  but  sixteen  Irish  miles  from  the  coast;  so 
when  I  had  finished  my  meal,  which  did  n*)t  take 
long,  for  want  of  ammunition,  1  trotted  down  to  tlie 
Cov«  to  lee  what  a  ehip  might  bo  liko,  and  I  happen- 


90  PETER  SIMPLE. 

ed  upon  a.  large  one  sure  enough,  for  there  lay  a 
three-decker  with  an  admiral's  flag  at  the  fore, 
'  May  be  you'll  be  so  civil  as  to  tell  me  what  ship 
that  is,'  said  I  to  a  sailor  on  the  pier.  '  It's  the 
Queen  Charlotte,' replied  he,  "of  one  hundred  and 
twenty  guns.'  JSow  when  I  looked  at  her  size,  and 
compared  her  with  all  the  little  smacks  and  hoys 
lying  about  her,  I  very  naturally  asked  how  old  she 
was ;  he  replied,  that  she  was  no  more  than  three 
years  old.  •  But  three  years  old,'  thought  I  to  my- 
self; '  it's  a  fine  vessel  you'll  be  when  you'll  come 
of  age,  if  you  grow  at  that  rate  ;  you'll  be  as  taU 
as  the  top  of  Bencrow,  (that's  a  mountain  we  have 
in  our  parts.)  You  see,  Peter,  I  was  a  fool  at  that 
time,  just  as  you  are  now;  but  by-and-by,  when 
you  have  had  as  many  thrashings  as  I  have  had,  you 
may  chance  to  be  as  clever.  I  went  back  to  my 
father,  and  told  him  all  I  had  seen,  and  he  replied, 
that  if  I  liked  it  I  might  be  a  midshipman  on  board 
of  her,  with  nine  hundred  men  under  my  command. 
He  forgot  to  say  how  many  I  should  have  over  me, 
but  I  found  that  out  afterwards.  I  agreed,  and  my 
father  ordered  his  pony  and  went  to  the  lord  lieu- 
tenant, for  he  had  interest  enough  for  that.  The 
lord  lieutenant  spoke  to  the  admiral,  who  was  stay- 
ing at  the  palace,  and  I  was  ordered  on  board  as 
midshipman.  My  father  fitted  me  out  pretty  hand- 
somely, telling  all  the  tradesmen  that  their  bills 
should  be  paid  with  my  first  prize  money,  and  thus, 
by  promises  and  blarney,  he  got  credit  for  all  I  want- 
ed. At  last  all  was  ready  :  Father  M'Grath  gave 
me  his  blessing,  and  told  me  that  if  1  died  like  an 
O'Brien,  he  would  say  a  power  of  masses  for  the 
good  of  my  soul.  '  May  you  never  have  the  trouble, 
sir,'  said  I.  '  Och,  trouble  I  a  pleasure,  my  dear 
boy,'  replied  he,  for  he  was  a  very  polite  man  ;  so 
off  I  went  with  my  big  chest,  not  quite  so  full  as  it 
ought  to  have  been,  for  my  mother  cribbed  one  half 
of  my  stock   for  my  brothers  and  sisters.     'I  hope 


PETER  SIMPLE.  91 

to  be  back  again  soon,  father,'  said  I  as  I  took  my 
leave.  '  1  hope  not,  my  dear  boy,'  replied  he  -/a'n't 
you  provided  for.  and  what  more  would  ye  have  ?'  So, 
after  a  deal  of  bother  1  was  fairly  on  board,  and  I 
parted  company  with  my  chest,  fori  stayed  on  deck 
and  that  went  down  below.  1  stared  about  with  all 
my  eyes  for  some  time,  when  who  should  be  com- 
ing oif  but  the  captain,  and  the  officers  were  order- 
ed on  deck  to  receive  him.  I  wanted  to  have  a 
quiet  survey  of  him,  so  1  took  up  my  station  on  one 
of  the  guns,  that  1  might  examine  him  at  my  leisure. 
The  boatswain  whistled,  the  marines  presented 
arms,  and  the  officers  all  took  off  their  hats  as  the 
captain  came  on  the  deck,  and  then  the  guard  was 
diFmissed,  and  they  all  walked  about  the  deck  as 
before  ;  but  I  found  it  very  pleasant  to  be  astride 
on  the  gun.  so  I  remained  where  I  was.  '  What 
do  you  mane  by  that,  you  big  young  scoundrel  V 
says  he,  when  he  saw  me.  '  It's  nothing  at  all  I 
mane,'  replied  I ;  '  but  what  do  you  mane  by  call- 
ing an  O'brien  a  scoundrel  V  '  Who  is  he  V  said 
the  captain  to  the  first  lieutenant.  '  Mr.  O'Brien, 
"who  joined  Uic  ship  about  an  hour  since.' 

'  Don't  you  know  better  than  to  sit  upon  a  gun  V 
said  the  captain.  *  To  be  sure  I  do,'  replied  I, 
'  when  there  a  any  thing  better  to  sit  upon.'  '  He 
knows  no  better,  sir,'  obser\-ed  the  first  lieutenant. 
'  Then  he  must  l>c  taught,'  replied  the  captain.  '  Mr. 
O'Brien,  since  you  have  perched  yourself  on  that 
gun  to  please  yourself,  you  will  now  continue  tliere 
for  two  hours  to  please  me.  Do  you  understand, 
sir?  you'll  ride  on  that  gun  for  two  hours.'  'I  un- 
dersUnd,  sir,'  replied  I  ;  '  but  I  am  afraid  that  he 
won't  move  without  spurs,  although  there's  plenty 
o^  metal  in  him.'  Tne  captain  turned  away  and 
laughed  as  he  went  into  his  cabin,  and  all  the  offi- 
cers laughed,  and  I  laughed  tf>o,  for  I  perceived  no 
great  hardship  in  sitting  down  an  hour  or  two,  any 
more  than  I  do  now.     Well,  I  soon  found  that,  lik« 


92  PETER  SIMPLE. 

a  young  bear,  all  my  troubles  were  to  come.  The 
first  month  was  nothing  but  fighting  and  squabbling 
with  my  messmates  3  they  called  me  a  raw  Irish- 
man, and  raw  I  was,  sure  enough,  from  the  constant 
thrashings  and  cokings  I  received  from  those  who 
were  bigger  and  stronger  than  myself;  but  nothing 
lasts  forever — as  they  discovered  that  whenever 
they  found  blows  I  could  find  back,  they  got  tired 
of  it,  and  left  me  and  my  brogue  alone.  We  sailed 
for  the  Toolong  fleet."' 

"  ^Vhat  fleet  V  inquired  I. 

"  Why,  the  Toolong  fleet,  so  called,  I  thought, 
because  they  remained  too  long  in  harbor,  bad  luck 
to  them;  and  then  we  were  off  Cape  See-see,  (de- 
vil a  bit  could  we  see  of  them  except  their  mast- 
heads,) for  I  don't  know  how  many  months.  But 
1  forgot  to  say  that  I  got  into  another  scrape  just 
before  we  left  harbor.  It  was  my  watch  when 
they  piped  to  dinner,  and  I  took  the  liberty  to  run 
below,  as  my  messmates  had  a  knack  of  forgetting 
absent  friends.  Well,  the  captain  came  on  board, 
and  there  were  no  side  boys,  no  side  ropes,  and  no 
officers  to  receive  him.  He  came  on  deck  foaming 
■with  rage,  for  his  dignity  was  hurt,  and  he  inquired 
who  was  the  midshipman  of  the  watch.  '  Mr.  O'Bri- 
en,' said  they  all.  '  Devil  a  bit,'  replied  I,  *  it  was 
my  forenoon  watch.'  '  Who  relieved  you,  sir,'  said 
the  first  lieutenant.  '  Devil  a  soul,  sir,'  replied  I ; 
'  for  they  were  all  too  busy  with  their  pork  and  beef.' 
'  Then  why  did  you  leave  the  deck  without  relief?' 
'Because,  sir,  my  stomach  would  have  had  but  lit- 
tle relief  if  I  had  remained.'  The  captain,  who  stood 
by,  said, '  Do  you  see  those  cross-trees,  sir  ?'  '  Is  it 
those  little  bits  of  wood  that  you  mane,  on  tlie  top 
there,  captain  ?'  ''  Yes,  sir  ;  now  just  go  up  there, 
and  stay  until  I  call  you  down.  You  must  be  brought 
to  your  senses,  young  man,  or  you'll  have  but  little 

Erospect   in  the    service,'     '  I've   an  idea   that  I'll 
ave  plenty  of  prospect  when  I  get  up  there,'  repli- 


PETKR  SlMi'LK.  93 

€d  I,  '  but  it's  all  to  please  you.'  So  up  I  went,  as 
I  have  many  a  time  since,  and  as  you  often  will,  Pe- 
ter, just  to  enjoy  the  fresh  air  and  your  own  pleas- 
ant thoughts,  ;Ul  at  one  and  the  same  time. 

'•  At  last  I  became  much  more  used  to  the  man- 
ners and  customs  of  sa^-going  people,  and  by  the 
time  that  I  hatl  been  fourteen  months  oli"  Cape  See- 
see,  I  was  considered  a  very  genteel  young  midsliip- 
man,  and  my  messmates  (that  is,  afl  that  I  could 
thrash,  which  didn't  leave  out  many)  had  a  very 
great  respect  for  me. 

"  The  first  time  I  put  my  foot  on  shore  was  at 
Minorca,  and  tlien  I  put  my  foot  into  it,  (as  we  say,| 
for  I  was  nearly  killed  for  a  heretic,  and  only  saved 
by  proving  uiyself  a  true  Catholic,  which  proves 
that  religion  is  a  great  comfort  in  distress,  as  Fa- 
ther M'Grath  used  to  say.  Several  of  us  went  on 
shore,  and  having  dined  upon  a  roast  turkey,  stuff- 
ed with  j)lumb  pudding,  (for  every  thing  else  was 
conked  in  oil,  and  we  could  not  eat  it.)  and  having 
drunk  as  much  wine  as  would  flo-.it  a  jolly-boat,  we 
ordered  donkeys,  to  take  a  little  etjuestrian  e.xer- 
cise.  Some  went  o.T  tail  an  end,  some  witli  their 
hind-quarters  uppennost,  and  then  tlio  riders  went 
off  instead  of  the  donkeys  j  some  wouldn'tgo  off  at  all; 
as  for  mine  he  would  g<j — and  wlie re  tliedcvildoyou 
think  he  went  ?  Why,  into  the  thurcli  where  all 
the  people  were  at  maes  :  the  po<jr  brute  w;;^  dying 
with  thirst,  and  buiclt  water.  ;\.s  soon  ns  he  was  in, 
notwithstanding  all  my  tugging'  and  hauling,  he  ran 
his  nose  into  the  holy  water  fount,  and  drank  it  all 
up.  Although  I  thought,  that  seeing  how  few  Chris- 
tians have  any  religion,  that  you  could  not  e.\pcct 
much  from  a  donkey,  yet  I  was  very  much  shocked 
at  the  sacrilege,  and  fearful  of  tlie  consequences. 
Nor  was  it  without  reason,  for  tlie  people  in  the 
church  were  quite  horrified,  as  well  they  might  be. 
for  the  brute  drank  as  much  holy  water  as  would 
liavo  purified  the  whole   town  of  Pert  Molion,  sub- 


94  PETER  SIMPLE. 

urbs  and  all  to  boot.  They  rose  up  from  tlieir  knees 
and  seized  me,  calling  upon  all  the  saints  in  the  cal- 
endar. Although  I  knew  what  they  meant,  not  a 
word  of  their  lingo  could  I  spealc,  to  plead  for  my 
life,  and  I  was  almost  torn  to  pieces  before  the 
priest  came  up.  Perceiving  the  danger  I  was  in,  I 
■wiped  my  finger  across  the  wet  nose  of  the  donkey, 
crossed  myself,  and  then  went  dowTx  on  my  knees 
to  the  priests,  crying  out  cidpa  mea,  as  all  good  Cath- 
olics do — though  'twas  no  fault  of  mine,  as  I  said 
before,  for  I  tried  all  1  could,  and  tugged  at  the 
brute  till  my  strength  was  gone.  The  priests  per- 
ceived by  the  manner  in  which  I  crossed  myself 
that  I  was  a  good  Catholic,  and  guessed  that  it  was 
all  a  mistake  of  the  donkey's.  They  ordered  the 
crowd  to  be  quiot,  and  sent  for  an  interpreter,  when 
1  explained  the  whole  story.  They  gave  me  abso- 
lution for  what  the  donkey  had  done,  and  after  that, 
as  it  was  very  rare  to  meet  an  English  officer 
who  was  a  good  Christian,  I  was  in  great  favor 
during  my  stay  at  Minorca,  and  was  living  in  plen- 
ty, paying  for  nothing,  and  as  happy  as  a  cricket. 
So  the  jackass  proved  a  very  good  friend,  and,  to 
reward  him,  I  hired  him  every  day,  and  galloped 
him  all  over  the  island.  But,  at  last,  it  occurred  to 
me  that  I  had  broken  my  leave,  for  I  was  so  happy 
on  shore  that  I  quite  forgot  that  I  had  only  permis- 
sion for  twenty-four  hours,  and  I  should  not  have 
remembered  it  so  soon,  had  it  not  been  for  aparty  of 
marines,  headed  by  a  sergeant,  who  took  me  by  the 
collar,  and  dragged  me  off  my  donkey.  I  was  tak- 
en on  board,  and  put  under  an  arrest  for  my  miscon- 
duct. JVow,  Peter,  I  don't  know  any  thing  more 
agreeable  than  being  put  under  an  arrest.  Kothing 
to  do  all  day  but  eat  and  drink,  and  please  yourself  j 
only  forbid  to  appear  on  the  quarterdeck,  the  only 
place  that  a  midsliipman  wishes  to  avoid.  Whether 
It  was  to  punish  me  more  severely,  or  whether  he 
forgot  all  about  me,  I  can't  tell,  but  it  was  nearly 


PETER  SIMPLE.  95 

two  months  before  I  was  sent  for  in  the  cabin ;  and 
the  captain,  with  a  most  terrible  frown,  said,  that  he 
trusted  that  my  punishment  would  be  a  warning  to 
me,  and  that  now  I  might  return  to  my  dutv.  '  Plase 
your  honor,'  said  I,  '  1  don't  think  that  I've  been 
punished  enough  yet.'  '  1  am  glad  to  find  that  you 
are  so  penitent,  but  you  are  forgiven,  so  take  care 
that  you  do  not  oblige  me  to  put  you  again  in  con- 
finement.' So,  as  there  was  no  persuading  him,  I 
was  obliged  to  return  to  my  duty  again  ;  but  1  made 
a  resolution  that  I  would  get  into  another  scrape 
again  as  soon  as  I  dared "' 

'*  Sail  on  the  starboard-bow,"  cried  the  look-out 
man. 

"  Very  well,"  replied  the  majsterj  "  Mr.  O'Brien 
•^where's  Mr.  O'Brien  ?" 

"  Is  it  me  you  mane,  sir?"  said  O'Brien,  walking 
up  to  the  master,  for  he  had  sat  down  so  long  in  the 
topsail-halyard  rack,  tliat  he  was  wedged  in,  and 
could  not  get  out  immediately. 

"  Yes,  sir  5  go  forward,  and  see  what  that  vessel 
is." 

"Aye,  aye,  sir,"  said  O'Brien;  "and  Mr.  Sim- 
ple," continued  the  master,  "  go  down  and  bring  me 
up  mv  night-glass." 

"  Yes,  sir,  replied  I.  I  had  no  idea  of  a  night- 
glass -,  and  as  I  «)bservcd  that  about  tliia  time  his 
servant  brought  him  up  a  glass  of  grog,  1  thou-'ht  it 
very  lucky  that  I  knew  what  he  meant.  "  Pake 
care  that  you  don't  break  it,  Mr.  Simple."  "O 
then,  I'm  all  right,"  thought  I;  "he  means  the 
tumbler  .''  so  down  I  went,  called  up  the  gun-room 
»t«-ward,  and   desired    him   to   give   me    a   glass   of 

f[rog  for  Mr.  Doball.  The  steward  tumbled  out  in 
lis  shirt,  mixed  the  grog,  and  gave  it  to  me,  and  I 
carried  it  up  very  carefully  to  the  ipiartcrdec  k. 

During  my  absence,  the  master  had  calleil  the 
captain,  and  in  jiursuance  of  his  orilers,  O'Brien 
had  called  tlie  first  lieutenant,  and  when  1  came  up 


96  PETER  SIMPLE. 

the  ladder,  they  were  both  on  deck.  As  I  was 
ascending  I  heard  the  master  say,  "  I  have  sent 
young  Simple  down  for  my  night-glass,  but  he  is  so 
"long,  that  I  suppose  he  has  made  some  mistake. 
He's  but  half  a  Ibol.''  "That  I  deny,'"  replied  Mr. 
Falcon,  the  first  lieutenant,  just  as  I  put  my  loot  on 
the  quarterdeck.  '•  He's  no  fool.  "  Perhaps  not," 
replied  the  master.  •'  O,  here  he  is.  What  made 
you  so  lon^,  Mr.  Simple — where  is  my  night-glass  ?" 

"Here  it  is,  sir,"  replied  I.  handing  him  the 
tumbler  of  grog ;  '•  I  told  the  steward  to  make  it 
stiff."'  The  captain  and  the  first  lieutenant  burst 
out  into  a  laugh — for  Mr.  Doball  was  known  to  be 
very  fond  of  grog  5  the  former  walked  aft  to  conceal 
his  mirth  ;  but  the  latter  remained,  Mr.  Doball 
was  in  a  great  rage.  ••  Did  not  I  say  that  the  boy 
was  half  a  fool  ?"  cried  he,  to  the  first  lieutenant. 
"  At  all  events  I'll  not  allow  that  he  has  proved 
himself  so  in  this  instance,"  replied  Mr,  Falcon, 
"  for  he  has  hit  the  right  nail  on  the  head."  Then 
the  first  lieutenant  joined  the  captain,  and  they  both 
weTit  off  laughing.  •'Put  it  on  the  capstan,  sir," 
said  Mr.  Doball  to  me  in  an  angry  voice.  ''  FlI 
punish  you  by-and-by."  I  was  very  much  astonished } 
I  hardly  knew  wlicther  I  had  done  right  or  v.rong; 
at  all  events,  thought  I  to  myself,  I  did  for  the  bestj 
BO  I  put  it  on  the  capstan,  and  walked  to  my  own 
side  of  the  deck.  The  captain  and  the  first  lieu- 
tenant then  went  below,  and  O'Brien  came  aft. 
"  What  vessel  is  it  ?"  said  I. 

"  To  the  best  of  my  belief,  it's  one  of  your 
bathing  machines  going  home  with  despatcHes," 
replied  he. 

"  A  bathing  machine,"  said  I  j  "  why  I  thought 
they  were  hauled  up  on  the  beach." 

''  That's  the  Brighton  sort ;  but  these  are  made 
not  to  go  up  at  all." 

'•  What  then  ?" 

'•  Why,  to  go  down,  to  be  sure  ;    and   rcmakably 


PETER  SIMPLE.  97 

well  they  answer  their  purpose.  I  won't  puzzle 
YOU  any  more,  my  Peter — I'm  speaking  hclligorical- 
ly,  which  I  believe  means  telling  a  hell  of  a  lie. 
It's  one  of  vour  ten-gun  brigs,  to  the  best  of  ray 
knowledge." 

I  then  told  O'Brien  what  had  occurred,  and  hovr 
the  master  was  angry  with  me.  O'Brien  laughed 
very  heartily,  and  told  me  never  to  mind,  but  to 
keep  in  the  lee  scuppers  and  watch  him.  "  \  glass 
of  grog  is  a  bait  that  he'll  play  round  till  he  gorges. 
When  you  see  it  to  his  lips,  go  up  to  him  boldly, 
and  ask  his  pardon,  if  vou  have  otiendod  him,  and 
then,  if  he's  a  good  Christian,  as  I  believe  him  to 
be,  he'll  not  refuse  it." 

1  thought  this  was  very  good  advice,  and  I  waited 
under  the  bulwark  on  the  Tee  side.  I  observed  that 
he  master  made  shorter  and  shorter  turns  every 
time,  till  at  last  he  stopped  at  the  c:ipslan  and 
looked  at  the  grog.  He  waited  about  a  half  a. 
minute,  and  then  he  took  up  the  tumbler,  and 
drank  about  half  of  it.  It  was  very  strong,  and  he 
stopped  to  take  breath.  1  thought  this  was  the 
riglit  time,  and  I  went  up  to  him.  The  tumbler 
wa.s  again  to  his  lins,  and  before  he  saw  mo,  I  said, 
"I  hope,  sir,  you'll  forgive  uk?  ;  I  never  heard  of  a 
night  telescope,  and  knowing  thai  you  had  walked 
so  long,  I  thought  you  were  tircil,  and  v.  anted  soinc- 
thing  to  drink  to  refresh  you."  '•  Well,  Mr.  Sim- 
ple, said  he  after  he  had  finished  tlu;  glass,  witli 
a  deep  sigh  of  pleasure,  "as  you  meant  kindly,  I 
shall  let  you  off  this  time  ;  but  recollect,  that 
wlicnever  you  bring  me  a  glass  of  grog  again,  it 
must  not  be  in  the  presence  of  the  captain  or  first 
lieutenant."  I  promised  him  very  taithfully,  and 
went  away  quite  delighted  with  my  having  made 
peace  with  liim,  and  more  so,  that  the  first  lieuten- 
ant had  said  that  I  was  no  iViol  tor  what  1  had  done. 

At  la&l  our  watrh  w.is  over,  and  about  two  IkjHs  I 
^as  relieved  by  the  midshipman  of  the  next  witch. 

VOL.  I.  7 


98  PETER  SIMPLE. 

It  is  very  unfair  not  to  relieve  in  time,  but  if  I  taid 
a  vk-ord,  J  was  certain  to  be  thrashed  the  next  day 
upon  some  protence  or  another.  On  the  other 
hand,  the  midshipman  whom  I  relieved  was  much 
bigger  than  I  was,  and  if  I  was  not  up  before  one 
bell,  I  was  cut  down  and  thrashed  by  him  5  so  that 
between  the  two  I  kept  much  more  than  my  share 
of  the  watch,  except  when  the  master  sent  me  to 
bed  before  it  was  over. 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

The  Irs*  lieutenant  prescribes  for  on f  of  his  patients,  bis  presrriptions 
coii?is'iiiK  of  drauglat  oiil> — U'Biifii  fiiiulii-s  (lie  liisiorj-  of  his  hfe,  iu 
which  liie  provert)  of  "  tlic  more  ti.e  nn-rrier  "  is  Siiiily  disproved — 
S)iippiii;  a  luw  pur  of  bnois  cuHes  thi-  unshipping  oi  their  owner — 
Walking  ho:ne  after  a  ball,  0'13r;eu  ineeis  witli  mi  accidea'. 

The  next  morning  I  was  on  deck  at  seven  bells, 
to  see  the  hamuiocks  stowed,  when  I  was  witness 
to  Mr.  Falcon,  the  tirst  lieutenant,  having  recourse 
to  one  of  bis  remedies  to  cure  a  mizen-top  boy  of 
smoking,  a  practice  to  which  he  had  great  aversion. 
He  never  interfe.'-ed  with  the  men  smoking  in  the 
gallev,  or  chewing  tobacco  J  but  he  prevented  the 
boys,  that  is,  lads  under  twenty  or  therer.bciUs.iiom 
indu iging  in  the  hnbit  too  early.  The  first  lieutenant 
tmcit  the  tobacco  as  the  boj^passed  him  on  the 
quarterdeck.  '.'  Why.  jVeill,  you  have  been  smok- 
ing," said  the  first  lieutenant.  ■'  I  thought  you  were 
aware  that  I  did  not  permit  such  lads  as  you  to  use 
tobacco." 

"  If  you  please,  sir,"  replied  the  mizen-top-man, 
touching  his  hat,  '•  I'se  got  worms,  and  they  say 
tliat  smoking  be  good  for  them." 

"Good   for  them  I"   said   the   first    lieutenant) 


PETEK  SlMl'LE.  99 

"  yes,  very  good  for  them,  but  very  bad  for  you. 
Why,  ujy  good  fellow,  they'll  thrive  upon  tobacco 
until  they  grow  as  large  as  conger  ec,ls.  Heat  is 
w  hat  the  worms  are  fond  of  3  but  cold — cold  v.  ill  tall 
them.  .Now  111  euro  you.  Quarter-master,  come 
here.  Walk  this  boy  up  and  down  the  weather 
gangway,  and  every  time  you  get  forward  abreast 
of  tlie  main-tack  block,  put  his  mouth  to  windward, 
squeeze  him  sharp  by  Uie  uape  of  his  neck  untd  he 
opens  his  jaouth  wide,  and  there  keep  him  and  let 
tlie  cold  air>blow  down  his  throat,  while  you  count 
ten  ;  then  walk  him  ;Ul,  and  when  you  are  forward 
a;^ain,  proceed  as  before. — CoJd  kills  worms,  my 
poor  boy,  not  tobacco — 1  wonder  that  you  are  not 
tlcad  by  this  time." 

'i'he  quarter-master,  who  liked  the  joke,  as  did 
all  the  seamen,  seized  hold  of  the  hid,  and  as  soon 
as  they  arrived  forward,  gave  him  such  a  soueeze 
of  tlic  neck  as  to  force  him  to  open  hia  mouth,  if  it 
were  only  to  cry  with  pain.  I'lie  wind  was  very 
fresh,  and  blew  into  his  nioutii  so  strong,  that  it  ac- 
lualU  whistled  while  he  was  forced  to  keep  it  open  ; 
.ii;.l  thus,  he  was  obliged  to  walk  up  and  down, 
cooling  his  inside,  for  nearly  two  hours,  when  the 
fjr:t  l;euten:ujt  sent  for  him,  and  Uild  him  that  he 
liiou^ht  all  the  worms  must  be  dead  by  that  time; 
but  if  they  were  not,  the  lad  was  not  to  a])ply  his 
oWn  remedies,  but  come  to  him  for  another  dose. 
However  the  boy  v^nm  of  the  same  ojiiuion  as  the  lirst 
lieutenant,  and    tl^^er  complaiiied  of  worms  again. 

A  few  nights  alterirards,  whwi  we  had  the  middle 
watch.  O'BrifM  proccrded  \sith  his  story. 

"  Where  w;is  it  that  1  left  olf/' 

"  You  lei\  oH'  at  the  lime  that  you  were  taiien  out 
of  conlii;eme:il." 

"  iSo  I  did,  sure  enoui^h  •,  and  it  was  with  no  good 
will  that  1  went  to  my  duty.  However,  as  there 
was  no  help  for  it,  I  walked  u;.)  and  down  the  deck 
as  b<:fcrc,  with  my  hands  in   my  pockcta,  thinking 


100  PETER  SIMPLE. 

of  old  Ireland  and  my  great  an'^cstcr  Brien  Borru. 
And  so  1  went  on  behaving  myself  like  a  real  gen- 
tleniau,  and  getting  into  no  more  scrapes,  until  the 
fleet  put  into  the  Cove  of  Cork,  and  1  fcuixl  myself 
within  a  few  miles  of  my  fat!;er's  hcuse.  You  may 
suppose  that  the  anchor  had  hardly  kissed  the  mud. 
before  I  went  to  the  first  lieutenant,  and  asked 
leave  to  go  on  shore.  Kow  the  first  lieutenant  was 
not  in  the  sweetest  of  tempers,  seeing  as  how  the 
captain  had  been  hauling  him  over  the  coals  frr 
not  carrying  on  the  duty  according  to  his  satisfac- 
tion. So  he  answered  me  very  grufHy,  that  I  shcui  J 
not  leave  the  ship.  *  O  bother  1'  said  1  to  myself,  "this 
will  never  do.'  So  up  I  walked  to  the  captiin,  and 
touching  my  hat,  reminded  him  that  I  had  a  father 
and  mother,  and  a  pretty  sprinkling  of  brothers  and 
sisters,  who  were  dying  to  see  me,  and  that  I  hop- 
ed that  he  would  give  me  leave.  '  Ax  the  first 
lieutenant,'  said  he,  turning  away.  •  I  have,  sir,' 
replied  I,  •  and  he  says  that  the  devil  a  bit  siiall  I 
put  my  foot  on  shore.'  ''  Then  you  have  misbc- 
haved"yourself,'  said  the  captain.  "'I'^e:  a  bit  of  it, 
captain  Willis,'  replied  I }  '  it's  the  first  lieutenant 
who  has  misbehaved.'  '  Kow,  sir?'  answered  he, 
in  an  angry  tone.  '  Why,  sir,  didn't  he  misbehave 
just  now,  in  jict  carrying  on  the  duty  according  to 
your  v.'ill  and  pleasure  ?  and  did'nt  you  sarvc  him 
out  just  as  he  deserved — ar.d  isn't  lie  sulky  because 
you  did — and  arn't  that  the  reason  why  I'm  not  to 
go  on  shore  ?  You  see  your  honor,  its  all  true  as  I 
said  ;  and  the  first  lieutenant  has  misbeh.aved,  and 
not  1.  I  hope  you  will  allow  me  to  go  on  shore, 
captiin,  God  bless  you  !  and  make  some  allowaiice 
for  my  parental  feelings  towards  the  arthers  of  my 
existence.'  '  Have  you  any  fault  to  find  with  .Mr. 
O'Brien  V  said  the  captain  to  t!;e  mU  lieutenant,  as 
he  came  aft.  '  No  more  th.aa  I  have  with  tiie  mid- 
shipmen in  general;  but  I  iH'iif.-vc  it  is  not  the  ctis- 
tom  for  ofHccrt;  to  ask  leave  to  ro  rii  sLors  before 


PKTER  SIMPLE.  101 

the  sails  vo  furled  and  yards  squared.'  '  \'ery  true," 
replied  the  captain  ;  '  therefore  Mr.  O'Brien,  you 
must  wait  until  the  watch  is  called,  and  tlienifyou 
ask  the  first  lieutenant,  1  have  no  doubt  but  you 
will  have  leave  granted  to  you  to  go  and  sec  your 
friends.'  '  Thank'c  kindly,  sir,'  replied  I }  and  I 
hoped  tiiat  the  yards  and  sails  would  be  finished  off 
as  soon  as  possible,  for  my  hoart  was  in  my  mvuth, 
and  I  felt  that  if  1  had  been  kept  much  longer,  it 
would  liave  llown  on  shore  before  me. 

"  1  thought  myself  very  clever  in  tliis  business, 
but  I  was  never  a  greater  fool  in  my  life  ;  for  there 
was  no  such  hurry  to  have  gone  on  shore,  and  the 
first  lieutenant  never  forgave  nic  for  a|)pealing  to 
Ujc  captain — but  of  that  by-and-by.  and  in  all  good 
lime.  .\t  last  I  obtained  a  grumbling  assent  to  my 
going  on  shore,  ajid  olT  I  wont  like  a  sky-rocket. 
Being  in  a  desperate  hurry,  1  hired  a  jaunting  car  to 
Lake  me  to  my  father's  house.  *  Is  it  the  O'Brien  of 
Ballyliinch  that  you  mean  V  inquired  the  spalpeen 
who  drove  the  horse.  '  Sure  it  is,"  replied  I  ;  '  and 
how  is  he,  and  all  the  noble  family  of  the  O'Briens  V 
'All  wellenough,  bating  the  boy  Tim, who  caught  a  bit 
of  confusion  in  his  iiead  the  other  night  at  liie  fair, 
and  now  lies  at  home  in  bed  quite  insensible  to 
mate  or  drink  ;  but  the  doctors  gives  hopes  of  his 
recovery,  a.s  all  the  O'Brien's  are  known  to  have 
Euch  thick  heads.'  '  What  do  you  mane  by  that, 
bad  manners  to  you  V  said  I ;  '  but  poor  'i'im — how 
did  it  happen — waa  tliere  a  fight  V  '  JSot  much  of 
a  fight — only  a  bit  of  a  skrummage — three  crowner'a 
intjuesLs,  no  more.'  'But  you  are  not  going  the 
straight  road,  vou  thief,'  said  I,  seeing  that  he  had 
turned  off  to  tiie  left.  'I've  my  reason.s  for  that, your 
honor,'  replied  he  ;  'I  always  turn  away  from  the 
Castle  out  of  principle — I  lost  a  friend  there,  and  it 
mokes  me  melancholy.'  'How  came  that  for  to 
happen  ?'  '  All  by  .accident,) our  honor ;  they  hung 
my  poor  brotl.r-r  I'alrick  Uicrc,  because  lio  was  a 


principle.' 
Then  I'll 


102  FETER  SIMPLE. 

bad  hand  at  ariihnietic'  '  He  should  have  gone 
to  a  better  school  then/  said  I.  '  I've  an  idea  that 
it  was  a  bad  school  that  he  was  brought  up  in/  re- 
plied he.  with  a  sigh.  '  He  was  a  cattle-dealer, 
your  honor,  and  one  day,  somehow  or  another,  lied 
a  cow  loo  much — all  for  not  knowing  how  to  count, 
your  honor — bad  luck  to  his  schoolmaster  I'  'AH 
that  may  be  very  true/  said  I,  •'  and  pace  be  to  his 
soul ;  but  I  don't  see  why  you  are  to  drag  me,  that's 
in  such  a  hurry,  two  miles  out  of  my  way  out  of 
'  Is  your  honor  in  a  hurry  to  get  home  7 
be  thinking  they'll  not  be  in  such  a  hurry 
to  see  you.'  '  .\nd  who  told  yoi?  that  my  name  was 
O'Brien,  you  baste  ? — and  do  you  dare  to  sav  that 
my  friends  won't  be  glad  to  see  me  V  '  Plase  your 
honor,  it's  all  an  idea  of  mine — so  sav  no  more 
about  it.  Only  this  I  know  ;  Fatlier  MGrath,  who 
gives  me  absolution,  tould  me  the  other  day  that  I 
ought  to  pay  him,  and  not  run  in  debt,  and  then  run 
away  like  Terence  O'Brien,  who  went  to  say,  with- 
out paying  for  his  shirts,,  and  his  shoes,  "and  his 
stockings,  nor  any  thing  else,  and  who  would  live 
to  be  hanged  as  sure  as  St.  Patrick  swam  over  the 
Liffey  with  his  head  under  his  arih.'  *  Bad  luck  to 
that  Father  M'Grath.'  cried  I ;  '  devil  burn  me,  but 
I'll  be  revenged  upon  him  !' 

'•  By  that  lime  we  had  arrived  at  the  door  of  my 
father's  house.  I  paid  the  rapparee,  and  in  I  pop- 
ped. There  was  my  father  and  mother,  and  all  my 
brothers  and  sisters,  (bating  Tim,  who  was  in  bed 
sure  enough,  and  died  next  day.)  and  that  baste  Fa- 
ther M'Grath  to  boot.  When"  my  mother  saw  me, 
she  ran  to  me,  and  bugged  me  as  she  wept  on  my 
neck,  and  then  she  wiped  her  eves,  and  sat  down 
again;  bu .  nobody  else  said  'How  d'ye  do,'  or 
opened  their  mouth  to  me.  I  said  to  myself, '  Sure 
there's  some  trifling  mistake  here  '  but  I  held  my 
tongue.  At  last  they  all  opened  their  mouths  with 
a  vengeance.     My   father  commonccd — '  Arn't  you 


PETER  SIMPLE.  W8 

Mhnmed  on  yourself,  Terence  O'Brien  V —  '  Arn'l 
you  asliamcd'  on  yourself,  Terence  O'Brien  V  cried 
rather  M'CJralh. — 'Arn'tyou  ashamed  on  yourself  T' 
cried  out  all  my  broUiers  and  sisters  in  full  chorus, 
whilst  my  poor  mother  put  her  apron  to  her  eyet 
and  said  nothing.  '  The  devil  a  bit  for  myself,  but 
ver\'  mucli  ashamed  for  you  all,'  replied  I,  '  to  treat 
me  in  this  manner.  What's  the  meaning  of  all 
this  V  '  Haven't  they  seized  my  two  cows  to  pay 
for  your  tojigcr)-,  you  spalpeen  ?' cried  my  father. 
'  Haven't  tlicy  taken  the  hay  to  pav  for  your  shoes 
and  stockini];s  ?'  cried  P'nthor  M'Clrath.  'Haven't 
they  taken  the  pit:  to  pay  for  that  ugly  hat  of  yours?' 
cried  my  eldest  sister.  '  .\nd  haven't  they  tnken 
my  hens  to  j)ay  for  tfiat  dirk  of  yours  ?'  '  .Xnd  all 
our  best  furniture  to  pay  for  your  white  shirts  and 
black  cravats  ?'  cried  ^iurduck,  my  brother.  '  And 
haven't  we  been  starved  to  death  ever  since  ?'  cried 
they  all.  '  Och  hone  I'  saiii  my  mother.  '  Tlie  de- 
vil they  have  I'  said  I,  wh«'n  they'd  all  done.  '  Sure 
I'm  sorry  enough,  l)ut  it's  no  fault  of  mine.  Fa- 
ther, din't  you  send  me  to  say  ?'  '  Yes,  you  rappa- 
ree  ;  but  didn't  you  promise — r)r  didn't  I  promise 
for  you,  which  is  all  one  and  the  same  thiiit; — that 
you'd  pay  it  all  bark  with  your  prize  moiifv — and 
where  is  it?  answer  that,  Terence  O'Brien.' 
'Where  is  it,  father?  I'll  tell  you — it's  where 
next  Christmas  is  —  comin'j,  but  not  come  yet.' 
'  Spake  to  him,  I'atlier  M'(irath,'  said  my  father. 
'  Is  not  that  a  lie  of  yours,  Terence  O'Brien,  that 
you're  after  tellin;;  now?"  said  Father  M'(irath; 
'  \l\\e  me  the  money.'  Mt's  no  lie,  Father  M'(Jrath; 
if  it  pleased  you  to  die  to-morrow,  the  devil  of  a 
shillin-^  have  1  tojin-jle  on  your  t(>nd)stone  fur  jt<kk1 
luck,  batin<,'  those  three  or  four,  which  you  may  di- 
Tide  between  you,'  and  1  threw  them  rm  the  floor. 

'"Terence  O'Brien.'  said  Father  M'(iruth,  '  it's 
absolution  that  you'll  l*c  wanting  to-morrow,  aft«r 
all  your  sins  and  enormities-,  and  the  devil  a  bit 
•hall  vou  have — take  that  now.' 


101  PETER  SIMPLE. 

"  •  Father  jM'Grath,'  replied  I,  very  angrily,  'it's 
no  absolution  that  Fll  want  from  you,  any  how- 
take  that  now.' 

'• '  Then  you  have  had  your  share  of  heaven  5  for 
I'll  keep  you  out  of  it.  you  wicked  monster/  said 
Father  M'Grath — '  take  that  now.' 

"'  If  it's  no  better  than  a  midshipman's  berth, ' 
replied  I,  '  I'd  just  as  soon  stay  out ;  but  I'll  creep 
in  in  spite  of  you — take  that  now,  Father  M'Grath.' 

"  'And  who's  to  save  your  soul,  and  send  you  to 
heaven,  if  I  don't,  you  wicked  wretch'  but  I'll  see 
you  d— — d  first — so  take  that  now,  Terence  O'Bri- 
en.' 

"  '  Then  I'll  turn  Protestant,  and  damn  the  pope 
^-take  that  now.  Father  M'Grath.' 

'•At  this  last  broadside  of  mine,  my  father  and 
all  my  brothers  and  sisters  raised  a  cry  of  horror, 
and  my  mother  burst  into  tears.  Father  M'Grath 
seized  hold  of  the  pot  of  holy  water,  and  dipping 
in  the  little  whisk,  began  to  sprinkle  the  room,  say- 
ing a  latin  prayer,  while  they  all  went  on  squalling 
at  me.  At  last,  my  father  seized  the  stool,  which 
he  had  been  seated  upon,  and  threw  it  at  my  head.  I 
dodged,  and  it  knocked  down  Father  M'Grath,  who 
had  just  walked  behind  me  in  full  song.  I  knew  that 
it  was  all  over  after  that,  so  I  sprang  over  his  carcass 
and  gained  the  door.  '  Good  morning  to  ye  all,  and 
better  manners  to  you  next  time  we  meet,'  cried  I, 
and  oft'  I  set  as  fast  as  I  could  for  the  ship. 

'•  I  was  melancholy  enough  as  I  walked  back, 
and  thought  of  what  had  passed.  '  I  need  not  have 
been  in  such  a  confounded  hurry,'  said  I  to  myself, 
'  to  ask  leave,  thereby  aff'ronting  the  first  lieutenant  j' 
and  I  was  very  sorry  for  what  I  had  said  to  the 
priest,  for  my  conscience  thumped  me  very  hard  at 
naving  even  pretended  that  I'd  turn  Protestant, 
which  I  never  intended  to  do,  nor  ever  will,  but 
live  and  die  a  good  Catholic,  as  all  my  posterity 
have  done  before  me,  and,  as  I  trust,  all  my  ances- 


PETER  SIMPLE.  1C5 

tors  Will  for  generations  to  come.  Well,  I  arrived 
on  board,  and  the  first  lieutenant  was  very  savage. 
I  hoped  he  would  get  over  it,  but  he  never  did;  and 
he  continued  to  treat  me  so  ill,  that  1  determined 
toquit  the  ship,  which  I  did  as  soon  as  we  arrived 
in  Cawsand  Bay.  Tlie  captain  allowed  me  to  go, 
for  1  told  hiin  the  whole  truth  of  the  matter,  and  he 
saw  that  it  was  true;  so  he  recommended  me  to 
the  captain  of  a  jackass  frigate,  who  was  in  want 
of  midshipmen." 

'•  What  do  you  mean  by  a  jackass  frigate  V  in- 
quired I. 

"  I  mean  one  of  your  twenty-eight  gun  ships  :  so 
called,  because  there  is  as  much  difference  between 
tlicin  and  a  real  frigate,  like  the  one  we  are  sailing 
in,  as  there  is  between  a  donkey  and  a  race-liorse. 
Well,  the  ship  was  no  sooner  brought  down  to  the 
dock-yard  to  have  her  ballast  taken  in,  than  our 
captain  came  down  to  her — a  little,  thin,  spare 
man,  but  a  man  of  weight  nevertheless,  for  he 
brought  a  great  pair  of  scales  with  him,  and  weigh- 
ed every  thing  that  was  put  on  board.  1  forget  his 
real  name,  but  the  sailors  christened  him  captain 
Avoirdupois.  He  had  a  large  book,  and  in  it  he  in- 
serted the  weight  of  the  ballast,  and  of  the  shot, 
water,provision3,coals,  standing  and  running  rigging, 
cables,  and  every  thing  else.  Then  he  weighed  all 
the  mcn,and  all  the  midshipmen,  and  all  the  midship- 
men's chests,  and  ail  the  otficcrs,  and  every  thin^ 
belonging  to  them ;  la.stly,  he  weighed  himself, 
which  did  not  add  much  to  the  sum  total.  I  don't 
exactly  know  what  tiiis  was  for  ;  but  he  was  always 
talking  about  centres  of  gravity,  disjilacement  of 
fluid,  and  Lord  knows  what.  I  believe  it  was  to  find 
out  the  longitude,  somehow  or  other,  but  I  didn't 
remain  long  enough  in  her  to  know  the  end  of  it ; 
for  one  day  I  brought  on  board  a  pair  of  new  boots, 
which  I  forgot  to  report  that  they  might  l)C  put  into 
the  scales  which  swanj  on  the  gangway  ;  and  whe- 


lOG  PETER  SIMPLE. 

ther  the  captaiu  thought  that  they  would  sink  his 
ship,  or  for  what  I  cannot  tell,  but  he  ordered  me 
to  quit  her  immediately — so  tliere  I  was  adritl 
again.  I  packed  up  my' traps  and  went  on  shore, 
putting  on  my  new  boots  out  of  spite,  and  trod  into 
all  the  mud  and  mire  I  could  meet,  and  walked  up 
and  down  from  Plymouth  to  Dock  until  I  was  tired, 
as  a  punishment  to  them,  until  1  wore  the  scoun- 
drels out  in  a  fortnight. 

"One  day  I  was  in  the  dock-yard,  looking  at  a 
two-decker  in  the  basin,  just  brought  forward  for 
service,  and  I  inquired  who  was  to  be  the  captain. 
They  told  me  that  his  name  was  O'Connor.  Then 
he's  a  countryman  of  mine,  thought  I,  and  I'll  try 
my  luck.  So  1  called  at  Goud's  Hotel,  where  I 
was  lodging,  and  requested  to  speak  with  him.  I 
was  admitted,  and  I  told  him,  with  my  best  bow, 
that  I  had  come  as  a  volunteer  for  his  ship,  and  that 
my  name  was  O'Brien.  As  it  happened,  he  had 
some  vacancies,  and  liking  my  brogue,  he  asked  me 
in  what  ships  I  had  served.  I  told  him,  and  also 
my  reason  for  quitting  my  last — which  was.  because 
I  was  turned  out  of  it.  1  explained  the  story  of  the 
boots,  and  he  made  inquiries,  and  found  that  it  was 
all  true  ;  and  then  he  gave  me  a  vacancy  as  master's 
mate.  We  were  ordered  to  South  America,  and 
the  trade  winds  took  us  there  in  ajiffey.  I  liked 
my  captain  and  officers  very  much  ;  and  what  was 
better,  we  took  some  good  prizes.  But  somehow 
or  other  I  never  had  the  luck  to  remain  long  in  one 
ship,  and  that  by  no  fault  of  mine ;  at  least,  not  in 
this  instance.  AH  went  on  as  smooth  as  possible, 
until  one  day,  the  captain  took  us  on  shore  to  a  ball, 
at  one  of  the  peaceable  districts.  We  had  a  very 
merry  night  of  it ;  but  as  luck  would  have  it,  I  had 
the  morning  watch  to  keep,  and  see  the  decks 
cleaned,  and  as  I  never  neglected  my  duty,  I  set 
off  about  three  o'clock  in  the  morning,  just  at  bresik 
of  day,  to  go  on  board  of  the  ship.     I  was  walking 


PKTEK  blMl'LE.  107 

along  the  sands,  thinking  of  the  pretty  girl  that  I'd 
been  dancing  with,  and  had  got  about  halfway  to 
the  ship,  when  three  rapparees  of  Spanish  sol- 
diers came  from  behind  a  rock  and  attacked  me 
with  their  swords  and  bayonets.  I  had  only  my 
dirk,  but  I  was  not  to  be  run  through  for  nothing, 
so  I  fought  them  as  long  as  I  could.  1  finished  one 
fellow,  but  at  last  they  finished  me  ;  for  a  bayonet 
passed  through  my  body,  and  1  forgot  all  about  it. 
Well,  it  appears — for  I  can  only  say  to  the  best  of 
my  knowledge  and  belief — that  after  thev  had  killed 
me,  they  stripped  me  naked  and  buried  nic  in  the 
sand,  carrying  away  with  them  the  body  of  their 
comrade.     So  there  I  was — dead  and  buried." 

"  But,  O'Brien,"  said  I— 

"  Whist — hold  your  tongue — you've  not  heard 
the  end  of  it.  Well,  I  had  been  buried  about  an 
hour — but  not  very  deep  it  appears,  for  they  were 
in  too  great  a  hurry — when  a  fisherman  and  his 
daughter  came  along  the  beach,  on  their  way  to 
the  Doat ;  and  the  daughter,  Cod  bless  her  I  did  me 
the  favor  to  tread  upon  my  nose.  It  was  clear  that 
she  had  never  trod  upon  an  Irishman's  nose  before, 
for  it  suqirised  her,  and  she  looked  down  to  see 
what  was  there,  and  not  seeing  any  thing,  she  tried 
it  again  with  her  foot,  and  then  she  scraped  off  the 
sami,  and  discovered  njy  pretty  face.  1  was  quite 
warm  and  still  breathing,  for  the  sand  had  stopped 
the  blood,  iind  prevented  my  bleeding  to  death. 
The  fisherman  pulled  me  out,  and  took  me  on  his 
back  to  the  house  where  the  ca})t:iin  and  offuers 
were  still  dancing.  When  he  brought  me  in,  there 
waa  a  great  cry  from  the  ladies,  not  because  I  waa 
murdered,  for  they  are  used  to  it  in  those  countries, 
but  because  I  was  naked,  which  they  considered  a 
much  more  serious  affair.  I  was  put  to  bed,  and  a 
boat  despatched  on  board  for  our  doctor;  and  in  a  few 
hours  I  was  able  to  speak,  and  tell  Utem  how  it 
happened.     But  I  waa  too  ill    to  move   when  the 


108  PETER  SIMPLE. 

ship  sailed,  which  slie  was  obliged  to  do  in  a  day 
or  two  afterwards,  so  the  captain  made  out  my  dis- 
charge, and  left  me  there.  The  family  were  French, 
and  I  remained  with  them  six  months  before  I 
could  obtain  a  passage  home,  during  which  I  learnt 
their  language,  and  a  very  fair  allowance  of  Spanish 
to  boot.  When  I  arrived  in  England,  1  found  that 
the  prizes  had  been  sold,  and  that  the  money  was 
ready  for  distribution.  I  produced  my  certihcate, 
£U)7  for  my  share.  So  it's  come  at  last,  thought  I. 
'•  I  never  had  such  a  handful  of  money  in  my 
life  ;  but  I  hope  I  shall  again  very  soon.  I  spread 
it  out  on  the  table  as  soon  as  I  got  home,  and 
looked  at  it,  and  then  I  said  to  myself,  '  iXow, 
Terence,  O'Brien,  will  you  keep  this  money  to 
yourself  or  send  it  home  ?'  Then  I  thought  of  Fa- 
ther M'Grath,  and  the  stool  that  was  thrown  at  my 
head,  and  I  was  very  near  sweeping  it  all  back  into 
my  pocket.  But  then  I  thought  of  my  mother,  and 
of  the  cows,  and  the  pig,  and  the  furniture,  all 
gone  ;  and  of  my  brothers  and  sisters  wanting  pra- 
ties, and  I  made  a  vow,  that  I'd  send  every  farthings 
of  it  to  them,  after  which  Father  M'Grath,  would 
no  longer  think  of  not  giving  me  absolution.  So 
I  sent  them  every  doit,  only  reserving  for  myself 
the  pay  which  I  had  received,  amounting  to  about 
£30 ;  and  1  never  felt  more  happy  in  my  life  than 
when  it  was  safe  in  the  post-office,  and  fairly  out 
of  my  hands.  I  wrote  a  bit  of  a  letter  to  my  father 
at  the  time,  which  was  to  this  purpose  : — 

"  Honored  Father  : 
"  Since  our  last  pleasant  meeting,  at  which  you 
threiV  the  stool  at  my  head,  missing  the  pigeon  and 
hitting  the  crow,  I  have  been  dead  and  buried,  but 
am  now  now  quite  well,  thank  God.  and  want  no 
absolution  from  Father  M'Grath,  bad  luck  to  him. 
And  what's  more  to  the  point,  I  have  just  received 
a  batch  of  prize    money,  tlie  first  I  have    handled 


I'ETER  SIMI'LK.  109 

since  I  have  served  his  majesty,  and  every  fathing 
of  which  I  now  send  to  you,  that  you  may  get  ba^^k 
your  your  old  cows,  and  the  pii/,  and  all  the  revt  of 
the  articles  seized  to  pay  for  my  fitting  out ;  to  ne- 
ver again  ask  nic  whether  I  am  not  ashamed  of  my- 
self; more  shame  to  you  for  abusing  a  dutiful  con 
like  myself,  v.lio  went  to  sea  at  your  bidding,  and 
has  never  had  a  real  goo<l  potato  down  his  throat 
ever  sinre.  I'm  a  true  O'Brien,  tell  my  mother, 
and  don't  mane  to  turn  Protestant,  but  upliold  the 
religion  of  my  country  ;  although  the  devil  may 
take  Father  Al'CJrath  and  his  holy  water  to  boot. 
I  slian't  come  and  see  you,  as  perhaps  you  may 
have  anotlicr  tstool  ready  for  my  head,  and  may  tako 
better  aim  next  time  ;  so  no  more  at  present  from 
your  affectionate  son. 

'  Tkrenck  O'Brien.' 

"  About  three  weeks  after^vards  I  received  a  let- 
ter from  my  fither.  telling  me  that  I  was  a  real 
O'Brien,  and  that  if  any  one  dared  to  hint  to  tlie 
contrary,  he  would  break  every  bone  in  his  body  j 
that  they  had  received  the  money,  and  thanked  mc 
for  a  real  gentlemen  as  I  was  ;  that  I  should  have 
the  best  stool  in  the  house  next  time  I  came,  not  for 
my  head,  but  for  my  tail  ;  that  F'athcr  M'Clrath  sent 
me  his  blessing,  and  had  given  me  absolution  for  all  I 
had  done,  or  should  do  for  the  next  ten  years  to 
come  ;  that  my  mother  ha<l  cried  with  joy  at  my 
dutiful  behavior;  and  that  all  i:iy  brothers  and  sis- 
ters, (bating  Tim,  who  had  di^d  the  day  after  I  left 
them,)  wished  me  good  hirk,  and  nlentymore  pri/e- 
money  to  send  home  to  them.  '1  his  was  all  very 
pleasant ;  and  I  had  nothing  l"ft  on  my  mind  but  to 
get  another  ship  ;  so  I  went  to  the  port-ridiniral, 
and  tohl  him  how  it  was  that  I  left  \ny  hist;  and  he 
said,  '  that  lieing  dead  and  buried  was  quite  r,u!fi- 
cient  re.'.son  for  a:<y  o!<c  leTvin-^  his  ship,  :i;id  t!iat 
he  would  procure  me  arnHlicr,  now  that  1  had  como 


no  PETER  SIMPLE. 

to  life  again.'  I  was  sent  on  board  of  the  guard 
ship,  v.here  I  remained  about  ten  days,  and  then 
v.as  sent  round  to  join  this  frigate — and  so  my  sto- 
ry's ended ;  and  there's  eight  bells  striking — so  the 
watch  is  ended  too  3  jump  down  Peter,  and  call 
Robinson,  and  tell  him  that  I'll  trouble  him  to  for- 
get to  go  to  sleep  again  as  he  did  the  last  time,  and 
leave  me  here,  kicking  my  heels  ,  contrary  to  tiie 
rules  and  regxilations  of  the  service." 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

The  Hist  liciittii.iiil  has  more  pntieiiU— Mr.  Cliucks  tlie  boalswiiin  Ir!8 
me  into  iJie  secret  of  bis  geiitili'y. 

Befork  I  proceed  with  my  narrative,  I  wish  to 
explain  to  the  reader  that  my  history  was  not  writ- 
ten in  after-life,  when  I  had  obtained  a  greater 
knowledge  of  the  world.  When  I  first  v.ent  to 
sea,  I  promised  my  mother  that  I  would  keep  a 
journal  of  what  passed,  with  my  reflections  upon 
it.  To  this  promise  I  rigidly  adhered,  and  since  1 
have  been  my  own  master,  these  journals  have  re- 
mained in  my  possession.  In  writing,  therefore, 
the  early  part  of  my  adventures,  every  thing  is 
stated  as  it  was  impressed  on  my  mind  at  the  time. 
Upon  many  points  I  have  since  had  reason  to  form  a 
different  opinion  from  that  which  is  recorded,  and 
upon  many  others  I  have  since  laughed  heartily  at 
my  folly  and  simplicity ;  but  still,  I  have  thought  il 
advisable  to  let  the  "ideas  of  the  period  remain, 
rather  than  correct  them  by  those  of  dear-bought 
experience.  A  boy  of  fifteen,  brought  up  in  a  se- 
cluded country  town,  cannot  be  expected  to  reason 
and  judge  as  a  young  man  who  has  seen  much  of 


PETER  SIMPLE.  HI 

life,  and  pissed  through  a  variety  of  adventures. 
The  reader  must  therefore  remember,  that  I  have 
referred  to  my  journal  for  the  opinions  and  feelings 
which  guided  me  between  each  distinct  annivtrsa- 
f}-  of  my  existence. 

We  had  now  been  cruising  for  six  weeks,  and  I 
found  that  my  profession  was  much  more  agreeable 
than  I  had  anticipated.  My  desire  to  please  was 
taken  for  the  deed  ;  and  although  1  occasionally 
made  a  blunder,  yet  the  captain  and  first  lieutenant 
seemed  to  think  that  I  wa^  attentive  to  my  duty  to 
tlie  best  of  my  ability,  and  only  smiled  at  my  mis- 
takes. I  also  discovered,  that  however  my  natural 
capacity  may  have  been  estimated  by  my  family, 
tliat  it  was  not  so  depreciated  here  ;  and  every  day  I 
felt  more  confidence  in  myself,  and  hoped,  by  at- 
tention and  diligence,  to  make  up  fur  a  want  of 
natural  endowment.  There  certainly  is  something 
in  the  life  of  a  sailor  which  enlarges  tiie  mind. 
When  I  was  at  home  six  months  before,  1  allowed 
other  people  to  think  for  me,  and  acted  wholly  on 
the  leading-strings  of  their  suggestion  ;  on  board, 
to  the  best  of  my  ability,  I  tliought  fur  myself  1 
became  happy  with  my  messmates — tliose  who  were 
harsh  upon  me  left  off,  because  I  never  resented 
their  conduct,  and  those  who  were  kind  to  me  were 
even  kinder  than  b<.'f<)rc.  The  time  flew  away 
quickly,  1  suppose,  bccau.=e  I  knew  exactly  what  I 
hail  to  df,  and  each  day  was  llie  forerunner  of  the 
ennuing. 

The  first  lieutenant  was  one  of  the  most  amusing 
men  I  ever  knew,  yet  he  never  relaxed  from  tiie 
discipline  of  the  service,  or  tool;  the  lea.st  liberty 
with  ''ither  his  superiors  or  inferiors.  His  l.umor 
was  piiaci[>ally  shtjwn  in  luv  various  modes  of  pun- 
ishment;  ni'l.  however  severe  tlie  punishment  wa» 
to  the  party.  t!ie  m  inner  of  iiiliicling  it  was  iava- 
riibly  a  s(>ur(  c  of  amuseineul  to  the  rvmainder  of 


IV  a  s( 
ship's 


the  snip's  company.     I  often  thought,  that  although 


112  PETER  SIMPLE. 

no  individual  liked  being  punished,  yet  that  all  the 
ship's  company  were  quite  pleaded  when  a  punish- 
ment took  place.  He  was  very  particular  about  his 
decks  ;  ihey  were  always  as  white  as  snow,  and 
nothing  displeased  him  so  much  as  their  being  soil- 
ed. It  was  for  that  reason  that  he  had  such  an  ob- 
jection to  the  use  of  tobacco.  There  were  spitting- 
pans  placed  in  different  parts  of  the  decks  for  the 
use  of  the  men,  that  they  might  not  dirty  the  planks 
•*vith  the  tobacco  juice.  Sometimes  a  man  in  his 
hurry  forgot  to  use  these  pans,  but  as  the  mess  to 
which  the  stain  might  be  opposite  had  their  grog 
stopped  if  the  party  were  not  found  out,  they  took 
good  care  not  only  to  keep  a  look-out,  but  to  inform 
against  the  offender.  Now  the  punishment  for  the 
offence  was  as  follows — the  man's  hands  were  tied 
behind  his  back,  and  a  large  tin  spitting-box  fixed 
to  his  chest  by  a  strap  over  the  shoulders.  All  the 
other  boxes  on  the  lower  deck  were  taken  away, 
and  he  was  obliged  to  walk  there,  ready  to  attend 
the  summons  of  any  man  who  might  wish  to  empty 
his  mouth  of  the  tobacco  juice.  The  ot  ler  men 
were  so  pleased  at  the  fancy,  that  they  sp.it  twice 
as  much  as  before,  for  the  pleasure  of  making  him 
run  about.  Mr.  Chucks,  the  boatswain,  called  it 
"  the  first  lieutenant's  prcamhulating  spitting-pan.'' 
He  observed  to  me  one  day  "  that  really  Mr.  Fal- 
con was  such  an  e-picure  about  his  decks,  that  he 
was  afraid  to  pudding  an  anchor  on  the  forecastle." 
1  was  much  amused  one  morning  watch  that  I 
kept.  We  were  stowing  the  hammocks  in  the 
quarterdeck  nettinge,  when  one  of  the  boys  came 
up  with  his  hammock  on   his  shoulder,  and  as  be 

Eassed  the  first  lieutenant,  the  latter  perceived  that 
e  had  a  quid  of  tobacco  in  his  cheek.  "What 
have  you  got  there,  my  good  lad — a  gum-bile  ? — 
your  cheek  is  very  much  swelled."  "No,  sir,"  re- 
plied the  boy,  "there's  nothing  at  all  the  matter." 
"  O  there  must  be  ;  it  is  a  bad  tooth,  then.     Open 


FF.TF.R  SIMPLt:.  llS 

vour  mojitli.  and  lei  me  sec.''  Verv  reluctantly  the 
boy  opened  his  uioutli,  and  discovered  a  large  roll 
of  tobacco  leaf.  "  1  see,  I  see,  "  said  tlie  first  lieu- 
tenant, "your  mouth  wants  overhauling,  and  your 
teeth  cleaning.  I  wish  we  had  a  dentist  on  board  j 
lut  as  wc  Iiavc  not,  I  will  operate  as  well  as  1  can. 
Send  the  armorer  up  here  with  his  tongs."  Wheo 
the  armorer  made  his  appearance,  the  boy  waa 
made  to  open  his  mouth,  while  the  chaw  of  tobacco 
was  extracted  with  his  rough  instrument.  "  Thert 
now,"'  said  the  first  lieutenant,  "  I  am  sure  that  vou 
must  feel  Letter  already  ;  }ou  never  could  have  nad 
a:iy  appetite,  ^ow,  captain  of  the  afterguard,  bring 
a  piece  of  old  canvas  and  some  sand  here,  and  clean 
his  teeth  nicely."'  The  captain  of  tl:e  afterguard 
came  forward,  nutting  the  boy's  head  between  his 
knees,  scrubbed  his  teeth  well  with  the  sand  and 
canvas  for  two  or  three  minutes.  '•  There  that  will 
do,'"  suid  the  first  lieutenant.  "  ]\ow,  my  little  fel- 
low, your  mouth  is  nice  and  clean,  and  you'll  enjoy 
your  breakfast.  It  was  impossible  for  you  to  hav« 
eaten  any  thing  with  your  mouth  in  such  a  nas^ 
st  ite.  \Vh(Mi  It's  dirty  again,  come  to  mc,  and  I'H 
be  your  dentist.' 

One  day  I  was  on  the  forecastle  w  ith  Mr.  Chucks. 
the  boatswain,  who  was  very  kind  to  me.  He  haa 
been  showing  me  how  to  make  the  various  knota 
a:id  bends  <  f  rope  which  are  used  in  our  service.  I 
am  afraid  th.at  I  w;is  xcry  stui)id,  but  he  showed  me 
over  and  over  again,  until  1  learnt  how  to  make 
them.  Amongst  others,  he  taught  me  a  fishennan'i 
1-cnd,  whidi  he  pronounced  to  be  the  kiii^  of  all 
knots  ;  "  and.  Mr.  Simple,'  continued  he,  "  there  is 
a  moral  in  that  kuot.  Vou  observe,  that  when  tl»e 
parta  arc  drawn  tlie  rii^ht  way,  and  together,  the 
more  you  pull  the  fast«'r  they  hold,  and  the  more 
impofisible  to  untie  them  ;  but  see,  by  haulini;  them 
apart,  how  a  little  dillercncc,  a  pull  the  other  way, 
immediately  disunites  them,  and  then  how  eujT 
vo:.  I.  S 


lU  PETER  SIiMPLE. 

they  cast  ofl"  in  a  moment.  That  points  out  the  ne 
cessity  of  pulling  together  in  this  world,  Mr.  Sim- 
ple, when  we  wish  to  hold  on,  and  that's  apiece  of 
philosophy  worth  all  the  twenty-six  thousand  and 
odd  years  of  my  friend  the  carpenter,  which  leads 
to  nothing  but  a  brown  study,  when  he  ought  to  be 
attending  to  his  duty." 

"  Very  true,  Mr.  Chucks,  you  are  the  better  phi- 
losopher of  the  two." 

"1  arn  the  better  educated,  Mr.  Simple,  and  I 
trust,  more  of  a  gentleman.  I  consider  a  gentle- 
man to  be,  to  a  certain  degree,  a  philosopher,  for 
very  often  he  is  obliged  to  support  his  character  as 
Buch,  to  put  up  with  what  another  person  may  very 
properly  tly  in  a  passion  about.  1  think  coolness  is 
the  great  character-stick  of  a  gentleman.  In  the 
service,  Mr.  Simple,  one  is  obliged  to  appear  angry 
without  indulging  the  sentiment.  I  can  assure  you, 
that  I  never  lose  mv  temper,  even  v.hen  I  use  my 
ratan." 

"Why,  then,  Mr.  Chucks,  do  you  swear  so  much 
at  the  men  ?  surely  that  is  not  gentlcm.anly  ?" 

"  Most  certainly' not,  sir.  But  I  must  defend  my- 
self by  observing  the  very  artificial  sute  in  which 
we  live  on  board  of  a  man-of-war.  TSecessity,  my 
dear  Mr.  Simple,  has  no  law  You  must  observe 
how  gently  I  always  commence  when  I  have  to  find 
fault.  I  do  that  to  prove  my  gentility ;  but,  sir,  my 
zeal  for  the  service  obliges  me  to  alter  my  language, 
to  prove  in  the  end  that  I  am  in  earnest.  Nothing 
would  afford  me  more  pleasure  than  to  be  able  to 
carry  on  the  duty  as  a  gentleman,  but  that's  impos- 
sible." 

*'  I  really  cannot  see  why." 

"Perhaps,  then,  Mr.  Simple,  you  will  explain  to 
me  why  the  captain  and  first  lieutenant  swear." 

"  That  I  do  not  pretend  to  answer,  but  they  only 
io  so  upon  an  emergency." 

*'  Exactly  eo  ;  but,  sir,  their  'mcrgency  is  my  dai- 


FETER  SLMl'Li:.  115 

Iv  and  hourly  duty."  Tn  tlic  continual  working  of 
the  sliip  I  am  answerabb  fur  all  that  f-ocs  amiss. 
The  lilu  of  a  boatswaia  is  a  life  of  'niergoncy,  and 
therefore  I  swear.'"' 

"  I  still  cannot  allow  it  to  be  reciuisitc,  and  cer- 
tainly it  is  sinful." 

''  Excuse  me,  my  dear  sir.  it  is  absolutely  requi- 
site, and  not  at  all  sinful.  There  is  one  language 
for  the  pulpit,  and  another  for  on  board  ship,  and, 
in  cither  situation,  a  man  must  make  use  of  those 
terms  most  likely  to  produce  the  necessary  clfect 
upon  his  listeners.  Whether  it  is  I'rom  long  cus- 
tom of  the  service,  or  from  the  indilference  of  a 
sailor  to  all  c«)mmon  thinijs  and  language,  (I  can't 
esrictly  explain  myself,  Mr.  Simple,  but  I  know 
what  f  mean,)  perhnps  constant  excitement  may  do, 
and  therefore  he  requires  more  '  stimilis,'  as  they 
call  it,  to  make  him  move.  Certain  it  is,  that  com- 
mon parlenry  woii't  do  with  a  common  seamen.  It 
is  not  here  as  in  the  Scriptures,  '  Do  tjiis,  and  he 
do.'lh ;'  (by-llie-by,  that  chap  must  have  had  his 
solvlinrs  in  ti^ht  order  ;)  but  it  i.<?,  '  Do  tiiis,  d — n 
your  eyes,'  and  then  it  is  done  directly.  The:  order 
to  do  just  carries  the  woi^'ijt  of  a  cannon  fhot,  but 
it  wants  the  perpellintr  power — tlie  d — n  is  t)ie  :.'un- 
powder  which  sets  it  llying  in  the  execution  of  ita 
duty.     Do  you  cou»j»rehr-nd  me,  Mr.  Simple  ?" 

*'  I  perfectly  understand  you.  Mr.  Cliucks,  and  I 
cannot  help  rcniarkini',  and  tliat  without  liattery, 
tliat  you  are  very  different  from  the  rest  of  the 
warrajit  oflicers.  Where  did  you  receive  your  edu- 
cation 7" 

"  Mr.  Simple,  I  am  here  a  boatswain  with  a  clean 
shirt,  and,  I  say  if  mystrif,  and  no  one  dare  gainsay 
it,  also  with  a  thoroujih  kncvledge  of  my  duty. 
But  althouL;li  I  do  not  say  that  1  was  ever  better  olf, 
I  can  say  thi;?,  that  I've  been  in  tlie  best  Lociely,  in 
t)ie  company  of  lords  and  ladies.  I  onco  dinod  witli 
your  grandfather.'' 


116  PETRR  SIMPLE. 

'•  Thnt's  more  than  e/er  I  did,  for  he  never  risked 
me,  nor  lock  tie  least  notice  of  me,"  replied  I. 

"  What  I  state  is  true.  I  did  not  know  that  lie 
was  you  praiulfather  until  yesterday,  when  I  was 
talking  with  Mr.  O'Brien  ,  but  I  perfectly  recollect 
him,  although  I  was  very  young  at  that  time.  Now, 
Mr.  Simple,  if  you  will  promise  me  as  a  gentlemen, 
(and  I  know  you  are  one.)  that  you  will  not  repeat 
what  I  tell  you,  then  Til  let  you  into  the  history  of 
my  life.-' 

"  Mr.  Chucks,  as  I  am  a  gentleman  I  never  will 
divul:ie  it  until  you  are  dead  and  buried,  and  not 
then  if  you  do  not  wish  it." 

'*  When  I  am  dead  and  buried,  you  may  do  as  you 
please  5  it  may  then  be  of  service  to  other  people, 
although  my  story  is  not  a  very  long  one." 

Mr.  Chucks  then  sat  down  upon  the  fore-end  of 
the  booms  by  the  funnel,  and  1  took  my  place  by 
his  side,  wlien  he  commenced  as  follows  : 

"  Mv  father  was  a  boatswain  before  me — one  of 
the  old  school,  rough  as  a  bear,  and  drunken  as  a 
Gosport  fiddler.  My  motlior  was — my  motl;er.  and 
I  shall  say  no  more.  My  Hitlser  was  invalided  for 
harbor  duty  after  a  life  of  intoxication,  and  died 
shortly  afterwards.  In  the  mean  time  I  had  been, 
by  the  kindness  of  the  port-admiral's  wife,  educated 
at  a  foundation  school.  I  was  thirteen  when  mv 
father  died,  and  my  mother,  not  knowing  what  to 
do  with  me,  wished  to  bind  me  apprentice  to  a 
merchant  vesfol ;  but  this  I  refused,  and,  after  six 
months'  quarrelling  on  the  subject,  I  decided  the 
point  by  volunteering  in  the  ZVarcissus  frigate.  * 
believe  tliat  my  gentlemanly  ideas  were  innate,  Mr. 
Simple  ;  1  never,  as  a  child,  could  bear  the  idea  of 
the  merchant  service.  After  I  had  been  a  week 
on  board,  I  was  appointed  servant  to  tlie  purser, 
where  I  gave  such  s.itisfacticn  by  my  alertness  and 
dexterity,  that  t!ie  first  lieutenant  took  me  away 
from  the  purser  to  attend  upon  himself,  so  that  in 


I'ETER  SIMPLE.  117 

two  months  1  was  a  person  of  such  conseciuence 
as  to  create  a  disturbance  in  the  gunroom,  for  the 
purser  was  very  angrv,  and  many  of  the  rjificers  took 
nis  part.  It  was  whispered  that  I  w;i:j  the  son  of 
the  tirst  heutenant,  and  tljat  he  was  aware  of  it. 
How  far  tliat  may  be  true  I  know  not,  but  there 
was  a  likeness  between  us ;  and  my  mother,  who 
was  a  very  pretty  woman,  attended  his  sliip  many 
years  before  as  a  bumboat  girl.  1  can't  pretend  to 
say  any  thing  about  it.  but  this  I  do  say,  Air.  Simple 
— and  many  will  blame  me  for  it  but  1  can't  lielp 
my  natural  feelings — that  I  had  rather  be  the  bye- 
blow  of  a  gentleman,  than  the  'gitimate  oH'spring 
of  a  boatswain  and  his  wife.  Tliere's  no  chance 
of  good  blood  in  your  veins  in  the  latter  instance, 
whereas,  in  the  former,  you  may  have  stolen  a  drop 
or  two.  It  so  happened,  tiiat  aAer  I  had  served 
the  first  lieutenant  lor  about  a  year,  a  young  lord 
(I  must  not  mention  his  name.  Mr.  Simple)  w;ls 
sent  to  sea  by  his  friends,  or  by  his  own  choice,  1 
don't  know  whicli,  but  I  was  told  that  his  uncle, 
who  was  'zeckative,  and  had  an  interest  in  his  death, 
persuaded  him  to  go.  \  lord  at  tliat  period,  some 
twenty-five  years  ago,  was  a  rarity  in  the  service, 
and  thev  u.sed  to  salute  him  when  he  came  on 
board,  'i'lie  consequence  was  that  the  young  lord 
must  have  a  servant  to  himself,  although  all  the 
rest  of  the  midshipmen  ha«i  but  one  servant  between 
them.  The  captain  imjuired  who  was  the  best  boy 
in  the  ship,  antl  the  purser,  to  whom  he  apjicaled, 
recommended  me.  Accordingly,  much  to  the  an- 
noyance of  tlie  first  lieutenant,  (for  first  lieutenants 
in  those  days  did  not  assume  as  they  do  now,  not 
that  I  refer  to  Mr.  Falcon,  who  is  a  gentleman,)  I 
WEB  immediately  surrendered  to  his  lordship.  I 
had  a  very  ea^y.  comfortable  life  of  it — I  did  little 
or  nothing ;  if  inquired  for  when  all  hands  were 
turned  un,  I  was  cleaning  hi«  lordxhip's  boots,  or 
brushing  liis  lordship's  clothes,  and  there  was  noth- 


110  PETER  SIiMPLE. 

ing  to  be  said  when  his  lordship's  name  was  men- 
tioned. "We  went  to  the  Mediterranean,  (because 
his  lordship's  mamma  wislied  it,)  and  we  had  been 
there  about  a  year,  when  his  lordship  ate  so  many 
grapes  tliat  he  was  seized  with  a  dysenter}'.  He 
was  ill  for  three  weeks,  and  then  he  requested  to 
be  sent  to  Malta  in  a  transport  going  to  Gibraltar, 
or  rather  to  the  Barbary  coast,  for  bullocks.  He 
became  worse  every  dny  and  made  his  v.-ill,  leaving 
me  all  his  effects  on  board,  which  I  certainly  de- 
served for  the  kindness  with  v.hich  I  had  nursed 
him.  Off  Malta  we  fell  in  with  a  xebeque,  bound 
to  Civita  Vecchia,  and  the  captain  of  the  transport, 
anxious  to  proceed,  advised  our  going  on  board  of 
her,  as  the  wind  was  light  and  contrary,  and  these 
Mediterranean  vessels  sailed  better  on  a  wind  than 
the  transport.  My  master,  who  was  now  sinking 
fast,  consented,  and  we  changed  our  shij^s.  The 
next  day  he  died,  and  a  gale  of  wind  came  on, 
which  prevented  us  from  gaining  the  port  for  several 
days,  and  the  body  of  his  lordship  not  only  become 
so  offensive,  but  affected  the  superstil.on  of  the 
Catholic  sailors  so  much,  that  it  was  hove  overboard. 
None  of  the  people  could  speak  English,  nor  could 
I  speak  Maltese  ;  they  had  no  idea  who  we  were, 
and  I  had  plenty  of  time  for  cogitation.  I  had  oJlen 
thought  what  a  line  thing  it  was  to  be  a  lord,  and 
as  often  wished  that  I  had  been  born  one.  The 
wind  was  still  against  us,  when  a  merchant  vessel 
ran  down  to  us,  that  had  left  Civita  Vecchia  for 
Gibraltar.  I  desired  the  captain  of  the  xebeque  to 
make  a  signal  of  distress,  or  rather  I  did  myself, 
and  the  vessel,  which  proved  to  be  English,  bore 
down  to  us. 

"  I  manned  the  boat  to  go  on  board,  and  the  idea 
came  into  my  head,  that,  although  they  might  re- 
fuse to  take  me,  that  they  would  not  refuse  a  lord. 
I  put  on  the  midshipman's  uniform  belonging  to 
his  lordship,  (but  then  certainly  belonging  to  me,) 


PETER  SIMPLE.  119 

and  went  aloneside  of  the  merchant  vessel;  told 
them  that  1  had  left  my  ship  for  the  benefit  of  my 
health,  and  wanted  a  passage  to  Gibraltar,  on  my 
way  home.  My  title,  and  immediate  acceptanc* 
of  the  terms  demanded  for  my  passage,  was  suffi- 
cient. My  property  was  brought  from  the  xebcque  ; 
and,  of  course,  as  tlicy  could  not  speak  English, 
they  could  not  cuislrailict,  even  if  they  suspected. 
Here,  Mr.  Simple,  I  must  acknowledge  a  slight  flaw 
in  my  early  history,  which  1  impart  to  you  .u  confi- 
dence 5  or  otherwise  I  should  not  have  been  able 
to  prove  that  I  was  correct  in  asserting  that  1  had 
dined  with  your  grandfather.  But  the  temptation 
was  too  strong,  and  1  could  not  resist.  Think  your- 
self, Mr.  Simple,  after  having  served  as  a  slap's  boy 
— clouted  here,  kicked  there,  damned  by  one,  and 
sent  to  hell  by  another — toiind  myself  treated  with 
such  respect  and  deference,  and  my  lorded  this  and 
my  lorded  that,  every  minute  of  the  day.  During 
my  passage  to  Gibraltar,  1  had  plenty  of  time  lor 
arranging  my  plans.  I  liardly  need  say  that  my 
lord's  kit  was  valuable  ;  and  what  was  better,  they 
exactly  fitted  me.  1  also  had  his  watches  and  trin- 
kets, and  many  other  tilings,  besides  a  bag  of  dollars. 
However,  they  were  honestly  mine  ;  and  the  only 
thing  that  1  took  waa  his  name,  which  he  had  no 
further  occasion  for,  poor  fellow  1  But  it's  no  use 
defending  what  was  wrong — it  was  dishonest,  and 
tliere's  an  end  of  it. 

"  iS'ow  ob»erve,  Mr.  Simple,  how  one  thing  leads 
to  another,  I  declare  to  you,  that  my  first  idea  of 
making  use  of  his  lordship's  name,  was  to  [)rocure 
a  passage  to  Gibraltir.  1  then  waa  undecided  how 
to  act  J  but,  as  1  had  charge  of  his  papers  and  letters 
to  his  mother  and  guardian,  I  think — indeed  1  am 
almost  sure — that  I  should  have  laid  a«idc  my 
dignity  and  midshipman's  dress,  and  applied  for  a 
passage  home  to  the  commissioner  of  the  yard. 
But  it  was  fated  to  be  otherwise  ;  for  the  master 


120  PETER  SIMPLE. 

of  the  transport  went  on  shore  to  report  ami  obtain 

Eratique,  and  he  told  them  everywhere  that  young 
.ord  A was  a   passenger   with   him    goinj  to 

England  for  the  benefit  of  his  health.  In  less  than 
half  an  hour,  oif  came  the  commissioner's  boat,  and 
another  boat  from  the  governor,  requesting  the 
honor  of  my  company,  and  that  1  would  tnke  a  bed 
at  their  houses  during  my  stay.  What  could  I  do  ? 
I  began  to  be  frightened  ;  but  I  was  more  afraid  to 
confess  that  I  was  an  impostor,  for  I  am  sure  the 
master  of  the  transport  alone  would  have  kicked 
me  overboard,  if  I  havd  let  him  know  that  he  had 
been  so  confounded  polite  to  a  ship's  boy.  So  I 
blushed  half  from  modesty  and  half  from  guilt,  and 
accepted  the  invitation  of  the  governor;  sending  a 
polite  verbal  refusal  to  the  commissioner,  upon  the 
plea  of  there  being  no  paper  or  pens  on  board.  I 
toad  so  often  accompanied  my  late  master,  that  I 
knew  vei-y  well  how  to  conduct  myself,  and  had 
borrowed  a  good  deal  of  his  air  and  appearance — 
indeed,  I  had  a  natural  taste  for  gentility.  I  could 
write  and  read ;  not  perhaps  so  well  as  I  ought  to 
have  done,  considering  the  education  I  had  reccircd; 
but  still  quite  well  enough  for  a  lord,  and  indeed 
much  better  than  my  late  master.  I  knew  his  sig- 
nature well  enough,  although  the  very  idea  of  being 
forced  to  use  it  made  me  tremble.  However,  the 
die  \^as  cast.  I  ought  to  observe,  that  in  one  point 
we  were  not  unlike — both  had  curly  light  hair  and 
blue  eyes;  in  other  points  there  was  no  resemblance. 
I  was  by  far  the  better  looking  chap  of  the  two ; 
and  as  we  had  been  up  the  Alediterranean  for  two 
years,  I  had  no  fear  of  any  doubt  as  to  my  identity 
until  1  arrived  in  England. 

"Well,  Mr.  Simple,  I  dressed  myself  venr  care- 
folly,  put  on  my  chains  and  rings,  and  a  little  per- 
fume in  my  handkerchief  and  accompanied  the  aid- 
de-camp  to  the  governor's,  where  I  Avas  asked  after 
my  mother  Lady ,  and  my  uncle,  my  guardian, 


PETER  SIMPLE.  121 

»nd  a  hundred  other  qurstioiis.  At  first  I  was  much 
confused,  which  was  attributed  to  bashfulness  ;  and 
so  it  was,  but  not  of  the  right  sort.  But  before  the 
day  was  over,  I  had  become  so  acrustomed  to  be 
called  '  inv  lord,'  and  to  my  situation,  that  1  was 
quite  at  my  ease,  and  bepan  to  watrli  the  motions 
and  behavior  of  the  company,  that  I  might  regulate 
my  comportment  by  that  of  good  society.  I  re- 
mained at  Ciibraltar  for  a  fortnight,  and  then  was 
offered  a  passage  in  a  transport  ordered  to  Plymouth. 
Being  an  officer,  of  course  it  was  free  to  a  certain 
extent.  On  my  passage  to  England.  I  again  made 
up  my  mind  that  I  would  put  off"  mv  dress  and  title 
as  soon  as  I  could  escape  from  observation  ;  but  ] 
was  prevented  as  before.  The  port-admiral  sent 
off"  to  request  the  pleasure  of  my  company  to  din- 
ner. I  dared  not  refuse ;  and  there  I  was  my  lord, 
as  before,  courted  and  feasted  by  everybody. 
Tradesmen  called  to  request  the  honor  of  my 
lordship's  custom  ;  my  table  at  the  hotel  was  cov- 
ered with  cards  of  all  descriptions ;  and  to  confess 
the  truth,  I  liked  my  situation  so  much,  and  had 
been  so  accustomed  to  it,  that  I  now  began  to  dis- 
like the  idea  that  one  day  or  other  I  must  resign  it, 
wh'ch  I  determined  to  (lo  as  soon  as  1  quitted  the 
place.  My  bill  at  the  hotel  was  very  e.ttravagant, 
and  more  than  I  could  pay  5  but  the  master  said  it 
was  not  of  the  least  c<)nse<|uenre  :  that  of  course 
his  lordship  had  not  providt-d  himself  with  cash, 
just  coming  from  forrign  part.s,  and  offered  to  sup- 
ply me  witn  money  if  I  required  it.  This,  I  will 
say.  I  was  honest  enough  to  refuse.  I  lelt  my  cards, 
P.  P.  C,  aa  they  do,  Mr.  Simple,  in  all  well  regu- 
lated society,  and  set  off  in  the  mail  for  London, 
where  I  fully  resolved  to  drop  my  title,  and  to  pro- 
ceed to  Scotland  to  his  lordship's  mother,  with  the 
mournful  intelligence  of  his  death — for  you  see, 
Mr.  Simple,  no  one  knew  that  his  lordship  was  dead. 
The  c^taju  of  the  transport  had  put  him  into  the 


122  PETER  SIMPLE. 

xebeque  alive,  and  the  vessel  bound  to  Gibraltar 
had  received  him,  as  they  imagined.  The  captam 
of  the  frigate  had  very  soon  afterwards  advices  from 
Gibraltar,  stating  his  lordship's  recovery  and  return 
to  England.  Well,  I  had  not  been  in  the  coach 
more  than  five  minutes,  when  who  should  get  in 
but  a  gentleman  whom  I  had  met  at  the  port-admi- 
rals  5  besides  which,  the  coachman  and  others 
knew  me  very  well.  When  I  arrived  in  London, 
(1  still  wore  my  midshipman's  uniform,)  I  went  to  an 
hotel  recommended  me,  as  I  afterwards  found  out, 
the  most  fashionable  in  town,  my  title  still  follow- 
ing me.  I  now  determined  to  put  off  my  uniform, 
and  dress  in  plain  clothes — my  farce  was  over.  I 
went  to  bed  that  night,  and  the  next  morning  made 
my  appearance  in  a  suit  of  mufty,  making  inquiry 
of  the  waiter  which  was  the  best  coveyance  to 
Scotland. 

"  '  Post  chay  and  four,  my  lord.  At  what  time 
shall  I  order  it  V 

"  'O,'  replied  I,  'I  am  not  sure  that  I  shall  go 
to-morrow.' 

"Just  at  this  moment  in  came  the  master  of  the 
hotel,  with  the  'Morning  Post'  in  his  hand,  making 
me  a  low  bow,  and  pointing  to  the  insertion  of  my 
arrival  at  his  hotel  among  the  fashionables.  This 
annoyed  me  ;  and  now  that  I  found  how  difficult  it 
was  to  get  rid  of  my  title,  I  became  particularly 
anxious  to  be  William  Chucks,  as  before.  Before 
twelve  o'clock,  three  or  four  gentlemen  were  ush- 
ered into  my  sitting-room,  who  observing  my  arrival 
in  that  damned  Morning  Post,  cam,e  to  pay  their 
respects ;  and  before  the  day  was  over,  I  was  invi- 
ted and  re-invited  by  a  dozen  people.  I  found  that 
I  could  not  retreat,  and  I  went  away  with  the 
stream,  as  I  did  before  at  Gibraltar  and  Portsmouth. 
For  three  weeks  1  was  everywhere :  and  if  I  found 
it  agreeable  at  Portsmouth,  how  much  more  so  in 
London  !    But  I  was  not  happy,  Mr.  Simple,  because 


I'ETKR  SIMlT.i:.  123 

I  was  a  cheat,  every  momriit  cxpocting^  to  l)c  fcund 
out.     But  it  really  was  a  nice  thing  to  be  a  lord. 

''.\t  la^t  the  play  was  over.  I  had  hocn  enticed 
by  some  young  men  into  a  gambling-hf)use,  wliere 
they  intended  to  Heece  me  ;  but,  for  the  first  night, 
they  allowed  me  to  win,  I  think,  about  3(X)/.  1  was 
quite  delighted  with  my  success,  and  had  agreed  to 
meet  them  the  next  evening ;  but  when  1  was  at 
breakfast,  with  my  legs  crossed,  reading  tl>e  Morn- 
ing Post,  who  should  corns  to  see  me  but  my  guar- 
dian uncle.  He  knew  his  nephew's  features  too 
well  to  be  deceived  ;  and  my  not  recognising  him 
proved  at  once  that  1  was  an  impostor.  You  must 
allow  me  to  hasten  over  the  scene  which  took  place 
— the  wralli  of  tlu;  uncle,  tlic  confusion  in  the  hotel, 
the  abuse  of  the  waiters,  the  police  olRcer,  and 
being  dragged  into  a  hackney-coach  to  Bow-street. 
There  I  was  examined  and  confessed  all.  The 
uncle  was  so  glad  to  find  that  his  nephew  was  really 
dead,  that  he  felt  no  resentment  towards  me ;  and 
as,  after  all,  I  had  only  assumed  a  name,  but  had 
chented  nobody,  except  the  lindlord  at  Portsmouth, 
1  was  sent  on  board  the  tender  off  the  Tower,  to 
be  drafted  into  a  man-of-war.  .\s  for  my  ;K)Oi.,  my 
clothes,  etc.  I  never  heard  anymore  of  them;  they 
were  seized,  I  presume,  by  the  landlord  of  the  hotel 
for  my  bill,  and  very  handsomely  he  must  have  paid 
himself  I  had  two  rings  on  my  lingers,  and  a 
watch  in  my  pocket,  when  I  wa.s  sent  on  board  the 
tender,  and  I  stowed  them  away  very  carefully.  I 
had  also  a  few  pounds  in  my  purse.  I  was  sent 
round  to  Plymoudi,  where  I  was  drafted  into  a 
frigate.  After  1  had  been  there  some  time,  I  turn- 
ed the  watch  ami  rings  into  money,  and  bought 
myself  a  go<Kl  kit  of  clothes;  for  I  could  not  bear 
to  be  dirty.  1  was  put  into  tlie  mizen-top,  and  no 
one  knew  that  I  hiul  been  a  lord." 

"You  found  some  dirterencc,  I  should  Uiink,  in 
your  situation  ?"' 


124  PETER  SIMPLE. 

"  Yes,  I  did,  Mr.  Simple  5  but  I  was  much  happi- 
er. I  could  not  forget  the  ladies,  and  the  dinners, 
and  the  opera,  and  all  the  delights  of  London,  be- 
sides the  respect  paid  to  my  title,  and  I  often  sigh- 
ed for  them  5  but  the  police-officer  and  Bow-street 
also  came  to  my  recollection,  and  I  shuddered  at 
the  remembrance.  It  had,  however,  one  good  ef- 
fect} I  determined  to  be  an  officer  if  I  could,  and 
learnt  my  duty,  and  worked  my  way  up  to  quarter- 
master, and  thence  to  boatswain — and  I  know  my 
duty,  Mr.  Simple.  But  Fve  been  punished  for  my 
folly  ever  since.  I  formed  ideas  above  my  station 
in  life,  and  cannot  help  longing  to  be  a  gentleman. 
It's  a  bad  thing  for  a  man  to  have  ideas  above  his 
station." 

"You  certainly  must  find  some  difference  between 
the  company  in  London  and  that  of  the  warrant  of- 
ficers." 

''It's  many  years  back  now,  sir}  but  I  can't  get 
over  the  feeling.  I  can't  'sociate  with  them  at  all. 
A  man  may  have  the  feelings  of  a  gentleman,  al- 
though in  an  humble  capacity;  but  how  can  I  be 
intimate  with  such  people  as  Mr.  Dispart  or  Mr. 
Muddle,  the  carpenter  ?  Allven.'  well  in  their  way, 
Mr.  Simple,  but  what  can  you  expect  from  officers 
who  boil  their  'tators  in  a  cabbage-net  hanging  in 
the  ship's  coppers,  when  they  know  that  there  is 
one  third  of  a  stove  allowed  them  to  cook  their  vic- 
taals  on. 


PETER  SIMPLE.  115 


CHAPTER  XV. 

I  go  oa  terrlce  and  am  made  |  haoiirr  by  an  old  lady,  wlm,  not  able  U> 
obtain  my  band,  takes  part  of  my  fingrr  a*  a  token— O'BrirL  rcKues 
me — a  lee  ■<  ire  and  narrow  escape. 

Two  or  three  days  after  this  conversation  with 
Mr.  Chucks,  the  captain  ran  the  frigate  in  shore, 
and  when  within  five  miles  wc  discovered  two  ves- 
sels under  the  land.  We  made  all  sail  in  chase, aiid 
cut  them  off  from  escaping  round  a  sandy  point 
which  they  attempted  to  weather.  Finding  that 
they  could  not  effect  their  purpose,  they  ran  on 
shore  under  a  small  battery  of  two  guns,  which  com- 
menced firing  upon  us.  The  first  shot  wiiich  whiz- 
zed between  ll.e  masts  had  to  me  a  most  terrific 
60und,  but  llic  officers  and  men  laughed  at  it,  so  of 
course  I  pretended  to  do  the  same,  but  in  reality  I 
could  see  n<ilhiug  to  laugh  at.  The  captain  order- 
ed the  starboard  watch  to  be  piped  to  quarters,  and 
the  boats  to  be  cleared,  ready  to  be  hoisted  out: 
we  then  anchored  within  a  mile  of  the  battery  and 
returned  the  fire.  Jn  the  mean  time,  tlie  r<-m:iiiider 
of  the  ship's  company  hoisted  out  and  lowered  down 
four  boats,  which  were  maimed  ai.d  armed  to  storm 
the  battery.  1  was  vt-ry  anxious  to  go  on  service, 
and  O'Brien,  who  had  command  of  tlie  firsit  cutter, 
allowed  me  to  go  with  him,  on  condition  that  1 
stowed  myself  away  under  the  foresheels,  that  the 
captain  mieht  not  see  me  l>el't»re  the  boats  had  shov- 
ed off.  This  I  did,  and  was  not  discovered.  W'v 
pulled  in  abreast  towards  the  battery,  ami  in  less 
than  ten  minutes  the  boats  were  run  <in  the  beach, 
and  we  jumped  out.  The  Frenchmen  fired  a  giiu 
at  us  as  we  pulled  close  to  the  shore,  and  then  ran 
away,  so  that  we  took  jKJSsession  without  any  fight- 
ing, whirh,  to  confess  the  truth.  1  was  not  sorry  ft>r, 
aa  I  did  not  think  that  I  was  old  or  strong  enough 
to  cope  hand  to  hand  with  a  grown  up  iii:mi.    There 


120  PETER  SIMPLE. 

were  a  fow  fishermen's  huts  close  to  the  battery, 
and  while  t'vo  of  the  boats  went  on  board  of  the  ves- 
sels, to  see  if  they  could  be  got  off,  and  others  were 
spiking  the  guns  and  destroying  the  carriages,  I 
went  with  O'Brien  to  examine  them  ;  they  were  de- 
serted by  the  people,  as  might  have  been  supposed, 
but  there  was  a  great  quantity  of  fish  in  tliem,  ap- 
parently caught  that  morning.  O'Brien  pointed  to 
a  very  large  skate — ''  Murder  in  Irish  !"  cried  ho. 
"  it's  the  verj-  ghost  of  ray  grandmother  3  we'll  have 
her  if  it's  only  for  the  family  likeness.  Peter,  put 
your  finger  into  the  gills,  and  drag  her  down  to  the 
boat."  I  could  not  force  my  finger  into  the  gills, 
and  as  the  animal  appeared  quite  dead,  I  hooked  my 
finger  into  its  mouth  :  but  I  made  a  sad  mistake,  for 
the  animal  was  alive,  and  immediately  closed  its 
jaws,  nipping  my  finger  to  the  bone,  and  holding  it 
so  tight  that  I  could  not  withdraw  it,  and  the  pain 
was  too  great  to  allow  me  to  pull  it  away  by  main 
force,  and  tear  my  finger,  which  it  held  so  fast. 
There  I  was,  caught  in  a  trap,  and  made  a  prisoner 
by  aflat-fish.  Fortunately,  I  hallooed  loud  enough 
to  make  O'Brien,  who  was  closedown  to  the  boats, 
with  a  large  cod-fish  under  each  arm,  turn  round 
and  come  to  my  assistance.  At  first  he  could  not 
help  me  from  laughing  so  much,  but  at  last  he  forc- 
ed open  the  jaw  of  the  fish  with  his  cutlass,  and  1 
got  my  finger  out.  but  very  badly  torn  indeed.  I 
then  took  off  my  garter,  tied  it  round  the  tail  of  the 
skate,  and  dragged  it  to  the  boat,  which  was  all  rea- 
dy to  shove  off.  The  other  boats  had  found  it  im- 
possible to  get  the  vessels  off  without  unloading — 
so,  in  pursuance  of  the  captain's  orders,  they  were 
set  on  fire,  and  before  we  lost  sight  of  them,  had 
burnt  down  to  the  water's  edge.  My  finger  was  ve- 
ry bad  for  three  weeks,  and  the  officers  laughed  at 
ine  very  much,  saying  that  I  narrowly  escaped  be- 
ing made  a  prisoner  of  by  an  '-old  maid." 

We  continued  our  cruise  alons  the  coast,  until 


PETER  SIMPLE.  Ii7 

we  had  run  down  into  the  Bay  of  Arcason,  where 
we  captured  two  or  three  vessels  and  obliged  many 
more  to  run  onshore.  And  here  we  had  an  instance 
showing  how  very  important  it  is  that  a  captain  of  a 
man-of-war  should  be  a  good  sailor,  and  have  his 
ship  in  such  disipline  as  to  be  strictly  obeyed  by  his 
sliip's  company.  I  heard  the  officers  unanimously 
assert,  after  tne  danger  was  over,  that  nothing  but 
the  presence  of  mind  which  was  shown  by  Captain 
Savage  could  have  saved  the  ship  and  her  crew. 
We  had  chased  a  convoy  of  vessels  to  the  bottom 
of  the  bav  :  the  wind  was  very  fresh  when  we  haul- 
ed oft',  after  running  them  on  sliore,  and  the  surf  on 
the  beach  even  at  that  time  was  so  great,  that  they 
wore  certain  to  go  to  pieces  before  they  could  be 
got  afloat  again.  We  were  obliged  to  doublc-recf 
the  topsails  as  soon  as  we  hauled  to  the  wind,  and 
the  weather  looked  very  threatening.  In  an  hour 
afterwards,  the  whole  sky  was  covered  with  one 
black  cloud,  which  sank  so  low,  as  nearly  to  touch 
our  mast-heads,  and  a  tremendous  sea, 'which  ap- 
peared to  have  risen  up  almost  by  magic,  rolled  m 
upon  us,  setting  the  vessel  on  a  dead  lee  shore.  ,\s 
the  night  closed  in,  it  blew  a  dreadful  gale,  and  t!:e 
ship  was  nearly  buried  with  tlie  press  of  canvass 
wli'cli  she  was  obliged  to  carry  ;  for  had  we  sea 
room,  wc  should  have  been  lying-to  under  storm 
staysails  ;  but  wc  were  forced  to  carry  on  at  all  risks, 
that  we  might  claw  oft"  shore.  The  seas  broke  over 
as  we  lay  in  the  trough,  delugmg  us  with  water  from 
the  forecastle,  aft,  to  the  binnacles  ;  and  very  often 
as  the  ship  descende<i  with  a  plunge,  it  was  with 
such  force  that  1  really  thought  she  would  divido 
in  half  with  the  violence  of  the  shock.  Double 
breechingH  were  rove  on  the  guns,  and  they  were 
further  secured  with  tackles,  and  strong  cleats  nail- 
ed behind  the  trunnions,  for  we  hoc  led  over  so  much 
when  we  lurrliod.  that  the  guns  were  wholly  sup- 
ported by  the  breerhiiigs  ann  tackles,  and  l:ad   ono 


128  PETER  SIMPLE. 

of  them  broken  loose,  it  must  have  burst  right 
through  the  lee  side  of  the  ship,  and  she  must  have 
foundered.  The  captain,  first  lieutenant,  and  most 
of  the  officers,  remained  on  deck  during  the  whole 
of  the  night;  and  really,  what  with  the  howling  of 
the  wind,  the  violence  of  the  rain,  the  washing  of 
the  water  about  the  decks,  the  working  of  the  chain 
pumps,  and  the  creaking  and  groaning  of  the  tim- 
bers, I  thought  that  we  must  inevitably  have  been 
lost;  and  I  said  my  prayers  at  least  a  dozen  times 
during  the  night,  for  I  felt  it  impossible  to  go  to 
bed.  I  had  often  wished,  out  of  curiosity,  that  I 
might  be  in  a  gale  of  wind,  but  I  little  thought  it 
was  to  have  been  a  scene  of  this  description,  or  any 
thing  half  so  dreadful.  What  made  it  more  appal- 
ling was,  that  we  were  on  a  lee  shore,  and  the 
consultations  of  the  captain  and  officers,  and  the  ea- 
gerness with  which  they  looked  out  for  daylight,  told 
us  that  we  had  other  dangers  to  encounter  besides 
the  storm.  At  last  the  morning  broke,  and  the  look- 
out man  upon  the  gangway  called  out,  "  Land  on  the 
lee  beam."  I  perceived  the  master  dash  his  fist 
against  the  hammock  rails,  as  if  with  vexation,  and 
walk  away  without  saying  a  w'ord,  and  looking  very 
grave.. 

"  Up,  there,  Mr.  Wilson,"  said  the  captain,  to  the 
second  lieutenant,  "  and  see  how  far  the  land  trends 
forward,  and  whether  you  can  distinguish  the  point." 
The  second  lieutenant  went  up  the  main-rigging, 
and  pointed  with  his  hand  to  about  two  points  be- 
fore the  beam. 

''Do you  see  two  hillocks  inland  ?" 

"Yes,  sir,"  replied  the  second  lieutenant. 

■Then  it  is  so,"  observed  the  captain  to  the  mas- 
ter, '-'and  if  we  weather  it,  we  shall  have  more  sea 
room.  Keep  her  full,  and  let  her  go  through  the 
water  ;  do  you  hear,  quarter-master  ?" 

"  Ay,  ay,  sir." 

'•Thus,  and  no  nearer,  mv  man.     Ease  her  witli 


PETER  SIMPLE.  129 

a  ipoke  or  two  when  she  sends ;  but  be  careful,  or 
she'll  take  the  wheel  out  of  your  hands." 

It  really  was  a  very  awful  sight.  When  the  ship 
was  in  the  trough  of  the  sea,  you  could  distinguisn 
nothing  but  a  waste  of  tumultuous  water ;  but  w  hen 
she  was  borne  up  on  the  summit  of  the  enormous 
wavep,  you  then  looked  down,  as  it  were,  upon  a 
low,  sandy  coast,  close  to  you,  and  covered  with 
foam  and  breakers.  "  She  behaves  nobly,"  observ- 
ed the  ca{)tain,  stepping  aft  to  the  binnacle,  and 
looking  at  the  compass  ;  '•  if  the  wind  does  not  baffle 
us,  we  shall  weather."  The  captain  had  scarcely 
time  to  make  the  observation,  when  the  sails  shiv- 
ered and  flapped  like  thunder.  "  Up  with  the  helm: 
what  are  you  about,  quarter-msister  1" 

''  The  wind  has  headed  us,  sir,"  replied  the  quar- 
ter-master, coolly. 

The  captain  and  master  remained  at  the  binnacle 
watching  the  compass,  and  when  the  sails  were 
again  full,  she  had  broken  off  two  points,  and  the 
point  of  land  was  only  a  little  on  the  lee  bow. 

"  We  must  wear  her  round,  Mr.  Falcon.  Hands, 
wear  ship — ready,  oh,  ready." 

"  She  has  come  up  again,"  cried  the  master,  who 
was  at  the  binnacle. 

"  Hold  fast  there  a  minute.  How's  her  head 
now  ?" 

•'  N.  N.  E.,  as  she  was  before  she  broke  off,  sir." 

"  Pipe  belay,"  said  the  captain.  "  Falcon,"  con- 
tinued hr,  ''  if  she  breaks  oft  again  we  may  have  no 
room  to  wear ;  indeed  there  is  so  little  room  now, 
that  I  must  run  the  risk.  Which  cable  was  ranged 
last  night — tlie  best  bower  V 

*'  Yea,  sir." 

"  Jump  down,  then,  and  see  it  double  billed  and 
stoppered  at  thirty  faliioms.  See  it  well  done — our 
lives  may  dejjcnd  uj>on  il." 

Tlie  ship  continued  to  hold  her  courtic  good  ;  and 
we  were  within  half  a  mile  of  tlic  point,  and  fully 

TOL.  I.  y 


130  PETER  SIMPLE. 

expected  to  weather  it,  when  again  the  wet  and 
heavy  sails  flapped  in  the  wind,  and  the  ship  broke 
off  two  points  as  before.  The  officers  and  seamen 
were  aghast,  for  the  ship's  head  was  right  on  to  the 
breakers.  •'  Lutf,  now,  all  you  can,  quarter-ma.ster," 
cried  the  captain.  •'  Seiid  the  men  vd't  directly.  My 
lads,  there  is  no  time  for  words — I  nm  going  to  club- 
haul  the  ship,  for  there  is  no  room  to  wear.  The 
only  chance  you  have  of  safety,  is  to  be  cool,  watch 
my  eye,  and  execute  my  oiders  with  precision.  A- 
way  to  your  stations  for  tacking  ship.  HaiTds  by 
the  best  bower  anchor.  Mr.  Wilson  attend  below 
with  the  carpenter  and  his  mates,  ready  to  cut  away 
the  cable  at  the  moment  that  I  give  the  order.  Si- 
lence there,  fore  and  aft.  Quarter-master,  keepher 
full  again  for  stays.  Mind  you  ease  the  hslm  down 
when  I  tell  you!"  About  a  minute  passed  before 
the  captain  gave  any  further  orders.  The  ship  had 
closed-to  within  a  quarter  of  a  mile  of  the  beach 
and  tl.e  waves  curled  and  topped  around  us,  bearing 
us  down  upon  the  shore,  which  presented  one  con- 
tinued surface  of  foam,  extending  to  within  half  a 
cable's  length  of  our  position,  at  which  distance 
the  enormous  waves  culminated  and  fell  with  the 
report  of  thunder.  The  captain  waved  his  hand 
in  silence  to  the  quarter-master  at  the  wheel,  and 
the  helm  was  put  down.  The  ship  turned  slowly 
to  the  wind,  pitching  and  chopping  as  the  sails  were 
spilling.  When  she  had  lost  her  way.  the  captain 
gave  the  order.  '■  Let  go  the  anchor.  We  will  haul 
all  at  once,  Mr.  Falcon,"  said  the  captain.  iS^ot  a 
word  was  spoken,  the  men  went  to  the  forebracc, 
which  had  not  been  manned  ;  most  of  them  knew, 
although  I  did  not,  that  if  the  ship's  head  did  not 
go  round  the  other  way,  we  should  be  on  shore.. 
and  among  the  breakers,  in  half  a  minute.  I  thought 
at  the  time  that  the  captain  had  said  that  he  would 
haul  all  the  yard.;  at  once,  there  appeared  to  be 
doubt  or  dissent  on    the    countenance    of  Mr.  Fal- 


PETER  SIMPLE.  131 

con  -,  and  I  was  afterwards  told  that  he  had  not 
an^reed  with  the  raptain,  but  he  was  too  good  an 
officer,  mid  knew  that  there  was  no  time  for  dis- 
cussion, to  make  any  remark  ;  and  the  event  proved 
that  the  captain  was  right.  At  last  the  ehip  was 
head  to  wind,  and  the  captain  gave  the  signal.  The 
yards  Hew  round  with  such  a  creaking  noise,  that  I 
thought  the  mast  had  gone  over  the  side,  and  the 
next  moment  the  wind  had  caught  the  sails,  and 
the  ship,  which  for  a  moment  or  two  had  been  oh 
an  even  keel,  careened  over  to  her  gunnel  with  its 
force,  'i'he  cnptain,  who  stood  upon  the  weather 
hammock  rails,  holding  by  the  main-rigging,  order- 
ed the  helm  a-midships,  looked  full  at  tne  sails, 
and  then  at  the  cable,  which  grew  broad  upon  the 
weatiier  bow,  and  held  the  ship  from  nearmg  the 
shore.  At  last  he  cried,  "  Cut  away  the  cable." 
A  few  strokes  of  the  axes  were  heard,  and  then 
the  cable  llew  out  of  the  hawse-hole  in  a  blare  of 
fire,  from  the  violence  of  the  friction,  and  disap- 
peared under  a  liuyo  wave,  which  struck  us  on  the 
chess-trcc,  and  delu^jod  us  with  water  fore  and  aft. 
But  wc  were  now  on  the  other  tack,  and  the  ship 
regained  her  way,  and  we  had  evidently  increased 
our  distan'-e  from  the  land. 

"My  lads,"  said  tlie  captain  to  the  shin's  compa- 
ny, *'  you  have  b<;haved  well,  and  I  thanlc  you  ;  but 
I  must  tell  you  honestly,  that  we  have  more  difli- 
(;u;,.i(s  In  L'ct  throuch.  We  have  to  weather  a 
point  of  the  bay  on  this  tack.  Mr.  I'alcon,  splice 
the  main  brace,  and  call  the  watch.  How's  her  head, 
quarter-maj;ter  /" 

'•  S.  W.  by  S.  Southerly,  sir." 

"  Wary  well ;  let  her  g(»  tlirnugh  the  water ;''  and 
the  caittaiii  beckoning  lo  the  master  to  follow  him, 
went  df)Wii  into  the  cabin.  As  our  imnictliate  dan- 
ger w;us  over.  I  went  down  into  the  berth  to  see  if 
I  could  get  any  tliiu'j  for  breakfast,  whirr  I  found 
O'Brien  and  two  or  llir<  c  more. 


138  PETER  SIMPLE. 

"  By  the  powers,  it  was  as  nate  -i  thing  as  ever  I 
saw  done,"  observed  O'Brien  ;  ••  the  slightest  mis- 
take as  to  time  and  management,  and  at  this  mo- 
ment the  flatfish  would  have  been  dubbing  at  our 
ugly  carcasses.  Peter,  you  are  not  fond  of  flatfish, 
are  you,  my  boy  1  We  may  thank  Heaven  and  the 
captain,  I  can  tell  you  that,  ray  lads  5  but  now, 
Where's  the  chart,  Robinson  ?  Hand  me  down  the 
parrallel  rules  and  compasses,  Peter — tliey  are  in 
the  corner  of  the  shelf.  Here  we  arc  now,  a  de- 
vilish sight  too  near  this  infernal  point.  Who  knows 
how  her  head  is  V 

"  I  do,  O'Brien  ;  I  heard  the  quarter-master  tell 
the  captain,  S.  W.  by  S.     Southerly." 

"  Let  me  see,"  continued  O'Brien,  "  variation 
2  1-4— lee  way — rather  too  large  an  alloNvance  of 
that,  I'm  afraid  5  but,  however,  we'll  give  her  2  1-2 
points ;  the  Diomede  would  blush  to  make  any 
more,  under  any  circumstances.  Here — the  com- 
pass— now,  we'll  see  ;''  and  O'Brien  advanced  the 
parrallel  rule  from  the  compass  to  the  spot  where 
the  ship  was  placed  on  the  chart.  "  Bother  I  you 
see  it's  as  much  as  she'll  do  to  weather  the  other 
point  now  on  this  tack,  and  that's  what  the  captain 
meant,  when  he  told  us  we  had  more  difficulty.  1 
could  have  taken  my  Bible  oath  that  we  were  clear 
of  every  thing,  if  the  wind  held.'' 

'•  See  what  the  distance  is,  O'Brien,"  said  Rob- 
inson. It  was  measured,  and  proved  to  be  thirteen 
miles.  '•  Only  thirteen  miles  3  and  if  we  do  weather, 
we  shall  do  very  well,  for  the  bay  is  deep  beyond. 
It's  a  rocky  point,  you  see,  just  by  way  of  variety. 
Well,  my  lads,  I've  a  piece  of  comfort  for  you,  any 
how.  It's  not  long  that  you'll  be  kept  in  suspense, 
for  by  one  o'clock  this  day,  you'll  either  be  congrat- 
ulating each  other  upon  your  good  luck,  or  you'll  be 
past  praying  for.  Come,  put  up  the  chart,  for  I  hate 
to  look  at  melancholy  orospects  ;  and,  steward,  see 
what  vou  can  find  in  the   wav  of  comfort."     Some 


PETER  SIMPLE.  13S 

bread  and  cheese,  with  tlie  reinainy  of  yesterday't 
boiled  pork,  were  put  on  the  table,  with  u  bottle  of 
rum,  procured  at  the  time  "  they  spliced  tiie  main- 
brace  ;"  but  we  were  all  too  anxious  to  eat  uiuch, 
and  one  by  one  returned  on  deck,  to  see  how  the 
weather  was.  and  if  the  wind  at  all  favored  us.  On 
deck  the  superior  officers  were  in  conversation  with 
the  captain,  who  had  expressed  the  same  fear  that 
O'Brien  had  in  our  berth.  The  men,  who  knew 
what  they  had  to  expect — for  this  sort  of  intelli- 
gence is  soon  communicated  through  a  ship — were 
aiisembled  in  knots,  looking  very  grave,  but  at  the 
same  time  not  wanting  in  confidence.  They  knew 
that  they  could  trust  to  the  captain,  as  far  as  skill 
or  courage  could  avail  them,  and  sailors  are  too 
sanguine  to  despair,  even  at  the  last  moment.  As 
for  myself,  I  felt  such  admiration  for  the  captain, 
after  what  1  had  witnessed  that  morning,  that  when- 
ever the  idea  came  over  me,  that  in  all  probability 
I  should  be  lost  iu  a  few  hours,  I  could  not  help 
acknowledging  how  much  more  serious  it  was  that 
such  a  man  should  be  lost  to  his  country.  1  do  not 
intend  to  say  that  it  consoled  me  :  but  it  certainly 
made  me  still  more  regret  the  chances  with  which 
we  were  threatened. 

Before  twelve  o'clock,  the  rocky  point  which  we 
eo  much  dreaded  was  in  sight,  broad  on  the  lee- 
bow  ;  and  if  the  low.  sandy  coast  appeared  terrible, 
how  much  more  did  this,  even  at  a  distance  :  the 
black  masses  of  rock,  covered  with  foam,  which 
each  minute  dashed  up  in  the  air  higher  than  our 
lower  mast  heads.  'i"ho  captain  eyed  it  for  some 
minutes  in  silence,  as  if  in  calculation. 

''Mr.  Falcon,''  said  he  at  last,  "  we  must  put  the 
mainsail  on  her." 

"  She  never  can  bear  it,  sir." 

*'  She  niuxt  bear  it,"  was  the  reply.  "  Send  the 
men  aft  to  the  mninsheet.  See  that  careful  men 
attend  the  buntlinef."' 


lU  PETER  SIMPLE. 

The  mainsail  «as  set,  and  the  efiect  of  it  updtl 
the  ship  was  tremendous.  She  careened  over  so 
iix-.t  Jier  lee  channels  v.ere  under  tlie  water,  and 
when  pressed  by  a  sea.  the  lee  side  of  the  quarter- 
deck and  gangway  were  afloat.  She  now  yemindeci 
me  of  a  ijoaded  and  fiery  horse,  mad  with  the  stim- 
ulus applied  ;  not  rising  as  before,  but  forcing  her- 
self through  whole  seas,  and  dividing  the  waves, 
which  poured  in  one  continual  torrent  from  the 
forecastle  down  upon  the  decks  below.  Four  men 
were  secured  to  the  wheel — the  sailors  were  obliged 
to  cling,  to  prevent  being  washed  away — the  ropes 
were  thrown  in  confusion  to  leeward — the  shot  roll- 
ed out  of  the  lockers,  and  every  eye  was  fixed  aloft, 
watching  the  masts,  which  w-ere  expected  every 
moment  to  go  over  the  side.  A  heavy  sea  struck 
us  on  the  broadside,  and  it  was  some  moments  be- 
fore the  ship  appeared  to  recover  herself ;  she  reel- 
ed, trembled,  and  stopped  her  way.  as  if  it  had  stu- 
pified  her.  The  first  lieutenant  looked  at  the  cap- 
tain, as  if  to  say,  "This  will  not  do."  •'  It  is  our 
only  chance,'"  answered  the  captain  to  the  appeal. 
That  the  ship  went  faster  through  the  water,  and 
held  a  better  wind,  v.as  certain  ;  but  just  before  we 
arrived  at  the  point,  the  gale  increased  in  force. 
'•  If  any  thing  starts,  we  are  lost,  sir,'"  observed  the 
first  lieutenant  acrain. 

'•  I  am  perfectly  aware  of  it."  replied  the  captain, 
in  a  calm  tone  ;  "  but  as  I  said  before,  ai>d  you 
must  now  be  aware,  it  is  our  only  chance.  The 
consequence  of  any  carelessness  or  neglect  in  the 
fitting  and  securing  of  tlie  rigging,  will  be  felt  now  ; 
and  this  danger,  if  we  escape  it,  ought  to  remind  is 
how  much  we  have  to  answer  for,  if  we  neglect 
our  dLty.  The  lives  of  a  whole  ship's  company 
may  be  sacrificed  by  the  neglect  or  incompetence 
of  an  officer  when  in  harbor.  I  will  pay  you  the 
complimont.  Falcon,  to  say,  th.at  1  feel  convinced 
that  the  masts  of  this  siiip  are  as  secure  as  knowl- 
edge and  attention  can  make  them." 


PETER  SIMPLE.  136 

The  first  lieutenant  thaiiketl  the  captain  for  his 
good  opinion,  and  hoped  it  would  not  be  the  last 
compliment  which  he  i)aid  liim. 

'*  1  hope  not  too  :  but  a  few  minutes  will  decide 
the  point."'  The  bhip  was  now  within  two  cables' 
length  of  the  rocky  point ;  some  few  of  the  men  I 
observed  to  clasp  tlieir  hands,  but  most  of  tliem 
were  silently  taking  off  their  jackets,  and  kicking 
their  shoes,  that  they  mi<^ht  not  losea  chance  off 
of  escape  i)rovided  llie  ship  struck. 

''  'Twill  be  touch  and  go  indeed,  Falcon,*'  obser- 
ved t!;e  captain,  (for  1  had  clung  to  Uie  belaying 
pins,  close  to  them,  fur  the  hist  half-hour  tJiat  the 
mainsail  had  been  set.)  ••Come  aft,you  and  I  must 
take  the  helm.  We  shall  wajil  net-ve  there,  and  only 
there,  now." 

The  ca|)tain  and  first  lieutenant  went  afl,  and 
took  the  fore  spokes  of  the  wheel,  and  O'Brien,  at 
a  sign  made  by  the  captain,  laid  hold  of  li.e  spokes 
behind  him.  An  old  quarter-master  kept  his  sta- 
tion at  the  fourth.  The  roaring  of  the  seas  on  the 
rocks,  witli  the  howling  of  tlie  wind,  were  dread- 
ful ;  but  tlie  si!,'ht  was  more  dreadful  tlian  tlie  noise. 
P'or  a  few  moments  I  shut  my  eyes,  but  anxiety 
forced  ine  to  open  tliem  again.  As  near  as  1  could 
judge,  we  were  not  twenty  yards  from  the  rocks, 
at  the  time  that  the  ship  j.assed  abreast  of  them. 
We  were  in  the  niid.t  of  the  foam,  which  boiled 
around  us;  and,  as  the  shii)  was  driven  nearer  to 
them,  and  careened  with  the  wave,  I  thou^'ht  that 
our  yard-arm  would  have  touched  llu;  rork  ;  and  at 
this  moment  a  gust  of  wind  came  on,  whirli  laid 
the  ship  on  her  beam-ends,  and  checked  lier  pro- 
gress through  t!ie  water,  while  the  accumulated 
noise  was  deafcninij.  A  few  moments  more  the 
■hip  dragjjfed  on,  another  wave  dashed  over  hcj-  and 
upent  itself  upon  the  rocks,  v.hile  the  s|)ray  was 
dashed  back  from  them,  and  returned  upon  the 
decks.     Tl'.e  main  rock  was  within  ten  yards  of  hor 


136  PETER  SIMPLE. 

counter,  when  another  gust  of  wind  laid  us  on  our 
beam-ends,  the  foresail  and  mainsail  split,  and  were 
blown  clean  out  of  the  bolt  ropes — the  ship  righted, 
trembling  fore  and  aft.  I  looked  astern:— the  rocks 
were  to  windward  on  our  quarter,  and  were  safe.  1 
thought  at  the  time,  that  the  ship  relieved  of  her 
courses,  and  again  lifting  over  the  waves,  was  not  a 
bad  similitude  of  the  relief  felt  by  us  all  at  that  mo- 
ment ;  and,  like  her,  we  trembled  as  we  panted 
with  the  sudden  reaction,  and  felt  the  removal  of 
the  intense  anxiety  which  oppressed  our  breasts. 

The  captain  resigned  the  helm,  and  walked  aft 
to  look  at  the  point,  which  was  now  broad  on  the 
weather  quarter.  In  a  minute  or  two,  he  desired 
Mr.  Falcon  to  get  new  sails  up  and  bend  them,  and 
then  went  below  to  his  cabin.  I  an^  sure  it  was  to 
thank  God  for  our  deliverance ;  I  did.  most  fervent- 
ly, not  only  then,  but  when  I  went  to  my  hammock 
at  niirht.  We  were  now  comparatively  safe — in  a 
few  hours  completely  so  ;  for  strange  to  say,  im- 
mediately after  we  had  weathered  the  rocks,  the 
gale  abated,  and  before  morning  we  had  a  reef  out 
of  the  topsails.  It  was  my  forenoon  watch,  and 
perceiving  Mr.  Chucks  on  the  forecastle,  I  went 
forward  to  him,  and  asked  him  what  he  thought  of 
it. 

"  Thought  of  it,  sir!"  replied  he,  "  why  I  always 
think  bad  of  it,  when  the  elements  won't  allow  my 
whistle  to  be  heard  :  and  I  consider  it  hardly  fair 
play.  I  never  care  if  we  are  left  to  our  own  exer- 
tions; but  how  is  it  possible  for  a  ship's  company 
to  do  their  best,  when  they  cannot  hear  the  boat- 
swain's pipe  ?  However,  God  be  thanked,  neverthe- 
less, and  make  better  Christians  of  us  all  As  for 
that  carpenter,  he  is  mad;  just  before  we  weather- 
ed the  point,  he  told  me  that  it  was  just  the  same 
27,600  and  odd  years  ago.  I  do  believe  that  on  his 
death-bed,  (and  he  was  not  far  from  a  very  hard 
•ne  yesterday  )  that  he  will  tell  us  how  he  died  80 


FETKR  SIMPLE.  137 

many  thousand  years  ago,  of  the  same  complaint. 
And  that  gunner  of  ours  is  a  fool.  Would  you  be- 
lieve it,  >ir.  Simple,  he  went  cryin":  about  tlie decks, 
'  O  my  poor  guns,  what  will  become  of  ihem,  if 
they  break  loose  I'  He  appeared  to  consider  it  of 
no  conj-equencc  if  the  ship  and  ship's  company 
were  all  lost,  provided  that  his  guns  were  safely 
landed  on  the  beach.  '  Mr.  Dispart,'  said  1,  at  last, 
'  allow  me  to  observe,  in  the  most  delicate  way  in 
the  world,  that  you're  a  d— d  old  fool.'  You  see, 
Mr.  Simple,  it's'the  duty  of  an  officer  to  generalize, 
and  be  attentive  to  parts,  only  in  consideration  of 
the  safety  ot]  the  whole.  I  look  after  my  anchors 
and  cables,  as  I  do  after  the  rigging  ;  not  that  I  care 
for  them  in  particular,  but  because  the  safety  of  a 
ship  depends  upon  her  being  well  found.  I  might 
just  as  well  cry  because  we  sacrificed  an  anchor 
and  cable  vesterday  morning,  to  save  the  ship  from 
goinir  on  shore." 

"  Very  true,  Mr.  Chucks."  relied  I. 

"  Private  feelings,"  continued  he,  "  must  always 
be  sacrificed  for  the  public  service.  As  you  know, 
the  lower  deck  was  full  of  water,  and  all  our  cabins 
and  chests  were  afloat ;  but  I  did  not  think  then 
about  my  sliirLs,  and  look  at  them  now.  all  blowing 
out  in  the  fororigginir.  without  a  particle  of  starch 
left  in  the  collars  of  tfie  frills.  I  shall  not  be  able 
to  appear  as  an  officer  ought  to  do  for  the  whole 
of  the  cruise." 

A.S  he  said  this,  the  cooper,  going  forward,  passed 
by  him,  and  jostled  him  in  passing.  "  Beg  pardon, 
sir,"  said  the  man,  "  but  the  ship  lurched.'' 

"  The  ship  lurched,  did  it  ?"  replied  the  boatswain, 
who,  I  am  afraid,  was  not  in  the  l)est  of  humors 
about  his  wardrol>o.  '•  .And  pray,  Mr.  Cooper,  why 
has  heaven  granted  you  two  legs,  with  joints  at 
the  knees,  except  to  enable  you  to  counteract  the 
horizontal  deviation  ?  Do  you  suppose  that  thev 
were  meant  for  nothing  but  to  worx  round  a  cask 


138  PETER  SIMPLE. 

with  ?  Hark,  sir.  did  you  take  me  for  a  post  to 
scrub  vour  pig's  hide  against  ?  Allow  me  just  to 
observe,  Mr.  Cooper,  just  to  insinuate,  that  when 
you  pass  an  officer,  it  is  your  duty  to  keep  at  a  re- 
spectable distance,  and  not  to  soil  his  clothes  with 
your  rustv  iron  jacket.  Do  you  comprehend  me. 
sir  J  or  w"ill  this  make  you  recollect  it  in  future  ?" 
The  ratan  was  raised,  and  descended  in  a  shower 
of  blows,  until  the  cooper  made  his  escape  into  the 
head.  '•  There,  take  that,  you  contaminating,  stave- 
dubbing,  gimlet-carrying,  quintescence  of  a  bung- 
hole  !  I  beg  your  pardon,  Mr.  Simple,  for  interrupt- 
ing the  conversation,  but  when  duty  calls,  we  must 
obey." 

"Verj-  true,  Mr.  Chucks.     It's  now  striking  seven 
bells,  and  I  must  call  the  master — so  good-by.'' 


CIL\PTER  XVI. 

News  from  borne— A  fatipic  party  employed  at  Gibraltar — More  partic- 
ulars ill  the  life  of  iMr  Cliucks — Abrusli  with  Uie  enemy— A  court  mar- 
tial and  a  lasting  impression. 

A  FEW  days  afterwards,  a  cutter  joined  us  from 
Plymouth,  with  orders  for  the  frigate  to  proceed 
forthwith  to  Gibraltar,  where  we  should  learn  our 
destination.  We  were  all  very  glad  of  this ;  for  we 
had  had  quite  enough  of  cruising  in  the  Bay  of  Bis- 
cay;  and,  as  we  understood  that  we  were  to  be  sta- 
tioned in  the  Mediterranean,  we  hoped  to  exchange 
gales  of  wind  and  severe  weather,  for  fine  breezes 
and  a  bright  sky.  The  cutter  brought  out  our  let- 
ters and  newspapers.  I  never  felt  more  happy  than 
I  did  when  1  found  one  put  into  my  hands.  It  is 
necessary  to  be  far  from  home  and  friends,  to  feel 
the  real  "delight  of  receiving  a  letter.    I  went  down 


PETER  SIMPLE.  139 

into  the  most  solitary  place  in  the  steerage,  that  f 
might  enjoy  it  rvitliout  interruption.  I  cried  with 
pleasure  before  I  opened  it,  but  I  cried  a  great  deal 
more  with  grief,  after  I  had  read  the  contents — for 
my  eldest  brother  Tom  was  dead  of  a  typhus  fever. 
Poor  Tom  !  when  I  called  to  mind  what  tricks  he 
used  to  play  me — how  he  used  to  borrow  my  money 
and  never  pay  me — and  how  he  used  to  thrash  me 
and  make  me  obey  him,  because  he  was  my  elder 
brother — I  shed  a  torrent  of  tears  at  his  los.s  ;  and 
then  T  reflected  how  miserable  my  poor  mother 
must  be,  and  1  cried  still  more. 

"  What's  the  matter,  spooney  ?"  said  O'Brien, 
coming  up  to  me.  "  Who  has  been  licking  you 
now  1" 

"  O  nobody,"  replied  I ;  "  but  my  eldest  brother 
Tom  is  dead,  and  I  have  uo  other." 

"  Well,  Peter,  I  dare  say  that  your  brother  was  a 
very  go<Kl  brother  ;  but  I'll  tell  you  a  secret.  When 
you've  lived  long  enough  to  have  a  beard  to  scrape 
at,  you'll  know  better  than  to  make  a  fuss  about  an 
elder  brother.  But  you're  a  good  innocent  boy 
just  now,  so  I  won't  thrash  you  for  it.  Come,  dry 
vour  eyes,  Peter,  and  never  mind  it.  We'll  drink 
his  health  and  long  life  to  him,  after  supper,  and 
then  never  think  any  more  al)out  it." 

I  wajj  very  melancholy  for  a  few  davs  ;  but  it  was 
so  delightlul  runnin^r  down  the  I'ortuguese  and 
Spanish  co;ists,  the  weather  was  so  warm,  and  the 
sea  80  smooth,  that  I  am  afraid  I  forgot  my  brotli- 
er's  death  sooner  than  I  ought  to  have  done  ;  but 
ray  spirits  were  cheered  up,  and  the  novelty  of  the 
Hccne  prevented  me  from  thinking.  Every  one, 
too,  was  so  gay  and  happy,  that  I  could  not  well  bo 
otherwise.  In  a  fortnight,  we  anchored  in  (Jibral- 
tar  Bay.  and  tlio  ship  was  slripptMl  to  r«rfil.  There 
wa«  so  much  duty  to  be  dnnr».  that  I  di<i  not  like  to 
ask  to  go  on  shore.  Indeed,  Mr.  Falcon  had  refused 
some  of  my  messmates,  and  I  thought  it  liettcr  not 


140  PF.TER  SIMPLE. 

to  ask,  although  1  was  anxious  to  see  a  place  which 
was  considered  so  extraordinary.  One  afternoon,  I 
was  looking  over  the  gangway  as  the  people  were 
at  supper,  and  Mr.  Falcon  came  up  to  me  and  said, 
"  Well,  Mr.  Simple,  what  are  you  thinking  of?"  I 
replied,  touching  my  hat,  that  I  was  wondering  how 
they  had  cut  out  the  solid  rock  into  galleries,  and 
that  they  must  be  very  curious. 

'•  That  13  to  say,  that  you  are  very  curious  to  see 
them.  Well,  then,  since  you  have  been  very  at- 
tentive to  your  duty,  and  have  not  asked  to  go  on 
shore,  I  will  give  you  leave  to  go  to-morrow  morn- 
ing, and  stay  tiU  gun-fire." 

I  was  very  much  pleased  at  this,  as  the  officers 
had  a  general  invitation  to  dine  with  the  mess,  and 
all  who  could  obtain  leave  being  requested  to  come, 
I  was  enabled  to  join  the  party.  The  first  lieuten- 
ant had  excused  himself  on  the  plea  of  there  being 
BO  much  to  attend  to  on  board ;  but  most  of  the 
gun-room  officers  and  some  of  the  midshipmen  ob- 
tained leave.  We  walked  about  the  town  and  for- 
tifications until  dinner-time,  and  then  we  proceeded 
to  the  barracks.  The  dinner  was  very  good,  and  we 
<vere  all  very  merry,  but  after  the  dessert  had  been 
brought  in,  I  slipped  away  with  a  young  ensign,  who 
took  me  all  over  the  galleries  and  explained  every 
thing  to  me,  which  was  a  much  better  way  of  em- 
ploying my  time  than  doing  as  the  others  did,  which 
the  reader  will  acknowledge.  I  was  at  the  sally- 
port before  gun-fire — the  boat  was  there,  but  no  of- 
ficers made  their  appearance.  The  gun  fired,  the 
drawbridge  was  hauled  up,  and  I  was  afraid  that  I 
should  be  blamed  5  but  the  boat  was  not  ordered  to 
shove  off,  ae  it  was  waiting  for  commissioned  offi- 
cers. About  an  hour  afterwards,  when  it  was  quite 
dark,  the  sentry  pointed  his  arms,  and  challenged  a 
person  advancing  with  ''  Who  comes  there  ?"' — 
*'  Naval  officer,  drunk  on  a  wheelbarrow,'"  was  the 
reply,  in  a  loud  singing  voice.     TJpon  which  the 


PETER  SIMPLE.  141 

■entry  rccoTered  his  arms,  singinjr  in  return,"  Pass, 
naval  officer,  drunk  on  a  wheelbarrow — and  alls 
well  I''  and  then  appeared  a  soldier  in  his  fatigue 
dress,  wheeling  down  the  third  lieutenant  in  a 
wheelbarrow,  so  tipsy  that  he  could  not  stand  or 
speik.  Then  the  sentry  challenged  again,  and  the 
answer  was  "  Another  naval  officer,  drunk  on  a 
wheelbarrow  ;"  upon  which  the  sentry  replied  as 
helore,  "Pass  another  naval  officer,  drunk  on  a 
wlifolbarrow — and  all's  well."  This  was  my  friend 
O'Brien,  almost  as  bad  as  the  third  lieutenant ;  and 
so  they  continued  for  ten  minutes,  challenging  and 
passing,  until  they  wheeled  down  the  remainder  of 
the  party,  with  the  exception  of  the  second  lieu- 
tenant, who  walked  arm  inarm  with  the  officer  who 
brought  down  the  order  for  lowering  the  draw- 
bridge. 1  was  much  shocked,  for  I  considered  it 
very  disgraceful  ;  but  I  afterwards  was  told,  which 
certainly  admitted  of  some  excuse,  that  the  mess 
were  notorious  for  never  permitting  any  of  their 
guests  to  leave  the  table  sober.  They  were  all 
safelv  put  into  the  boat,  and  1  am  glad  to  say  the 
first  lieutenant  was  in  Iwd  and  did  not  see  them  j 
but  I  could  not  help  acknowledgin;,'  the  truth  of  an 
observation  made  bv  one  of  the  men,  as  the  officers 
were  handed  into  the  boat,  "I  say.  Bill,  if  them 
were  we,  what  a  precious  twisting  we  should  get 
to-morrow  at  six-bells  !"' 

The  ship  remained  in  Gibraltar  bay  about  three 
weeks,  during  which  time  we  had  refitted  the  rig- 
ging fore  and  aft,  re-stowed  and  cleaned  the  hold, 
and  jtainted  outside.  She  never  hmked  more  beau- 
tiful than  she  did,  when,  in  obedience  to  our  orders, 
we  made  sail  to  join  the  admiral.  We  past  Enropa 
Point  with  a  fair  winil,  and  at  sunset  were  sixty 
miles  from  the  rock,  yet  it  was  distin'tly  to  he  seen, 
like  a  blue  cloud,  but  the  outline  i>erfectly  correct. 
I  mention  this,  as  perhaps  my  reader  would  not  have 
believed  that  it  was  possible  to  sec  land  at  such  a 


142  PETER  SLMPLE. 

distance.  We  steered  for  Cape  de  Gatte,  and  we 
were  the  next  day  close  in  shore.  I  was  very  much 
deliglited  with  the  Spanish  coast,  mountain  upon 
mountain,  hill  upon  hill,  covered  with  vines  nearly 
to  their  summits.  We  might  have  gone  on  siiore 
at  some  places,  for  at  that  time  we  were  friendly 
with  the  Spaniards,  but  the  captain  was  in  too  great 
a  hurr}'  to  join  the  admiral.  We  had  very  light 
winds,  and  a  day  or  two  afterwards  we  v.  ere  off 
Valencia,  nearly  becalmed.  I  w  as  on  the  gangway, 
looking  through  a  telescope  at  the  houses  and  gar- 
dens round  the  city,  when  Mr.  Chucks,  the  boat- 
swain, came  up  to  me.  "  Mr.  Simple,  oblige  me 
W'ith  that  glass  a  moment ;  I  wish  to  see  if  a  build- 
ing remains  there,  which  I  have  some  reason  to  re- 
member.'*' 

•'  What,  were  you  ever  on  shore  there  ?"' 

''  Yes  I  was,  IVIr.  Simple,  and  nearly  stranded, 
but  I  got  off  without  much  damage." 

'■'  How  do  you  mean — were  you  wrecked  there  ?'' 

"Not  my  ship,  Mr.  Simple,  but  my  peace  of 
mind  was  for  some  time  ;  but  it's  many  years  ago, 
Avhen  I  was  first  made  boatswain  of  a  corvette; 
(during  this  conversation  he  was  looking  through 
the  telescope  ;)  yes,  there  it  is,"'  said  he,  "  I  have 
it  in  the  field.  Look,  Mr.  Simple,  do  you  see  a 
small  church,  with  a  spire  of  glazed  tiles,  shining 
like  a  needle  ?"' 

'■  Yes  I  do.'" 

"  Well,  then,  just  above  it,  a  little  to  the  right, 
there  is  a  long  white  house,  with  four  small  win- 
dows— below  the  grove  of  orange  trees." 

''  I  see  it,"  replied  1 ;  "  but  what  about  that  house, 
Mr.  Chucks  ?" 

"  Why,  thereby  hangs  a  tale,"  replied  he,  giving 
a  sigh,  which  raised  and  then  lowered  the  frill  of 
his  shirt,  at  least  six  inches. 

"  Why,  what  is  the  mystery,  Mr.  Chucks  ?" 

'Til  "tell  you.  Mr.  Siriiple.     With  one  who  lived 


PETER  SIMPLE.  J43 

in  that  house,  I  was  for  the   first,  and  for  the  last 
time,  in  love." 

"  Indeed  !  1  should  like  very  much  to  hear  the 
story."' 

"  So  you  shall,  Mr.  Simple,  but  I  must  beg  that 
you  will  not  mention  it  5  as  young  gentlemen  are 
apt  to  quiz ,  and  I  think  that  being  quizzed  hurts 
my  authority  with  the  men.  It  is  now  about  six- 
teen years  back — we  were  then  on  good  terms  with 
the^ilgiards,  as  we  are  now.  ,  I  was  then  little 
lirty  years  old,  and  had  just  received 
as  boatswain.  I  was  considered  a  well 
ig  man  at  tliat  time,  aitliough  lately  I 
?rtain  degree,  got  the  better  of  that.' 
tei<!pr  you  a  remarkably  good-lookiug 
man  now,  Mr.  Clnu  ks."  bT*  . 

"Thank  you,  Mr.  ."simple  ;  but 'Hjjfjiing  iuqirovcs 
by  age  that  1  know  of,.except  rum.  I  used  to  dress 
very  smart,  and  '  cut  the  boatswain  '  when  I  was  on 
shore  ;  and  pt  rliaps  T  liad  not  lost  so  much  of  the 
polish  I  had  picked  up  in  good  society.  One  even- 
mg,  I  was  walking  in  the  Plaza,  when  1  saw  a  fe- 
male ahead,  who  appeared  to  be  the  prettiest  mould- 
ed little  vessel  that  I  ever  cast  my  t'><y(j^  I  fol- 
lowed in  her  wake,  and  examined'her^^BH|a  clean 
run  I  never  beheld — so  neat,  too.  in  all  lHfe9%giiig 
— everv  thing  so  nicely  stowed  under  hat^Bbl^Ana 
then,  slie  sailed  along  in  such  a  style,  at^R;  mo- 
ment liOing  so  lightly,  just  like  a  frigate,  with  licr 
topsails  on  the  caj)s,  that  can't  helji  going  along. 
Ai  another  time,  as  she  turned  a  corner  sharp  up  in 
the  wind — wake  as  straight  as  an  arrow — no  leeway, 
I  made  all  sail  to  sheer  alongside  of  her,  and,  when 
under  her  quarter,  examined  her  close,  ^evcr^aw 
such  a  fme  swell  in  the  counter,  all  fo  trim — no 
ropes  towing  overboard.  Well,  .NIr.  Simple,  I  said 
to  mysrlf.  •  h — n  it,  if  l-,er  liiiriire-licad  and  bows  be 
finished  olf  by  the  same  builder,  slie's  perfect.'  So 
I  «).nt  nli.-ul    rui.I  yawed  a  littlc--eaught  a  peep  at 


114  PETER  SIMPLE. 

her  through  her  veil,  and  saw  two  black  eyes— as 
bright  as  beads,  and  as  large  as  damsons.  I  saw- 
quite  enough,  and  not  wishing  to  frighten  her,  I 
dropped  astern.  Shortly  afterwards  she  altered  her 
course,  steering  for  that  white  house.  Just  as  she 
was  abreast  of  it,  and  I  playing  about  her  weather 
quarter,  the  priests  came  by  in  procession,  taking 
the  host  to  somebody  who  was  dying.  JrJy  little 
frigate  lowered  her  topgallant  sails  out  of  respect, 
as  other  nations  used  to  do,  and  ought  now,  ^id  be 
d — d  to  them,  whenever  they  pass  the  flag -^L  old 
England "'  ^ 

'•  How  do  you  mean  ?"'  inquired  I. 

'•I  mean  that  she  spread  her  white  handkerchief, 
which  fluttered  in  her  hand  as  she  went  along,  and 
knelt  dovs-n  upon  it  on  one  knee.  Wid  the  same, 
because  I  was  obliged  to  heaverjp,  to  keep  my  sta- 
tion, and  I  thought  that  if  sh^^w  me.  it  would 
p.ease  her.  When  she  got  up.  I  was  on  my  legs  al- 
so; but  in  my  hurry,  1  had  not  chosen  a  verj'  clean 
place,  and  I  found  out,  when  I  got  up  again,  that  my 
white  jean  trousers  were  in  a  shocking  mess.  The 
young  lady  turned  round,  and  seeing  my  misfortune 
laughed,  awdthen  went  into  the  white  house,  while 
I  stood  there  like  a  fool,  first  looking  at  the  dooi  of 
the  hoole,  and  then  at  my  trousers.  Howevrr,  I 
thought  that  I  might  make  it  the  means  of  being  ac- 
quainted with  her,  so  I  went  to  the  door  and  knock- 
ed. An  old  gentleman,  in  a  large  cloak,  who  was 
her  father,  came  out ;  I  pointed  to  my  trousers,  and 
requested  him  in  Spanish  to  allow  me  a  little  water 
to  clean  them.  The  daughter  then  came  from  with- 
in, and  told  her  father  how  the  accident  had  hap- 
pened. The  old  gentleman  was  surprised  that  an 
English  officer  was  so  good  a  Christian,  and  appear 
ed  to  be  pleased.  He  asked  me  verv-  politely  to 
come  in,  and  sent  an  old  woman  for  some  water.  1 
observed  that  he  was  smoking  a  bit  of  paper,  and 
having  very  fortunc^tely  about  a  couple  of  dozen  of 


1  T.T"?.  SirvIPLE.  14* 

real  Hnvannaha  in  my  pocket,  (for  I  never  emoka 
any  thing  else,  Mr.  Simple,  it  being  my  opinion  that 
nu  geiulenian  can,)  I  took  tlieni  out,  and  be^^ed  his 
acccptuiue   of  them.     His   eyes  glistened   at  the 

^     si^lit  of  them,  but  he  refused  to  take  more  tlian  one; 

,  howcier,  I  iusisted  upon  his  taking  tlie  whole  bun- 
GiC,  tellin;^  him  that  I  had  plenty  more  on  board, 
reserving  one  for  myself,  that  I  might  smoke  it  with 
liim.  He  then  requested  me  to  sit  down,  and  the 
'jld  woman  brought  some  sour  wine,  which  1  declar- 
c4  IMS  Very  good,  altiiough  it  made  me  quite  ill  af- 
tetfmrds.  Ho  iiuiuired  of  mc  whetlier  1  was  a  good 
C'lmslian.  I  replii-d  that  I  was.  I  knew  that  he 
meant  a  <"aUu^,  for  th.cy  rail  us  l.eretics,  ^Ir.  Sim- 
ple. TiiC  (f^Hlter  then  came  in  \^ithout  Ixr  veil, 
and  slic  was^rfe^uuj  but  I  did  not  look  at  her, 
or  pay  her  any  AJoHpn  after  the  first  salutation,  I 
was  so  afraid  (f^^munu^  the  old  gentleman  suspi- 
ci(tU3.  He  ihenasKed  vvii.it  I  wa.s — what  sort  of  of- 
ficer— was  1  captiin?  I  replied  that  I  was  not. 
Was  I  'leneulo,  which  means  lieutenant ;  I  answer- 
ed th;'.t  1  wa<  not,  agaio,  but  wiih  an  air  of  contempt, 
as  if  1  v.a.'"  something  bettor.  VV'hat  was  1  then  ?  I 
did  not  know  the  Sp^niKJi  for  boatswain,  and,  to  tell 
iiiO  trulli,  I  waj  oshanted  of  niy  condition.  .  1  knew 
tint  liiorc  was  anoflicer  in  Spain  called  corregidor, 
\vhich  mean--;  a  corrector  in  Englitii,  or  uiio  who 
})U;ii»hcs.  Mow  I  thought  that  (|uito  near  enough 
fer  my  purjiyso.  and  I  r«  plied  that  I  was  the  corre- 
;,'i(i(jr.  JSow,  Mr.  Simple,  a  corregidor  in  Spain  is  a 
p.,'r  un  of  rank  and  coubociuenre,  so  lliey  imagined 
L-.t.  1  muot  be  tiio  Kamn,  and  they  appeared  to  be 
j.lca.>f.d.     The  yomi^  lady  tliun  inquired  if  I  was  of 

food  f.iinilv— .whether  1  was  a  gentleman  or  not. 
reyliod  t'lut  I  hoped  so.  I  rnnained  with  tliem 
for  half  an  hour  more,  when  my  sogar  was  finished  ; 
I  then  nisc,  and  thanking  the  oUl  gentleman  for  hit 
<;iY^l't'y>  beggod  thai  1  might  be  allowed  to  bring 
Iii;n  A  ffcw  more  seyars,  and  took  my  leave.  Tha 
vol    I  10 


146  PETER  SIMPLE. 

daughter  opened  the  street  door,  and  I  could  not 
refrain  from  taking  her  hand  and  kissing  it -' 

''Where's  Mr.  Chucks  ?  call  the  boatswain  lliere 
forward,"  hallooed  out  the  lieutenant. 

''  Here  I  am,  sir/'  replied  Mr.  Chucks,  hastening 
aft,  and  leaving  me   and  his  story. 

*'  The  captain  of  the  maintop  reports  the  breast 
backstay  much  chafed  in  the  serving.  Go  up  and 
examine  it."  said  the  first  lieutenant. 

''  Yes,  sir,"  replied  the  boatswain,  who  immedi- 
ately went  up  the  rigging. 

'•And,  Mr.  Simple,  attend  to  the  men  scraping 
the  spots  off  the  quarter-deck" 

"  Yes,  sir,"  replied  I,  and  thus  our  conversation 
was  broken  up. 

The  weather  changed  that  night,  and  we  had  a 
succession  of  rain  and  baffling  winds  for  six  or  seven 
days,  during  which  I  had  no  opportunity  of  hearing 
the  remainder  of  the  boatswain's  history.  We  join- 
ed the  fleet  off  Toulon,  closed  the  admiral's  ship, 
and  the  oaptain  went  on  board  to  pay  his  respects 
When  he  returned,  we  found  out.  through  the  tirst 
lieutenant,  that  we  were  to  remain  with  the  fleet  un- 
til the  arrival  of  another  fri^-ate,  expected  in  about  a 
fortnight,  and  then  the  admiral  had  promised  t'uat 
we  should  have  a  cruise.  The  second  day  after  we 
had  joined,  we  were  ordered  to  form  part  of  the  in- 
shore squadron,  consisting  of  two  line-of-battle  ships 
and  four  frigates.  The  French  fleet  used  to  come 
out  and  manoeuvre  within  range  of  their  batteries, 
or,  if  they  proceeded  further  from  the  shore,  they 
took  good  care  that  they  had  a  leading  wind  to  re- 
turn again  into  port.  We  had  been  in  shore  about 
a  week,  every  day  running  close  in,  and  counting 
the  French  fleet  in  the  harbor,  to  see  that  they  were 
all  safe,  and  reporting  it  to  the  admiral  by  signal, 
when  one  fine  morning,  the  whole  of  the  French 
vessels  were  perceived  to  hoist  their  topsails,  and 
in  less  than  an  hour  they  were  under  weigh,  and 


PETER  SIMPLE.  U7 

came  o-it.  of  tlie  harbor.  We  were  always  prepar- 
ed for  action,  night  and  day,  aiid,  indeed,  often  ex- 
changed a  shot  or  two  witn  the  batteries  when  we 
recounoitcred ;  the  in-shore  squadron  could  not  of 
course  coj»e  with  the  whole  I  rench  fleet,  and  our 
own  was  ubout  twelve  miles  in  the  offing,  but  the 
captain  of  the  line-of-battle  ship  who  commanded 
us,  hove  to,  as  if  in  dcliance,  hoping  to  entice  them 
further  out.  This  was  not  very  easy  to  do,  as  the 
French  knew  that  a  sliift  of  wind  might  put  it  out 
of  their  power  to  refuse  an  action,  wliich  was  what 
they  would  avoid,  and  what  we  were  so  anxious  to 
bring  ab<jut.  I  say  we,  speaking  of  the  English,  not 
of  myself,  for  to  tell  the  truth,  I  was  not  so  very 
anxious.  I  was  not  exactly  afraid,  but  I  had  an  un- 
ple:isant  sensation  at  the  noise  of  a  cannon  b.all, 
which  I  Jiad  not  as  yet  got  over.  However,  four  of 
the  Trench  frigates  made  sail  towards  us,  nnd  hove 
ti>,  when  wiiliin  four  miles,  tiiree  or  four  line-of-bat- 
llc  ships  following  them,  as  if  to  support  them.  Our 
captain  made  signal  for  permission  to  close  the  en- 
emy, which  was  grai;tcd,  \vith  our  pcjinants,  and 
those  of  another  frigate.  We  immediately  made  all 
Bail,  bent  to  quarters,  put  out  the  fires,  and  opened 
the  magazines  The  t'rench  line-of-battlc  ships 
perceiving  tiiat  only  two  of  our  frigates  were  sent 
against  their  four,  hove  to  at  about  the  same  dis- 
tance from  their  frigates,  as  our  line-of-batllc  ships 
and  other  frigai.L-s  were  from  us.  In  the  mean  time 
our  njain  fleet  continued  to  work  in  shore  under  a 
press  of  sail,  and  the  Krenih  main  fleet  also  gradu- 
ally approached  the  detaclicd  i.hi|)ij.  T)ie  whole 
Bcene  reminded  me  ol'  the  tournaments  1  had  read 
of;  it  was  a  challenge  in  the  lists,  only  that  tiie  en- 
emy were  two  to  one  ;  a  fair  acknowledgment  on 
their  uarts  of  our  superiority.  In  about  an  hour  we 
closed  so  iicnr,  that  the  Trench  fritj.ites  made  s:iil 
nnd  commenced  firing.  We  reserved  our  lire  until 
within  a  quarter  of  a  mile,  when  we  pcured  our 


148  PETER  SIMPLE. 

bro?.dsido  into  the  headmost  frigate,  exclianging 
with  hctr  on  opposite  tacks.  The  Sea-horse,  who  fol- 
lowed^ also  gave  her  a  broadside.  In  this  way  we  ex- 
changed broadsides  with  the  wliole  four,  and  we 
had  the  best  of  it,  for  they  could  not  load  so  fast  aa 
v.c  could.  We  were  both  ready  again  for  the  frig- 
ates as  tlicy  passed  us,  but  they  were  not  ready  with 
their  broadside  for  the  Sea-horse,  who  follov/ed  us 
very  closely,  so  that  they  had  two  broadsides  each, 
and'  we  had  only  four  in  the  Diomede,  the  Sea-horse 
not  having  one.  Our  rigging  Nvas  cut  up  a  great  deal, 
and  we  had  six  or  seven  men  wounded,  but  none 
killed.  The  French  frigates  suffered  more,  and 
their  admiral  perceiving  that  they  were  cut  up  a 
good  deal,  made  the  signal  of  recall.  In  the  mean 
time,  we  had  both  tacked,  and  were  ranging  up  on 
the  weather  quarter  of  the  sternmost  frigate  3  the 
line-of-battle  ships  perceiving  this,  ran  down  with 
the  wind,  two  points  free,  to  support  their  frigates, 
and  our  in-shore  squadron  made  all  sail  to  support 
us,  nearly  laying  up  for  where  we  were.  But  the 
wini  was  v.nat  is  called  at  sea  a  soldier's  ^\ind,  that 
is,  blowing  so  that  the  ships  could  lie  either  way, 
so  as  to  run  out  or  into  the  harbor,  and  the  French 
frigates,  in  obedience  to  their  orders,  made  sail  for 
their  lleet  in  shore,  the  line-of-battle  ships  coming 
out  to  support  them.  But  our  captain  would  not 
give  it  up,  although  we  all  continued  to  near  tlie 
Frencli  line-of-battle  ships  every  minute — we  ran 
in  with  the  frigates,  exchanging  broadsides  with 
them  as  fast  as  we  could.  One  of  them  lost  her 
fore  topmast,  and  dropped  astern,  and  we  hoped 
to  cut  lier  o!t',  but  the  others  shortened  sail  to  sup- 
port her.  This  continued  for  about  twenty  minutes, 
when  the  French  line-of-battle  ships  were  not  more 
than  a  mile  t>om  as,  and  our  own  commodore  had 
made  the  sign.il  of  recall,  for  he  thou.^ht  that  we 
should  bo  overpowered  and  taken.  But  the  Sea- 
horse, who  saw  the  recall  up.  did  not  repeat  it.  and 


PETER  SIMPLE.  149 

our  captain  was  determined  not  to  see  it,  and  order- 
ed the  siinial  man  not  to  look  that  way.  The  action 
continued,  two  of  the   French   frigates  were   cut  to 

ftiecea,  and  complete  wrecks,  wlien  tlie  French 
ine-of-battle  ships  commenced  firing.  It  was  then 
high  time  to  be  off.  We  each  of  us  poured  in  an- 
other broadside,  and  then  wore  round  for  our  own 
squadron,  which  were  about  four  miles  off,  and  rath- 
er to  leeward,  standing  in  to  our  assistance.  As 
we  wore  round,  our  main  topmast,  which  had  been 
badly  wounded,  fell  over  the  side,  and  the  French, 
perceiving  this,  made  all  sail,  witli  the  hope  of  cap- 
turing us  ;  but  the  Sea-horse  remained  witii  us,  and 
we  threw  up  in  the  wind,  and  raked  them  until  they 
were  within  two  cables'  length  of  us.  Then  we 
stood  on  for  our  own  ships  ;  at  last,  one  of  the  line- 
of-battle  ships,  which  sailed  as  well  as  the  frigates, 
came  abreast  of  us,  and  poured  in  a  broadside,  which 
brought  every  thing  about  our  ears,  and  1  thouglit 
we  must  be  taken ;  but  on  the  contrary,  altiiough 
we  lost  several  men,  the  captain  said  to  tlic  first 
lieutenant,  ''now  if  they  only  wait  a  little  longer, 
they  are  nabbed,  as  sure  as  fate."  Just  at  tliis  mo- 
ment, our  own  hne-of-battle  ships  opened  their  fire, 
and  then  the  tables  were  turned.  The  French  tack- 
ed, and  stood  in  as  fast  as  they  could,  followed  by  the 
in-shore  squadron,  with  the  exception  of  our  bhip, 
which  was  loo  much  crippled  to  chase  tlicm.  One 
of  their  frigates  h.id  taken  in  tow  the  other,  who 
had  lost  her  topmast,  and  our  squadron  came  up 
with  her  very  fast.  Tlie  Fnglish  tleet  were  also 
within  three  miles,  standing  in,  and  tlie  French  tleet 
standing  out,  to  the  assistance  of  the  other  ships 
which  had  Iwen  engaged.  I  thouglit,  and  so  did 
everyb<Kly,  that  there  would  be  a  general  action, 
but  we  were  disappointed  •,  the  frigate  which  towed 
the  other,  finding  that  she  could  not  escape,  cost 
her  off,  and  left  her  to  her  fate,  which  was  to  haul 
down  her  colors  to  the  commodore  of  the  in-shore 


ISO  PETER  SIMPLE. 

sauadroTi.  The  chase  was  continued  until  th« 
whole  of  the  French  vessels  were  close  under  their 
batteries,  and  then  our  fleet  returned  to  its  station 
with  the  prize,  which  proved  to  be  the  iS'arcisse,  of 
thirty-six  guns,  Captain  Le  Pelleteon.  Our  captain 
obtained  a  great  deal  of  credit  for  his  gallant  be- 
havior. We  had  three  men  killed,  and  Robinson, 
the  midshipman,  and  ten  men  wounded,  some  of 
them  severely.  I  think  this  action  cured  me  of  my 
fear  of  a  cannon  ball,  for  during  the  few  days  we  re- 
mained with  the  fleet,  we  often  were  fired  at  when 
we  reconnoitered,  but  I  did  not  care  any  thing  for 
them.  About  the  time  she  was  expected,  the  frig- 
ale  joined,  and  we  had  permission  to  part  company. 
But  before  I  proceed  with  the  history  of  oor  cruise, 
I  shall  mention  the  circumstance  attending  a  court- 
martial,  which  took  place  during  the  time  that  we 
were  with  the  fleet,  our  captain  having  been  recall- 
ed from  the  in-shore  squadron  to  sit  as  one  of  the 
members.  I  was  the  midshipman  appointed  to  the 
captain's  gig,  and  remained  on  board  of  the  admi- 
ral's ship  during  the  whole  of  the  time  that  the  court 
was  sitting.  Two  seamen,  one  an  Knglishman,  and 
the  other  a  Frenchman,  were  tried  for  desertion 
from  one  of  our  frigates.  They  had  left  their  ship 
about  three  months,  when  the  frigate  captured  a 
French  privateer,  and  found  them  on  board  as  part 
of  her  crew.  For  the  Englishman,  of  course,  there 
was  no  defence ;  he  merited  the  punishment  of 
death,  to  which  he  was  immediately  sentenced. 
There  may  be  some  excuse  for  desertion,  when  we 
consider  that  the  seamen  are  taken  into  the  service 
by  force,  but  there  could  be  none  for  fighting  against 
his  country.  But  the  case  of  the  Frenchman  was 
different.  He  was  bom  and  bred  in  France,  had 
been  one  of  the  crew  of  the  P'rench  gun-boats  at  Ca- 
diz, where  he  had  been  made  a  prisoner  by  the 
Spaniards,  and  expecting  his  throat  to  be  cut  every 
day,  had  contrived  to  escape  on  board  of  the  frigate 


PETER  SIMPLE,  151 

lying  in  the  harbor,  and  entered  into  our  servic*,  I 
reaJly  believe,  to  save  his  life.  He  was  nearly  two 
years  in  the  frigate  before  he  could  find  an  oppor- 
tunity of  deserting  from  her,  and  returning  to  France 
when  he  joined  the  French  privateer.  During  the 
time  that  he  was  in  the  frigate,  he  bore  an  excel- 
lent character.  The  greatest  point  against  him  was, 
that  on  his  arrival  at  Gibraltar,  he  had  been  offered, 
and  had  received  the  bounty.  When  the  English- 
man was  asked  what  he  had  to  say  in  his  defence, 
he  replied,  that  he  had  been  pressed  out  of  an  Amer- 
ican ship,  thit  he  was  an  American  born,  and  that 
he  had  never  taken  the  bounty.  But  this  was  not 
true.  The  defence  of  the  Frenchman  was  consid- 
ered §o  very  good  for  a  person  in  his  station  in  life, 
that  I  obtained  a  copy  of  it,  which  ran  as  follows  : — 
"  Mr.  President,  and  Officers  of  the  Honorable 
Court ; — It  is  with  the  greatest  humility  that  I  ven- 
ture to  address  you.  I  shall  be  very  brief,  nor  shall 
I  attempt  to  disprove  the  charges  which  have  been 
made  against  me,  but  confine  myself  to  a  few  facts, 
the  consideration  of  wliich  will,  I  trust,  operate  up- 
on your  feelings  in  mitigation  of  the  punishment  to 
which  I  may  \ye  sentenced  for  my  fault — a  fault 
which  proceeded,  not  from  any  evil  motive,  but 
from  an  ardent  love  for  my  country.  I  am  by  birth 
a  Frenchman  ;  my  life  has  been  spent  in  the  service 
of  France  until  a  few  months  aAer  the  revolution  in 
Spain,  when  i,  together  with  those  who  composed 
tlie  French  suuadron  at  Cadiz,  was  made  a  prison- 
er. The  hardships  and  cruel  usage  which  I  endur- 
ed became  insupportable.  I  effected  my  escape, 
and  after  wandenng  about  the  town  for  two  or  three 
days,  in  hourly  expectation  of  being  assassinated, 
the  fate  of  too  many  of  my  unfortunate  countrymen  ; 
desperate  from  famine,  and  perceiving  no  other 
chance  of  escaping  from  the  town,  I  wa«  reduced 
to  the  necessity  of  offering  myself  as  a  volunteer 
on  board  of  an  English  frigate.     I  dared   not,  as  I 


i9z  petp:r  simple. 

ought  to  have  done,  acknowledge  myself  to  have 
been  a  prisoner,  from  the  dread  of  beinj^  delivered 
up  to  the  Spaniards.  During  the  poriod  that  I  serv- 
ed on  board  of  your  friuate,  1  conlidently  rely  upoa 
the  captain  and  the   ofricers  for  my  character. 

"  The  love  of  our  country,  although  dormant 
for  a  time,  will  altimalely  be  roused,  and  peculiar 
circumstances  occurred  whicli  rendered  the  feeling 
irresistible.  I  returned  to  my  duty,  and  for  havin;r 
so  done,  am  I  to  be  debarred  from  acrain  returning 
to  that  country  so  dear  to  me — from  a^ain  behold- 
ing my  aeed  parents,  who  bless  me  in  my  absence 
— from  again  embracing  my  brothers  and  sisters — 
to  end  my  d:iys  upon  a  scafTold  5  not  for  the  crin>e 
which  I  did  commit  in  enterinj^  into  your  service, 
but  for  an  art  of  duty  and  repentance — that  of  re- 
turning to  my  own.  .-Mlow  me  to  observe,  that  the 
charge  aa.iinst  me  is  not  for  entering  your  service, 
but  for  having  deserted  from  it.  For  the  former, 
not  even  my  misery  can  be  brought  forward  bat  in 
extenuation;  for  the  latter,  I  have  a  proud  con- 
sciousness, which  wiU,  I  tmst,  be  my  support  in 
my  extremity. 

''Gentlemen.  I  earnestly  entreat  you  to  consider 
my  situation,  and  I  am  sure  tliat  your  generous 
hearts  will  pity  me.  Let  that  love  of  your  country-, 
which  now  animates  your  breasts,  and  induces  you 
to  risk  your  lives  and  your  all,  now  plead  for  me. 
Already' has  British  humanity  saved  thousands  of 
my  countrymen  from  the  rage  of  the  Spaniards  j 
let  that  same  humanity  be  extended  now.  and  in- 
duce my  jud;xes  to  add  one  m.ore  to  the  list  of  thoes 
who,  aithou'ih  our  nations  are  at  war,  if  they  are 
endowed  with  feeling,  can  have  but  one  sentiment 
towards  a  generous  enemy — a  sentiment  overpow- 
ering all  other,  that  of  a  deep-felt  gratitude."'* 

Whatever  may  have  been  the  effect  of  the  ad- 
dress upon  tho  court  individually,  it  appeared  at  tho 


PETER  SIMPLE.  153 

time  to  have  none  upon  tl.cm  as  a  body.  Both  the 
men  were  condomncd  to  death,  ar.d  the  day  after 
the  morrow  was  fixed  for  thoir  execution.  1  watch- 
ed the  two  prisoners  as  they  went  down  the  side, 
to  be  conducted  on  board  of  their  own  ship.  The 
Englishman  tlirew  himself  down  in  the  stem  sheets 
of  the  boats,  erery  minor  consideration  apparently 
swallowed  up  in  the  llioui,dit  of  his  approaching 
end  ;  hut  the  Frenchman,  before  he  sat  down,  ob- 
serving that  the  seat  was  a  little  dirty,  took  out  his 
silk  handkerchief,  and  spread  it  on  the  seat,  that 
he  mi'jht  not  soil  his  nankeen  trousers. 

I  was  ordered  to  attend  the  punishment  on  the  day 
appointed.  The  sun  shone  so  brightly,  and  the  sky 
was  so  clear,  the  wind  so  pentle  ana  mild,  that  it 
appeared  hardly  possible  that  it  was  to  he  a  day  of 
such  awe  and  misery  to  the  two  poor  men.  or  of 
Buch  melancholy  to  {he  fleet  in  general.  1  pulled 
up  mv  boats  with  the  others  belonginir  to  the  ships 
of  the  fleet,  in  obedience  to  the  orders  of  the  olficer 
Bupcrintending.  close  to  the  fore  chains  of  the  ship. 
In  about  half  an  hour  allerwards,  the  prisoners 
made  their  appearance  on  the  sraflold,  the  caps 
were  pulled  over  their  eyes,  and  the  t-'un  fired  un- 
derneath them.  When  the  smoke  rolled  away,  the 
Enrrlishman  was  8winirinf»  at  the  vard-arm.  but  the 
Frenchman  was  not :  he  had  made  a  Bprini^  when 
the  t^un  fired,  hopin;{  to  break  his  neck  atonce.ant^ 
put  an  end  to  his  misery  ;  but  he  fell  on  the  ed<i,t 
of  the  scaffold,  where  he  lay.  We  thou;^ht  that 
his  rope  had  triven  way.  and  it  appear«'d  that  he  did 
the  same,  for  he  made  an  incpiiry,  but  thev  returned 
him  no  answer.  He  was  kept  on  the  scaffold  during 
the  whole  hour  that  the  Englishman  remained  sus- 
pended •,  his  can  had  been  removed,  and  he  looked 
occasionally  at  his  fellow-Bufferer.  When  the  body 
was  lowered  down,  he  considered  that  his  time  was 
come,  and  attempted  to  leap  overboard.  He  was 
restrained  and  led  af^,  where  his  reprieve  wan  read 


154  PETER  SIMPLE. 

to  him,  and  his  arms  were  unbound.  But  the  effect 
of  the  shock  was  toe  much  for  his  mind  5  he  fell 
down  in  a  swoon,  and  wlien  he  recovered,  his 
senses  had  left  him,  and  I  heard  that  he  never  re- 
covered them,  but  was  sent  home  to  be  confined  as 
a  maniac.  I  thought,  and  the  result  proved,  that  it 
was  carried  too  far.  It  is  not  the  custom,  when  1 
man  is  reprieved,  to  tell  him  so,  until  after  he  is 
on  the  scaffold,  with  the  intention  that  his  awful 
situation  at  the  time  may  make  a  lasting  impression 
upon  him  during  the  remainder  of  his  life  5  but,  as 
a  foreigner,  he  was  not  aware  of  our  customs,  and 
the  hour  of  intense  feeling  which  he  underwent 
was  too  much  for  his  reason.  I  must  say,  that  this 
circumstance  was  always  a  source  of  deep  regret 
in  the  whole  fleet,  and  that  his  being  a  Frenchmaii, 
instead  of  an  Englishman,  increased  the  feeling  of 
commiseration. 


CHAPTER  XVII. 


Mr.  Chucks'  opinion  on  proper  names— He  finishes  hi«  Spanish  til*— 
Marcb  of  Iniellect  among  llie  Warrant  Officers. 

We  were  all  delighted  when  our  signal  was  hoist- 
ed to  '■'  part  company,"  as  we  anticipated  plenty  of 
prize-money  under  such  an  enterprising  captain. 
We  steered  for  the  French  coast,  near  to  its  junction 
with  Spain,  the  captain  having  orders  to  intercept 
any  convoys  sent  to  supply  the  French  army  with 
stores  and  provisions. 

The  day  after  we  parted  company  with  the  fleet, 
Mr.  Chucks  finished  his  story. 

'•  Where  was  I,  Mr.  Simple,  when  I  left  off?" 
said  he,  as  we  took  a  seat  upon  the  long  eighteen. 


PETER  SIMPLE.  153 

"  You  had  just  left  the  house  after  having  told 
them  that  vou  were  a  corrcgidor,  and  had  kissed 
the  lady's  hand."' 

•'  Very  true.  Well,  Mr.  Simple,  I  did  not  call 
there  for  two  or  three  days  afterwards ;  1  did  not 
like  to  go  too  soon,  especially  as  I  saw  the  young 
lady  every  day  in  the  Plaza.  &he  would  not  speak 
to  me,  but,  to  make  use  of  their  expression,  she 
'gave  me  her  eyes/  and  sometimes  a  sweet  smile. 
I  recollect  I  was  so  busy  looking  at  her  one  day, 
that  i  tripped  over  my  sword  and  nearly  fell  on  my 
nose,  al  wnich  she  burst  out  a  laughing." 

"  Your  sword,  Mr.  Chucks  ?  I  thought  boatswains 
never  wore  swords." 

"  Mr.  Simple,  a  boatswain  is  an  officer,  and  is 
entitled  to  a  sword  as  well  as  the  captain,  although 
we  have  been  laughed  out  of  it  by  a  set  of  mid- 
shipman monkeys.  I  always  wore  my  sword  at  that 
time  ;  but  now-a-days,  a  boatswain  is  counted  as 
nobody,  unless  there'  is  hard  work  to  do,  and  then 
it's  Mr.  Chucks  this,  and  Mr.  Chucks  that.  But 
I'll  explain  to  you  how  it  is,  Mr.  Simple,  that  we 
boatswains  have  lost  so  much  of  consequence  and 
dignity.  The  first  lieutenants  are  made  to  do  the 
boatswain's  duty  now-a-days,  and  if  they  could  only 
wind  the  call,  they  might  scratch  the  boatswain's 
name  off  half  the  ship's  books  in  his  majesty's  ser- 
vice. But  to  go  on  with  my  yarn.  On  the  fourth 
day  1  called  witn  a  handkerchicl  full  of  segars  for  the 
father,  but  he  was  at  siesta,  as  they  called  it.  The 
old  serving-woman  would  not  let  me  in  at  first;  but 
I  shoved  a  dollar  between  her  skinny  old  fingers, 
and  that  altered  hrr  note.  She  nut  her  old  head 
out  and  looked  round  to  see  if  there  was  anybody 
in  the  street  to  watch  us,  and  then  she  let  me  in 
and  shut  the  door.  I  walked  into  the  room,  and 
found  myself  alone  with  Seraphina." 

"  Seraphina  ? — what  a  fine  name  !" 

"  No  name  can  be  too  fine  for  a  pretty  girl,  or  a 


156  PETER  SIMPLE. 

good  frigate,  Mr.  Simple  ;  for  my  part  I'm  very  fond 
of  these  hard  names.  Your  Bess,  and  Poll,  and 
Sue,  do  yery  well  for  the  Point,  or  Castle  Rag  5  but 
in  my  opinion,  they  degrade  a  lady.  Don't  you  ob- 
serve, Mr.  Simple,  that  all  our  gun-brigs,  a  sort  of 
vessel  that  will  certainly  d — n  the  inventor  to  all 
eternity,  have  nothing  but  low  common  names,  such 
as  Pincher,  Thrasher,  Boxer,  Badger,  and  all  that 
sort  which  are  quite  good  enough  for  them  ;  where- 
as all  our  dashing  saucy  frigates  have  names  as  long 
as  the  main-top  bowling,  and  hard  enough  to  break 
your  jaw — sucn  as  Melpomeny,  Terpsichory,  Are- 
thusy,  Bacchanty — fine  flourishers,  as  long  as  their 
pennants  which  dip  alongside  in  a  calm." 

"  Very  true,"  replied  I ;  '•  but  do  you  think,  then, 
it  is  the  same  with  family  names  ?" 

"  Most  certainly,  Mr.  Simple.  When  I  was  in 
good  society,  I  rarely  fell  in  with  such  names  as 
Potts  or  Bell,  or  Smith  or  Hodges  5  it  was  always 
Mr.  Fortescue,  or  Mr.  Fitzgerald,  or  Mr.  Fitzher- 
bert — seldom  bowed,  sir,  to  any  thing  under  three 
syllables.' 

"  Then  I  presume,  Mr.  Chucks,  you  are  not  fond 
of  your  own  name  V 

^•' There  you  touch  me,  Mr.  Simple  5  but  it  is 
quite  good  enough  for  a  boatswain,"'  replied  Mr. 
Chucks,  with  a  sigh.  "  I  certainly  did  very  wrong 
to  impose  upon  people  as  I  did,  but  I've  been  se- 
verely punished  for  it — it  has  made  me  discontented 
and  unhappy  ever  since.  Dearly  have  I  paid  for 
my  spree ;  for  there's  nothing  so  miserable  as  to 
have  ideas  above  your  station  in  life.  Mr.  Simple. 
But  I  hiust  make  sail  again.  I  was  three  hours  with 
Seraphina  before  her  father  came  home,  and  during 
that  time  I  was  never  quietly  at  an  anchor  for  above 
a  minute.  I  was  on  my  knees  vowing  and  swear- 
ing, kissing  her  feet  and  kissing  her  hand,  till  at 
last  I  got  to  her  lips,  working  my  way  up  as  regu- 
larly as  one   who  gets  in  at  the  hawsehole   and 


PETER  SIMPLE.  157 

crawls  aft  to  the  cabin  windows.  She  was  very 
kind,  and  she  smiled,  and  si^'hed,  and  pushed  me 
off,  and  squeezed  my  hand,  and  was  angry — frown- 
ing till  I  was  in  despair,  and  then  making  me  happy 
again  with  her  melting  dark  eyes  beamii*^  kindly, 
tfll  at  last  she  said,  that  she  would  try  to  love  me, 
and  asked  rae  whether  I  would  marry  her  and  live 
in  Spain.  I  replied  that  I  would;  and,  indeed,  I 
felt  as  if  I  could,  only  at  the  time  the  thought  oc- 
curred to  me  where  i\'Ji  rhino  was  to  come  from, 
for  I  could  not  live  as  her  father  did,  upon  a  paper 
segar  and  a  piece  of  melon  per  day.  .\t  all  events, 
as  far  as  words  went,  it  wa.s  a  settled  thing.  When 
her  father  came  home,  the  old  servant  told  him 
that  I  had  just  at  that  moment  arrived,  and  that  his 
daughter  was  in  her  own  room  ;  so  she  was,  for  she 
ran  away  as  boon  as  she  heard  her  father  knock. 
I  made  my  bow  to  the  old  gentleman,  and  gave 
him  the  scgars.  lie  was  serious  at  first,  but  the 
sight  of  them  put  him  into  good  humor,  and  in  a 
few  minutes  donna  Seraphina  (they  call  a  lady  % 
donna  in  Spain)  came  in,  saluting  me  ceremonious- 
ly, as  if  wc  had  not  been  kissing  for  the  hour  to- 
gether. I  did  not  remain  long,  as  it  was  getting 
late,  sol  took  a  gln.es  of  the  old  gentleman's  sour 
wine  and  walked  off,  with  a  request  from  him  to 
call  a;^ain.  the  young  lady  paying  nje.  little  or  no 
attention  during  the  time  that  I  remained,  or  at  ray 
departure." 

"Well.  Mr.  Chucks,"  observed  I.  "it  appears  to 
me  that  she  was  a  very  deceitful  young  per.son." 

"So  she  was.  Mr.  Simple;  but  a  man  in  lovo 
can't  see,  and  I'll  tell  you  why.  If  lie  wins  tlio 
lady,  lie  is  as  much  in  love  witli  himsrll"  as  with 
her,  because  he  is  so  proud  of  his  conquest.  That 
was  mv  case.  If  I  had  had  my  eyes,  I  might  have 
feen  tnat  she,  who  could  cheat  her  old  fatlier  for  a 
mere  stranger,  would  certainly  deceive  him  in  his 
turn.     But  if  love  makes  a  man  Mind.  v.Tnity  Mr. 


153  PETER  SIMPLE. 

Simple,  makes  him  blinder.  In  short,  I  was  an 
ass." 

''Never  mind,  Mr.  Chucks,  there  was  a  good 
excuse  for  it." 

"  Well,  Mr.  Simple,  I  met  her  again  and  again, 
until  I  was  madly  in  love,  and  the  father  appeared 
to  be  aware  of  what  was  going  on,  and  to  nave  no 
objection.  However,  he  sent  for  a  priest  to  talk  with 
me,  and  I  again  said  that  I  was  a  good  Catholic. 
I  told  him  that  I  was  in  love  with  the  young  lady, 
and  would  marry  her.  The  father  made  no  objec- 
tion on  my  promising  to  remain  in  Spain,  for  he 
would  not  part  with  his  only  daughter.  And  there 
again  I  was  guilty  of  deceit,  first  in  making  a  prom  ■ 
ise  I  did  not  intend  to  keep,  and  then  in  pretending 
that  I  was  a  Catholic.  Honesty  is  the  best  policy, 
Mr.  Simple,  in  the  long  run,  you  may  depend 
upon  it." 

"  So  my  father  has  always  told  me,  and  I  have 
believed  him,"  replied  I. 

'*  Well,  sir,  I  am  ashamed  to  say  that  I  did  worse  ; 
for  the  priest,  after  the  thing  was"  settled,  asked  me 
whether  I  had  confessed  lately.  I  knew  what  he 
meant,  and  answered  that  I  had  not.  He  motioned 
me  down  on  my  knees  :  but,  as  I  could  not  speak 
Spanish  enough'  for  that,  1  mumble-jumbled  some- 
thing or  another,  half  Spanish  and  half  English, 
and  ended  with  putting  four  dollars  in  his  hand  for 
caridad.  which  means  charity.  He  was  satisfied  at 
the  end  of  my  confession,  whatever  he  might  have 
been  at  the  beginning,  and  gave  me  absolution,  al- 
though he  could  not  have  understood  what  my 
crimes  were  •,  but  four  dollars.  Mr.  Simple,  will  pay 
for  a  deal  of  crime  in  that  country.  And  now,  sir, 
comes  the  winding-up  of  this  business.  Seraphina 
told  me.  that  she  was  going  to  the  opera  with  some 
of  her  relations,  and  asked  me  if  I  would  be  there  j 
that  the  captain  of  the  frigate,  and  all  the  other 
officers  were  going,  and  that  she  wished  me  to  go 


PETER  SIMPLE.  159 

with  her.  You  see,  Mr.  Simple,  although  Seraphi- 
na's  father  was  so  poor,  that  a  mouse  would  have 
starved  in  his  house,  still  he  was  of  good  family,  and 
connected  with  those  who  were  much  better  off". 
He  was  a  don  himself,  and  had  fourteen  or  fifteen 
long  names,  which  I  forget  now.  I  refused  to  go 
with  her,  as  I  knew  that  tlie  service  would  not  per- 
mit a  boatswain  to  sit  in  an  opera  box, when  the  cap- 
tain and  first  lieutenant  were  there.  I  told  her,  that 
I  had  promised  to  go  on  board  and  look  after  the  men 
while  the  captain  wont  on  shore  5  thus,  as  you'll  see, 
Mr.  Simple,  making  myself  a  man  of  consequence, 
only  to  be  more  mortified  in  the  end.  After  she  had 
gone  to  the  opera,  I  was  very  uncomfortable  :  I  was 
afraid  that  the  captain  would  sec  her,  and  take  a 
fancy  to  her.  I  walked  up  and  down  outside,  until 
I  was  so  full  of  love  and  jealousy,  that  1  determined 
to  go  into  the  pit,  and  see  what  she  was  about.  I 
soon  discovered  her  in  a  box,  with  some  other  la- 
dies, and  with  them  were  my  captain  and  first  lieu- 
tenant. The  captain,  who  spoke  the  lanfjuage  well, 
was  leaning  over  her,  talking,  and  laughing,  and  she 
was  smilini'  at  what  he  said.  1  resolved  to  leave  im- 
mediately, lest  she  sliould  see  me  and  discover  tlial 
I  had  told  her  a  falsehood  ;  but  thev  appeared  so  in- 
timate, that  I  became  so  jealous  1  could  not  quit 
the  tiieatre.  At  last  she  perceived  mo,  and  beck- 
oned her  hand  ;  1  looked  yery  angry  ;  and  left  the 
theatre  cursing  like  a  madman.  It  ai)pe3red,  that 
she  pointed  me  out  to  the  captain,  and  asked  him 
who  I  was  ;  he  told  her  my  real  situation  on  board, 
■nd  spoke  of  me  with  contempt.  She  asked  whe- 
ther I  was  not  a  man  of  family  ;  at  this  the  captain 
and  first  lieutenant  both  burst  out  laughing,  and  said 
thai  I  wan  a  cfimiiion  sailor  who  had  hcvu  j)romoted 
to  a  higher  rank  by  goinl  behavior — not  exactly 
an  officer,  and  any  thing  but  a  gt-nticman.  In  short, 
Mr.  Simple.  I  was  blwn  upon  ;  and,  although  the 
captain  said  more  than  was  correct,  as  1  learnt  al\er- 


160  PETER  SIMPLE. 

-wards  through  the  officers^  still  I  deserved  it.  De- 
termined to  know  the  worst,  I  remained  outside 
till  the  opera  was  over,  when  I  saw  her  come  out, 
the  captain  and  first  lieutenant  walking  with  the 
party — so  that  I  could  not  speak  with  her.  1  walk- 
ed to  a  posada,  (that's  an  inn.)  and  drank  seven  bot- 
tles of  rosolio  to  keep  myself  quiet ;  then  I  went 
onboard,  and  the  second  lieutenant,  who  was  com- 
manding officer,  put  me  under  arrest  for  being  in- 
toxicated. It  was  a  week  before  I  was  released ; 
and  you  can't  imagine  what  I  suffered,  Jylr.  Simple. 
At  last,  I  obtained  leave  to  go  on  shore,  and  I  went 
to  the  house  to  decide  my  fate.  The  old  woman 
opened  the  door,  and  then  calling  me  a  thief, 
elammed  it  in  my  face  ;  as  I  retreated,  donna  Ser- 
aphina  came  to  the  window,  and,  waving  her  hand 
with  a  contemptuous  look,  said,  '  Go,  and  God  be 
with  you,  Mr.  Gentleman.'  I  returned  on  board  in 
such  a  rage,  that  if  I  could  have  persuaded  the 
gunner  to  have  given  me  a  ball  cartridge,  I  should 
nave  shot  myself  through  the  head.  What  made 
the  matter  worse,  I  was  laughed  at  by  everybody 
in  the  ship,  for  the  captain  and  first  lieutenant  had 
made  the  story  public.'' 

"  Well,  Mr.  Chucks,''  replied  I,  •'•'  I  cannot  help 
being  sorry  for  you,  although  you  certainly  deserve 
to  be  punished  for  your  dishonesty.  Was  that  the 
end  of  the  affair  ?'' 

"  As  far  as  I  v.as  concerned,  it  was,  Mr.  Simple; 
but  not  as  respected  others.  The  captain  took  my 
place,  but  v.ithout  the  knowledge  of  the  father. 
After  all,  they  neither  had  great  reason  to  rejoice 
at  the  exchange." 

''  How  so,  Mr.  Chucks — what  do  you  meanj" 

'•Why,  ^ir.  Simple,  the  captain  did  not  make  au 
honest  woman  of  her,  as  I  would  have  done  ;  and 
the  father  discovered  what  was  going  on,  and  one 
Tiight  the  captain  w.is  brought  on  board  ruii  through 
the  body.     We    snilerl  immediately    for   Gibraltar, 


PETER  SIMPLE.  161 

and  it  was  a  long  while  before  he  got  round  again  3 
and  then  he  had  another  misfortune." 

"  What  was  that  1" 

"Why  he  lost  his  boatswain,  Mr.  Simple  ;  for  I 
could  not  bear  the  sight  of  him — and  then  he  lost 
(as  you  must  know,  not  from  your  own  knowledge, 
but  from  that  of  others)  a  boatswain  who  knows  nia 
duty."' 

*•  Every  one  says  so,  Mr.  Chucks.  I'm  sure  that 
our  captain  would  be  very  sorry  to  part  with  you." 

"  I  trust  that  every  captain  has  been,  with  whom 
I've  sailed,  Mr.  Siulple.  But  that  was  not  all  he 
lost,  Mr.  .Simple  ;  for  the  next  cruise  he  lost  his 
masts  ;  and  the  loss  of  his  masts  occasioned  the  loss 
of  his  ship,  since  which  he  has  never  been  trusted 
with  anotluir,  but  is  laid  on  the  shelf.  Psow  he  ne- 
ver carried  away  a  spar  of  any  consequence  during 
the  whole  time  that  I  was  with  him.  A  mast  itscl? 
is  nothing,  Mr.  Simple — only  a  piece  of  wood — but 
fit  your  rigging  properly,  and  then  a  mast  is  as 
strong  as  a  rock.  Only  ask  Mr.  Faulkner,  and  he'll 
tell  you  the  same  ;  and  I  never  met  an  officer  who 
knew  better  how  to  support  a  mast." 

"  Did  you  ever  hear  any  more  of  the  young  la- 
dy ?" 

"  Yea  ;  about  a  year  afterwards,  I  returned  there 
in  another  ship.  She  had  been  shut  up  in  a  con- 
vent, and  forced  to  take  the  veil.  Oh,  iNIr.  Simple  ! 
if  you  knew  how  1  loved  that  girl  I  I  have  never 
been  more  than  polite  to  a  woman  since,  and  shall 
die  a  bachelor.  You  can't  lliiiik  how  I  wa.s  capi>izcd 
the  other  day,  when  I  looked  at  the  house  •,  i  have 
hardly  touched  beef  or  pork  since,  and  am  in  debt 
twocjuarts  of  rum  more  than  my  allowance.  But, 
Mr.  Simple,  1  have  told  vou  this  in  confidence,  and 
I  trust  you  are  too  much  of  a  ijenllcman  to  repeat 
it  J  for  I  cannot  bear  quizzing  from  young  midship- 
inen." 

I  promised    that  I   would   not  mention  it,  and  I 

VOL.  I.  11 


162  PETER  SIMPLE. 

kept  my  word  ;  but  circumstances  which  the  readef 
Will  learn  in  the  sequel  have  freed  me  from  the  con- 
diticn.     Nobody  can  quiz  liim  now. 

Vv'e  gained  cur  st^ilion  off  the  coast  of  Perpig- 
nan  ;  and  as  soon  as  we  made  the  land,  we  were 
most  provokinarly  driven  off  bv  a  severe  gale.  1  am 
not  about  to  make  any  remarks  about  the  gale,  for 
one  storm  is  so  like  another  5  but  I  mention  it,  to 
account  for  a  conversation  which  took  place,  and 
with  which  1  was  very  much  amused.  1  was  near 
the  captain  when  he  sent  for  Mr.  Muddle,  tl-.e  car- 
penter, who  had  been  up  to  examine  the  maintop- 
sail  yard,  whicli  had  been  reported  as  sprung. 

"  Well,  Mr.  Muddle/'  said  the  captain. 

'•  Sprung,  sir.  most  decidedly ;  but  I  think  we'll 
be  able  to  initigate  it." 

"  Will  you  be  able  to  secure  it  for  the  present, 
Mr.  Muddle  .'''  replied  the  captain,  rather  sharply. 

"  Well  mitigate  it,  sir,  in  half-an-hour." 

"  I  wish  that  you  would  use  common  phrases, 
when  you  speak  to  me  Mr.  Muddle.  I  presume,  by 
mitigate,  you  mean  to  say  that  you  can  secure  it. 
Do  you  mean  so,  sir,  or  do  you  not  ?'' 

•'  Ves,  sir,  that  is  what  1  mean,  most  decidedly. 
I  hope  no  offence,  captain  Savage  5  but  I  did  not  in- 
tend to  displease  you  by  my  language." 

"  Very  good.  Mr.  Muddle,"  replied  the  captain  3 
'*  it's  the  first  time  I  have  spoken  to  you  on  the 
subject,  recollect  that  it  will  be  the  la.st." 

"  'liie  first  time  '.''  replied  the  carpenter,  who 
could  not  forget  his  philosophy  5  "  I  beg  your  par- 
don, captain  Savage,  you  found  just  the"  same  fault 
with  nie  on  this  quarter-deck  27,672  vears  ago, 
and " 

"If  1  did,  Mr.  Muddle,"  interrupted  the  captain, 
ver)  angrily,  "  depend  upon  it  that  at  the  same  time 
I  ordered  you  to  go  aloit,  and  attend  to  your  duty, 
instead  of  talking  nonsense  on  the  quarter-deck  j 
and,  although,  as   you  say,  you  and  I  cannot   rec- 


FETKR  SIMPLE.  16S 

ollect  it.  if  you  did  not  obey  that  order  instan- 
taneously. I  also  put  you  in  confinement,  and  obli- 
ped  you  to  leave  the  ship  as  soon  as  slie  returned 
to  port.     Do  vou  understand  me,  sir  ?" 

"  1  rather  think,  sir,"  replied  the  carpenter,  hum- 
bly touching  his  hat,  and  walking  to  the  main  rig- 
ging, •'  that  no  such  thing  took  place,  for  I  went  up 
immediately,  as  I  do  now  5  and,''  continued  the 
carpenter,  who  was  incurable,  as  he  ascended  the 
rigffinjT.   "  as  1  shall  again  in  another  !;I7,G72  years." 

"  That  man  is  incorrigible  with  his  confounded 
nonsense.'"  observed  the  captain  to  the  first  lieute- 
nant. "  Every  mast  in  the  ship  would  go  over  the 
side,  provided  he  can  get  any  one  to  listen  to  his 
ridiculous  theory." 

"  He  is  not  a  bad  carpenter,  sir,"  replied  the  tirst 
lieutenant. 

"  He  is  not,"  rejoined  the  captain  j  "  but  there  is 
.1  time  for  all  things." 

Ju't  at  this  moment,  the  boatswain  came  down 
ll.f  ripping. 

••  Well,  Mr.  Chucks,  what  do  you  think  of  the 
\  ii\l  ?     Must  we  shift  it  ?"  inquired  the  captain. 

•  .\*  present,  captiin  Savage,"  replied  the  boat- 
iw.-iin.  "  I  coiisidcr  it  10  be  in  a  slate  which  may  be 
failed  |)recarious,  and  not  at  all  permanent ;  but, 
with  a  little  human  exertion,  four  fathom  of  three 
inch,  and  half-a-dozen  tenpenny  nails,  it  may  last, 
for  .oJl  I  kjjow,  until  it  is  time  for  it  to  be  sprung 
ajjaiii."' 

'*  I  do  not  understand  you,  Mr.  f 'bucks.  I  know 
no  lime  when  a  yard  oui,'ht  to  be  spning." 

••  I  did  not  refer  to  our  lime,  sir,"  replied  the 
l)oaLswain,  '•  but  to  the  27,672  years  of  Mr.  Mud- 
dle, when " 

"  (>o  forwanl  immediately,  sir,  and  attend  to  your 
duty,"  cried  the  nnj,nin,  in  a  ven.'  angry  voice  ;  and 
then  he  said  to  the  first  lieutenant.  "  I  believe  the 
warrint   rfficcrs  arc   going   mad.     Whoever  heard 


164  PETER  SIMPLE. 

a  boatswain  use  such  language — 'precarious,  and 
not  at  all  permanent  V  His  stay  in  tlie  ship  will 
become  so,  if  he  does  not  mind  what  lie  is  about.'' 

"  He  is  a  very  odd  character,  sir,"  replied  the 
first  lieutenant ;  '•  but  1  have  no  hesitation  in  say- 
ing, that  he  is  the  best  boatswain  in  his  majes'.y's 
service." 

'•1  believe  so  too,"  replied  the  captain  5  "but — 
well,  every  one  has  his  faults.  Mr.  Simple,  what 
are  you  about,  sir  ?" 

"  1  was  listening  to  what  you  said,"  replied  I, 
touching  my  hat. 

"  I  admire  your  candor,  sir,"  replied  he,  "  but 
advise  you  to  discontinue  the  practice.  Walk  over 
to  leeward,  sir,  and  attend  to  your  duty." 

When  I  was  on  the  other' side  of  the  deck,  I 
looked  round,  and  saw  the  captain  and  first  lieuten- 
ant both  laughing. 


CHAPTER  XVIH. 

I  go  iiwny  on  service,  am  wniuideil,  am  UWpu  pri'Diifr  wiili  O'Brien  - 
Diamoiiil  cut  (liiimoiKl  Ijelwecn  tlip  O'Brien's— Grt  into  comliprlaijle 
quarlefs— iMy  first  iaerview  wiUi  Celeste. 

And  now,  I  have  to  narrate  an  event,  which, 
young  as  I  was  at  the  time,  will  be  found  to  have 
ooriously  afiected  me  in  ai\er-life.  How  little  do 
we  know  what  to-morrow  may  bring  fortii !  We 
had  r(>;xa!ned  our  station,  and  for  some  days  had 
been  standing  off  and  on  the  coast,  when  one  morn- 
ing at  daybreak,  we  found  ourselves  about  four 
miles  from  the  town  of  Cette,  and  a  large  convoy 
of  vessel:;  coming  round  a  point.  V/c  made  aU 
sail  in  clixeo,  .and  they  anchoro<l  ci.;.-:c  in  shi;rc,  un- 


PETER  SIMPLE.  1G5 

der  a  batten-,  which  we  did  not  discover  until  it 
opened  fire  upon  us.  The  shot  struck  the  frigate 
two  or  three  times,  for  the  water  was  smooth,  and 
the  battery  nearly  level  with  it.  The  captain  tack- 
ed tiie  ship,  and  stood  out  again,  until  the  boats 
were  hoisted  out,  and  all  ready  to  pull  on  shore  ajid 
storm  the  battery.  O'Brien,  who  was  the  oificer 
commanding  the  first  cutter  on  service,  was  in  his 
boat,  and  I  again  obtained  permission  from  him  to 
smutiglc  myself  into  it. 

"  ISow,  Peter,  let's  see  what  kind  of  a  fish  you'll 
bring  on  board  this  time,"  said  he.  after  we  had 
shoved  off;  '•  or  mav  be,  the  fish  will  not  let  you 
off  quite  so  easy."  The  men  in  the  boat  all  laugli- 
ed  at  this,  and  I  replied,"  that  I  must  be  more  se- 
riously wounded  than  I  was  last  time,  to  be  made 
a  prisoner."  We  rdn  on  shore,  amidst  the  fire  of 
the  pun-boats,  who  protected  the  convoy,  by  which 
we  lost  three  men.  and  made  for  the  battery,  which 
we  took  witliout  opposition,  the  French  artillery- 
men running  out  as  wo  ran  in.  The  directions  of 
the  captain  were  very  positive,  not  to  remain  in  the 
battery  a  minute  after  it  was  taken,  but  to  board 
the  gun-boat.s,  leaving  only  one  of  the  small  boats, 
with  the  armorer  to  spike  the  guns,  for  tJie  captain 
was  aware  that  there  were  troops  stationed  along 
the  coast,  who  might  come  down  upon  us,  ana 
beat  us  off.  The  first  lieutenant,  who  commanded, 
desired  O'Brien  torrmain  with  the  first  cutter,  and 
after  the  armorer  had  spiked  the  guns,  as  officer  of 
the  boat  he  was  to  shove  off  immrdiatrly.  O'Brien 
and  I  remained  in  the  battery,  with  the  armorer, 
the  boat's  crew  l>oing  ordered  down  to  the  boat,  to 
keep  her  afloat,  and  ready  to  shove  off  at  a  moment's 
warning.  We  had  sniked  all  the  guns  but  one,  when 
all  of  a  sudden  a  volley  of  musketry  was  poured  up- 
on us,  which  killed  the  armorer,  and  wo.indf d  mo 
in  the  leg  above  the  knee.  1  fell  down  by  O'Brien, 
who  cried  out,  "  By  the    power*  hen*  t'"py  nre.  nnd 


166  Pt.TER  SIMPLE. 

one  gun  not  spiked.'  He  jumped  down,  wrenched 
the  hammar  from  the  armourer's  hand,  and  seizing 
a  nail  from  the  bag,  iu  a  few  moments  he  had  spik- 
ed the  gun.  At  this  time  I  heard  the  tramping  of 
the  French  soldiers  advancing,  when  O'Brien  threw 
away  the  hammer,  and  lifting  me  upon  his  shoulderr., 
cried,  *•  Come  along,  Peter,  my  boy,''  and  made  for 
the  boat  as  fast  as  he  could  ;  but  he  was  too  late  : 
he  had  not  got  half  way  to  the  boat,  before  he  was 
collared  by  two  French  soldiers,  and  dragged  back 
into  the  battery.  The  French  troops  then  advanced, 
and  kept  up  a  smart  fire  :  our  cutter  escaped,  and 
joined  the  other  boats,  who  had  captured  the  gun- 
boats and  convoy  with  little  opposition.  Our  large 
boats  hr.d  carronades  mounted  in  the  bows,  and 
soon  returned  the  hrc  with  round  and  grape,  which 
drove  the  French  troops  back  into  the  battery, 
where  they  remained,  popping  at  our  men  under 
cover,  until  most  of  tlie  vessels  were  taken  out : 
those  which  they  could  not  man  were  burnt.  In 
the  mean  time,  O'Brien  had  been  taken  into  the 
battery,  with  me  on  his  back ;  but  as  soon  as  he  was 
there,  he  laid  me  gently  down,  saying,  "  Peter,  my 
boy,  as  long  as  you  were  under  my  charge,  Pd  car- 
ry you  through  thick  and  thin,  but  now  that  you 
are  under  these  French  beggars,  why  let  them  car- 
ry you.  Every  man  his  own  bundle,  Peter,  that's 
fair  play  ;  so,  if  they  think  you're  worth  the  carry- 
ing, let  them  bear  the  weight  of  ye." 

•■  And  suppose  that  they  do  not,  O'Brien,  will  you 
leave  me  h.ere  V 

"  Will  I  leave  you,  Peter  1  not  if  I  can  help  it, 
my  boy ;  but  they  won't  leave  you,  never  fear 
them  ;  prisoners  are  so  scarce  with  them  that  they 
would  not  leave  the  captain's  monkey,  if  he  were 
taken.' 

As  soon  as  our  boats  were  clear  of  their  musket- 
ry, the  commanding  officer  of  the  French  troops 
examined  the  guns  in  the  battery,  with  the  hope  of 


PETER  SIMPLE.  167 

reaching  them,  and  was  very  much  annoyed  to  find 
that  every  one  of  them  was  spiked.  "  He'll  look 
sharper  than  a  magpie,  before  ne  tinds  a  clear  touch- 
hole,  i  expect,'  said  O'Brien,  as  he  watched  the 
oliicer.  And  here  I  must  observe,  that  O'Brien 
showed  great  presence  of  mind  in  spiking  the  last 
gun  3  for,  had  they  had  one  gua  to  iirc  at  our  boats 
towing  out  the  prizes,  they  must  have  done  a  great 
deal  of  mischief  to  them,  and  we  should  have  lost 
a  great  many  men  ;  but  in  so  doing,  and  in  the  at- 
tempt to  save  me,  he  sacrihccd  himself,  and  was 
taken  prisoner.  VViien  tiie  troops  ceased  firing,  the 
comuKiiiding  oHiccr  rame  up  to  O'Brien,  and  look- 
ing at  liiin,  t^aid,  ••  Olhccr  .''  to  wliich  O'Brien  nod- 
ded his  Jiead.  He  then  pointed  tome — ••  Olhcer  ?" 
O'Brien  nodded  his  head  ."igaiu,  at  which  the  French 
troops  laughed,  as  O'Brien  told  me  afterwards,  be- 
cause I  was  what  they  called  an  eii/'unt,  which 
means  an  infant.  1  was  very  stilf,  and  faint,  and 
could  not  walk.  I'lie  oliicer  who  commaiided  the 
troops  left  a  detachment  in  the  battery,  and  pre- 
pared to  return  to  Cette,  from  whence  they  came. 
O'Brien  walked,  and  I  was  carried  on  three  mus- 
kets by  si.x  of  tlie  French  soldiers — not  a  very 
pleasant  convf^^ance  at  any  lime,  but  in  my  state 
excessively  painful.  However,  I  must  say,  that 
they  were  very  kind  to  me,  ;iiid  put  a  j-reat  coat  or 
fiomethiiig  under  my  woui;ded  leg,  for  I  was  in  an 
agony,  and  fainted  several  times.  .\t  la.'-t  lliejr 
brought  me  some  water  to  drink.  O  how  delicious 
it  was  I  1  have  often  thought  since,  when  1  hava 
been  in  companv,  where  people  fond  of  good  living, 
have  smacked  tlieir  liiw  at  their  claret,  tliat  if  they 
could  only  Itc  wounded,  and  taste  a  cup  of  water,  tliey 
would  then  know  what  it  w.is  to  feel  a  l>cverage 
grateful.  In  about  an  hour  and  a  hall',  which  appear- 
ed to  me  to  be  five  days  at  hast,  we  arrived  at  the 
town  of  Cetle,  and  1  was  tiken  up  to  tlie  house  of 
the  officer  who  commanded   the   Iroojxi,  and  who 


168  PETER  SIMPLE. 

had  often  looked  at  me  as  I  was  carried  there  from 
the  battery,  saying,  "  Pauvri  enfant !"  I  waa  put 
on  a  bed,  where  I  again  fainted  away.  When  I 
came  to  my  senses,  1  found  a  surgeon  had  bandaged 
my  leg  and  that  I  had  been  undressed.  O'Brien  was 
standing  by  me,  and  I  believe  that  he  had  been  cry- 
ing, for  he  thought  that  1  was  dead.  When  1  look- 
ed him  in  the  face,  he  said,  "  Pater,  you  baste,  how 
you  frightened  me  !  bad  luck  to  me  if  ever  I  take 
charge  of  another  youngster.  What  did  you  sham 
dead  for  ?" 

'•  I  am  better  now,  O'Brien,"  replied  I  ;  "  how 
much  I  am  indebted  to  you  !  you  have  been  made 
prisoner  in  trying  to  save  me." 

•'•  I  have  been  made  prisoner  in  doing  my  duty,  in 
one  shape  or  another.  If  that  fool  of  an  armorer 
hadn't  held  his  hammer  so  tight,  after  he  was  dead, 
and  it  was  of  no  use  to  him,  I  should  have  been 
clear  enough,  and  so  would  you  have  been!  but, 
however,  all  this  is  nothing  at  all,  Pater;  as  far  as 
I  can  see,  the  life  of  a  man  consists  in  getting  into 
scrapes,  and  getting  out  of  them.  By  the  blessing 
of  God  we've  managed  the  iirst,  and  by  the  blessing 
of  God  we'll  manage  the  second  also  ;  so  be  smart, 
my  honey,  and  get  well,  for,  although  a  man  may 
escape  by  running  away  on  two  legs,  I  never  heard 
of  a  boy  who  hopped  out  of  a  French  prison  upon 
one." 

1  squeezed  the  offered  hand  of  O'Brien,  and  look- 
ed round  me  ;  the  surgeon  stood  at  one  side  of  the 
bed,  and  the  officer  who  commanded  the  troops  at 
the  other.  At  the  head  of  the  bed  was  a  little  girl 
about  twelve  years  old,  who  held  a  cup  in  her  hand, 
out  of  which  something  had  been  poured  down  my 
throat.  I  looked  at  her,  and  she  had  such  a  pity  in 
her  face,  which  was  remarkably  handsome,  that  she 
appeared  to  me  as  an  angel,  and  1  turned  round  as 
well  as  I  could,  that  I  might  look  at  her  alone.  She 
offered  me  the  run  which  I  should  have  refused  from 


PETER  SIMPLE.  k59 

any  one  but  her,  and  I  drank  a  little.  Another  person 
then  came  into  the  room,  and  a  conversation  look 
phce  in  French.  '•  1  wonder  what  they  mean  to 
do  witli  U3,"  said  I  to  O'Brien. 

'•  Whist,  hold  your  ton?iue.'"  replied  he  ;  and  then 
ho  leaned  over  me,  and  said  in  a  whisper. ''  1  under- 
stand all  they  sav  ;  don't  you  recollect,  I  told  you 
that  1  learnt  the  language  after  1  was  kilt  and  buried 
in  the  sand,  in  South  America?''  After  a  littlo 
more  conversation,  the  officer  and  the  others  retired, 
leaving  nobody  but  the  little  girl  and  O'Brien  in  the 
room.  "  It's  a  message  from  the  governor,''  slid 
O'Brien,  as  soon  as  they  were  gone,  "  wishing  tlie 
prisoners  to  In?  sent  to  the  jail  in  the  citidel,  to  be 
examined  ;  and  the  officer  says,  (and  he's  a  real 
gentleman,  as  far  as  I  can  judge,)  that  you're  but  a 
baby,  and  badly  wounded  in  the  bargain,  and  that  it 
would  bo  a  shame  not  to  leave  you  to  die  in  peace  ; 
so  I  presume,  that  I'll  part  company  from  you  very 
soon." 

"  I  hope  not,  O'Brien,"  replied  I ;  "if  you  go  to 
prison,  I  will  g-o  also,  for  I  will  not  leave  you,  who 
are  my  best  friend,  to  remain  with  strangers ;  I 
should  not  be  lialf  so  happy,  although  I  might  have 
more  comforts  in  my  present  situation." 

"  Pater,  my  boy,  I  am  glad  to  see  that  your  heart 
is  in  the  right  place,  as  I  always  thought  It  was,  or 
I  wouldn't  have  taken  you  under  my  protection. 
We'll  go  together  to  pris(»n,  my  jewel,  and  I'll  fish 
at  the  bars  witli  a  bag  and  a  long  string,  just  by  way 
of  recreation,  and  to  pick  up  a  little  money  to  buy 
you  all  manner  of  nice  things;  and  when  vou  pet 
well,  you  shall  do  it  yourself,  mayhap  you'll  have 
better  lurk,  as  I'eter'your  namesake  nad,  who  was 
a  fisherman,  before  you.  There's  twice  as  much 
room  in  one  of  the  cells,  as  there  is  in  a  midship- 
man's berth,  my  boy  :  and  the  prison  yards,  where 
you  are  allowed  to  walk,  wdl  make  a  dozen  quarter- 
decks, and  no  n*ed  of  touching  your  hat  out  of  re- 


170  PETER  SIMPLE. 

B|>ect  when  yoa  go  into  it.  ^^^^en  a  man  has  been 
cramped  up  on  board  of  a  man-of-war,  where  mid- 
shipmen are  stowed  away  like  pilchards  in  a  cask, 
he  finds  himself  quite  at  liberty  in  a  prison,  Peter. 
But  somehow  or  another,  I  think  we  mayn't  be 
parted  yet,  for  I  heard  the  officer  (who  appears  to  be 
a  real  gentleman,  and  worthy  to  have  been  an  Irish- 
man born)  say  to  the  other,  that  he'd  ask  the  gov- 
ernor for  me  to  stay  with  you  on  parole,  until  you 
are  well  again."  The  little  girl  handed  me  the 
lemonade,  of  which  I  drank  a  little,  and  then  1  felt 
very  faint  again.  I  laid  my  head  on  the  pillow,  and 
O'Brien  having  left  off  talking,  1  was  soon  in  a  com- 
fortable sleep.  In  an  hour  I  was  awakened  by  the 
return  of  the  officer,  who  was  accompanied  by  the 
surgeon.  The  officer  addressed  O'Brien  in  French, 
■who  shook  his  head  as  before. 

"  Why  don't  you  answer,  O'Brien,"  said  I, ''  since 
you  understand  him  ?" 

"  Peter,  recollect  that  I  cannot  speak  a  word  of 
their  lingo  ;  then  I  shall  know  what  they  say  before 
us,  and  they  wont  mind  what  they  say,  supposing  I 
do  not  understand  them." 

"  But  is  that  honest,  O'Brien  ?" 

"  Is  it  honest,  you  mean  ?  if  I  had  a  five  pound 
note  in  my  pocket,  and  don't  choose  to  show  it  to 
every  fellow  that  I  meet — is  that  dishonest  ?" 

"  To  be  sure  it's  not." 

"  And  a'n't  that  what  the  lawyers  call  a  case  in 
pint?" 

"  Well,"  replied  I,  ''if  you  wish  it,  I  shall  of 
course  say  nothing ;  but  I  think  that  I  should  tell 
them,  especially  as  they  are  so  kind  to  us." 

During  this  conversation,  the  officer  occasionally 
spoke  to  the  surgeon,  at  the  same  time  eyeing  us,  I 
thought  very  hard.  Two  other  persons  then  came 
into  the  room  ;  one  of  them  addressed  O'Brien  in 
very  bad  English,  saying  that  he  was  interpreter, 
and"  would  beg  him  to  answer  a  few  questions.    H« 


PETER  SIMPLE.  171 

tlieu  inquired  the  name  of  our  ship,  number  of 
guns,  and  how  long  we  had  been  cruising:.  After 
Uiat,  the  force  of  the  English  licet,  and  a  great 
majiy  other  auestions  relative  to  them  j  all  cf  which 
were  put  in  French  by  the  person  who  came  with 
him,  and  the  answers  translated,  and  taken  down  in 
a  book.  Some  of  the  questions  O'Brien  answered 
correctly,  to  others  he  pleaded  ignorance  ;  and  to 
some  he  asserted  w  hat  was  not  true.  But  I  did  not 
blame  him  for  that,  as  it  was  his  duty  not  to  give 
information  to  the  enemy.  At  last  they  asked  my 
name,  and  rank,  which  O'Brien  told  them.  "  Waa 
1  noble  .'■' 

*'  Yes,"  replied  O'Brien. 

"  Don't  say  so,  O'Brien,"'  interrupted  I. 

"  Peter,  you  know  nothing  about  it,  you  aregrand- 
Eon  to  a  lord." 

"  I  know  that,  but  still  I  am  not  noble  myself,  al- 
though descended  from  him ;  therefore  pray  don't 
say  80." 

"  Botlier!  Pater,  I  have  said  it,  and  I  won't  un- 
say it;  besides.  Pater,  recollect  it's  a  French  ques- 
tion, and  in  France  you  would  be  considered  noble. 
At  all  events,  it  can  do  no  harm." 

"  I  feol  too  ill  to  talk,  O'Brien;  but  I  wish  you 
had  not  said  so." 

They  then  inquired  O'Brien's  name,  which  he 
told  them  ;  his  rank  in  the  service,  and  also  wheth- 
er he  was  noble. 

"  I  am  an  O'Brien."  replied  he  ;  "and  pray  what's 
llie  nu'aniiig  of  the  O  before  my  name,  if  Vm  not 
noble  ?  however  Mr.  Interpreter,  you  may  add,  that 
we  have  dropned  our  title  uecause  it's  not  conven- 
ient." The  French  oflicer  burst  out  into  a  loud 
laugh,  wtiicli  surprised  us  very  much.  The  inter- 
preter had  ^'reat  diHiculty  in  explaining  what  O'Bri- 
en said  ;  but  as  O'Briiii  told  me  afterwards,  lljo 
aiuwer  was  put  down  do\tblJ\d. 

They  all  left  the   room  except  the  officer,  who 


172  PETER  SIMPLE. 

then,  to  our  astonishment,  addressed  us  in  good 
English,  *'  Gentlemen,  1  have  obtained  permission 
from  the  governor  for  you  to  remain  in  my  house, 
until  Mr.  Simple  is  recovered.  Mr.  O'Brien,  it  is 
necessary  that  I  should  receive  your  parole  of  hon- 
or, that  you  will  not  attempt  to  escape.  Are  you 
willing  to  g  ve  it  V 

O'Brien  was  quite  amazed  ;  "  Murder  an'  Irish," 
cried  he  3  "  so  you  speak  English,  colonel.  It  was 
not  very  genteel  of  you  not  to  say  so,  considering 
how  we've  been  talking  our  little  secrets  together." 

'•'  Certainly,  Mr.  O'Brien,  not  more  necessary," 
replied  the  officer,  smiling,  '•  than  for  you  to  tell 
me  that  you  understood  French." 

•'  O  bother,"  cried  O'Brien,  '■  how  nicely  I'm 
caught  in  my  own  trap  !  You're  an  Irishman,  sure?" 

''  I'm  of  Irish  descent,'"  replied  the  officer,  "  and 
my  name,  as  well  as  yours,  is  O'Brien.  I  was 
brought  up  in  this  country',  not  being  permitted  to 
serve  my  own,  and  retain  the  religion  of  my  fore- 
fathers. I  may  now  be  considered  as  a  French- 
man, retaining  nothing  of  my  original  country,  ex- 
cept the  language  which  my  mother  taught  me,  and 
a  warm  feeling' towards  the  English  whenever  I 
meet  them.  But  to  the  question,  Mr.  O'Brien,  will 
you  give  your  parole  ?" 

"  The  word  of  an  Irishman,  and  the  hand  to  boot," 
replied  O'Brien,  shaking  the  colonel  by  the  hand; 
"  and  you're  more  than  doubly  sure,  for  I'll  never 
go  away  and  leave  little  Peter  here  5  and  as  for 
carrying  him  on  my  back,  I've  had  enough  of  that 
already." 

''It  is  sufficient,"  replied  the  colonel.  "Mr. 
O'Brien,  I  will  make  you  as  comfortable  as  I  can ; 
and  when  you  are  tired  of  attending  your  friend, 
my  little  daughter  shall  take  your  place.  You'll 
find  her  a  kind  little  nurse,  Mr.  Simple."  I  could 
not  refrain  from  tears  at  the  colonel's  kindness  ;  he 
shook  me  by  the  hand,  and  telling  O'Brien  that  din- 


PETER  SliMPLE.  173 

ner  was  ready,  he  called  up  his  daughter,  the  little 
girl  who  had  attended  nie  Ijcfore,  and  desired  her 
to  remain  in  the  room.  "Celeste,"  said  he,  "  ycu 
understand  a  little  English  j  quite  enougii  to  iind 
out  what  he  is  in  want  of.  Go  and  fetch  your  work, 
to  amuse  yourself  wlicn  he  is  asleep."  Celeste 
went  out,  and  reluming  with  her  embroidery,  sat 
down  by  the  head  of  the  bed  :  the  colonel  and 
0"iiricn  then  (juitted  the  room.  Celeste  then  com- 
mented her  embroidery,  and  as  her  eyes  were  cast 
down  upon  l.er  work,  I  was  able  to  look  at  her 
witliout  her  observing  it.  As  I  said  before,  she  was 
a  very  beautiful  little  pirl  ;  her  hair  was  light  brown, 
eyes  very  lar^e,  and  eyebrows  drawn,  as  if  with  a 
pair  of  compasses ;  her  nose  and  mouth  were  also 
very  pretty  :  but  it  waa  not  so  much  her  features, 
as  the  expression  of  her  countenance,  which  was  so 
beautiful,  so  modest,  so  sweet,  and  so  intelligent. 
When  she  smiled,  which  she  almost  always  did 
when  she  spoke,  her  teeth  were  like  two  rows  of 
little  pearls. 

I  hud  not  looked  at  her  long,  before  she  raised 
Iier  eyes  from  her  work,  and  perceiving  that  I  was 
looking  at  her,  said,  "  You  want — something — want 
drink — I  sj)eak  very  little  English.' 

"  Nothing,  I  thank  ye,"  replied  I  j  "  I  only  want 
to  go  to  sleep." 

"Then — shut — your  eye,'  replied  blie,  smiling; 
and  she  went  to  the  window  and  drew  down  the 
blinds  to  darken  the  room.  Hut  1  could  not  sleep  ; 
the  remembrance  of  what  Ind  occurred — in  a  few- 
hours  wounded  and  a  prisoner — the  thought  of  my 
father's  and  inoihcr's  anxiety,  with  the  prospect  of 
going  to  a  prison  and  close  confinement  as  soon  as 
1  was  recovered,  na.ssed  in  succession  in  my  mind, 
and,  together  with  thr*  actual  pain  of  mv  wound, 
prevented  me  from  obtaininix  any  rest,  'i'he  little 
girl  several  times  opened  tlie  cjirtain  to  a.scertain 
whether  !  ^ji-pt  or  w.intcd   any  thing,  and   then  at 


174  PETER  SIMPLE. 

softly  retired.  In  the  evening,  the  surgeon  called 
again  5  he  felt  my  pulse,  and  directing  cold  applica- 
tions to  my  leg,  which  had  swelled  considerably, 
and  was  becoming  very  painful,  told  colonel  O'Brien, 
that  although  I  had  considerable  fever,  1  was  doing 
as  well  as  could  be  expected,  under  the  circumstan- 
ces. But  I  shall  not  dwell  upon  my  severe  suffer- 
ing for  a  fortnight,  after  which  the  ball  was  extract- 
ed ;  nor  upon  how  carefully  I  was  w  atched  by 
O'Brien,  the  Colonel,  and  little  Celeste,  during  my 
peevishness  and  irritation,  arising  from  pain  and 
fever.  1  felt  grateful  to  them,  but  particularly  to 
('eleste,  who  seldom  quitted  me  for  more  than  half 
an  hour  5  and,  as  I  gradually  recovered,  tried  all 
she  could  to  amuse  me. 


CH.\PTER  XIX. 

We  remove  lo  very  unpleasant  quarters — Birds  of  a  f'alber  won't 
.".Iways  flock  togetlier — O'Brien  cuts  a  cutler  midsliipi^Hn,  and  f>eta 
a  taste  of  French  steel — Altogelber  Jlat  work — A  wait  into  the 
interior. 

A.S  soon  as  I  was  well  enough  to  attend  to  my 
little  nurse,  we  became  very  intimate,  as  might  bt- 
expected.  Our  chief  employment  was  teaching 
each  other  French  and  English.  Having  the  advan- 
tage of  me  in  knowing  a  little  before  we  met,  and 
also  being  much  quicker  of  apprehension,  she  \Qrs 
soon  began  to  speak  English  liuently,  long  before  I 
could  make  out  a  short  sentence  in  French  How- 
ever, as  it  was  our  chief  employment,  and  both  were 
anxious  to  communicate  with  each  other,  I  learnt 
it  very  fast.  In  five  weeks  I  was  out  of  bed,  and 
could  limp  about  the  room}  and  before  two  months 
were  over,  I  was  quite  recovered.  The  colonel, 
however,  would   not  report  me  to  the  governor  j  1 


PETER  ShMPLE.  175 

remained  on  the  sofa  during  the  day,  but  at  dusk 
I  stole  out  of  the  housr,  and  walked  about  with 
CelestP.  I  never  pnpseil  surh  a  happy  time  as  the 
last  fortnight ;  the  only  drawback  was  the  remem- 
brance that  1  should  soon  have  to  exchange  it  for  a 
prison.  I  was  more  easy  about  mv  father  and 
mother,  as  O'Brien  had  written  to  them,  assuring 
them  that  1  was  doing  well  :  and  besides,  a  few 
days  after  our  capture,  the  frigate  had  run  in.  and 
eent  a  flag  of  truce  to  incpiire  if  we  were  alive  or 
made  prisoners-,  at  the  same  time  captain  Savage 
sent  on  shore  all  our  clothes,  and  two  hundred  dol- 
lars in  cash  for  our  use.  I  knew  that  even  if 
O'Brien's  letter  did  not  reach  them,  they  were  sure 
to  hear  from  captain  Sava'_'e  that  I  was  doing  well. 
But  the  idea  of  parting  with  Celeste,  towards  whom 
I  felt  such  gratitude  and  affection,  was  most  painful  ; 
and  when  I  talked  about  it.  poor  Celeste  would  cry 
BO  much,  that  I  could  not  help  joining  her.  althougli 
I  kissed  away  her  tears.  At  the  end  of  twelve 
weeks  the  siirgeon  colild  no  longer  withliold  hi.s 
report  and  we  were  ordered  to  be  ready  in  two 
days  to  march  to  Toulon,  where  we  were  to  join 
another  party  of  prisoners,  to  proceed  with  theni 
into  the  interior.  I  must  pass  over  our  parting, 
which  the  reader  may  imagine  was  very  painful. 
I  promised  to  write  to  Celeste,  and  she  promised 
that  she  would  answer  my  letters,  if  it  were  jier- 
mitted.  VVe  shook  hands  with  colonel  O'Brien, 
thanking  him  for  his  kindness,  and,  much  to  his 
reuret,  we  were  taken  in  charge  by  two  Kreiuh 
cuirasaiers,  who  were  waiting  at  the  door.  .\s  we 
prci'erred  being  continued  on  parole  until  our  arrival 
at  Toulon,  the  soldiers  were  not  at  all  particular 
about  walchini,' us  ;  and  we  set  off  on  hiirsei)ack, 
O'Brien  and  I  going  first,  and  the  French  cuiruisiers 
following  UH  in  the  rear. 

We  trotted,  or  walked,  along  the  road  very  com- 
fortably.    The  weather  was  delightful  ;  we  were  in 


176  PETER  SIMPLE. 

high  spirits,  and  almost  forgot  that  we  were  pris- 
oners. The  cuirassiers  followed  us  at  a  distance 
of  twenty  yards,  conversing  with  each  other,  and 
O'Brien  observed,  that  it  was  amazingly  genteel  of 
the  French  governor  to  provide  us  with  tw  o  servants 
in  such  handsome  liveries.  The  evening  of  the 
second  day  we  arrived  at  Toulon,  and  as  soon  as 
we  entered  the  gates,  we  were  delivered  into  the 
custody  of  an  officer,  with  a  very  sinister  cast  of 
countenance,  who,  after  some  conversation  with 
the  cuirassiers,  told  us  in  a  surly  tone  that  our  pa- 
role was  at  an  end,  and  gave  us  in  charge  of  a  cor- 
poral's guard,  with  directions  to  conduct  us  to  the 
prison  near  the  Arsenal.  We  presented  the  cuiras- 
siers with  four  dollars  each  for  their  civility,  and 
were  then  hurried  away  to  our  place  of  captivity. 
I  observed  to  O'Brien,  that  I  was  afraid  that  we 
must  now  bid  farewell  to  any  thing  like  pleasure. 
'•You're  right  there.  Peter,"  replied  he;  "but 
there's  a  certiin  jewel  called  Hope,  that  somebody 
found  at  the  bottom  of  his  chest,  when  it  was  clean 
empty,  and  so  we  must  not  lose  sight  of  it,  but  try 
and  escape  as  soon  as  we  can  ;  but  the  less  we  talk 
about  it  the  better."  In  a  few  minutes  we  arrived 
at  our  destination,  the  door  was  opened,  ourselves 
and  our  bundles  (for  we  had  only  selected  a  few- 
things  for  our  march,  the  colonel  promising  to  for- 
ward the  remainder  els  soon  as  we  wrote  to  inform 
him  to  which  depot  we  were  consigned)  were  rude- 
ly shoved  in  5  and  as  the  doors  again  closed,  and 
the  heavy  bolts  were  shot,  I  felt  a  creeping,  chilly 
sensation  pass  through  my  whole  body. 

As  soon  as  we  could  see — for  although  the  prison 
was  not  very  dark,  yet  so  suddenly  thrown  in,  after 
the  glare  of  a  bright  sunshiny  day,  at  first  we  could 
distinguish  nothing — we  found  ourselves  in  company 
with  about  thirty  English  sailors.  Most  of  them 
were  sitting  down  on  the  pavement,  or  on  boxes, 
or  bundles  containing  their  clothes  that  they  had 


rKTIlll  bLMPLi:.  177 

secured;  rcnversinjj  witli  each  otI;cr,  or  playing  at 
canls  ordi-auplils.  Our  entrance  api>eared  to  excite 
little  .iltcntion  ;  after  having  raised  their  eyes  to 
indulge  tlieir  curiosity,  they  continued  their  pur- 
suits. I  Jiave  often  thought  what  a  feeling  of  sel- 
fiblincES  appeared  to  pervade  through  the  whole  of 
them.  At  the  time  1  was  shocked,  as  I  expected 
immediate  sympathy  and  commiseration  ■,  but  after- 
^^ards  1  was  not  surprised.  Many  of  these  poor 
fellows  had  been  months  in  tiie  prison,  and  a  short 
ccnfiRcment  will  produce  t);at  indiirerencc  to  the 
njisfortuiies  of  r  tliers,  which  1  then  observed.  In- 
deed, one  man,  who  was  playinir  at  cards,  looked 
up  for  a  moment  as  we  came  in,  and  cried  out, 
"  Huryah,  my  lads !  the  more  the  merrier,"  as  if  he 
really  was  pleased  to  find  that  there  were  others 
who  were  as  unlortunate  as  hir.i^elf.  We  stood 
looking  at  the  grouns  for  about  ten  minutes,  when 
OBrien  oi;ecrved,  tliat  we  mipht  as  well  crme  to 
an  anchor,  foul  ^ircund  bcin}!  better  than  no  bottom ;" 
fo  wc  sat  dowr  in  a  corner,  upon  our  bundle?,  where 
we  remained  for  more  than  an  hour,  sur\eying  the 
Hccnc,  without  tpeakinij  a  word  to  each  other.  I 
could  not  i-peak — I  frit  so  very  miserable.  I  thought 
of  my  father  and  mother  in  i'.n;;lani!,  of  my  captain 
and  my  messmates,  who  were  sailing  about  so  hap- 
pily in  the  frigate,  of  the  kind  Colonel  O'Brien, 
lind  de-ir  little  Celeste,  and  tl.e  tears  trickled  down 
my  cheeks  as  these  Fcenes  of  former  happiness 
pa-ssed  through  my  mind  in  quick  eticcepsion.  C)'Bri- 
en  did  not  speak  but  once,  and  then  he  only  said, 
"Tli.s  ih  dull  work,  Tcter." 

We  b'.d  been  in  the  prison  about  two  hours,  when 
a  latl  in  a  very  prea?y,  ragged  jacket,  with  a  pale 
emaciated  \'\rc  camv?  up  to  us,  an<i  said,  "  I  perceive 
by  your  uniforms  that  you  are  brth  officers,  as  well 
as  my«"l'-" 

O'liricn  ttarcd  at  him  for  a  little  while,  and  then 
pnswrred, '*  Cpc'n  mv  soul  and  honor,  then  vou'»« 
wu..    I.  li 


178  PETER  SLMPLE. 

the  advantage  of  us,  for  it's  more  tliau  I  could  per- 
ceive in  you  5  but  I'll  take  your  word  for  it.  Fray 
what  ship  may  have  had  tl;e  misfortune  of  losing 
such  a  credit  to  the  service  /"' 

'•■  \V'iiy,  I  belonged  to  the  Snapper  cutter/'  replied 
the  young  lad ;  ••  1  was  taken  in  a  prize,  which  the 
commanding  olhcer  had  given  in  my  charge  to  take 
to  Gibraltar}  but  they  won"t  believe  tiiat  I'm  an 
officer.  I  have  applied  fcr  officers'  allowance  and 
rations,  and  they  won't  give  them  to  me." 

"  Well,  but  they  know  that  we  are  officers,'"  re- 
plied O'Brien}  "why  do  they  s!:ove  us  in  here, 
with  the  common  seamen  V 

'•  1  suppose  you  are  only  put  in  here  for  the  pres- 
ent," rejjlied  the  cutter's  midshipman  5  "  but  why, 
I  cannot  tell." 

I*sor  could  we,  until  after^v."rd.s,  when  we  found 
out,  as  our  narrative  will  show,  that  the  officer  who 
received  us  from  the  cuirassiers,  had  once  quarrell- 
ed witli  colonel  O'Brien,  who  first  pulled  his  nose, 
and  afterwards  ran  him  Lhrougii  the  body.  Being 
told  by  tl;e  cuirassiers  that  we  were  much  esteenie  J 
by  colonel  O'Brien,  he  resolved  to  annoy  us  as 
much  as  he  could }  and  when  he  sent  up  the  docu- 
ment announcing  our  arrival,  he  left  cut  the  word 
"Officers,'  and  put  us  in  confinement  with  the 
common  seamen.  '•  It's  very  hard  upon  me  not  to 
have  my  regular  allowance  as  an  officer, '  continued 
the  midshipman.  "  They  only  give  me  a  black 
loaf  and  three  sous  a  day.  If  I  had  had  my  best 
uniform  on,  tliey  never  would  have  disputed  my 
being  an  officer;  but  the  scoundrels  v>ho  retook 
the  prize,  stole  all  my  traps,  and  I  have  nothing  but 
this  old  jacket." 

"  Why,  then,"  replied  O'Brien,  '"'you'll  know  the 
ralue  of  dress  for  the  future.  You  cutter  and  gun- 
brig  midshipmen  go  about  in  such  a  dirty  state,  that 
you  are  hardly  acknowledged  by  us  who  belong  to 
frigates,  to  be  officers  much  less  gentlemen.     Vou 


I'l-yiiai  SIMILE.  179 

look  80  dirty  and  so  blovenly  when  wc  pass  you  in 
the  dock-yard,  that  we  give  you  a  wide  berth  ;  how 
llien  can  }ou  suppose  strangers  to  believe  tliat  you 
are  cillier  officers  or  gentlemen  ?  Upon  my  con- 
science, 1  absolve  the  Frenchmen  from  all  preiu- 
dice,  I'or,  as  to  your  bein;^  an  officer,  we,  as  Kn- 
gli.-hmen,  have  nolhinj;  but  your  bare  word  for  it." 

"  Well,  it's  very  hard,''  replied  the  lad,  "  tu  be 
attacked  this  way  by  a  brother  officer}  your  coat 
will  be  as  shabby  as  mine,  before  you  have  been 
here  long." 

"  That's  very  true,  my  darling,"  returned  O'Brien } 
••  but  at  lea:=t  I  shall  have  the  pleasant  reflection 
that  1  came  in  as  a  gentleman,  aLlthou;,di  I  may  not 
exactly  go  cut  under  the  same  appearance.  Good 
iiigl.t,  and  pleasant  dreams  to  you."  I  thought 
O  Brien  r:it!.er  cross  in  speaking  in  such  a  way,  but 
he  was  himself  always  as  remarkably  neat  and  well 
dressed,  as  he  was  handsome  and  well  made. 

Fortunately  we  were  not  destined  to  rem  ii:i  long 
in  this  detestable  hclc.  .Vficr  a  night  of  misery, 
during  which  we  reinaineJ  fitlin;;  on  our  bi'.isdies, 
and  sfccpin  r  how  we  could,  leaning  with  our  backs 
iigainst  the  damp  wall,  we  were  roused  at  d  lylrcak 
by  the  unbarring  of  tlie  jirison  doors,  loUowed  up 
with  an  order  to  go  into  the  priton  yard.  Wc  were 
huddled  out  like  a  flock  of  sheep,' by  a  lile  of  sol- 
diers with  loaded  muskets ;  and,  iu  v.  e  v  en*  into 
the  yard,  were  ran^^ed  two  and  two.  The  same 
officer  wl.o  ordered  us  into  pri::on,  rommanJed  the 
detachment  of  sehiiers  who  l;a  I  us  in  charge. 
O'Brien  stepped  out  of  the  rank:-,  and,  aldrcssijig 
tliom,  stated  that  we  were  officers,  and  l.ud  no  rii^l'.t 
lo  be  treated  like  common  sailors.  The  French 
officer  rephcd,  that  he  had  belter  information,  and 
that  we  uore  coats  which  did  not  behn,;  to  ud  ;  upon 
wIiichO'i>iif*n  wac  in  a  great  ra^"c,  calli:ij  the  olRcer 
a  liar,  and  ('.'  mmdin;^  talisfnclion  I'or  the  insult, 
appctli'ig  to  tho  French  soldiers,  am!  stnlini;  lliat 


180  PETER  SIMPLE. 

colonel  O'Brien,  wlio  was  at  Cctte,  was  !:is  ccuiilry- 
man,  and  had  received  him  for  two  mouths  into  his 
liouse  upon  parole,  wliich  was  quite  sufficient  to 
establish  his  being  an  officer.  The  French  soldiers 
appeared  to  side  with  O'Brien  after  they  had 
heard  this  explaiKition,  staling,  that  no  common 
Knglifch  sailor  could  speak  such  good  French,  and 
that  they  were  present  when  we  were  sent  in  on 
parole.  They  asked  the  officer  whether  he  intend- 
ed to  give  satisfaction.  The  officer  stormed,  and 
drawing  his  sword  out  of  the  scabbard,  struck 
O'Brien  with  the  flat  of  the  blade,  looking  at  him 
v/ilh  contempt,  and  ordering  him  into  the  ranks. 
1  cculd  net  help  observing  that;  during  this  scene, 
the  men-of-war  sailors  who  were  among  the  prison- 
ers were  very  indignant,  while,  en  the  contrary, 
those  captured  in  merchant  vessels  appeared  to  be 
pleased  n.t  the  insult  offered  to  O'Brien.  One  of 
the  French  soldiers  then  made  a  sarcastic  remark, 
that  the  French  (;fficer  did  not  much  like  the  name 
of  O'Brien.  This  so  enraged  the  officer,  that  he 
llcv.'  at  O'Brien,  pusliod  him  back  into  the  ranks, 
and  taking  out  a  pistol  threatened  to  shoot  him 
tl'rcugh  the  head.  I  must  do  the  justice  to  the 
French  soldiers,  that  they  all  cried  out  '  shame.' 
They  did  not  appear  to  have  the  same  discipline,  or 
the  same  respect  for  an  officer,  as  the  soldiers  have 
in  our  service,  or  they  v.ould  not  have  been  so  free 
in  their  language;  yet  at  the  same  time,  they  obey- 
ed all  his  orders  on  service  very  implicitly. 

When  O'Brien  returned  to  the  ranks,  he  looked 
defiance  at  the  officer,  telling  him,  '•  that  he  would 
pocket  the  affront  very  caretuUy,  as  he  intended  to 
bring  it  cut  again  upo;i  a  future  and  more  ruitahle 
occasion. -■'  We  \^  ere  tiien  marched  cut  in  ranks, 
two  and  two,  being  met  at  the  street  by  two  drum- 
mers,  and  a  crowd  of  people,  who  had  gathered  to 
witness  our  departure.  The  drums  heit,  and  away 
we  went.     The  officer  who  had  chari.e  of  us  mount 


PETKR  SIMPLE.  181 

ed  a  small  horse,  galloping  up  and  down  from  one 
end  of  ihe  ranks  to  the  other,  with  his  pword  drawn, 
bullying,  swearing,  and  striking  witli  the  flat  of  the 
blade  at  any  one  of  the  prisoners  who  w.is  not  in  his 
proper  place.  When  we  were  close  to  the  g.iies, 
we  were  joined  by  another  detachment  of  prihoneri  ; 
we  were  then  ordered  to  halt,  and  were  informed, 
tlirough  an  interpreter,  that  any  one  attempting  to 
escape,  would  immediately  be  sliot,  after  whicli 
information  we  once  more  proceeded  on  our  route. 
Nothing  remarkable  occurred  during  our  first 
day's  march,  e-xcept  perhaps  a  curious  conversation 
between  O'Brien  and  one  of  the  French  soldiers, 
in  which  they  disputed  about  the  comparative  brav- 
er)' of  the  two  nations.  O'Brien,  in  his  ar;:uinent, 
told  the  Frenchman  that  his  countrymen  could  not 
stand  a  charge  of  English  bayonets.  The  French- 
man replied  that  there  was  no  doubt  but  the  French 
were  ijuite  as  brave  as  the  English — even  more  so  j 
and  that,  as  for  not  standing  the  charge  of  bayonets, 
it  was  not  because  they  were  less  brave,  but  the 
fact  was,  they  were  most  excessively  ticklish.  We 
ha<.l  black  bread  and  sour  wine  served  nut  to  ua 
this  day,  wiien  we  halted  to  refresh  O'Brien  per- 
suaded a  soldier  to  purchase  somethin;,'  for  us  more 
eatable  ;  but  the  l-'rcnch  officer  heard  of  it,  and  was 
very  angry,  ordering  the  soldier  to  the  r^ar. 


CH.VPTER  XX. 


0'Br.«n  fixht*  >durl  with  ■  Kirnrli  oflcrr,  Hnd  prorr*  tint  tlx  grrat 
ut  of  frnrini;  ■•  kiin«in|;  iiiilhiiiK  about  iL — Wc  arhre  at  our  new 
quarter*,  wbicb  we  kiid  »rry  •rcurt. 

At  night,  we  arrived  at  a  small  town,  the  name 
of  which  I  forget.  Here  we  were  all  put  into  an 
old  church  for  the  night,  and  a  very  bad  night  we 


m  PETER  SIMPLE. 

passed.  They  did  not  even  give  us  a  little  straw  to 
lie  down  upon :  the  roof  of  the  cliurch  had  partly 
fallen  in,  and  the  moon  shone  through  very  bright- 
ly. This  was  some  comfort  5  for  to  have  been  shut 
up  in  the  dark,  seventy-tive  in  number,  would  have 
been  very  miserable.  We  were  afraid  to  lie  down 
anywhere,  as  like  all  ruined  buildings  in  France, 
the  ground  was  covered  with  filth,  and  the  smell 
was  shocking.  O'Brien  was  very  thouglitful,  and 
would  hardly  answer  any  question  that  I  put  to  him; 
it  was  evident  that  he  was  brooding  over  the  affront 
which  he  had  received  ircm  the  French  officer.  At 
daybreak,  the  door  of  the  cimrch  was  again  opened 
by  the  French  soldiers,  and  we  were  conducted  to 
the  square  of  the  town,  where  we  found  th.e  troops 
quartered,  drav/n  up  with  their  officers,  to  receive 
us  from  the  detachment  who  had  escorted  us  from 
Toulon.  We  were  very  mucli  pleased  at  this,  as 
we  knew  that  we  should  be  forwarded  by  another 
detachment,  and  thus  be  rid  of  the  brutal  officer 
who  had  hitherto  had  charge  of  the  prisoners.  But 
we  were  rid  of  him  in  another  way.  As  the  French 
officers  walked  along  our  ranks  to  look  at  us,  I  per- 
ceived among  them  a  captain,  whom  we  had  known 
very  intimately  when  living  at  Cette  with  Colonel 
O'Brien.  I  cried  out  his  name  immediately ;  he 
turned  round,  and  seeing  O'Brien  and  mc,  he  came 
up  to  us,  and  shaking  us  by  the  hand,  and  express- 
ing his  surprise  at  finding"  us  in  such  a  situation. 
O'Brien  explained  to  him  how  he  had  been  treated, 
at  which  he  expressed  his  indignation,  as  did  the 
other  officers  wiio  had  collected  around  us.  The 
major  who  commanded  the  troops  in  the  town  turn- 
ed to  the  French  officer  (he  was  only  a  lieutenant) 
who  had  conducted  us  from  Toulon,  and  demanded 
of  him  his  reason  for  behaving  to  us  in  such  an  un- 
worthy manner.  He  denied  having  treated  us  ill, 
and  said  that  he  had  been  informed  that  we  had  put 
on  officers'  dresses  which  did  not  belong  to  us.     At 


PKTER  SIMPLE.  183 

this  O'Brien  declared  that  he  was  a  liar,  and  a  cow- 
ardly/on/re,  that  he  had  struck  him  witli  the  back 
of  his  sabre,  which  he  had  dared  not  have  done,  if 
he  had  not  been  a  prisoner;  adding,  that  all  he  re- 
quested was  satisfaction  for  the  insult  offered  to  him, 
and  appealed  to  the  officers  whether,  if  it  were  re- 
fused, the  lieutenant's  epaulets  ought  not  to  be  cut 
off  his  shoulders.  The  major  commandant  and  the 
officers  retired  to  consult,  and  aJ\er  a  few  minutes, 
tliey  agreed  that  the  lieutenant  was  bound  to  give 
the  satisfaction  required.  The  lieutenant  ronlicd 
that  he  was  ready;  but,  at  the  same  time,  did  not 
appear  to  be  very  willing.  The  prisoners  were  left 
in  charge  of  the  soldiers,  under  a  junior  oliicer. 
while  the  others,  accompanied  by  O'Brien,  myself, 
and  the  lieutenant,  walked  to  a  short  distance  out- 
side of  the  town.  As  we  proceeded  tliere,  I  asked 
O'Brien  with  what  weapons  they  would  figlit. 

"  I  take  it  for  granted,"  replied  he,  '•  that  it  will 
be  with  the  small  sword." 

"But,"  said  I,  "do  you  know  any  thing  about 
fencing  ?" 

"Devil  a  bit,  Feter ;  but  that's  all  in  my  fivor." 

"  How  ran  that  bo  ?''  replied  I. 

"  I'll  tell  you,  I'etcr.  If  one  man  fenros  well, 
and  another  is  but  an  indifferent  hand  at  it,  it  is  clear 
that  the  first  will  run  the  other  through  llio  body ; 
but,  if  the  other  knows  nothing  at  all  about  it,  why 
then,  Peter,  the  case  is  notcjulte  so  clear:  because 
the  good  fencer  is  almost  as  much  puzzled  by  your 
ignorance,  as  you  are  by  his  skill,  and  you  become 
on  more  equal  terms.  Now,  Peter,  I've  made  up 
my  mind  that  I'll  run  that  fellow  through  the  body, 
and  so  I  will,  as  sure  as  I  am  an  O'Brien.'' 

"  Well,  I  hope  you  will ;  but  pray  do  not  be  too 
Bure." 

"  It's  feeling  sure,  that  will  make  me  able  to  do 
it,  Peter.  By  the  blood  of  the  O'BrienB  !  didn't  h« 
slap  me  with  his  iword,  aa  if  I  w«rca  clown  in  th« 


184  PETKR  SIMPLE. 

pantomime — Peter.  V\\  kill  the  harlequin  scoundrel, 
and  my  word's  as  good  as  my  bond." 

By  this  time  we  had  arrived  at  the  ground.  The 
French  lieutenant  .stripped  to  liis  sliirt  a.nd  trousers  ; 
O'Brien  did  the  same,  kicking  his  boots  ofl",  artd 
standing  upon  the  wet  grass  in  his  stockings.  Tlio 
swords  were  measured,  and  handed  to  them  5  ihey 
took  their  distance,  and  set  to.  I  must  say,  that  I 
was  breatldess  with  anxiety :  the  idea  of  losing 
O'Brien  struck  me  with  grief  and  terror.  I  tisen  feU 
the  value  of  all  his  kindness  to  me,  and  would  have 
taken  his  place,  and  have  been  run  through  the  body, 
rather  than  he  should  have  been  hurt.  At  Mrst, 
O'Brien  put  himself  in  the  correct  attitude  of  de- 
fen'^e,  in  imitation  of  tlic  licutenant.jbut  this  v/as 
for  a  very  few  seconds  ;  he  suddenly  made  a  spring, 
and  rushed  on  to  his  adversary,  stabbing  at  him  with 
a  velocity  quite  astonishing,  the  lieutenant  parrying 
in  his  defence,  until  at  last  he  had  an  opportunity 
of  lounging  at  O'Brien.  O'Brien,  who  no  longer 
kept  his"  left  arm  raised  in  equipoise,  caught  the 
sword  of  the  lieutenant  at  within  six  inches  of  the 
point,  and  directing  it  under  his  left  arm,  as  he  rush- 
ed in,  passed  his  own  through  the  lieutenant's  body. 
It  was  all  over  in  iess  tlian  a  minute— the  lieu- 
tenant did  not  live  half-an-hour  afterwards.  The 
French  otficers  were  very  much  surprised  at  the  re- 
sult, for  they  perceived  at  once,  that  O'Brien  knev«' 
nothing  of  fencing.  O'Brien  gathered  a  tuft  of  grass, 
wiped  the  sword,  which  he  presented  to  the  otficer 
lo  whom  it  belonged,  and  tlianking  the  major  and 
the  whole  of  them  for  their  impartiality  and  gentle- 
manlike conduct,  led  the  way  to  the  square,  where 
he  again  took  his  station  in  the  ranks  of  the  prison- 
ers. 

Shortly  after,  the  major  commandant  came  up  to 
us,  and  asked  whether  we  would  accept  of  our  pa- 
role, as,  in  that  case,  we  might  liavel  as  we  pleased. 
"We   consented,  with  many  thanks  for  his  civility 


i-MTF.R  Sl.Ml  l-i:.  \Qo 

and  kindness;  but  I  could  not  lielj)  tliinking  at  the 
time,  tliat  the  French  oflicrrs  were  a  little  mortified 
at  O'Brien's  success.  allhouL;li  tliev  wore  too  hon- 
orable to  express  tht;  feelin;,'.  O'lirien  told  me, 
after  we  had  quitud  thc-town,  tliat  had  it  not  been 
for  the  handsome  conduct  of  the  olllcers,  he  would 
not  have  accepted  cur  parole,  as  he  I'elt  convinced 
tliat  we  could  have  easily  made  our  escape.  VVe 
talked  over  the  matter  a  long  while,  and  at  last 
a{Treed  that  there  would  be  a  bettor  chance  of  suc- 
cess by-and-by.  when  more  closely  guarded,  than 
there  would  be  now,  under  consideration  of  all 
circumstances,  as  it  required  prcvi(iusly  concerted 
arrangements  to  fret  out  of  the  country. 

1  had  almost  for_'ot  to  say.  that  on  our  return  after 
the  duel,  the  cutter's  midshipman  called  out  to 
O'Brien,  requesting  him  to  stair,  to  the  commandant 
that  he  was  also  an  officer  •,  but  O'Brien  replied, 
that  tliere  was  no  evidence  lor  it  but  his  bare  word. 
If  he  was  an  ('fTicer,  he  must  prove  it  himself,  as 
every  thing  in  his  appearance  flatly  contradicted  his 
assertion. 

'•  It's  very  hard,"  replied  tlie  mid»^iipman,  "that 
because  my  jacket's  a  little  tarry  or  so,  that  I  must 
lose  my  rank.' 

"My  dear  fellow,"'  replied  O'Brien,  "it's  not 
becau>e  vour  jarkel's  a  little  tarry;  it  is  because, 
what  the  l-'n  nctiman  call  your /o»/  t-n'iembU'  is  quite 
diSL'rarelnl  in  an  oliicer.  Look  at  your  fare  in  the 
first  puddle,  and  you'll  find  that  it  would  dirty  the 
water  you  look  into.  Look  at  your  shoulders  aboTe 
youre;ir8,  and  your  back  with  a  bow  like  a  kiiik  in 
a  cable.  Y<<ur  trousers,  sir,  you  have  pulled  your 
legs  too  far  tlirouL'h,  showing  a  foot  and  a  half  ot* 
worsted  storkm-.'S.  In  short,  look  at  yourself  al- 
together, and  then  tell  me,  provided  you  be  an  offi- 
cer, whetlu-r  I'rom  respect  to  the  service,  it  would 
not  be  my  duty  to  contradict  it.  It  goes  against  my 
conscience,  my  dear  fellow  ;  but  recollect  that  when 


186  PETER  SIMPLE. 

we  arrive  at  the  dep6t,  you  will  be  able  lo  prove  it ; 
so  it's  only  waiting  a  little  while,  until  the  captains 
will  pass  their  word  for  vou,  which  is  more  than  I 
will." 

"  Well,  it's  very  hard,''  replied  the  midshipman, 
"that  1  must  go  on  eating  this  black  rye  bread  3  and 
veiy  unkind  of  you." 

"  It's  very  kind  of  me  you  spalpeen  .»f  the  Snap- 
per. Prison  will  be  a  paradise  to  you  when  you  get 
into  good  commons.  How  you'll  relish  your  grub 
by-and-by  !  So  now  shut  your  pan,  or  by  the  tail  of 
Jonah's  whale,  I'll  swear  you're  a  Spaniard." 

I  could  not  help  thinking  that  O'Brien  was  verr 
severe  upon  the  poor  lad,  and  I  expostulated  with 
him  afterwards.  He  replied,  "Peter,  if,  as  a  cutter's 
midshipman,  he  is  a  bit  of  an  officer,  the  devil  a  bit 
is  he  of  a  gentleman,  either  born  or  bred  ;  and  I'm 
not  bound  to  bail  every  blackguard-looking  chap 
that  I  meet.  By  the  head  of  St.  Peter,  I  would 
blush  to  be  seen  in  his  company,  if  I  were  in  the 
wildest  bog  in  Ireland,  with  nothing  but  an  old 
crow  as  spectator." 

We  were  now  again  permitted  to  be  on  our  parole, 
and  received  everv*  attention  and  kindness  from  the 
different  officers  who  commanded  the  detachments 
which  passed  the  prisoners  from  one  town  to  the 
other.  In  a  few  days  we  arrived  at  Montpellier, 
where  we  had  orders  to  remain  a  short  time  until 
directions  were  received  from  government  as  to  the 
depots  for  prisoners  to  which  we  were  to  be  sent. 
At  this  delightful  town,  we  had  unlimited  parole, 
not  even  a  gendarme  accompanying  us.  We  lived  at 
the  table  d'hote,  were  permitted  to  walk  about 
where  we  pleased,  and  amused  ourse  ves  every 
evening  at  the  theatre.  During  our  stay  there,  we 
wrote  to  colonel  O'Brien,  at  Cette,  thanking  him 
for  his  kindness,  and  narrating  what  had  occurred 
since  we  parted.  I  also  wrote  to  Celeste,  enclo- 
sing my  letter  unsealed  in  the  one  to  colonel  O'Brien. 


PETER  SliMPLK.  187 

I  loUl  lier  the  history  of  O'Brien's  duel,  and  all  I 
could  think  would  interest  her ;  how  sorry  I  was  to 
iiavc  parted  from  her;  that  I  never  would  forget 
her  •,  and  trusted  that  some  d.iy,  as  slie  was  only 
half  a  Frenchwoman,  that  we  should  meet  again. 
Before  we  Iclt  Montpellier,  we  had  the  pleasure  of 
receiving  answers  to  our  letters:  the  colonel's  let- 
ters were  very  kind,  particularly  the  one  to  me. 
in  wliich  he  called  me  his  dear  boy,  and  hoped 
that  1  should  soon  rejoin  mv  friends,  and  prove  an 
ornament  to  my  countr>'.  In  his  letter  to  O'Brien, 
he  re<juested  him  not  to  run  me  into  useless  danger 
— to  recollect  that  I  was  not  so  old  or  so  powerful 
in  frame  as  lie  was,  and  not  so  well  able  to  undergo 
extreme  hardship.  I  have  no  doubt  but  that  this 
caution  referred  to  O'Brien's  intention  to  escape 
from  prison,  wliich  he  had  not  concealed  from  tne 
colonel,  and  the  prolKiliility  that  I  would  be  a  part- 
ner in  the  attempt.  The  answer  from  Celeste  was 
written  in  English  •,  but  she  must  have  had  assist- 
ance from  her  father,  or  she  could  not  have  suc- 
ceeded so  well.  It  was  like  herself,  very  kind  and 
affectionate  ;  and  also  enih^d  with  wishing  me  a 
Bpeedy  return  to  my  friends,  who  must  (she  said) 
be  so  fond  of  me,  that  she  despaired  of  ever  seeing 
me  more,  but  that  she  consoled  herself  as  well  as 
ehc  could  with  the  assurance  that  I  should  be  hap- 

riv.  I  for^'ot  to  say,  that  colonel  O'Brien,  in  his 
etter  to  me,  stated  that  he  expected  immediate 
orders  to  leave  Cette,  and  take  the  command 
of  some  military  post  in  tljo  interior,  or  join  the 
armv,  but  which,  he  could  not  tell;  that  they  had 
packed  uj*  every  thing,  and  he  was  afraid  that  our 
correspondence  must  cease,  as  he  could  not  state 
to  what  place  we  should  direct  our  letter*.  I  could 
not  help  thinking  at  the  time,  that  it  waa  a  deli- 
cate way  of  pointing  out  to  us,  that  it  was  not  right 
that  he  should  correspond  with  us  in  our  relative 
situations  ;  but  still.  I  wii.s  sure  tliat  he  was  al>out  to 


188  PETER  SIMPLE. 

leave  Cette,  for  he  never  would  have  made  use  of 
a  subterfuge. 

I  must  here  acquaint  the  reader  with  a  circum- 
Btance,  which  I  forgot  to  mention,  which,  was  that 
when  captain  Savage  sent  in  a  flag  of  truce  with  our 
clothes  and  money,  I  thought  that  it  was  but  jus- 
tice to  O'Brien  that  they  should  know  on  board  of 
the  frigate  the  gallant  manner  in  which  he  had  be- 
haved. I  knew  that  he  never  would  tell  himself, 
so,  ill  as  I  was  at  the  time,  I  sent  for  colonel  O'Bri- 
en, and  requested  him  to  wTite  down  my  statement 
of  the  affair,  in  which  I  mentioned  howO'Brien  had 
spiked  the  last  gun,  and  had  been  taken  prisoner,  by 
so  doing,  together  with  his  attempting  to  save  me. 
When  the  colonel  had  written  all  down,  1  request- 
ed that  he  would  send  for  the  major,  who  first  en- 
tered the  fort  with  the  troops,  and  translate  it  to 
him  in  French.  This  he  did  in  my  presence,  and 
the  major  declared  every  word  to  be  true.  "  Will 
he  attest  it.  colonel,  as  it  may  be  of  great  service 
to  O'Brien  V  The  major  immediately  assented. 
Colonel  O'Brien  then  enclosed  my  letter,  with  a 
short  note  from  himself  to  captain  Savage,  paying 
him  a  compliment,  and  assuring  him  that  his  gal- 
lant voung  officers  should  be  treated  with  every  at- 
tention, and  all  the  kindness  which  the  rules  of 
war  would  admit  of  O'Brien  never  knew  that  I 
had  sent  that  letter,  as  the  colonel,  at  my  request, 
kept  the  secret. 

In  ten  days  we  received  an  order  to  march  on 
the  following  morning.  The  sailors,  among  whom 
■was  our  poor  friend  the  midshipman  of  the  Snap- 

fer  cutter,  were  ordered  to  Verdun  ;  O'Brien  and 
,  with  eight  masters  of  merchant  vessels,  who 
joined  us  at  Montpellier,  were  directed  by  the  go- 
vernment to  be  sent  to  Givet,  a  fortified  town  in  the 
deoartment  of  Ardennes.  But,  at  the  same  time, 
oraers  arrived  from  government  to  treat  the  prison- 
ers with   great  strictness,  and  not  to  allow  a.ny  pa- 


PETER  SIMPLE.  189 

role;  the  reason  of  this,  we  were  iiiformotl,  was, 
that  accounts  had  been  sent  to  government  of  the 
death  of  tlie  French  officer  in  the  duel  with  O'Bri- 
en, and  they  had  expressed  their  dissatisfaction  at 
its  having  been  permitted.  Indeed,  I  very  much 
doubt  whether  it  would  have  been  permitted  in  our 
country,  but  the  PVench  officers  are  almost  roman- 
tically chivalrous  in  their  ideas  of  lionor  j  in  fact, 
as  enemies,  i  have  always  considered  them  as  wor- 
thy antagonists  to  the  English,  and  they  apjjcar 
more  respectable  in  themselves,  and  more  demand- 
ing our  good-will  in  that  situation,  than  they  do 
when  we  meet  them  as  friends,  and  are  acquainted 
with  the  other  points  in  their  character,  which  les- 
sen them  in  our  estimation. 

I  shall  not  dwell  upon  a  march  of  three  weeks, 
during  which  wo  alternately  received  kind  or  un- 
handsome treatment,  accortiing  to  the  dispositions 
of  those  who  had  us  in  charge  ;  but  I  must  observe, 
tliat  it  was  invariably  the  case,  that  officers  who 
were  gentlemen  by  birth  treated  us  with  considera- 
tion, while  those  who  had  sprung  from  nothing  dur- 
ing the  revolution  were  harKh,  and  sometimes  even 
brut;d.  It  was  exactly  four  months  from  the  time 
of  our  capture,  that  we  arrived  at  our  destined 
prison  at  Givct. 

"  Peter."  said  OBrien,  as  he  looked  hastily  at 
the  fortifications,  and  the  river  which  divided  the 
two  towns,  "  I  sec  no  reason,  either  English  or 
French,  that  we  should  not  eat  our  Christinas  din- 
ner in  England.  I've  a  bird's  eve  view  of  the  out- 
side, and  now,  have  only  to  finJ  out  whercaboulH 
we  may  be  in  the  inside." 

I  must  say  that,  when  I  looked  at  ditches  and 
high  mmparts,  that  I  had  a  dilferenl  opinion  ;  so 
had  a  gendarme  uho  w.-us  walking  by  our  side,  and 
who  had  obFcrved  O'Brit.n's  scrutiny,  and  v.ho  (jui- 
etly  said  to  him    in  I'rcneh,  "   l'oi«  le  croycz  poan- 


190  PETKR  SIMPLE. 

"  Every  thing  is  possible  to  a  brave  man — the 
French  aimies  have  proved  that."  answered  O'Bri- 
en. 

'•'  Vou  are  right/''  replied  the  gendarme,  pleased 
with  the  compliment  to   his  nation;  ''I  wish  you 

succes-",  you  will  deserve  it ;  but "'  and  he  shook. 

his  head. 

"  If  I  could  but  obtain  a  plan  of  the  fortress," 
said  O'Brien,  •'  I  would  give  five  TSapoleons  for 
one.''  and  he  looked  at  the  gendarme. 

'•  1  cannot  see  any  objection  to  an  olncer.  although 
a  prisoner,  studying  fortification,"  replied  the  gen- 
darme. "  In  two  hours  you  will  be  within  the  walls  3 
and  now  I  recollect,  in  the  map  of  the  two  touiis, 
the  fortress  is  laid  down  sufliciently  accurately  to 
give  you  an  idea  of  it.  But  we  have  conversed  too 
Tong."  So  saying,  the  gendarme  dropped  into  the 
rear. 

In  a  quarter  of  an  hour,  we  arrived  at  the  Place 
d'Armes,  where  we  were  met,  as  usual,  with  anoth- 
er detachment  of  troops,  and  drummers,  who  par- 
aded us  through  the  town  previous  to  our  being 
drawn  up  beibre  the  governor's  house.  This,  1 
oujht  to  have  observed,  was  by  order  of  govern- 
ment done  at  every  town  we  passed  through  ;  it  was 
very  contemptible,  but  prisoners  were  so  scarce, 
that  they  made  all  the  display  of  us  that  they  could. 
As  we  stopped  at  the  governor's  house,  the  gen- 
darme, who  had  left  us  in  the  square,  made  a  sign  to 
O'Brien,  as  much  as  to  say,  I  have  it.  O'Brien  took 
out  five  Xapoleons,  which  he  wrapped  in  paper  and 
held  in  liis  hand.  In  a  minute  or  two,  the  gendarme 
came  up  and  presented  O'Brien  with  an  eld  silk 
handkerchief,  saying,  -  \'otre  morichoir,  7/icn-ricwr." 

"  il/erci,'' replied  O'Brien,  putting  the  handker- 
chief which  contained  the  map  into  his  pocket, 
•'  void  a  boire  mon  ami ;"  and  he  slipped  the  paper 
with  the  five  Napoleons  into  the  hand  of  the  gen- 
darme, who  immediately  retreated. 


PKTER  SIMPLE.  191 

Tliis  waa  very  fortunate  for  us,  as  we  afterwards 
discovered  that  a  mark  had  been  put  ai^ainst  O'Bri- 
en's and  my  name,  not  to  allow  parole  or  permis- 
sion to  leave  the  fortress,  even  under  surveillance. 
Indeed,  even  if  it  had  not  been  so,  we  never  should 
have  obtained  it,  as  the  lieutenant  killed  by  O'Bri- 
en was  nearly  related  to  the  commandant  of  the 
fortress,  who  was  as  much  a  mauvais  mijet  as  his 
kinsman.  Having  waited  the  usual  hour  before  the 
governor's  house,  to  answer  to  our  muster  roll,  and 
to  be  stared  at.  we  were  dis;nisscd  ;  and  in  a  few 
minutes,  found  ourselves  shut  up  in  one  of  tlie 
strongest  fortresses  in  F' ranee. 


CHAPTER  XXI. 

O'Brirn  receiTea  bia  commiMion  m  lieulrnanl.anJ  Uieii  we  tilt    Frrnch 
leave  of  GiveL 

Ik  I  doubled  the  practicability  of  escape  when  I 
examined  the  exterior,  when  we  were  ushered  into 
the  exlerit)r  of  the  fortress  I  felt  that  it  was  impos- 
sible, and  I  stated  my  opinion  to  O'Brien.  We  were 
conducted  into  a  yard  burrouiidcd  by  a  hi;jh  wall ; 
the  buildings  appropriated  for  tiie'prisoners  were 
built  with  lean-to  roofs  on  one  side,  and  at  each 
side  of  the  square  waa  a  m-ntry  looking  down  upon 
us.  It  wa.s  very  much  like  the  dens  whicli  they 
now  build  for  bears,  otdy  so  much  larger.  O'Brien 
answered  nie  with  a  •'  Pish  I  Peter,  it's  the  very  fc- 
curity  of  the  place  which  will  enable  us  to  get  out 
of  it.  But  don't  talk,  as  there!  are  always  spies 
about  who  understand  English." 

We  were  shown  into  a  raom  allotted  to  six  of 
us  J  our  baggage   wn»  examined  and  tlicn  delivered 


192  rETER  SIxMPLE. 

over  to  us.     •'  Better   and  better,  Peter/'  observed 
O'Brien,  '•  they've  not  found  it  cut  1" 

••'  Wiial  ?'"  inquired  I. 

'•  O,  only  a  iittle  selection  of  articles,  which 
might  be  useful  to  us  by-and-by.'"' 

He  then  showed  me  what  I  never  before  was 
awaj-e  of;  that  he  had  a  false  bottom  to  his  trunk, 
but  it  was  papered  over  like  the  rest,  and  very  in- 
geniously concealed.  •'  And  what  is  there,  O'Bri- 
en ?''  inquired  1. 

'•  ?sever  mind  ;  I  had  them  made  at  Montpellier. 
You'll  see  by-and-by.'' 

The  others  who  were  lodged  in  the  same  room, 
then  came  in,  and  after  staying  a  quarter  of  an  hour, 
went  away  at  the  sound  of  the  dinner-bell.  "  JN'ow. 
Peter,"  said  O'Brien,  '•  I  must  get  rid  of  my  load 
Turn  the  key.'' 

O'Brien  then  undressed  himself,  and  when  he 
threw  off  his  shirt  and  drawers,  showed  me  a  rope 
of  silk,  with  a  knot  at  every  two  feet,  about  half 
an  inch  in  size,  wound  round  and  round  his  body. 
There  was  about  sixty  feet  of  it  altogetiicr.  As  I 
unwound  it,  he.  turning  round  and  round,  observed, 
'•  Peter,  I've  worn  this  rope  ever  since  1  left  Mont- 
pellier, and  you've  no  idea  of  the  pain  I  have  suf- 
fered ;  but  we  must  go  to  England,  that's  decided 
upon." 

When  I  looked  at  O'Brien,  as  the  rope  was 
vvcund  off,  I  could  easily  imagine  that  he  had  really 
been  in  great  pain  3  in  several  places  J;is  ftesh  was 
quite  raw  from  the  continual  friction,  and  alter  it 
was  all  unwound,  and  l.e  liad  put  on  his  clothes,  he 
fainted  away.  1  was  very  much  alarmed,  but  1  re- 
collected to  put  the  rope  into  the  trunk  and  take 
out  tl:e  key,  before  1  called  for  assistance.  He 
soon  came  to,  and  en  being  asked  what  was  the 
matter,  said  that  he  was  subject  to  fits  from  his  in- 
fancy. He  looked  earnestly  at  me,  and  I  showed 
him  tl.e  kcv,  which  was  sufficient. 


PETER  SIMPLE.  19S 

For  some  days  O'Brien,  who  really  was  not  very 
well,  kept  to  his  room.  During  this  time,  he  often 
examined  the  map  given  him  by  the  gendarme. 
One  day  he  said  to  me,  "  Peter,  can  vou  swim  V 

'•  i\o,"  replied  1 ;  "but  never  mind  that." 

'•  But  1  must  mind  it,  Peter,  for  observe,  we  shall 
have  to  cross  the  river  Meuse,  and  boats  are  not 
always  to  be  had.  You  observe,  that  this  f'>rtress 
is  wa:jhed  by  the  river  on  one  side  :  and  as  ii  is  the 
ttroui^estside,  it  is  the  least  guarded — we  must  es- 
cape l)y  it.  I  can  sec  my  way  clear  enough  till  we 
gel  to  the  second  rampart  on  the  river,  but  when 
we  drop  into  the  river,  if  you  cannot  swim,  I  must 
contrive  to  hold  you  up,  somehow  or  another.'' 

'•  .Vre  you  then  determined  to  escape,  O'Brien? 
I  cannot  perceive  how  we  are  even  to  get  up  this 
wall   with  four  sentries  sUirin";  us  in  the  lace." 

"  Never  do  you  mind  tliat,  Peter,  mind  your  own 
business  ;  and  first  tell  me,  do  you  intend  to  try 
your  luck  with  me  ?"' 

"  Yes,"  replied  I,  *•  most  certainly  :  if  you  have 
sufficient  confidence  in  me  to  take  me  as  your 
companion." 

"  To  tell  you  the  truth,  Peter,  I  would  not  give 
a  farthing  to  escape  without  you.  We  were  talken 
together,  and  pk-a-seCJod  we'll  take  ourselves  off 
togetlier  ;  but  that  must  not  be  for  this  month  ;  our 
greatest  help  will  be  tlie  dark  nights  and  foul 
weatlicr." 

The  prison  w.xs  by  ;ill  accounts  very  dilferent  from 
Verdun  and  Kome  others.  We  had  no  p:ir(»le.  and 
but  little  communication  with  the  towns  jicuple. 
Some  were  permitt«'d  to  rorno  in  and  supply  us 
with  various  articles  ;  but  their  baskets  were  search- 
ed, to  see  that  they  contained  nothing  that  might 
lead  to  an  escape  on  the  part  of  the  prisonem. 
Without  the  precautions  that  O'Brien  had  taken, 
any  attempt  would  have  l)een  useletis.  Still,  O'Bri- 
•n,  la  ioon  »■  he  lert   his  room,  did  obtain  seversJ 

vol     I  J. 5 


194  PETER  SIMPLE. 

little  articles — especially  balls  of  twine — for  one  of 
the  amusements  of  the  prisoners  was  flying  kites. 
This'.liowever.was  out  a  stop  to, in  consequence  of  one 
of  tlie  strings.whether  purposely  or  not, I  cannot  say, 
catching  the  lock  of  tiie  musket  carried  by  one  of 
the  sentries,  who  looked  dow  n  upon  us,  and  twitch- 
mg  it  out  of  his  hand ;  after  which  an  order  was 
given  by  the  commandant  for  no  kites  to  be  per- 
mitted. This  was  fortunate  for  us,  as  O'Brien,  by 
degrees,  purchased  all  the  twine  belonging  to  the 
other  prisoners;  and,  as  we  were  more  than  three 
hundred  in  number,  it  amounted  to  sufficient  to  en- 
able him,  by  stealth,  to  lay  it  up  into  very  strong 
cord,  or  rather,  into  a  sort  of  square  plait,  known 
only  to  sailors.  ''  Now,  Peter,'"  said  lie  one  day, 
'•■  I  want  nothing  more  than  an  umbrella  for  you." 

"  Why  an  umbrella  for  me  '.'" 

"  To  keep  you  from  being  drowned  with  too 
much  water,  that's  all." 

"  Rain  won't  drown  me."' 

"Ko,  no,  Peter;  but  buy  a  new  one  as  soon  as 
you  can." 

I  did  so.  O'Brien  boiled  up  a  quantity  of  bees' 
wax  and  oil.  and  gave  it  several  coats  of  this  pre- 
paration. He  then  put  it  carefully  away  in  the  tick- 
ing of  his  bed.  I  asked  him  whetlier  he  intended 
to  make  known  his  plan  to  any  of  the  other  prison- 
ers;  he  replied  in  tiie  negative,  saying,  that  there 
were  so  manv  of  them  who  could  not  be  trusted, 
that  he  would  trust  no  one.  We  had  been  now 
about  two  months  in  Givet,  when  a  Steel's  List  was 
sent  to  a  lieutenant,  who  was  confined  there.  The 
lieutenant  came  up  to  O'Brien,  and  asked  him  his 
Christian  name,  '•  Terence,  to  be  sure,"  replied 
O'Brien. 

"  Then,"  answered  the  lieutenant,  "  1  may  con- 
gratulate you  on  your  promotion,  for  here  you  are 
upon  the  list  of  .\ugust.''' 

'•  Suro  there  must  be  some  trifling  mistake  ;    let 


PETER  SIMPLE.  195 

tne  look  at  it.  Terence  O'Brien  sure  enough ; 
but  now  the  question  is.  has  any  other  fellow  rob- 
bed mc  of  my  name  and  promotion  at  the  same 
time  ?  Brother,  wliat  can  it  mane  ?  I  won't  be- 
lavc  it — not  a  word  of  it.  I've  no  more  interest 
than  a  dop  who  drags  cat's  meat." 

"Really,  O'Brien,''  observed  I,  "[  cannot  see 
« liy  you  should  not  be  made  ;  1  am  sure  you  de- 
serve your  promotion  for  your  conduct  when  you 
wi  re  tAkon  prisoner." 

'■  And  pray  what  did  I  do  then,  you  simple  Peter, 
but  nut  you  on  my  back  as  the  men  do  their  ham- 
mocKs  when  ihey  are  piped  down  ;  but,  barring  all 
claim,  how  could  any  one  know  what  took  place 
in  the  battery,  except  you,  and  I,  and  the  armorer, 
who  lav  dead  ?     So  explain  that,  Peter,  if  you  can." 

"  I  think  I  can,"  replied  I,  after  the  lieutenant 
■rid  left  us.  And  I  then  told  O'Brien  how  I  had 
\\rittrn  to  captain  .Savage,  and  had  had  the  fact  at- 
!tsted  bv  the  major  who  had  made  us  prisoners. 

"  Well,  Peter,"  said  O'Brien,  after  a  pause, 
"  there  is  a  fable  about  a  lion  and  a  mouse.  If,  by 
your  means  I  have  obtained  my  promotion,  why, 
then,  the  mouse  is  a  finer  Imste  than  the  lion  ;  but 
instead  of  btinir  happy,  I  shall  now  l)e  "iiiserable 
until  the  truth  is  a.«certained  one  way  or  the  other, 
and  that's  an«)ther  reason  wliy  I  must  set  off  to  Eng- 
land as  fast  as  I  can." 

Kit  a  few  days  after  tliis  O'Brien  was  very  un- 
easy, but  fortunately  letters  arrived  by  that  time  ; 
one  to  me  from  my  father,  in  which  he  rfciuested 
me  to  draw  for  whatever  money  I  might  require, 
saying  that  the  whole  family  w«.uld  retrench  in  ev- 
ery w.iy  to  give  me  all  the  comfort  which  might  be 
oblained  in  my  unfortunate  situation.  I  went  at 
his  kindtie^fl.  r.iid  more  than  ever  longed  to  throw 
royeelf  into  his  arn>s.and  thank  him.  He  also  told 
me  that  my  uncle  William  wa*  dead,  and  that  there 
wac  cnlv  one  hctvem  him  and   the    title,  but   that 


19G  PETER  SIMPLE. 

my  grandfather  was  in  good  health,  and  had  been 
very  kind  to  him  lately,  JNIy  mother  was  much  af- 
flicted at  my  having  been  made  a  prisoner,  and  re- 
quested that  I  would  write  as  often  as  I  could. 
O'Brien's  letter  was  from  captain  Savage ;  the 
frigate  had  been  sent  home  with  despatches, 
and  O'Brien's  conduct  represented  to  the  Admiral- 
tN,wliicli  had,  in  consequence,  promoted  him  to 
trie  rank  of  lieutenant.  O'Brien  came  to  me  with 
the  letter,  his  countenance  radiant  with  joy  as  he 
put  it  into  my  hands.  In  return  I  put  mine  in  his, 
and  he  read  it  over. 

"  Peter,  my  boy.  I'm  under  great  obligations  to 
you.  When  you  were  wounded  and  feverish,  you 
thought  of  me  at  a  time  when  you  had  quite  enough 
to  think  of  yourself  j  but  I  never  thank  in  words. 
I  see  your  uncle  William  is  dead.  How  many  more 
uncles  have  you  ?'' 

"  My  uncle  John,  who  is  married,  and  has  al- 
ready two  daughters." 

"  Blessings  on  him  ;  may  he  stick  to  the  female 
line  of  business  I  Peter,  my  boy,  you  shall  be  a 
lord  before  you  die." 

"  iSonsense,  O'Brien  ;  1  have  no  chance.  Don't 
put  such  foolish  ideas  in  my  head.' 

'•'  What  chance  had  1  of  being  a  lieutenant,  and 
am  I  not  one  ?  Well,  Peter,  you've  helped  to 
make  a  lieutenant  of  me.  but  I'll  make  a  7nan  of 
you,  and  that's  better.  Peter,  I  perceive,  with  all 
your  simplicity,  that  you  are  not  over  and  above 
simple,  and  tl?at,  witli  all  your  asking  for  advice, 
vou  can  tliink  and  actforyoursclf  on  an  emergency. 
"Sow,  Peter,  these  arc  talents  that  must  not  be 
thrown  av.ay  in  this  cursed  hole,  and  therefore,  my 
boy,  prcp-'.re  yourself  to  quit  this  place  in  a  week, 
wind  and  weather  permitting — that  is  to  say,  not 
fair  wind  and  weather,  but  the  fouler  the  better. 
Will  ycu  be  ready  at  any  hour  cf  any  night  that  I 
call  viui  r-i  ?'' 


PETEU  SIMl'LK.  197 

"  Yes.  O'Brien,  I  will  and  do  mv  best.' 

"  No  man  can  do  much  more,  that  ever  I  heard 
of.  But,  I'eter,  do  me  one  favor  ;  as  I  really  am 
a  lieutenant,  just  touch  your  hat  to  me  only  once, 
that's  all :  but  I  wiwh  the  compliment,  just  to  see 
how  it  looks." 

"  Lieutenant  O'Brien,''  said  I,  touching  my  hat, 
"  have  you  any  further  orders  ?'" 

"  Yes.  sir,''^  replied  he  ;  "  that  you  never  pre- 
sume to  touch  your  hat  to  me  again,  unless  we  sail 
together,  and  then  that's  a  ditferenl  sort  of  thing." 

About  a  week  afterwards,  O'Brien  came  to  me, 
and  said,  "The  new  moon's  quartered  in  with  foul 
weather  J  if  it  holds,  prepare  for  a  start.  1  have 
put  what  is  necessary  m  your  little  haversack  ;  it 
may  be  to-night.  Go  to  bed  now,  and  sleep  for  a 
week  if  you  can,  for  you'll  get  -but  little  sleep,  if 
we  succeed,  for  the  week  to  come." 

This  was  about  eight  o'clock.  1  went  to  bed, 
and  about  twelve  I  was  roused  by  O'Brien,  who 
told  me  to  dress  myself  carefully,  and  come  down 
to  him  in  the  yard.  I  did  so  witliout  disturbing  any 
body,  and  found  the  night  as  dark  as  pilch,  (it  was 
then  iNovcmlx'r.)  and  raining  in  torrents  ;  the  wind 
waa  high,  howling  round  the  yard,  and  sweeping  in 
the  rain  in  every  direction  as  it  eddied  to  and  fro. 
It  was  some  tune  Iwfore  1  could  find  O'Brien,  who 
waa  hard  at  work  ;  and,  as  I  had  already  been  made 
acquainti-d  witli  all  his  plans,  1  will  now  e.xjtlain 
them.  .\t  Montpellicr  he  had  procured  si.x  large 
pieces  of  iron,  about  eighteen  inches  long,  with  a 
gimlet  at  one  end  of  each,  and  a  square  at  the  oth- 
er, whifh  fitted  to  a  handle  wliirh  un8hip|>ed.  For 
precaution,  he  had  a  spare  handle,  Inil  each  handle 
fitted  to  all  the  irons.  O'Brien  had  screwed  one  of 
thew;  pieces  of  iron  l>etween  the  interstices  of  the 
stones  of  whu-li  the  wall  was  built,  and  sitting  as- 
tride on  tliat.  w;us  fixing  anotlier  about  three  feet 
ilmvo.     When  he  had  accomplished  this,  he  stood 


198  PETER  SIMPLE, 

upon  the  lower  iron,  and  supporting  himself  by  the 
second,  which  about  met  his  hip.  he  screwed  in  a 
third,  always  l.xing  them  about  six  inches  on  one 
side  of  the  other,  and  not  one  above  the  other. 
When  he  had  screwed  in  his  six  irons,  he  was  about 
half  up  the  wall,  and  then  he  fastened  his  rope, 
which  he  had  carried  round  his  neck,  to  the  upper 
iron,  and  lowering  himself  down  unscrewed  the 
four  lower  irons  ;  then  ascending  by  the  rope,  he 
stood  upon  the  fiftli  iron,  and  supporting  himself  by 
the  upper  iron,  recommenced  his  task.  By  these 
means  he  arrived  in  the  course  of  an  hour  and  a 
half  to  the  top  of  the  wall,  where  he  fixed  his  last 
iron,  and  making  his  rope  fast  he  came  down  again. 
"jNow,  Peter,'"  said  he,  '-there  is  no  fear  of  the 
sentries  seeing  us ;  if  they  had  the  eyes  of  cats, 
they  could  not  until  we  are  on  the  top  of  the  wall ; 
but  then  we  arrive  at  the  glacis,  and  we  must  creep 
to  the  ramparts  on  our  bellies.  I  am  going  up  with 
all  the  materials.  Give  me  your  haversack — you 
will  go  up  lighter  ;  and  recollect,  should  any  acci- 
dent happen  to  me,  you  run  to  bed  again.  If,  on 
the  contrary,  I  pull  tlie  rope  up  and  down  three  or 
four  times,  you  may  sheer  up  it  as  fast  as  you  can." 
O'Brien  then  loaded  himself  with  the  other  rope, 
the  two  knapsacks,  iron  crows,  and  other  imple- 
ments he  had  procured;  and,  last  of  all,  with  the 
umbrella.  "  I'eter,  if  the  rope  bears  me  with  all 
this,  it  is  clear  it  will  bear  such  a  creature  as  you 
are,  tiierefore  dont  be  a!raid."'"  So  whispering  he 
comuiejced  his  ascent  j  in  about  three  minutes  he 
was  up,  and  the  rope  pulled.  I  immediately  fol- 
lowed him,  and  found  ihe  rope  very  easy  to  climb, 
from  tlie  knots  at  every  two  feet,  which  gave  me  a 
hold  for  my  feet,  and  1  was  up  in  as  short  a  time  as 
he  was.  He  caught  me  by  the  collar,  putting  his 
wet  hand  on  my  mouth,  and  I  lay  down  beside  him 
while  he  pulled  up  the  rope.  We  then  crawled  on 
our  stomachs  across  tlic  glacis  till  we  arrived  at  the 


PETER  SIMPLE.  199 

rampart.  The  wind  blew  tremendously,  and  th« 
rain  pattered  down  so  fast,  that  the  sentries  did  not 
perceive  us-,  indeed,  it  was  no  fault  of  tJieirs,  for 
It  W3ji  iinpo.-sibie  to  have  mide  us  out.  it  was 
some  time  before  O'Brien  could  find  out  the  point 
exactly  above  the  drawbridge  of  the  first  ditch  ;  at 
last  he  did — he  fixed  his  crow-I)ar  in,  and  lowered 
down  the  rope.  '•  .Nov. ,  Fetrr.  1  had  better  go  first 
a:rain ;  when  I  shake  the  rope  from  below,  all'a 
ri_'ht.*'  O'Brien  descended,  and  in  a  few  luinutce 
the  rope  airain  shook  ;  1  followed  him,  and  found 
myself  received  in  lis  arms  upon  the  meeting  of 
ih.e  drawbridic,  but  the  drawbridge  itself  was  up. 
O'Brien  led  the  way  across  the  chains,  and  I  fol- 
lowed him.  When  wc  had  croi;sed  the  moat,  we 
found  a  barrier -cate  locked;  this  puzzled  us. 
Q^Brien  pulled  out  his  picklocks  to  pick  it,but  witli- 
O'lt  success  •,  here  wc  were  fast.  "  \Ve  must  under- 
mine the  c^^lc,  O'Brien  ;  we  must  pull  up  the  pave- 
ment until  we  can  creep  under."  '•  Peter,  you  are 
a  fine  fellow  ;  I  never  thought  of  tfiat."  We  work- 
ed very  hard  until  the  hole  was  large  enough,  using 
the  crow-lnr  which  was  left,  and  a  little  wrench 
which  OBricn  had  witii  him.  By  these  means  wo 
fzot  under  llie  gate  in  the  course  of  an  hour  or  more. 
Tlii.s  gale  I'.mI  to  the  lower  rampart,  but  wc  had  a 
covered  way  to  pa^^s  through  before  we  arrived  at  it. 
Wc  pro.-ccdi'J  very  cautiou.«ly,  when  we  heard  a 
noise  :  we  stopped,  and  fcund'that  it  w.as  a  sentry, 
who  was  fa.st  a>l(;ep,  and  enoring.  Little  expecting; 
to  find  one  here,  v.e  were  puzzled  ;  pass  him  we 
could  not  well,  as  he  was  stationed  on  the  very  spot 
where  wc  rtqiiired  to  place  our  crow-bar  to  descend 
the  lower  nmpart  into  tho  river.  0'Bri«'n  thought 
for  a  miinient.  "  Peter,"  said  I  c,  "  now  is  the  tim« 
for  you  to  prove  yours-clf  a  man.  Ilo  is  fast  a.'^lccp, 
but  his  noi.se  must  be  stopped.  I  will  stop  hia 
mouth,  but  at  the  vcrj-  moment  that  I  do  bo  you 
must  thro-w'  c^en  tlic  pan  ofhn  mufket,  and  tli«n  h« 


200  PETER  SIMPLE. 

cannot  fire  it."  '•  I  will,  O'Brien  ;  don't  fear  me." 
We  crept  cautiously  up  to  him,  and  O'Brien  mo- 
tioning to  me  to  put  my  thumb  upon  the  pan.  I  did 
so,  aiu'  the  moment  that  O'Brien  put  his  hand  upon 
the  soldier's  mouth,  I  threw  open  the  pan.  The 
fellow  struggled,  and  snapped  his  lock  as  a  signal, 
l,ut  of  course  without  discharging  his  musket,  and 
in  a  minute  he  was  not  only  gagged  but  bound  by 
O'Brien,  with  my  assistance.  Leaving  him  there, 
we  proceeded  to  the  rampart,  and  fixing  the  crow- 
bar again,  O'Brien  descended  ;  I  followed  him,  and 
found  him  in  the  river  hanging  on  to  the  rope  ;  the 
umbrella  was  open  and  turned  upwards,  the  prepar- 
ation made  it  resist  the  water,  and,  as  previously 
explained  to  me  by  O'Brien,  I  had  only  to  hold  on 
at  arms'  length  to  two  beckets  which  he  had  affixed 
to  the  point  of  the  umbrella,  which  v.as  under  wa- 
ter. To  the  same  part  O'Brien  had  a  low-line, 
which  taking  in  his  teeth,  he  towed  me  down  with 
the  stream  to  about  a  hundred  yards  clear  of  the 
fortress,  where  we  landed.  O'Brien  was  so  exhaus- 
ted that  for  a  few  minutes  he  remained  quite  mo- 
tionless ;  I  also  was  benumbed  w  ith  the  cold. 
•'  Peter,"  said  he,  "  thank  God  we  have  succeeded 
60  far  ;  now  must  we  push  on  as  far  as  we  can,  for 
we  shall  have  daylight  in  two  hours." 

O'Brien  took  out  his  flask  of  spirits,  and  we  both 
drank  a  half  tumbler  at  least,  but  we  should  not, 
in  our  state,  have  been  affected  with  a  bottle.  W'e 
now  walked  along  the  river-side  till  we  fell  in  with  a 
small  craft,  with  a  boat  towing  astern ;  O'Brien 
swam  to  it.  and  cutting  the  painter  without  getting 
iu,  towed  it  on  shore.  The  oars  were  fortunately 
in  the  boat.  I  got  iu,  we  shoved  off,  and  rowed 
away  down  the  stream  till  the  dawn  of  day.  '"All's 
right,  Peter  ;  now  we'll  land.  This  is  tlie  forest  of 
.\rdennes.''  We  landed,  replaced  the  oars  in  the 
boat,  and  pushed  her  off  into  the  stream,  to  induce 
people  to  suppose  that  she  had  broken  adrifl,  and 


I'ETFR  SIMPLE.  201 

llien  hastened  into  llie  thickest  of  the  wood.  It 
Etill  rained  hard  ;  I  6hi\ered,  and  my  teeth  chat- 
tered witli  the  cold,  but  there  was  no  help  for  it. 
NVc  a^rain  look  a  dram  of  spirits,  and.  worn  out 
witli  fatigue  and  excitement,  soon  fell  fast  asleep 
upon  a  bed  of  leaves  w  hich  we  had  collected  to- 
gether. 


CHAPTER  XXII. 

Onvr  roBtrautnce*  '<(  emvilatiin— O'Brien  rnliiit*  liiinieir  ai  »  gtn- 
d^ruir,  MiiJ  lakrt  cliMrgr  of  ni«— We  are  disccvertd  and  ot  J^i^  lo 
ruu  for  il — Tlie  plc'icures  o(  a  winter  bivouac. 

It  was  not  until  noon  that  I  awoke,  when  I  found 
that  O'Brien  had  covered  me  more  than  a  foot  deep 
with  leaves,  to  protect  me  from  the  weather.  I 
felt  quite  wann  and  comfortable  ;  my  clothes  had 
dried  on  me,  but  without  pivin"  me  cold.  "How- 
very  kind  of  you,  O'Brien!"  said  I. 

"  Not  a  bit,  Peter ;  you  have  hard  work  to  go 
through  yet,  and  I  must  take  care  of  you.  You're 
but  a  bud,  and  I'm  a  full  blown  rose.  So  sayinp, 
he  put  the  spirit  flask  to  his  mouth,  and  then  hand- 
ed It  tome.  "  ISow,  Peter,  we  must  make  a  start, 
for  depend  upon  it,  they  will  scour  the  country  for 
us ;  but  this  is  a  large  wood,  and  they  may  as  well 
attempt  to  find  a  needle  in  a  bundle  of  hay,  if  we 
once  get  into  the  heart  of  it." 

"  1  think,"  said  I,  "  that  this  forest  is  mentioned 
by  Shaks[>eare  in  one  of  his  plays." 

"Very  likely,  Peter,"  repliedO'Brien  :  "  but  we 
are  at  no  play-work  now  -,  and  what  reads  amazing 
prettily  is  no  joke  in  reality.  Pve  often  ob8<;rved, 
that  your  writers  never  take  the  weather  into  con- 
Kideration." 


2Q2  PETER  SIMPLE. 

'*I  beg  your  pardon,  O'Brien  5  in  King  Lear  the 
weather  is  tremendous." 

^'  Very  likely  ;  but  who  was  the  king  that  went 
out  in  such  weather  ?*' 

"King  Lear  did,  when  he  was  mad.*' 

"  So  he  was,  that's  certain,  Peter;  but  runaway 
prisoners  have  some  excuse  ;  so  now  for  a  start." 

We  set  off,  forcing  our  way  through  the  thicket, 
for  about  three  hours,  O'Brien  looking  occasionally 
at  his  pocket  compass  ;  it  then  was  again  nearly 
dark,  and  O'Brien  proposed  a  halt.  We  made  up  a 
bed  of  leaves  for  the  night,  and  slept  much  more 
comfortably  than  we  had  the  night  before.  All  our 
bread  was  wet,  but  as  we  had  no  water,  it  was  ra- 
ther a  relief  3  the  meat  we  had  with  us  was  suffi- 
cient for  a  week.  Once  more  we  laid  down  and 
fell  fast  asleep.  About  five  o'clock  in  the  morning 
I  was  aroused  by  O'Brien,  who  at  the  same  time  put 
his  hand  gently  over  my  mouth.  I  sat  up,  and  per- 
ceived a  large  fire  not  far  from  us.  "  The  Philis- 
tines are  upon  us,  Peter,"  said  he  ;  "I  have  recon- 
noitred, and  they  are  the  gendarmes.  I'm  fearful 
of  going  away,  as  we  may  stumble  upon  some  more 
of  tliem.  I've  been  thinking  what's  best  before  I 
waked  you  ;  and  it  appears  to  me,  that  we  had  bet- 
ter get'up  the  tree  and  lie  there." 

At  that  time  we  were  hidden  in  a  copse  of  un- 
derwood, with  a  large  oak  in  the  centre,  covered 
with  ivy.  '•  I  think  so  too,  O'Brien  3  shall  we  go 
up  now,  or  wait  a  little  ?" 

"  Now,  to  be  sure,  tliat  they  are  eating  their  prog. 
Blount  you,  Peter,  and  I'll  help  you." 

O'Brien  shoved  me  up  the  tree,  and  then  waiting 
a  little  while  to  bury  our  haversacks  among  the 
leaves,  he  followed  me.  He  desired  me  to  remain 
in  a  very  snug  position,  on  the  first  fork  of  the  tree, 
while  he  took  another,  amongst  a  bunch  of  ivy, 
on  the  largest  bough.  There  we  remained  for  about 
an   hour,  when    dav  dawned.     We   observed  the 


PETKR  SlMl'LE.  203 

gendarmes  mustered  at  the  break  of  dav,  by  the 
corporal,  and  then  they  all  separated  iii  different 
directions,  to  scour  the  wood.  We  were  delighted 
to  perceive  tliis,  as  we  hoped  soon  to  be  able  to  get 
away  ;  but  there  was  one  gendarme  who  remained. 
He  walked  to  and  fro,  looking  everywhere,  until  he 
came  directly  under  the  tree  in  which  we  were 
concealed.  He  poked  about,  until  at  last  he  came 
to  the  bed  of  leaves  upon  which  we  had  slept  -,  these 
he  turned  over  and  over  with  his  bayonet,  until  he 
routed  out  our  haversacks.  "  Pardi,"  exclaimed  he, 
"  where  the  nest  and  eggs  are,  the  birds  are  near.'' 
He  then  walked  round  the  tree,  looking  up  into  ev- 
ery part,  but  we  were  well  concealed,  and  he  did  not 
discover  us  for  some  time.  At  last  he  saw  me,  and 
ordered  me  to  come  down.  I  paid  no  attention  to 
him,  as  I  had  no  signal  from  O'Brien.  Ho  walked 
round  a  little  further,  until  he  was  directly  under 
the  branch  on  which  O'Brien  lay.  Taking  up  this 
position,  he  had  a  fairer  aim  at  me,  and  levelled 
nis  musket,  saying,  ''  JJesceiidez,  otije  tire."  Still  I 
continued  immoveable,  for  I  knew  not  what  to  do. 
I  shut  my  eye.s,  however  ;  the  musket  shortly  after- 
wards was  discharged,  and  whetlier  from  fear  or 
not,  I  can  hardly  tell,  1  lost  my  hold  of  a  sudden, 
and  down  1  came.  I  was  stunned  with  the  fall, 
and  thought  I  must  have  been  wounded,  and  was 
verv  much  suqirised,  when,  instead  of  the-gendarme, 
O'Brien  came  up  to  me,  and  a.sked  whetlier  I  was 
hurt.  I  answered.  I  believe  not,  and  got  upon  my 
legs,  when  I  found  the  gciuiarnH'  Ivingon  the  ground, 
breathinir  heavily,  but  iMsonsil)le.  \N'li«>n  O'Brien 
perceivcrd  the  gendarme  level  his  musket  at  nie  lie 
immediately  dropped  from  the  bough,  right  ufKin 
his  head;  this  occasioned  the  musket  to  go  ofT, 
without  hittmg  me,  and  at  the  same  time,  the  weight 
of  O'Brien's  body  from  such  a  height  killed  the 
gendarme, for  he  expir<'d  before  we  left  him.  "  Now, 
Peter,'' said   O'Brien,  "  this  is  the  most    fortunate 


2(>i  PETER  SIMPLE. 

thing  in  the  world,  and  will  take  us  half  through 
the  country ;  but  we  have  no  time  to  lose."  He 
then  stripped  the  gendarme,  who  still  breathed  hea- 
vily, and  dragged  him  to  our  bed  of  leaves,  covered 
him  up,  threw  off  his  own  clothes,  which  he  tied 
up  in  a  bundle,  and  gave  to  me  to  carry,  and  put  on 
those  of  the  gendarme.  1  could  not  help  laughing 
at  the  metamorphosis,  and  asked  O'Brien  what  he 
intended  ••  Sure,  I'm  a  gendarme,  bringing  with 
me  a  prisoner,  who  has  escaped.  "  He  then  tied 
my  hands  wi.h  a  cord,  shouldered  his  musket,  and 
olf  we  set.  VV^e  now  quitted  the  wood  as  soon  as 
we  could,  for  O'Brien  said  that  he  had  no  fear  for 
the  next  ten  days  ;  and  so  it  proved.  We  had  one 
difficulty,  which  was  that  we  were  going  the  wrong 
way  ;  but  that  was  obviated  by  travelling  mostly  at 
night,  when  no  questions  were  asked,  e.xcept  at  the 
cabarets  where  we  lodged,  and  they  did  not  knjow 
which  way  we  came.  When  we  stopped  at  night, 
my  youth  excited  a  great  deal  of  commiseration, 
especially  from  the  females  ;  and  in  one  instance  1 
was  offered  assistance  to  escape.  I  consented  to 
it.  but  at  the  same  time  informed  O'Brien  of  the 
plan  proposed.  O'Brien  kept  watch — I  dressed 
myself,  and  was  at  the  open  window,  VN-lien  he  rush- 
ed m,  seizing  me,  and  declaring  that  he  would  in- 
form the  government  of  the  conduct  of  the  parties. 
Their  confusion  and  distress  was  very  great.  They 
offered  O'Brien  twenty,  thirty,  fort^-  jNapoleons,  if  he 
would  hush  it  up,  for  they  were  aware  of  the  penalty 
and  imprisonment.  O'Brien  replied  that  he  would 
not  accept  of  any  money  in  compromise  of  his 
duty,  that  after  he  had  given  me  into  the  charge 
of  the  gendarme  of  the  next  post,  his  business  waa 
at  an  end,  and  he  must  return  to  Flushing,  where 
he  was  stationed. 

"  I  have  a  sister  there,"'  replied  the  hostess,  -who 
keeps  an  inn.  You'll  want  good  quarters,  and  a 
friendly  cup  ;  do  not  denounce  us_,  and  I'll  give  you 


PETER  SIMPLE.  205 

a  letter  to  her,  which,  if  it  docs  not  prove  of  ser- 
vice, you  can  then  return  and  ^ivc  the  information." 

O'Brien  consented  ;  the  letter  was  delivered  and 
read  to  him.  in  which  the  sister  was  requested,  by 
tlie  love  she  bore  to  the  writer,  to  do  all  she  could 
for  the  bearer,  who  had  tlie  power  of  making  the 
whole  family  miserable,  but  had  refused  so  to  do. 
O'Brien  pocketed  the  letter,  filled  his  brandy-flask, 
and  silutinp  all  the  women,  left  the  cabaret,  drag- 
ging  me  after  him  with  a  cord.  The  only  differ- 
ence, as  O'Brien  observed  after  he  went  out,  was, 
that  he  (O'Brien)  kissed  all  the  women,  and  all  the 
women  kissed  me.  In  this  way.  we  had  proceeded 
by  Charleroy  and  Lnuvain,  and  were  within  a  few 
miles  of  Malirt^,  when  a  circumstance  occurred 
which  embarrassed  us  not  a  little.  We  were  fol- 
lowing our  route,  avoiding  Malines,  which  was  a 
fortified  town,  and  at  the  time  were  in  a  narrow 
lane,  with  wide  ditches,  full  of  water  on  each  side. 
At  the  turning  of  a  sharp  corner,  we  met  the  gend- 
arme who  had  supplied  O'Brien  with  the  map  of 
the  town  of  Givet.  "Good  morning,  comrjule," 
said  he  to  O'Brien,  looking  earnestly  at  him,  "  who 
have  we  here  ?" 

•'  .\  young  Englishman,  whom  I  picked  up  close 
by.  escaped  from  prison." 

"  Where  from  ?'' 

"  He  will  not  say  ;  but  I  suspect  from  (iivet." 

"  There  are  two  who  have  escaped  from  Givet,"  re- 

Elied  he  ;  '•  how  they  escaped,  no  one  can  imagine  ; 
ut,"  continued  he,  again  looking  at  O'Brien,  "  avec 
Un  braves  il  n'y  a  rien  d' impossible." 

''  Tiiat  is  true,"  replied  O'Brien  ;  "  I  have  taken 
one,  the  other  cannot  be  far  off.  You  had  better 
look  for  him." 

"  1  sI:oul(l  like  to  find  him,"'  replied  the  gendarme, 
"for  you  know  that  to  retake  a  runaway  priuoner 
il  certain  promotion.  You  will  be  made  a  corpo 
ral." 


206  PETER  SIMPLE. 

'•  So  much  the  better/'  replied  O'Brien,  •'•'  adieu, 
mon  ami." 

•'  jNay,  I  merely  came  for  a  walk,  and  will  re- 
turn with  you  to  Malines,  where  of  course  you  are 
bound.'"' 

"  We  shall  not  get  there  to-night/'  said  O'Brien, 
'•'  my  prisoner  is  too  much  fatigued." 

"  Well,  then,  we  will  go  as  far  as  we  can  ;  and  I 
will  assist  you.  Perhaps  we  may  find  the  second, 
who,  I  understand,  obtained  a  map  of  the  fortress 
by  some  means  or  another." 

We  at  once  perceived  that  we  were  discovered  ; 
he  afterwards  told  us  that  the  body  of  a  gendarme 
had  been  found  in  the  wood,  no' doubt  murdered 
by  the  prisoners,  and  that  the  body  was  stripped 
naked.  '^  1  wonder,"  continued  he, '•' whether  one 
of  the  prisoners  put  on  his  clothes,  and  passed  as  a 
gendarme." 

"  Peter,"  said  O'Brien,  "  are  we  to  murder  this 
man  or  not  ?" 

••  I  should  say  not ;  pretend  to  trust  him  and  then 
we  may  give  him  the  slip."  This  was  said  during 
the  time  that  the  gendarme  stopped  a  moment  be- 
hind us. 

"  Well,  we'll  try ;  but  first  I'll  put  him  off  his 
guard."  W^hen  the  gendarme  came  up  with  us, 
O'Brien  obser\'ed,  that  the  F^nglish  prisoners  were 
very  liberal ;  that  he  knew  that  a  hundred  Napole- 
ons were  often  paid  for  assistance,  and  he  thoight 
that  no  corporal's  rank  was  equal  to  a  sum  that 
would  in  France  make  a  man  happy  and  indepen- 
dent for  life." 

♦'•■  Very  true,"  replied  the  gendarme,  "  and  let  mo 
only  look  upon  that  sum,  and  I  will  guarantee  a 
positive  safety  out  of  France." 

"  Then  we  understand  each  other,"  replied  O'- 
Brien ;  *'  this  boy  will  give  two  hundred — one  half 
shall  be  yours,  if  you  will  assist." 

'•  I  will  think    of  it."  replied   the  gend.irme,  who 


PETER  SIMPLE.  207 

then  talked  about  indifferent  subjects,  until  we  ar- 
rived at  a  small  town  called  Acarchot,  where  we 
♦proceeded  to  a  cabaret.  The  usual  curiosity  pass- 
ed over,  we  were  let'l  alone,  O'Brien  telling  the 
gendarme  that  he  would  expect  his  reply  that  ni;^ht 
o-  to-morrow  mornin^i.  The  gendarme  said  to- 
morrow morning.  O'Brien  requesting  him  to  take 
charge  of  mc,  he  called  the  woman  of  the  cabaret, 
to  show  him  a  room  j  she  showed  him  one  or  two, 
which  he  refused,  as  not  sufficiently  sal'e  for  tlie 
prisoner.  The  woman  laughed  at  the  idea,  observ- 
ing, "  what  had  he  to  fear  from  a  paiivre  er\fani 
like  me.'' 

"  Vet  this  pauvre  enfant  escaped  from  Givet,"  re- 
plied O'Brien  ;  •'  these  Knglislimen  are  devils  from 
their  birtli."  The  last  room  showed  to  O'Brien  suit- 
ed him,  and  he  chose  it — the  woman  not  presuming 
to  contradict  a  gendarme.  As  soon  as  tliey  ciine 
down  a^ain,  O'Brien  ordered  me  to  bed,  and  went 
up  stairs  with  me.  He  bolted  the  door,  and  pulling 
mc  to  the  large  chimney,  we  put  our  heads  up,  and 
whispered,  that  our  conversation  should  not  be 
heard.  "  This  man  is  not  to  be  trusted,"  said 
O'Brien,  "  and  we  must  give  him  the  slip.  I  know 
xny  way  out  of  the  inn,  and  we  must  return  the 
way  we  came,  and  then  strike  olf  in  another  direc- 
tion." 

"  But  will  he  permit  us  ?" 

*'  Motif  he  can  help  it;  but  I  shall  soon  find  out 
his  maiia;uvres.'' 

O'Brien  then  went  and  stopped  the  key-hole,  by 
hanging  his  hand'*erchief  across  it.  and  stripiMUg 
hiin.>!elf  of  his  gondarme  uniform,  put  on  his  own 
clotlies  ;  then  he  slufied  the  blankets  and  pillow 
into  the  cendarme's  dress,  and  laid  it  down  on  the 
outsidi"  of  the  l>ed,  as  if  it  wcro  a  man  sleeping  in 
his  clotlies — indeed  it  was  an  admiralde  deception. 
He  laid  his  musket  by  the  side  of  the  ima;,e,  and 
thon  did  the  sr.mc  to  my  bed,  making  it  appear  as 


208  PETER  SIMPLE. 

if  there  was  a  person  asleep  in  it.  of  rav  size,  and 
putting  my  cap  on  the  pillow.  "  Xow  I^eter.  we'll 
see  if  he  is  watching  us.  He  will  wait  till  he  thinks 
wc  are  asleep."  'J  he  light  still  remained  in  the 
room,  and  about  an  hour  afterw.ards  we  heard  a 
noise  of  one  treading  on  the  stairs,  upon  which,  as 
agreed,  we  crept  under  the  bed.  The  latch  of  our 
door  was  tried,  and  finding  it  open,  which  he  did 
not  expect,  the  gendarme  entered  and  looking  at 
both  beds,  went  away.  ■•  A'ow/' said  I,  after  the 
gendarme  had  gone  down  stairs,  •'  O'Brien,  ought 
we  not  to  escape  V 

"  I've  been  thinking  of  it,  Peter,  and  I  have 
come  to  a  resolution  that  we  can  manage  it  better. 
He  is  certain  to  come  again  in  an  hour  or  two.  It 
it  is  only  eleven.  Now,  Til  play  him  a  trick." 
O'Brien  then  took  one  of  the  blankets,  made  it  fast 
to  the  window,  which  he  left  wide  open,  and  at  the 
same  time  disarranged  the  images  he  had  made  up, 
so  as  to  let  the  gendarme  perceive  that  they  were 
counterfeit.  We  again  crept  under  the  bed,  and  as 
O'Brien  foretold,  in  about  an  hour  more,  the  gen- 
darme returned  3  our  lamp  was  still  burning,  but  he 
had  a  light  of  his  own.  He  looked  at  the  beds, 
perceived  at  once  that  he  had  been  duped,  went  to 
the  open  window,  and  then  exclaimed,  '•  Sacredieii! 
Hi  ni'onttchappe,  ttjene  suis  plus  caporai  !  F — tre! 
a  la  chasse."  He  rushed  out  of  the  room,  and  in  a 
minute  afterwards,  we  heard  him  open  the  street 
door,  and  go  away." 

"That  will  do,  Peter,''  said  O'Brien,  laughing; 
'•now  we'll  be  off  also,  there's  no  great  hurr}'." 
O'Brien  then  resumed  his  dress  of  a  gendarme,  and 
about  an  hour  afterwards  we  went  down,  and  wish- 
ing the  hostess  all  happmess,  quitted  the  cabaret, 
returning  the  same  road  by  which  we  had  come. 
"Now,  Peter,"  said  O'Brien,  "  we're  in  a  bit  of  a 
puzzle.  This  dress  v.on't  do  any  more,  still  there's 
a  respectability  about  it,  which  will  not  allow  me 


to  put  it  off  tin  the  last  moment."  Wfc  walked  on 
till  diivli^ljt.  when  we  hid  ourselvps  in  a  copse  of 
trees.  At  nit^ht  we  acain  started  lor  the  forest  of 
Ardennes,  for  O'Brien  said  our  best  chance  was  to 
return,  until  they  supposed  that  we  had  had  time 
to  eHcct  our  escape  ;  but  we  never  reached  the 
forest,  for  on  the  next  day  a  violent  snow  storm 
came  on;  it  continued  without  intermission  for 
four  days,  during  which  we  suffered  much.  Our 
money  was  not  e.xhaustcd,  as  1  had  drawn  upon  my 
lather  for  60/.;  which,  with  the  disadvantageous  ex- 
change, hati  given  me  fifty  ^sajxileons.  Uccasion- 
aliy  O'Brien  crept  into  a  cabaret  and  obtained  pro- 
visions ;  but,  as  we  dared  not  be  seen  together  aa 
before,  we  were  always  obliged  to  sleep  in  the  open 
air.  the  ground  bein^  covered  more  than  three  feet 
wvth  SHOW.  On  the  fifth  day,  being  then  six  days 
from  the  forest  of  .\rdennes,  we  hid  ourselves  in  a 
hmall  wood  .  about  a  (juarter  of  a  nule  from  the  road. 
I  remained  there  while  O'Brien,  as  a  gendarme, 
v.ent  to  obtain  provisions.  As  usual,  I  looked  out 
for  the  best  shelter  duiing  his  absence,  and  what 
was  my  horror  at  falling  in  with  a  man  and  woman, 
who  lay  dea<l  in  the  snow,  having  evidently  perish- 
ed fron»  the  inclemency  of  the  weather!  Just  as  I 
discovered  them,  O'Brien  returned,  and  1  told  him; 
he  went  witli  me  to  view  the  bodies.  They  were 
dreused  in  a  strange  attire,  ribands  pinned  upon 
th(  ir  clothes,  and  two  pairs  of  very  high  stilts  lying 
by  their  si<les.  OBrirn  surveyed  them,  and  then 
said,  •'  I'e-ter,  this  is  the  very  bebl  thing  that  could 
l.avo  happened  to  us.  We  may  now  walk  through 
France  witliout  soiling  our  feet  with  the  cursed 
country.'" 

•'  Hew  do  you  mean  ?"  replied  I. 

*'  I  mean."  said  he.  "  that  these  are  the  people 
that  we  nif  t  near  Mont|>ellier,  who  came  from  th« 
I.andets,  walking  about  on  their  stilts  for  the  amuse- 
nifJft'  •f  others,  to  obtain   motiev.      In  their  owu 

vol      !.  It 


SIO  PETER  SIMPLE. 

country  they  are  obliged  to  walk  eg.  Pvow,  Peter, 
it  appears  to  me  tliat  the  raan"s  clollies  will  fit  me, 
and  llie  girl's  (poor  creature,  how  pretty  she  looks, 
cold  in  death  I)  will  fit  you.  All  we  have  to  do  is 
to  practise  a  little,  and  then  away  wc  start."' 

O'Brien  then,  with  some  difficulty,  pulled  off  the 
man's  jacket  and  trousers,  and  having  so  done,  buri- 
ed him  in  Uie  snow.  The  poor  girl  was  despoiled 
oi'  her  gown  and  upper  petticoat  with  every  decen- 
cy, and  also  buried.  We  collected  the  clothes  and 
stilts,  and  removed  to  another  quarter  ct'  the  wood, 
where  we  found  a  well-sheltered  spot,  and  took  our 
meal.  As  we  did  not  travel  that  night  as  usual,  we 
had  to  prepare  our  own  bed.  We  scraped  away  the 
snow,  and  made  ourselves  as  comlbrtable  as  we 
could  without  a  fire,  but  the  weather  was  dreadful. 

"  Peter,"  said  O'Brien,  '•  I'm  melancholy.  Here, 
drink  plenty  ;"  and  he  handed  me  the  tlask  of  spir- 
its, which  had  never  been  empty.  "  Drink  more, 
Peter." 

'^  I  cannot.  O'Brien,  without  being  tipsy." 

"  !Xever  mind  that,  drink  more  ;  see  how  those 
two  poor  dovils  lost  their  lives  by  falling  asleep  in 
the  snow.  Peter,''  said  O'Brien,  starling  up,  '*  you 
sha'n't  sleep  here — follow  me." 

I  expostulated  in  vain.  It  was  almcst  dark,  and 
he  led  me  to  the  village,  near  which  he  pitched 
upon  a  hovel,  (a  sort  of  outhouse.)  •'  Peter  here 
is  shelter ;  he  down  and  sleep,  and  I'll  keep  the 
watch.     Aot  a  word,  I  will  have  it — down  at  once.'' 

I  did  so,  and  in  a  very  few  minutes  was  fast 
asleep,  for  I  was  worn  out  with  cold  and  fatigue. 
For  several  days  we  had  walked  all  night,  and  the 
rest  we  gained  by  day  was  trifling.  O  how  I  longed 
for  a  warm  bed  with  four  or  five  blankets  !  Just  as 
the  day  broke,  O'Brien  roused  me  ;  he  had  stood 
sentry  all  night,  and  looked  very  haggard. 

'•  O'Brien,  you  are  ill,"  said  1. 

"  ]N'9t  a  bit ;  but  I've  emptied  the  brandy  flask, 


FETEK  SIMPLE.  211 

and  that's  a  bad  job.     However,  it  is  to  bfi  remedi- 
ed.- 

W'c  tlien  returned  to  the  wood  in  a  mizzling  rain 
and  loji,  lor  the  weather  had  changed,  and  the  frost 
had  broken  up.  The  thaw  was  even  worse  than 
the  rr<;st,  and  we  ft^ltthe  cold  more.  O'Brien  a^ain 
insisted  upon  my  slcepiii;T  in  the  outhouse,  l)ut  tliis 
time  I  positively  refused  without  he  would  also 
sleep  there,  pointing  out  to  him,  tliat  we  ran  no 
more  risk,  and  perhaps  not  so  much,  as  if  he  stayed 
outside.  Finding  I  was  positive,  he  at  last  consented, 
an.l  w«»  both  gained  it  unperceived.  We  laid  down, 
but  I  did  not  go  to  sleep  for  some  time,  I  was  so 
anxious  to  see  O'Brien  fast  asleep.  He  went  in 
and  out  aever:il  times,  durin'.,' which  I  pretended  to 
be  asleep;  at  hft  it  rained  in  torrents,  and  then  ho 
laid  down  again,  a:id  in  a  few  minutes,  overpower- 
«!d  by  nature,  he  fell  fist  asleep,  snoring  so  loud- 
ly, that  I  was  afraid  some  one  would  hear  us.  I 
tijen  got  up  and  watched,  occasionally  lying  down 
and  slumbering  awhile,  and  then  going  to  the  door. 


fHAl'TKR  XXUI. 

Kxil.n.  .» i:li  «.uf  »uritt#,  wr  marrli  tliroueli   Frnnr^  wiiliout  lonrbirg 
lli<*  jrfiimJ— I  bttitme  rL-inaiJnr — Wc  i\rr  viliinluiy  ccmM  ripl». 

At  daybreak  I  called  O'Brien,  who  jumped  up  in 
a  Kreat  hurry. 

*•  Sure  Ive  been  a.slcep,  Peter."' 

"  Yes,  you  have,"  replied  I,  "and  I  thank  heaven 
that  you  have,  for  nf»  one  ccild  stand  such  fatigue 
as  you  have,  much  lonrrer ;  and  if  yru  full  ill.  v.  hat 
would  become  of  me  V  This  wa.s  lourliing  him 
on  t/jo  right  point. 


ei'2  J'F/J'1-:R  SCiMFf.F.. 

'•  Well.  IVtci,  tinre  ihcrc's  no  l.ar:n  ccme  cf  it, 
there's  no  harm  done.  I've  had  sleep  enough  for 
the  next  week,  that's  certain." 

Wo  returned  to  the  wood ;  the  snow  had  disap- 
peared, and  the  rain  ceased  ;  the  sun  shone  out 
from  betvveen  tl.e  clouds,  and  we  felt  warm. 

"  Don't  pass  so  near  that  way/'  said  O'Brien,  "  we 
shall  see  the  poor  creatures,  now  that  the  snow  is 
gone.  Peter,  we  must  shift  our  quarters  to-night, 
for  I  have  been  to  every  cabaret  in  the  village,  and 
1  cannot  go  ih*^-o  any  more  without  suspicion;  al- 
tl.ough  1  am  a  gendarme." 

We  remained  there  till  the  evening,  and  then  set 
of]',  still  returning  towards  Givet.  About  an  hour 
bc^lbre  daylight  we  arrived  at  a  copse  of  trees  close 
to  the  road  side,  and  surrounded  by  a  ditch,  not 
above  a  quarter  of  a  mile  from  a  village.  "  It  ap- 
pears to  me,'"'  said  O'Brien,  ••'that  this  will  do;  I 
will  new  put  you  there,  and  then  go  boldly  to  the 
village,  and  see  what  I  can  get,  for  here  we  must 
stay  at  least  a  week." 

\Vc  walked  to  the  copse,  and  the  ditch  being 
rather  too  wide  for  me  to  leap,  O'Brien  laid  the 
lour  stilts  together^  so  as  to  form  a  bridge,  over 
wliich  I  contrived  to  walk.  Tossing  to  me  all  the 
bundles,  and  desiring  me  to  leave  the  stilts  as  a 
bridge  for  him  on  his  return,  he  setoff  to  the  village 
with  his  musket  on  his  shoulder.  He  was  away 
two  hours,  wlien  he  returned  with  a  large  supply  of 
provisions,  the  best  we  had  ever  had.  Frencn  sau- 
cissons  seasoned  with  garlic,  which  I  thought  de- 
lightful ;  four  bottles  of  brandy,  besides  his  flask  ; 
a  piece  of  hung  beef  and  six  loaves  of  bread,  be- 
sides half  a  baked  goose  and  part  of  a  large  pie. 

"  There,"  said  he,  '•  we  have  enough  for  a  gpod 
week  :  and  look  here,  Peter,  this  is  better  than  all.' 
And  he  showed  me  two  largo  hcrse-rugs. 

•'  Excellent.''  replied  1,  "  now  we  shall  he  com 
fortable.' 


PETER  SIMPLE.  213 

"  I  paid  honestly  for  all  but  these  rugs,"  oUerved 
O'Brien;  ''I  was  afraid  to  buy  tlieiii,  so  I  stole 
them.  However,  we'll  leave  tlieui  here  for  tliose 
they  belong  to^it's  only  borrowinj:,  after  all." 

\\'e  now  prepared  a  very  comfortable  shelter  with 
branches,  which  we  wove  together,  and  layin;;  tliC 
leaves  in  tlie  sun  to  dry,  soon  obtained  a  s(»ft  bed  to 
put  our  horse-rug  on,  while  we  covered  ourselves  up 
with  the  other.  Our  bridge  of  stilts  we  liail  re- 
moved, 80  that  we  felt  ourselves  (|uite  secure  from 
surprise.  That  evening  we  did  nothing  but  carouse 
— the  goose,  the  pie,  the  saucissons  as  big  as  my 
arm,  were  alternately  attacked,  and  we  went  to  the 
ditch  to  drink  water,  and  then  ate  again.  This  was 
quite  happiness  to  what  we  had  suti'ered,  especially 
with  tiie  prospect  of  a  good  bed.  At  dark,  to  bed 
we  went,  and  slept  soundly  ;  1  never  felt  more  re- 
freshed during  our  wanderings.  At  daylight  O'Brien 
got  up. 

"  I\ow,  Peter,  a  little  practice  before  breakfast." 

"  What  practice  do  you  mean  ?" 

"  Mean !  why  on  the  stilts.  1  expect  in  a  week 
tliat  you'll  be  able  to  dance  a  gavotte  at  least;  for 
mind  me,  Peter,  you  travel  out  of  France  upon 
these  stilts,  depend  upon  it.' 

O'Brien  then  took  the  stilts  belonging  to  U;e 
man,  giving  me  those  of  the  woman.  \Ve  slriip- 
ped  tliem  to  our  thighs,  and  by  fixing  our  backs  to  a 
tree,  contrived  to  get  upright  upon  them  ;  but,  at  the 
first  attempt  to  walk,  O'Brien  lell  to  the  right,  and  I 
fell  to  the  left,  O'Brien  fell  against  a  tr<e,  but  1  fell 
on  ray  nose,  and  made  it  bleed  very  much  ;  iiowev- 
er,  we  laughed  and  got  up  again,  and  alllio'j;;h  we 
had  several  fallH,  at  last  we  made  a  better  hand  of 
them.  We  then  had  some  difliculty  in  getting 
down  again,  but  we  found  out  how,  by  again  reuort- 
ing  to  a  tree,  .\fler  breakfast  we  straipped  tliem  on 
again,  and  practised,  and  so  we  continued  to  do  for 
the  whole  day,  when  we  again  attackiid  our  provis- 


214  PETER  SLMPLE. 

ions,  and  fell  asleep  under  our  horse-rug.  This 
continued  for  five  days,  by  which  time  being  con- 
stantly on  the  stilts,  we  became  very  expert;  and 
although  I  could  not  dance  a  gavotte — for  1  did  not 
know  what  that  was — 1  could  hop  about  with  them 
with  the  greatest  ease. 

*•  One  day's  more  practice/'  said  O'Brien,  "  for 
our  provision  will  last  one  day  more,  and  then  we 
start ;  but  this  time  we  must  rehearse  in  costume." 

O'Brien  then  dressed  me  in  the  poor  girl's  clothes, 
and  himself  in  the  man's  ;  they  fitted  very  well, 
and  the  last  day  we  practised  as  man  and  woman. 

••  Peter,  you  make  a  very  pretty  girl,"  said 
O'Brien.  ■Now,  don't  allow  the  men  to  take  lib- 
erties." 

"  -\evor  fear,"  replied  I.  "  But,  O'Brien,  as 
these  petticoats  are  not  very  warm,  1  meiui  to  cut 
off  my  trousers  up  to  my  knees,  and  weai-  them  un- 
derneath.'' 

'•  That's  all  right,"  said  O'Brien,  "  for  you  may 
have  a  tumble,  and  then  they  may  find  out  that 
you're  r.o*  a  lady."'  The  next  morning  we  made 
use  of  our  stilts  to  cross  the  ditch,  and  carrying 
them  in  our  hands  we  boldly  set  oti'  on  the  high 
road  to  Malines.  We  met  several  people,  gendarmes 
and  others,  but  with  the  exception  of  some  remarks 
upon  my  good  looks,  we  passed  unnoticed.  Towards 
the  evening  v.e  arrived  at  the  village  where  we  had 
slept  in  the  outhouse,  and  as  soon  as  we  entered  :t 
we  put  on  our  stilts,  and  commenced  a  march. 
When  the  crowd  had  gathered  we  held  cut  our 
caps,  and  receiving  nine  or  ten  sous,  we  entered  a 
cabaret.  Many  questions  w  ere  asked  us  as  to  where 
we  came  from,  and  O'Brien  answered,  telling  lies 
innumerable.  I  played  the  modest  girl,  and  O'Brien, 
who  stated  I  was  his  sister,  appeared  very  careful 
and  jealous  of  any  attention.  We  slept  well,  and 
the  next  morning  continued  our  route  to  Malines. 
We  very  often  put  on  our  stilts  for  practice  on  the 


PETER  SIxMPLE.  2U 

road,  which  detained  us  very  much,  and  it  wai  not 
until  the  ei;zhlh  day,  without  any  variety  or  any  in- 
terruption, that  we  arrived  at  Alahnes.  As  we  en- 
tered the  barriers  we  put  on  our  stilts,  and  marched 
boldly  on.  The  guard  at  the  gate  stopped  ug.  not 
from  suspicion,  but  to  amuse  Uiemselves,  and  I  was 
forced  to  submit  to  several  kisses  from  their  garlic 
lips,  before  we  were  allowed  to  enter  the  town.  We 
again  mounted  on  our  stilts,  for  the  guard  had  forced 
us  to  dismount,  or  they  could  not  have  kissed  me, 
every  now  and  then  imitating  a  dance,  until  we  ar- 
rived at  the  grande  place,  where  we  stopped  oppo- 
site the  hotel,  and  commenced  a  sort  of  waltz 
which  we  had  practised.  The  people  in  the  hotel 
looked  out  at  llie  window  to  see  our  exhibition,  and 
when  we  hatl  finished  I  went  up  to  the  windowg 
with  O'Brien's  cap  to  collect  money.  What  was 
mv  surprise  to  perceive  colonel  O'Brien  lookinij  full 
in  my  face,  and  staring  very  hard  at  me  ;  wiiat  was 
my  greater  astonishment  at  seeing  Celeste,  who 
immediately  recognised  me,  and  ran  back  to  the 
sofa  in  the  room,  putting  her  hands  up  to  her  eyes, 
and  crying  out,  C'eal  lui,  deal  lui !  Fortunately 
O'Brien  was  close  to  me,  or  1  should  have  fallen, 
but  he  supported  me.  "  Peter,  ask  tlie  crowd  for 
money,  or  you  are  lost."  I  did  so,  and  colU-cting 
some  pence,  then  asked  him  what  I  should  do. 
"  (io  back  to  the  window — you  can  then  judge  what 
will  happen."  I  returned  to  the  window  ;  colonel 
O'Brien  had  disappeared,  but  Celeste  was  there, 
as  if  waiting  for  me.  I  held  out  the  cap  to  her, 
and  she  thrust  her  hand  into  it.  The  cap  sunk  witJi 
the  weight.  I  took  out  a  purse,  which  1  kept  closed 
in  my  hand,  and  put  it  into  my  bosom.  Celeste 
then  retired  from  the  window,  and  when  she  had 
gone  to  the  back  of  the  room  kissed  her  hand  to 
roe,  and  went  out  at  the  door.  I  remained  stupitied 
for  a  moment,  but  O'Brien  roused  me,  and  we  quit- 
ted the  grandc  place,  takmg  up  our  quarters  at  a 


216  PETFJl  SIMPLE. 

little  cabaret.  On  examining  the  pmse,  I  fourul 
fifty  -Napoleons  in  it  5  these  must  have  been  obtain- 
ed ffORi  lisr  frtlier.  I  cried  over  them  with  delight. 
O'Brien  was  uIro  much  ati'ected  at  thie  kindness  of 
the  colonel.  "  He's  a  real  O  i>rien,  every  inch  of 
him/'  said  he  ;  '•  even  tJiis  cursed  country  can't 
spoil  the  breed." 

At  tlie  cabaret  where  we  stopped,  we  were  in- 
formed, that  the  officer  who  was  at  the  hotel  had 
been  appointed  to  the  command  of  the  strong  fort 
of  Bergeii-op-Zoom,  and  was  proceeding  thither. 

"  We_  must  not  chance  to  meet  him  again,  if  pos- 
sible,"" said  OBrien  ;  '•  it  w  ould  be  treading  too 
close  upon  tlie  heels  of  his  duty,  ISeilher  will  it 
do  to  appear  on  stilts  among  the  dykes ;  so,  Peter, 
we'll  just  stump  on  clear  of  this  town  and  then  we'll 
trust  to  our  wits."' 

We  walked  out  of  the  town  early  in  the  morn- 
ing, ailer  OBrien  had  made  purchases  of  some  of 
the  clothes  usually  worn  by  tiiS  peasantry.  When 
within  a!evv  miles  of  :>t.  jNicholas,  we  tlirew  away 
our  stilts  and  the  clothes  w  hich  we  had  on  and  dres- 
sed ourselves  in  those  O'Brien  had  purchased. 
O'Brien  had  not  forgot  to  provide  us  with  tvvo  large 
brown  colored  blankets,  which  we  strapped  on  to 
our  shoulders,  as  the  soldiers  do  their  coats. 

"  But  what  are  we  to  pass  for  now,  O'Brien  ?"' 

"  Peter,  1  will  settle  thai  point  before  night.  My 
wits  art  working,  tut  I  like  to  trust  to  cliance  lor 
a  stray  icea  or  so  ;  we  must  walk  fast,  or  we  shall  be 
smothered  with  the  snow." 

It  was  bitter  cold  weather,  and  the  snow  had 
fallen  heavily  during  the  whole  day  ;  but  although 
nearly  dusk,  there  was  a  bright  moon  ready  for  us. 
We  walked  very  fast,  and  soon  observed  persons 
ahead  of  us.  "  I^et  us  overtake  them,  we  may  ob- 
tain some  information."'  As  we  came  up  with  them, 
one  of  them  (they  were  botli  lads  of  seventeen  to 
eighteen)  said  to  O'Brien,   "  I  thought  we  were  the 


PET£K  ShMPLE.  217 

last,  but  I  was  mistaken.  How  far  is  it  new  to  St. 
ISicii.  hs  V 

"  I  low  should  I  know  ?"  replied  O'Brien.  ••  I  am  a 
str.iiv.'crin  these  parls  as  well  as  ynurscll"."' 

''i-rom  wh:it  jiart  ot"  France  do  you  come?" 
demaiiJed  the  other. his  tcetii  chattcrinij  with  the  cold 
for  he  was  badly  clothed,  and  with  little  defence 
from  the  iucleiuent    weallier. 

'•  From  IMontpellier,'"  replied  O'Brien. 

"  And  I  from  Toulouse.  A  sad  chaa<fe,  comrade, 
from  olives  and  winr>s  to  such  a  climate  as  tliis. 
Curse  the  conscription  :  I  intended  to  have  taken  a 
littic  wife  next  year."" 

O'Brien  pave  me  a  push,  as  if  to  say,  '*  Here's 
boiuething  that  will  do,"  and  then  continued — 

'•  .\nd  curse  the  conscription  1  say  too  for  I  had 
just  married,  and  now  my  wife  is  left  to  be  annoyed 
by  the  attention  of  the./'trrniVr  g'-tu'ral.  But  it  can't 
be  helped.     C'cst  pour  la  France  cl  pour  la  ^loirc." 

"  We  shall  be  too  late  to  get  a  billet,"  replied  tlie 
other,  "and  not  a  sous  liave  1  in  my  pockets.  I 
doubt  if  1  get  up  with  the  main  body  till  they  are  at 
Flushing.     By  our  route,  tliry  are  at  Axel  to-day."' 

*'  If  we  arrive  at  St.  JSichola.**  we  shall  do  well," 
replied  0"Hnpn;  "but  1  liavc  a  little  money  left, 
and  111  not  see  a  cotnrade  wait  a  supper  or  a  bed 
wl»o  is  goin^  to  serve  his  country.  \ ou  can  repay 
uie  when  w«!  meet  at  Flushin^?■'' 

•' 'J'liat  1  will  with  thanks,"  replied  the  French- 
man ;  '•  and  so  will  Jac4ues,  here,  if  you  will  trust 
him." 

'•  With  pleasure,"  replied  O'Brien,  who  th<.n 
entpfpci  into  a  lonu  conversation,  by  which  he  drew 
out  I'rom  the  Frenchman  that  a  party  of  conscripts 
had  been  ordered  to  Flushini;,  and  tliat  they  had 
dropped  behind  the  main  iKnly.  O'Brit-n  passed 
himself  ofl'  as  a  conscript  belonninfr  to  tlie  party, 
and  me  as  his  brother,  who  had  resolved  to  jom  the 
•rmy  as  a  drummer,  mther  than  part  with  him.     In 


218  PETER  SIMPLE. 

about  an  hour  we  arrived  at  St.  Nicholas,  and  after 
some  difficulty  obtained  entrance  into  a  cabaret. 
"  Vive  la  France  /"said  O'Brien,  going  up  to  the  tire, 
and  throwing  the  snow  off  his  hat.  In  a  short  time 
we  were  seated  to  a  good  supper  and  very  tolerable 
wine,  the  hostess  sitting  down  by  us,  and  listening  to 
the  true  narratives  of  the  real  conscripts  and  the 
false  one  of  O'Brien.  After  supper  the  conscript 
who  first  addressed  us  pulled  out  his  printed  paper, 
with  the  route  laid  down  and  observed  that  we  were 
two  days  behind  the  others.  O'Brien  read  it  over, 
and  laid  it  on  the  table,  at  the  same  time  calling  for 
more  wine,  having  already  pushed  it  round.  We 
did  not  drink  much  ourselves,  but  plied  them  haml, 
and  at  last  the  conscript  commenced  the  whole 
history  of  his  intended  marriage  and  his  disappoint- 
ment, tearing  his  hair,  and  crying  now  and  then. 
•'  Never  mind,"  interrupted  O'Brien,  every  two  or 
three  minutes,"  biivcns  itn  autre  ccnip  four  la  gloire," 
and  thus  he  continued  to  make  them  both  drink 
until  they  reeled  away  to  bed,  forgetting  their  prin- 
ted paper,  which  O'Brien  had  some  time  before 
slipped  away  from  the  table.  We  also  retired  to 
our  rooms  when  O'Brien  observed  tome,  "Peter, 
this  description  is  as  much  like  me  as  I  am  to  Old 
Nick  ;  but  that's  of  no  consequence,  as  nobodv  goes 
willingly  as  a  conscript,  and  therefore  they  will  nev- 
er have  a  doubt  but  that  it  is  all  right.  We  must 
be  off  early  to-morrow,  while  these  good  people  are 
in  bed,  and  steal  a  long  march  upon  them.  I  con- 
sider that  we  are  now  safe  as  far  as  Flushing." 


PETER  SIMPLE.  219 

CHAPTKR  XXIV. 

tVliatifcunrJ  at  Flusliing,  and   wlial  occurred   nhfnwe  got  out    *[ 
Klualiing. 

\tt  hour  before  daybreak  we  started  5  the  snow 
was  thick  on  the  pround,  but  the  sky  was  clear, 
and  without  any  difficulty  or  interruption  we  passea 
tlirou'_-h  the  towns  of  Axel  and  Halst,  arrived  at  Ter- 
neuse  on  the  fourth  dny,  and  went  over  to  Flushing 
in  comnaiiy  with  about  a  dozen  more  stragglers  from 
the  mam  body.  As  we  landed,  the  guard  asked  us 
whether  we  were  conscripts?  O'Brien  replied  that 
he  was,  and  held  out  his  paper.  'I'hey  took  his 
name,  or  rather  that  of  the  person  it  belonged  to, 
down  in  a  book,  and  told  him  that  lie  must  apply  to 
the '•Ya/-77i£yor  before  three  o'clock.  We  pa.ssed  on 
delighted  with  our  success,  and  then  O'Brien  pulled 
out  the  letter  which  had  been  given  to  him  by  the 
woman  of  the  cabaret,  who  had  oHered  to  assist 
in«  to  escape,  when  O'Brien  pxssed  oft'  as  a  gen- 
darme, and  reading  the  address,  demanded  his  way 
to  the  street.  We  soon  found  out  the  house,  and 
enttred. 

'•Conscripts!"  said  the  woman  ©f  the,  house, 
looking  at  O'Brien  ;  "  I  am  billetted  full  already.  It 
must  be  a  mistake.     Where  is  your  order  ?'' 

"  Head,"  said  O'Brien,  handing  her  the  letter. 

She  rea«;  the  letter,  and  putting  it  into  her  hand- 
kerchief, desired  him  to  follow  her.  O'Brien  l)eck- 
oiu'd  me  to  come,  and  we  went  into  a  small  room. 
"What  can  1  do  for  you?"  said  the  woman;  "I 
will  do  all  in  my  power;  but,  alas!  you  will  march 
from  here  in  two  or  three  days  V 

"IS'ever  mind,"  replied  O'Brien,  "we  will  talk 
the  matter  over  by-and-by,  but  at  present  only  oblige 
us  by  letting  us  remain  in  this  little  room;  wc  ao 
not  wish  to  b«  «ccu." 


220  PETER  SIMPLE. 

'•'  Comment  done — you  a  conscript,  and  not  wish 
to  be  seen  I  Are   you,  then,   intending  to   desert?"' 

"  Answer  me  one  qestion  :  you  have  read  that 
letter,  do  you  intend  to  act  up  to  its  purport,  as  your 
sister  requests  V 

"  As  1  hope  for  mercy  I  will,  if  I  suffer  every 
thing.  She  is  a  dear  sister,  and  would  not  write  so 
earnestly  if  she  had  not  strong  reasons.  My  house 
and  every  thing  you  command  are  yours — can  I  say 
more  .'"' 

••  But/'  continued  O'Brien,  "suppose  I  did  intend 
to  desert,  would  you  then  assist  me  V 

•' At  my  peril,"' replied  the  woman  3  *' have  you 
not  assisted  ray  family  when  in  difficulty  V 

''  Well,  then.  1  will  not  at  present  detain  you 
from  your  busines  5  1  have  heard  you  called  several 
times.  Let  us  have  dinner  when  convenient,  and 
we  will  remain  here.'' 

''  If  1  have  any  knowledge  of  phiz — what  d'ye  coil 
it,"  observed  O  Bnen,  alter  she  left  us,  ••  there  is 
honesty  in  that  woman,  and  I  must  trust  her,  but  not 

Jet,  we  must  wait  till  the  conscripts  have  gone.' 
agreed  with  O'Brien,  and  we  remained  talking 
until  an  hour  afterwards,  when  the  woman  brought 
us  our  dinner. 

''  What  is  your  name  ?"  inquired  O'Brien. 

•'•  Louise  Eustache  j  you  might  have  read  it  ou 
the  letter." 

"  Are  you  married  ?" 

"  O  yes,  these  six  years.  My  husband  is  seldom 
at  home  5  he  is  a  Flushing  pilot.  A  hard  life,  harder 
even  than  that  of  a  soldier.     Who  is  this  lad  V 

"  He  is  my  brother,  who,  if  I  go  as  a  soldier,  in- 
tends to  volunteer  as  a  drummer." 

"  Fauvre  en/ant,  c'est  domm(^e." 

The  cabar»;t  was  full  of  conscripts  and  otlier  peo- 
ple, so  that  tiie  hostess  had  enougn  to  do.  At  night 
we  were  shown  by  her  into  a  small  bedroom,  ad- 
joiniag  the  f>ne  we  occupied.     '■  You  are  quite  alone 


PKTKK  SlMFLi;  2-21 

here  ;  tiic  conscripts  are  to  muster  to-morrow  I  (iiid, 
in  the  Place  cfArmes,  at  two  oclock  ;  do  you  intend 
to  go  ?'■ 

••  iSo,-'  replied  O'Brien  5  '•  they  will  think  that  I 
am  behind.     It  is  of  no  consequence.'' 

**  Well/'  replied  the  woman,  "  do  as  you  please, 
you  may  trust  me  5  but  I  arn  so  busy,  without  any 
one  to  assist  me,  that  until  they  leave  the  town  1 
can  hardly  find  time  to  speak  to  you. 

'•That  will  be  soon  enough,  my  good  hostess,"' 
replied  O'Brien;  •'  mirevoir." 

J'he  ne.xt  evenini:,  the  woman  came  in.  in  some 
alarm,  staling  that  a  conscript  had  arrived  wliose 
name  had  been  given  in  belore,  and  that  the  per- 
son who  had  given  it  in  had  not  mustered  at  the 
place,  'i'hat  the  conscript  had  declared,  liiat  his 
pass  had  been  stolen  from  him  by  a  person  with 
whom  he  had  stopped  at  St.  Psithohis,  and  tbat  there 
were  orders  for  a  strict  search  to  be  made  tlirou(j;li 
tlie  town,  as  it  was  known  that  some  English  ofh- 
ccrs  had  escaped,  and  it  was  supposed  that  one  of 
ihem  had  obtaineu  the  pass.  "  Surely  you're  not 
i^ntrlish  ?■'  inquired  the  woman,  looking  earnestly 
at  O'Brien. 

''Indeed,  but  1  am.  my  dear,'' replied  O'Brien; 
"  and  so  is  this  lad  with  me  ;  and  tiie  favor  which 
your  sister  requires  is,  that  you  help  lis  over  the 
water,  for  which  Fcrvice  there  are  one  hundred 
Louis  ready  to  be  paid  upon  oclivery  of  us." 

Oh,  moil  Dim,  main  c  est  impossible  f" 

"Impossible?',  replied  O'Brien  ;  ''was  that  the 
answer  I  gave  your  sister  in  her  trouble  V 

•'  Au  momv  c'est/urt  difficile." 

"Tiiat's  (piite  another  concern;  but  with  your 
husband  a  pilot,  1  should  think  a  great  part  of  the 
difficulty  removed." 

"My  husband  !  I've  no  power  over  him.  "  rrplietl 
the  woman'  putting  the  apron  np  to  hrr  r-vrs. 


222  PETER  SIMPLE. 

'•  But  one  Jiundred  Louis  may  have/"  replied 
O'Brien. 

"There  is  truth  in  that,"  observed  the  woman,  after 
a  pause ;  "but  what  am  I  to  do  if  tliey  come  to 
search  the  house  V 

"  Send  us  out  of  it,  until  you  can  find  an  opportu- 
nity to  send  us  to  England.  I  leave  it  all  to  you— 
your  sister  expects  it  from  you.-' 

-And  she  shall  not  be  disappointed,  if  God  helps 
us,'"  replied  the  woman,  after  a  short  pause  ;  "  but 
1  fear  you  must  leave  this  house  and  tlie  town  also 
to-night." 

"  How  are  we  to  leave  the  town  ?" 

"  I  will  arrange  that  5  be  ready  at  four  o'clock, 
for  the  gates  are  shut  at  dusk.  I  must  go  now,  for 
there  is  no  lime  to  be  lost.'' 

"  We  are  in  a  nice  mess  now,  O'Brien,"  observed 
I,  after  the  woman  had  quitted  the  room. 

"Devil  a  bit,  Peter ;  1  feel  no  anxiety  whatever, 
except  at  leaving  such  good  quarters." 

We  picked  up  all  cur  affects,  not  forgetting  our 
two  blankets,  and  waited  the  return  of  the  hostess. 
In  about  an  hour,  she  entered  the  room.  "  I  have 
spoken  to  my  husband's  sister,  who  lives  about  two 
miles  on  the  road  to  lUiddelburg.  She  is  in  town 
now,  for  it  is  market  day,  and  you  will  be  safe  where 
she  liides  you.  I  told  her,  it  was  by  my  husband's 
request,  or  she  would  net  have  consented.  Here,  boy 
put  on  ihese  clotlies  :  I  will  assist  you."  Once  more 
1  was  dressed  as  a  girl,  and  when  my  clothes  were  on 
O'Brien  burst  out  into  laughter  at  my  blue  stockings 
and  short  petticoats.  "/"Z  n^eUpas  mal,"  observed  the 
hostess,  as  sl.e  fixed  a  sm.ail  cap  on  my  head,  and 
than  lied  a  kercliief  under  my  chin,  which  pnrtly 
hid  my  face.  O'Brien  put  on  a  great  coat,  which 
the  woman  handed  to  him,  with  a  wide-brimmed  hat. 
'•Now  follow  nie  !"  She  led  us  into  the  street, 
which  was  thronged,  till  we  arrived  at  the  market- 
place, wl.on  rhc  met  another  v.oman,  who  joined 


PETER  SIMPLE.  223 

her.  At  the  end  of  the  market-place  stood  a  small 
horse  and  cart,  into  which  the  strange  woman  and  I 
mounted,  while  O'Brien,  by  the  directions  of  the 
landlady,  led  the  horse  through  the  crowd  until  we 
arrived  at  the  barriers,  when  she  wished  us  good 
day  in  a  loud  voice  before  the  guard.  The  guard 
took  no  notice  of  us,  and  we  passed  safely  through, 
and  found  ourselves  upon  a  neatly  paved  road,  as 
straight  as  an  arrow,  and  lined  on  each  side  with 
high  trees  and  a  ditch.  In  about  an  hour,  we  stop- 
ped near  to  tiie  farm-house  of  the  woman  who  was 
m  charge  of  us.  '•  Do  you  observe  that  wood  V 
said  she  to  O'Brien,  pointing  to  one  about  half  a 
mile  from  the  road.  "  1  dare  not  take  you  rtito  the 
house,  my  husband  is  so  violent  against  the  English, 
who  captured  his  schuyt,  and  made  him  a  poor  man, 
that  he  would  inform  against  you  immediately  ;  but 
go  you  there,  make  yourselves  as  comfortable  as 
you  can  to-night,  and  to-morrow  I  will  send  you 
what  you  want.  Adieu  !  Je  vous  olains,  pauvre  en- 
font,"  said  she,  looking  at  me,  as  she  drove  ofi" 
in  the  cart  towards  her  own  house. 

"  Peter,"  said  O'Brien,  '*  1  tliink  that  her  kicking 
UB  out  of  her  house  is  a  proof  of  her  sincerity,  and 
therefore  I  say  no  more  about  it  j  we  have  the 
brandy-flask  to  keep  up  our  spirits.  Now  llien  for 
the  wood.  Uiougii,  by  the  powers,  I  shall  have  no 
relish  for  any  of  your  pic-n-p  parlies,  as  they  call 
them,  for  the  next  twelve  years." 

'•  But,  O'Brien,  how  can  1  get  over  this  ditch  in 
petticoats  ?  1  could  hardly  leap  it  in  my  own 
clothes." 

"  You  must  tie  your  petticoats  round  your  waist, 
and  m:ike  a  gornl  run  ;  get  over  as  far  as  you  can, 
and  1  will  dr  itr  you  through  the  rest." 

"  But  you  foru'el  that  we  are  to  sleep  in  the  wood, 
and  that  it's  no  laugliing  matter  to  get  wet  through, 
freezing  so  hard  as  it  does  now." 

'•  Very  tru<?,  Peter  ;  hut  as  the  snow  lica  so  deep 


2^4  PKTER  SISIPLF.. 

upon  llie  ditcli.  pei^iaps  the  ice  may  bear.  I'll  try  ; 
it"  it  bears  me,  it  will  not  condescend  to  bend  at 
your  shrimp  of  a  carcass."' 

O'Brien  tried  the  ice,  which  was  firm,  and  we 
both  walked  over,  and  making  all  the  haste  we 
could,  arrived  at  tlie  wood,  as  the  woman  called  it. 
but  which  was  not  more  than  a  clump  of  trees  of 
about  half  an  acre.  We  cleared  away  the  snow 
for  about  six  feet  round  a  very  hollow  part,  and 
then  O'Brien  cut  stakes  and  fixed  them  in  the  earth, 
to  which  we  stretched  one  blanket.  The  snow  be- 
ing about  two  feet  deep,  there  was  plenty  of  room 
to  creep  underneath  the  blanket.  We  then  collec- 
ted all  the  leaves  we  could,  beating  the  snow  off 
them,  and  laid  them  at  the  bottom  of  the  hole  ; 
over  the  leaves  we  spread  the  other  blanket,  and 
taking  our  bundles  in.  we  then  stopped  up  with 
snow  every  side  of  the  upper  blanket,  except  the 
hole  to  creep  in  at.  It  wa.s  quite  astonishing  what 
a  warm  place  this  became  in  a  short  time  after  we 
had  remained  in  it.  It  was  almost  too  warm,  al- 
though the  weather  outside  was  pierc.ngly  cold. 
At"ler  a  good  meal  and  a  dose  of  brandy,  we  both 
fell  fast  asleep,  but  not  until  I  had  taken  off  my 
woman's  attire  and  resumed  my  own  clothes.  We 
never  slept  better  or  more  warmly  than  we  did  in 
this  hole  which  we  had  made  on  the  ground^  cov- 
ered with  ice  and  snow. 


PETER  SIMPLE. 


CHAPTER  XXV. 

O'Brien  parts  cnmpajiy  to  hunt  for  provialoni,  and  1  nave  oUirr  camp* 
o.v  in  conwqueoce  of  nootbrr  bunt — O'Brien  pallietically  moura*  aqr 
deatli,  and  fi«ids  me  alive — We  escape. 

The  ensuing  morning  we  looked  out  anxiously  for 
the  promised  assistance,  for  we  were  not  very  rich 
in  provisions,  although  what  we  had  were  of  a  very 
good  quality.  It  was  not  until  three  o'clock  in  the 
afternoon  that  we  perceived  a  little  pirl  coming  to- 
wards U8,  escorted  by  a  large  mastiff.  When  she 
arrived  at  the  copse  of  trees  where  we  lay  conceal- 
ed, she  cried  out  to  the  dog  in  Dutch,  who  immedi- 
iitely  scoured  the  wood  until  he  came  to  our  hi- 
din;^  place,  wlicn  he  crouched  down  at  the  en- 
trance, barkinj»  furiously,  and  puttinjr  us  in  no  small 
dread,  lest  he  should  attack  us;  but  the  little  girl 
epc  ke  to  him  again,  and  he  remained  in  tlie  same 
po&itiou.  looking  at  us,  wagging  his  tail,  with  his 
under  jaw  lying  on  the  snow.  She  soon  came  up, 
and  looking  underneath,  put  a  basket  in,  and  nodded 
her  head.  \Vc  emptied  the  basket.  O'Brien  took 
out  a  Napoleon  and  oHered  it  to  her  ;  rho  rnfused 
it,  but  O'Brif-n  forced  it  into  her  hand,  upon  which 
she  again  spoke  to  the  dog,  who  commenced  bark- 
ing so  furiously  at  us,  that  we  expected  every  mo- 
ment he  would  fly  upon  ua.  The  girl  at  the  same 
time  presenting  the  Napoleon,  and  pointing  to  the 
dog,  I  went  forward  and  took  the  Napoleon  frona 
her,  at  which  she  immediately  silenced  the  enor- 
mous brute,  and  laughing  at  us,  hastened  away. 

"  By  the  powers,  that's  a  fine  little  girl,""'  said 
O'Brien;  "  I'll  back  her  and  her  dog  against  any 
man.  Well,  I  never  had  a  dog  set  at  me  for  giving 
money  before,  but  we  live  and  learn,  Peter;  now 
let's  see  what  she  brought  in  the  bxsket.'  We 
found  hard-boiled  eggs,  bread  and  a  nmoked  mut- 
t<>n-h»m.  with  a  large  l)oltlo  of  gin.  "  Whnt  a  nic» 
vol..  t.  14 


ij»  PETER  SIMPLE. 

little  girl !  I  hope  she  will  often  favor  us  with  her 
company.  I've  been  thinking,  Peter,  that  we're 
quite  as  well  off  here,  as  in  a  miushipman's  berth." 

'•  You  forget  that  you  are  a  lieutenant."' 

"  Well,  so  I  did,  Peter,  and  that's  the  truth,  but 
it's  the  force  of  habit.  JNow  let's  make  our  dinner. 
It's  a  new-iashioiied  way  though,  ol  making  a  meal, 
lying  down ;  but  however  it's  economical,  lor  it 
must  take  longer  to  swallow  the  victuals." 

'•  The  Romans  used  to  eat  their  meala  lying  down, 
so  I  have  read,  O'Brien." 

"  i  can't  say  that  1  ever  heard  it  mentioned  in 
Ireland,  but  that  don't  prove  that  it  was  not  the 
case  ;  so.  Peter,  ill  take  your  word  for  it.  Murder  1 
how  fast  it  snows  again  1  1  wonder  what  my  lather's 
thinking  on  just  at  this  moment." 

This  observation  of  O'Kiien  induced  us  to  talk 
about  our  triends  and  relations  in  England,  and  after 
much  conversation  we  fell  fast  asleep.  The  next 
morning  we  found  the  snow  had  fallen  about  eight 
inches,  and  weighed  down  our  upper  blanket  so 
much,  that  we  were  obliged  to  go  out  and  cut 
stakes  to  support  it  up  from  the  inside.  While  we 
were  thus  employed,  we  heard  a  loud  noise  and 
shouting,  and  perceived  several  men,  apparently 
armed  and  accompanied  by  dogs,  running  straiglit 
in  the  direction  of  the  wood  where  we  were  en- 
camped. We  were  much  alarmed,  thinking  that 
they  were  in  search  of  us,  but  on  a  sudden  tliey 
turned  otf  in  another  direction,  continuing  with  the 
■ame  speed  as  before.  "  What  could  it  be  ,'"  said 
I  to  O'Brien.  "  I  can't  exactly  say,  PeterjbutI 
should  think  that  they  were  hunting  something,  and 
the  only  game  that  1  think  likely  to  be  in  such  a 
place  as  this  are  otters."  1  was  ot'  the  same  opinion. 
We  expected  tiie  little  girl,  but  she  did  not  come, 
and  alter  looking  out  for  her  till  dark,  we  crawled 
into  our  hole  and  supped  upon  the  remainder  of 
«ur  provisions. 


PETER  SIMPLE.  ^27 

I'he  next  day,  as  may  be  supposed,  we  were  very 
anxious  for  her  arrival,  but  she  did  not  appear  at 
the  time  expected.  I^iight  again  came  on,  and  we 
went  to  bed  without  having  any  sustenance,  except 
a  small  piece  of  bread  that  was  lel\,  and  some  gm 
which  was  remaining  in  the  flask.  "  Peter,"  said 
O'Brien, '' if  she  don  t  come  again  to-morrow,  I'll 
try  wliat  1  can  do  ;  for  I've  no  idea  of  our  dying  of 
Imnger  here,  like  the  two  babes  in  the  wood,  and 
being  lound  covered  up  willi  dead  leaves.  If  she 
does  not  appear  at  three  o'clock,  I'm  oH"  for  provis- 
ions, and  1  don't  see  much  danger,  for  in  this  dress 
I  look  as  much  of  a  boor  as  any  man  in  Holland." 

We  passed  an  uneasy  night,  as  we  felt  convinced, 
either  that  the  danger  was  so  great  that  they  dared 
not  venture  .  to  assist  us,  or  that,  being  overruled, 
they  had  betrayed  us,  and  left  us  to  manage 
how  we  could.  The  next  morning  I  climbed  up 
the  oidy  large  tree  in  the  copse  and  looked  round, 
especially  m  the  direction  of  the  farm-house  belong- 
ing to  the  woman  who  had  pointed  out  to  us  our 
place  of  concealment  J  but  nothing  was  to  be  seen 
but  one  vast  tract  of  flat  country  covered  with 
snow,  and  now  and  then  a  vehicle  passing  at  a  dis- 
tance of  the  Middelburg  road,  i  descended,  and 
found  O'Brien  preparing  for  a  sUirt.  He  was  very 
melaiiclujly,  and  said  to  me,  •'  Peter,  if  1  am  taken, 
you  must,  at  all  risks,  put  on  your  girl's  clothes,  and 
go  to  1-lusiiinip'  to  the  cabaret.  The  women  there, 
1  am  sure,  will  protect  you.  and  send  you  back  to 
England.  I  only  want  two  iNapoleons  j  take  all  the 
rest,  you  will  require  them.  If  I  am  not  back  by  to- 
niglit,  set  ofT  for  Klusiiiug  to-morrow  morniiijj." 
O'Brien  wailed  some  little  time  longer,  talking  with 
me,  and  it  tJicn  lieiiig  past  four  o  clock,  he  shook 
me  by  tin-  hand,  ami,  without  speaking,  lell  Uie 
wood.  I  never  fell  miserable  during  the  wfiole  time 
since  we  were  firsi  put  into  prison  at  Toulon,  till 
that    moment,   and.   when  l.c  was  a  hundred  yards 


228  PETER  SIMPLE. 

off,  I  klelt  down  and  prayed.  He  had  been  absent 
two  hours,  and  it  was  quite  dusk,  when  I  heard  a 
noise  at  a  distance  :  it  advanced  every  moment 
nearer  and  nearer.  On  a  sudden,  1  heard  a  rustling 
of  the  bushes,  and  hastened  under  the  blank  "it, 
which  was  covered  with  snow,  in  hopes  that  they 
might  not  perceive  the  entrance  ;  but  I  was  hardly 
there  before  in  dashed  after  me  an  enonnous  v.ol.''. 
I  cried  out,  expecting  to  be  torn  to  pieces  every 
moment,  but  the  creature  lay  on  his  belly,  his  mouth 
■wide  open,  his  eyes  glaring,  and  his  long  tongue 
hanging  out  of  his  mouth,  and  although  he  touclicd 
me,  he  was  so  exhausted  that  he  did  not  attack 
me.  The  noise  increased,  and  1  immediately  per- 
ceived that  it  was  the  hunters  in  pursuit  of  him. 
I  had  crawled  in  feet  iirst,  tlic  wolf  ran  in  head  fore- 
most, so  that  we  laid  head  and  tail.  I  crept  out  is 
fast  as  1  could,  and  perceived  men  and  dogs  not 
two  hundred  yards  olf  in  full  chase.  1  hastened  to 
the  large  tree,  and  had  not  ascended  si.\  leet  wlien 
they  came  up  3  the  dogs  flew  to  the  hole,  and  in  a 
very  short  tune  the  wolf  was  killed.  The  hunters 
being  too  busy  to  observe  me,  1  had,  in  the  mean 
time^  climbed  up  the  trunk  of  the  tree,  and  hid 
myself  as  well  as  I  could.  Being  not  fifteen  yards 
from  them,  1  lieard  their  expressions  of  surprise  as 
they  lifted  up  the  blanket  and  dragged  out  the  dead 
wolf,  which  they  carried  away  v.ith  them ;  their 
conversation  being  in  Dutch,  I  could  not  under- 
stand it,  but  I  was  certain  that  they  made  use  of  the 
word  "English/'  'Ihe  liunters  and  dogs  quitted 
the  copse,  and  1  was  about  to  descend,  when  one 
of  them  returned,  and  pulling  up  the  blankets,  roll- 
ed them  together  and  walked  a\vay  with  them. 
Fortunately  lie  did  not  perceive  our  bundles  by  tlic 
little  li;:ht' given  by  t:;e  moon.  1  waited  a  short 
time,  and  then  caino  down.  Wl.at  to  do  1  knew 
not.  If  I  did  not  remain  and  O'Brien  returned, 
what  would   !.c  think  ?  If  I  did,  1    fh.-ulu    Le  dead 


PETER  SIMPLE.  229 

with  cold  before  the  morning.  I  looked  for  our 
bundles,  and  found  that  in  the  conflict  between  the 
dogs  and  the  wolf,  they  had  been  buried  amoiitr  the 
leaves.  1  recollected  O'Brien's  advice,  and  drrssed 
myself  in  the  girls  clothes,  but  I  could  not  make 
up  my  mind  to  go  to  Flusliing.  So  I  resolved  to 
walk  towards  the  farm-house,  which  being  close  to 
the  road,  would  give  me  achance  of  meeting  with 
O'Brien.  1  soon  arrived  there  and  prowled  round 
it  fofseme-  time,  but  tlie  doors  and  windows  were 
ail  fast,  and  I  dared  not  knock,  after  what  tlie  wo- 
man had  said  about  her  husband's  inveteracy  to  the 
English.  At  lost,  as  I  looked  round  and  round, 
quite  at  a  loss  what  to  do,  I  thought  I  saw  a  figure 
at  a  distance  proceeding  in  the  direction  of  the 
copse.  •  I  hastened  after  it,  and  saw  it  enter.  I 
then  advanced  very  cautiously,  for  although  I  thought 
it  might  be  O'Brien,  yet  it  was  possible  that  it  was 
one  of  the  men  who  chased  the  wolf  in  search  of 
more  plundt-r.  But  1  soon  heard  O'Brien's  voice, 
and  I  hastened  towards  him.  I  was  close  to  him 
without  his  perceiving  me,  and  found  him  sitting 
down  with  hiK  face  covered  up  in  his  two  hands 
At  last  he  c:ied,  "O  Paler!  my  poor  Pater!  are 
you  taken  at  last  ?  Ochone  I  why  did  1  leave  you  ? 
Sly  poor  poor  Pater  I  simple  you  were,  sure  enough, 
and  that  s  why  I  loved  you;  but.  Pater,  I  would 
hav»^>  made  a  man  of  you,  for  you'd  all  the  materi- 
als, that's  the  truth — an<l  a  fine  man  too.  Where 
am  I  to  look  for  you.  Pater  ?  You're  fast  locked 
up  by  this  time,  and  all  my  trouble's  gone  for  in)th- 
ing.  But  111  be  locked  up  too,  Pater.  Where  you 
are,  will  I  be  ;  and  if  we  can't  go  to  England  togeth- 
er, why  then  we'll  go  back  t<j  that  blackguard  hole 
of  liivnt  together.  Orlione  !  Ochone  !"  O'Brien 
spoke  no  more,  but  burst  into  tears.  I  was  much 
affected  with  this  proof  of  O'Brien's  sincere  regard, 
and  I  came  to  his  side,  and  clasped  him  in  my  arms. 
O'Brien  stared   at  me,  •  Who  are   you,   you   ugly 


550  PETER  SIMPLE. 

Dutch  frow  V  (for  he  had  quite  forgotten  the  wo- 
man's dress  at  the  moment.)  but  recollecting  him- 
self, he  hugg:ed  me  in  his  arms.  "  Pater,  you  come 
as  near  to  an  angel's  shape  as  you  can,  for  you 
come  in  that  of  a  worjan,  to  comfort  me  5  for,  to 
tell  the  truth,  I  was  very  much  distressed  at  not 
finding  you  here  ;  and  all  the  blankets  gone  to  boot. 
What  has  been  the  matter  ?"  I  explained  in  as  few 
words  as  1  could. 

"  Well,  Peter,  I'm  happy  to  find  you  all  safe,  and 
much  happier  to  find  that  you  can  be  trusted  when 
I  leave  you,  for  you  could  not  have  behaved  more 
prudently;  now  I'll  tell  you  what  1  did,  which  was 
not  much,  as  it  happened.  I  knew  that  there  was 
no  cabaret  between  us  and  Flushing,  for  I  took  par- 
ticular notice  as  I  came  along ;  so  I  took  the  road 
to  Middelburg,  and  found  but  one,  which  was  full 
of  soldiers.  I  passed  it  and  found  no  other.  As  I 
came  back  past  the  same  cabaret,  one  of  the  soldiers 
came  out  to  rae,  but  I  walked  along  the  road.  He 
quickened  his  pace,  and  so  did  1  mine,  for  I  expect- 
ed mischief.  At  last  he  came  up  to  me.  and  spoke 
to  me  in  Dutch,  to  which  I  gave  him  no  answer. 
He  collared  me,  and  then  T  thought  it  convenient 
to  pretend  that  I  was  deaf  and  dumb.  I  pointed  to 
my  mouth  with  an  Au — au — and  then  to  my  ears, 
and  shook  my  head  5  but  he  would  not  be  convinced, 
and  I  heard  him  say  something  about  English.  I 
then  knew  that  there  was  no  time  to  be  lost,  so 
I  first  burst  out  into  a  loud  laugh  and  stopped  ;  and 
on  his  attempting  to  force  me,  I  kicked  up  his  heels, 
and  he  fell  on  the  ice  with  such  a  rap  on  the  pate, 
that  1  doubt  if  he  has  recovered  it  by  this  time. 
There  I  left  him,  and  have  run  back  as  hard  as  I 
could,  without  any  thing  for  Peter  to  fill  his  little 
hungry  inside  with.  Now,  Peter,  what's  your  opin- 
ion ?  for  they  say,  that  out  of  the  mouth  of  babes 
there's  wisdom  ;'  and  although  I  never  saw  any  thing 
come  out  of  their  mouths  but  sour  milk,  yet  perhapa 


PETER  SIMPLE.  131 

I  may  be  more  fortunate  this  time,  for,  Peter,  rou'r* 
but  a  baby." 

"  .Not  a  small  one,  O'Brien,  although  not  quite  eo 
large  as  Fingals  babby  that  you  told  me  the  story 
of.  My  idea  is  this.  Let  us  at  all  hazards,  go  to 
the  farm-house.  They  have  assisted  us,  and  may 
be  iiicJuicd  to  do  so  again  ;  if  they  refuse,  we  must 
push  on  to  FlushinL',  and  take  our  chance.'' 

•Well,'  observed  O'Brien,  at\er  a  pause,  ''I 
think  we  can  do  no  belter,  so  let's  be  oriV  \Vc 
went  to  the  iarni-housc,  and,  as  we  approached  tht 
door,  were  met  by  the  great  mastitf.  1  started  back, 
OBrien  boldly  advanced.  "  He's  a  clever  dog,  and 
may  know  us  aijain,  I'll  go  up,"  said  OBnen,  not 
stopping  while  iie  spoke,  '•  and  pat  his  head  ;  if  he 
tlies  at  me,  I  shall  be  no  worse  than  I  was  before, 
for  depend  upon  it  he  will  not  all©w  us  to  go  back 
a^^ain.  '  O'Brien  by  this  time  had  advanced  to  tliedog, 
who  looked  earnestly  and  angrily  at  hiin.  He  patted 
his  head,  tlie  dog  growled,  but  O'Brien  put  his  arm 
round  his  neck,  and  patting  him  again,  whistled  to 
him,  and  went  to  the  door  of  the  farm-house.  The 
dog  followed  liim  silently  but  closely.  O'Brien 
knocked,  and  the  door  was  opened  by  tlie  littlo 
girl  ;  the  mastiJf  advanced  to  the  girl,  and  then 
turned  round,  facing  O'Brien,  as  much  as  to  say — 
"  Is  he  to  come  in  '  '  'J'he  girl  sjjoke  to  the  dog, 
and  went  in  doors.  During  her  absence  the  mastitf 
laid  down  at  liie  threshold.  In  a  few  seconds  the 
woman,  who  had  br<iught  us  from  t'lushing,  came 
out.  and  desired  us  to  enter,  .'^he  spoke  very  good 
I-'rcnrh,  and  told  us  that  fortunately  her  husband 
was  absent;  that  the  rea.son  why  we  had  not  been 
supplied  wa.s,  that  a  wolf  had  met  her  litth;  girl  re- 
turning the  other  day,  but  had  been  beaten  off  by 
the  mastiff,  and  that  ^he  was  afraid  to  allow  her  to 

So  again  •,  that  she  heard  the  wolf  had   been  kill«d 
liis  evening,  and  had  intended  her  girl  to  have  gone 
to  ut  early  to-morrow  morning.     Tnat  woItci  were 


532  PETER  SIMPLE. 

hardly  known  in  that  country,  but  that  the  severe 
winter  had  brought  them  down  to  the  lowlands,  a 
very  rare  circumstance,  occurring  perhaps  not  once 
in  twenty  yeais.  But  how  did  you  pass  the  mas- 
tiff?"' said  she;  •'that  has  surprised  my  daughter 
and  rce.-'  O'Brien  told  her,  upon  which  she  said, 
"  that  the  English  were  really  '  des  braves.'  No 
other  man  had  ever  done  the  same.''  So  I  thought, 
for  nothing  would  have  me  induced  to  do  it.  O'Bri- 
en then  told  the  history  of  the  death  of  the  wolf, 
with  all  particulars,  and  our  intention,  if  we  could 
not  do  better,  of  returning  to  Flushing. 

"  I  l.card  that  Pierre  Eustache  came  home  yes- 
terday,"' replied  the  woman;  '-'and  I  do  think  that 
you  will  be  safer  there  than  here,  for  they  will 
never  think  of  looking  for  you  among  the  cmemes, 
which  join  their  cabaret." 

"  Will  you  lend  us  your  assistance  to  get  in  V' 

'•  I  will  see  what  I  can  do.  But  are  you  not 
hungry  V 

"  About  as  hungry  as  men  who  have  eaten  noth- 
ing for  two  days." 

''Mon  Dieu!  c'esl  vrai.  I  never  thouglit  it  was 
so  long,  but  those  whose  stomachs  are  filled  forget 
those  who  are  empty.  God  make  us  better  and 
more  charitable  !" 

She  spoke  to  the  little  girl  in  Dutch,  who  hasten- 
ed to  load  the  table,  which  we  hastened  to  empty. 
The  little  girl  stared  at  our  voracity ;  but  at  last 
she  laughed  out  and  clapped  her  hands  at  every 
fresh  mouthful  which  we  took,  and  pressed  us  to 
eat  more.  She  allowed  me  to  kiss  her,  until  her 
mother  told  her  that  I  was  not  a  woman,  when  she 
Douted  at  me  and  beat  me  off.  Before  midnight 
We  were  fast  asleep  upon  the  benches  before  the 
kitchen  fire,  and  at  daybreak  wer^  roused  up  by  the 
woman,  who  offered  us  some  bread  and  spirits,  and 
then  we  went  out  to  the  door,  where  we  found  the 
hone  and  cart  all  re^dy,and  loaded  with  vegetables 


PETER  SIMPl.i:  t'^ 

for  the  market.  The  woman,  the  little  girl,  and 
niyseir  i:ot  in,  O'Brien  leadins^  as  before,  and  tlie 
masliir  loUowinjj.  We  had  learnt  tlie  dog's  name, 
Avhicli  was  AcJiilie,  and  he  seemed  to  be  (juile  fond 
of  us.  \Ve  passed  the  dreaded  barriers  without 
interruption,  and  in  ten  minutes  entered  the  cabaret 
of  Kustache ;  and  immediately  walked  into  tl'e 
little  room  through  a  crowd  of  soldiers,  two  of 
whom  chucked  me  under  the  chin.  Who  should 
we  find  there  but  Kustache.  the  pilot  himself,  in 
conversation  with  his  wife,  and  it  appeared  that 
they  were  talking  about  us,  she  insisting,  and  he 
unwiliinp,  to  have  any  hand  in  the  business.  "  Well, 
here  they  are  themselves,  Eustache ;  the  Eoldiers 
who  have  seen  them  come  in  will  never  believe 
that  this  is  their  first  entry,  if  you  give  tliem  up. 
I  leave  them  to  make  their  own  bargain  ;  but  mark 
me,  Eustache,  I  have  slaved  night  and  day  in  this 
cabaret  for  your  prolit  j  if  you  do  not  oblige  me 
ajid  mv  family,  I  no  longer  keep  a  cabaret  for  you." 

Matiame  Eustache  then  quitted  the  room' with 
her  husband's  sister  and  little  girl,  and  O'Brien 
immediately  accosted  him.  •'  1  promise  you,"  said 
he  to  Eustache,  "one  hundred  Louis  if  you  |)ut  uh 
on  shore  at  any  part  of  England,  or  on  board  of  any 
Eui:li.-h  man-of-war;  and  if  you  do  it  within  a 
week,  1  will  make  it  twenty  Eouis  more."  O'Brien 
then  pulled  out  the  filly  >«apoleon8  given  us  by 
Celeste,  for  our  own  were  not  yet  expended,  and 
laid  them  on  the  table.  "  Here  is  this  in  advance, 
to  prove  my  sincerity.    Say,  is  it  a  bargain  or  not?" 

'•  I  never  yet  heard  of  a  poor  man  who  could 
withstand  his  wife's  argumentji.  backed  witli  one 
hundred  and  twenty  Louis,'  said  Eustaciie  smiling, 
and  sweepiiii;  the  money  off  the  tible. 

"  I  presume  you  have  no  objection  to  start  to- 
night ?  Tliat  will  be  ten  Louis  more  in  your  favor," 
repliel  O'Brien. 

"I   shall   earn   them,'    replied    Eustache;  "th« 


234  PET£R  SIMPLE. 

Booner  I  am  off  the  better,  for  I  could  not  long 
conceal  ycu  here.  The  young  frow  with  you  is,  1 
suppose,  your  companion  that  ray  wife  mentioned. 
He  has  begun  to  sutfer  hardships  early.  Come, 
now,  sit  down  and  talk,  for  nothing  can  be  done 
till  dark." 

O'Brien  narrated  the  adventures  attending  our 
escape,  at  which  Eustache  laughed  heartily  3  the 
more  so,  at  the  mistake  which  his  wife  was  under, 
as  to  the  obligations  to  the  family.  "  If  1  did  not 
feel  inclined  to  assist  you  before,  I  do  now,  just  for 
the  laugh  I  shall  have  at  her  when  I  come  back, 
and  if  she  wants  any  more  assistance  -for  the  sake 
of  her  relations,  I  shall  remind  her  of  this  anecdote  ; 
but  she's  a  good  woman  and  a  good  wit'e  to  boot, 
only  too  fond  of  her  sisters."  At  dusk  he  equipped 
■jis  both  in  sailors'  jackets  and  trousers,  and  desired 
us  to  follow  him  boldly.  He  passed  the  guard,  who 
knew  him  well.  ''.What  to  sea  already  1"  said  one. 
"  You  have  quarrelled  with  your  wife."  At  which 
they  all  laughed,  and  we  joined.  We  gained  the 
beach,  jumped  into  his  little  boat,  pulled  off  to  his 
vessel,  and,  in  a  few  minutes,  were  under  weigh. 
With  a  strong  tide  and  a  fair  wind  we  were  soon 
clear  of  the  Scheldt,  and  the  next  morning  a  cutter 
hove  in  sight.  We  steered  for  her,  ran  under 
her  lee,  O'Brien  hailed  tor  a  boat,  and  Eustache 
receiving  my  bill  for  the  remainder  of  his  money, 
wished  us  success  3  we  shook  hands,  and  in  a  few 
minutes,  found  ourselves  once  more  under  the 
British  peimant. 


PETER  SIMPLE.  235 


CHAPTER  XXVI. 


Adrenlum  at  home — I  am  iotrndiiced  to  my  grxndr.itJier — He  obtaint 
cmplxyor-nl  Tor  O'Brieu  atid  roe,  and  we  join  a  .''rignte. 

As  sojn  as  we  were  on  the  deck  of  the  cutter, 
the  lieutenant  commanding  her  inquired  of  us,  ia 
a  consequential  manner,  who  we  were.  O'Brien 
replied  that  we  were  English  prisoners  who  had 
escaped  .  '' O,  midshipmen,  I  presume,"  replied  the 
lieutenant}  "1  heard  that  some  had  contrived  to 
get  away." 

"My'name,  sir/'  said  O'Brien,  ''is  lieutenant 
O'Brien  ;  and  if  you'll  send  for  a  Steel's  List,  I  will 
have  the  honor  of  pointing  it  out  to  you.  This 
young  gentleman  is  Mr.  Peter  Simple,  midshipman, 
and  grnndson  to  the  Right  Honorable  Lora  Vis- 
count Privilege  " 

The  lieutenant,  who  was  a  little  snub-nosed  man, 
with  a  pimply  face,  then  altered  his  manner  towards 
us,  and  begged  we  would  step  down  into  the  caliin, 
where  he  otfcred,  what  perhaps  was  the  greatest 
of  all  luxuries  to  us.  some  English  cheese  and  bot- 
tled porter.  "  Pray,''  said  lie,  "  did  you  see  any 
thing  of  one  of  my'officers,  who  was  taken  prisoner 
when  I  was  sent  with  despatches  to  the  Mediter- 
ranean fleet  7" 

"  May  I  ask  the  name  of  your  lively  little  craft  ?" 
taid  O'Brien. 

"  The  Snapper,"  replied  the  lieutenant. 

"Och.  murder!  sure  enough  we  met  him.  He 
was  sent  to  Verdun,  but  we  had  the  pleasure  of  his 
company  en  route  as  far  as  Montpellicr.  A  remark- 
ably genteel,  well-dressed  young  man,  was  he  not  f" 

"Why,  I  can't  say  much  aljout  his  gentility; 
indeed,  I  am  not  much  of  a  judge.  .\s  for  liiis 
dress,  he  ought  to  have  dressed  well,  but  he  never 
did  when  on  board  of  me.  His  father  is  my  tailor, 
and  I  took  him  as  midshipman,  just  to  square  an 
account  between  us." 


£36  PETER  SIMPLE. 

"  That's  exactly  what  I  thought,"  replied  O'Brien. 
He  did  not  say  any  more,  which  I  was  glad  of,  as 
the  lieutenant  might  not  have  been  pleased  at  what 
had  occurred. 

•'^V^len  do  you  expect  to  run  into  port?"  de- 
manded O'Brien ;  for  we  were  rather  anxious  to 
put  our  feet  ashore  again  in  old  England.  The 
lieutenant  replied  that  his  cruise  was  nearly  up ; 
and  he  considered  our  arrival  quite  sufficient  reason 
for  him  to  run  in  directly,  and  that  he  intended  to  put 
his  helm  up  after  the  people  had  had  their  dinner. 
We  were  much  delighted  with  this  intelligence, 
and  still  more  to  see  the  intention  put  into  execu- 
tion half  an  hour  afterwards. 

In  three  days  we  anchored  at  Spithead,  and  went 
on  shore  with  the  lieutenant  to  report  ourselves  to 
the  admiral.  O !  with  what  joy  did  I  first  put  my 
foot  on  the  shingle  beach  at  Sallyport,  and  then 
hasten  to  the  post-office  to  put  in  a  long  letter 
which  I  had  written  to  my  mother !  We  did  not 
go  to  the  admiral's,  but  merely  reported  ourselves 
at  the  admiral's  office ;  for  we  had  no  clothes  fit  to 
appear  in.  But  we  called  at  Meredith's  the  tailor, 
and  he  promised  that,  by  the  next  morning,  we 
should  be  fitted  complete.  We  then  ordered  new 
hats,  and  every  thing  we  required,  and  went  to  the 
Fountain  inn.  O'Brien  refused  to  go  to  the  Blue 
Posts,  as  being  only  a  receptacle  for  midshipmen. 
By  eleven  o'clock  the  next  morning,  we  were  fit  to 
appear  before  the  admiral,  who  received  us  very 
kindly,  and  requested  our  company  to  dinner.  As 
I  did  not  intend  setting  off  for  home  until  I  had 
received  an  answer  from  my  mother,  we,  of  course, 
accepted  the  invitation. 

There  was  a  large  party  of  naval  officers  and  la- 
dies, and  O'Brien  amused  them  very  much  during 
dinner.  When  the  ladies  left  the  room,  the  admir- 
al's wife  told  me  to  come  up  wit^  them;  and  when 
we  arrived  at  the  drawing-room,  the  ladies  all  gath 


PETER  SIMPLE  237 

ered  round  me,  and  I  had  lo  narrate  llie  whole  of 
my  adventures,  which  very  much  entertained  and 
interested  them.  The  next  morning  1  received  a 
letter  from  my  mother — sucli  a  kind  one  I  entreat- 
ing me  to  come  home  as  fast  as  I  could,  and  bring 
my  preserver  O'Brien  with  me.  I  showed  it  to 
O'Brien,  and  asked  him  whether  he  would  accom- 
pany me. 

"  Why,  Peter,  my  boy,  I  have  a  little  business 
of  some'  importance  to  transact ;  whicli  is,  to  obtain 
my  arrears  of  pay,  and  some  prize-money  which  I 
find  due.  When  I  have  settled  that  point,  I  will 
go  to  town  to  pay  my  respects  to  the  hrst  lord  of 
ihe  admiralty,  arid  then  1  think  I  will  go  and  see 
your  father  and  mother ;  for,  until  I  know  how 
matters  stand,  and  whether  I  shall  be  able  to  go 
with  spare  cash  in  my  pocket,  1  do  not  wish  to  see 
my  own  family  ;  so  write  down  your  address  here, 
and  you'll  be  sure  I'll  come,  if  it  is  only  to  square 
my  account  with  you,  for  I  am  not  a  little  in  your 
debt." 

1  cashed  a  check  sent  by  my  father,  and  set  off 
in  the  mail  that  night ;  the  ne.xt  evening  I  arrived 
safe  home.  But  1  shall  leave  the  reader  to  imagine 
the  scene  :  to  my  mother  I  w.is  always  dear,  and 
circumstances  had  rendered  me  of  some  importance 
to  my  father  ;  for  I  was  now  an  only  son,  and  his 
proHpects  were  very  different  to  what  they  were 
when  1  left  home.  About  a  week  afterwards, 
O'Brien  joined  us,  having  got  tlirouuh  all  his  busi- 
ness. His  first  art  was  to  account  with  my  father 
for  his  share  of  the  expenses;  and  he  even  insisted 
upon  paying  his  half  ot  the  filly  ]\'apol(!ons  given 
me  l)y  Cflestf,  which  had  been  reniitt<'d  to  a  i)aiik- 
cr  at  Paris  before  O'Brien's  arrival  with  a  guarded 
letter  of  ihanks  irom  my  father  to  colonel  O'Brien, 
and  anotlier  from  me  to  «lear  little  Celeste.  When 
0'Bri»:n  li.id  remained  with  us  about  a  week,  he 
lold  me  t.'iat  h.-  had  about  one  hundred   a*-  J  Bixty 


233  PETER  SIMPLE. 

pounds  in  his  pocket,  and  that  he  intended  to  go 
and  see  his  friends,  as  he  was  sure  that  he  would  be 
v.elccnie  even  to  1-atlier  M-Urath.  ••  1  mean  to  stay 
wiih  them  about  a  fortniglit,  and  shall  then  return 
and  apply  for  employment.  iSow,  Peter,  will  you 
like  to  be  again  under  my  protection  V 

"  O'Brien,  I  will  never  quit  you  or  your  ship,  if  I 
can  help  it." 

"  Spoken  like  a  sensible  Peter.  Well,  then,  I 
was  promised  immediate  employment,  and  I  will  let 
you  know  as  soon  as  tiie  promise  is  performed." 

O'Brien  took  his  leave  of  my  family,  who  were 
already  very  partial  to  him,  and  left  that  afternoon 
for  Holyhead.  My  lather  no  longer  treated  me  as 
a  child  ;  indeed,  it  would  have  been  an  injustice  if 
he  had.  I  do  not  mean  to  say  that  I  was  a  clever  boy  3 
but  I  had  seen  much  of  the  world  in  a  short  time, 
and  could  act  and  think  for  myseif.  He  often  talked 
to  me  about  his  prospects,  which  were  verv  diiierent 
from  what  they  were  when  1  left  him.  My  two  un- 
cles, his  elder  brothf^rs,  had  died,  the  third  was 
married  and  had  two  daughters.  If  he  had  no  son, 
my  father  would  succeed  to  the  title.  The  deatli  of 
my  elder  brother  Tom.  had  brought  me  next  in  suc- 
cession. My  grandfather,  lord  Privilege,  who  had 
taken  no  more  notice  of  my  father  than  occasional- 
ly sending  him  a  basket  of  game,  had  latterly  often 
invited  him  to  tlie  house,  and  had  even  requested, 
some  day  or  another,  to  see  his  wife  and  family. 
He  had  also  made  a  handsome  addition  to  my  fa- 
ther's income,  which  the  death  of  my  two  uncles 
had  enabled  him  to  do.  Against  all  this,  my  uncle's 
wife  was  reported  to  be  again  in  the  family  way. 
I  cannot  say  that  I  was  pleased  when  my  father 
used  to  speculate  upon  these  chances  so  often  as 
he  did.  1  thought,  not  only  as  a  man,  Dut  more 
particularly  as  a  clergyman,  he  was  much  to  blame  ; 
but  1  did  not  tl:en  kiiow  so  much  of  the  world. 
We  had  not  heard   from  O'Brien  for  two  montlis, 


i 


PKTER  SIMPLE.  239 

when  a  letter  arrived,  stating  that  he  had  seen  his 
family,  and  bou(,'ht  a  few  acres  of  land,  which  had 
made  them  all  quite  happy,  and  had  quitted  with 
Father  M'Grath's  double  blessing,  witli  unlimited 
absulutiun  ;  that  he  had  now  been  a  month  in  town 
trvmg  for  employment,  but  found  that  he  could  not 
obtain  it,  although  one  promise  was  backed  up  by 
another. 

A  few  dnys  after  this,  my  father  received  a  note 
from  lord  Privilege,  requesting  he  would  come  and 
spend  a  few  days  with  hini,  and  bring  his  son  Peter 
who  had  escaped  I'rum  the  I-'rencli  prison.  Of 
course,  Uiis  was  an  invitation  not  to  be  neglected 
and  we  accepted  it  forthwith.  1  must  say,  1  felt 
rather  in  awe  of  my  grandfather  ;  he  had  kept  the 
family  at  such  a  distance,  that  i  had  always  heard 
his  name  mentioned  more  with  reverence  than  with 
any  leeling  of  kindred,  but  1  was  wiser  now.  We 
arrived  at  Kngle  Park,  a  splendid  estate  where  he 
resided,  and  were  received  by  a  dozen  servants  in 
and  out  of  livery,  and  ushered  into  his  presence. 

He  wan  in  his  library,  a  large  room,  surrounded 
with  handsome  bookcases,  sitting  on  an  easy  chair. 
A  more  venerable,  placid  old  gentleman  I  nevei 
beheld  ;  his  gray  hairs  hung  down  on  each  side  of 
his  temples,  and  were  collected  in  a  small  queue 
behind.  He  rose  and  bowed,  as  we  were  announced  j 
to  my  father  he  held  out  two  fingers  in  salutation, 
to  me  only  on£,  but  there  was  an  elegance  in  ti.e 
manner  in  which  it  was  done  which  was  indescriba- 
ble. He  waved  his  hands  t<i  cliairs,  placed  by  the 
giTitlemtn  out  ot"  livery,  and  reciuested  we  would  bo 
Bcated.  I  could  not  at  that  time  help  thinking  of 
Mr.  Chucks,  llie  boat-swain.  and  his  remarks  upon 
high  breeding,  which  were  so  true  ;  and  I  lauglierl 
to  aivbtlf  ulien  I  recollected  that  Sir.  ('huck»  hid 
ODce  dined  witli  tiiiu.  .\s  boon  as  the  servants  had 
quitted  the  room,  the  distance  on  tlie  part  of  my 
granUfather  appcircd  to  wear  oH'     He  inl»-rrogatea 


2^0  PETER  SIMPLE. 

me  on  several  points,  and  seeraed  pleased  wiib  my 
replies;  but  he  always  called  me  •'  child."  After  a 
conversation  of  half  an  hour,  my  father  rose,  say- 
ing that  his  lordship  must  be  busy,  and  that  lie 
would  go  over  the  grounds  till  dinner-time.  My 
grandfather  rose,  and  we  took  a  sort  of  lormal  leave  ; 
but  it  was  not  a  formal  leave  after  all,  it  was  high 
breeding,  respecting  yourself  and  respecting  others. 
For  my  part,  I  was  pleased  with  the  first  interview, 
and  so'  I  told  my  father  after  we  had  left  the  room. 
*•  My  dear  Peter,"'  replied  he,  '•  your  grandfather 
has  one  idea  which  absorbs  most  others — the  peer- 
age, the  estate,  and  the  descent  of  it  in  the  riglit 
line.  As  long  as  your  uncles  were  alive,  we  were 
not  thought  of.  as  not  being  in  the  line  oif  descent ; 
nor  should  we  now,  but  that  ycur  uncle  William  has 
only  daughters.  Still  we  are  not  looked  upon  as 
actual,  but  only  contingent,  inheritors  of  the  title. 
Were  your  uncle  to  die  to-morrow,  the  difference 
in  bis  behavior  would  be  manifested  immediately." 

'•That  is  to  say,  instead  o?  tv:o  fir '^crs  yon  would 
receive  the  whole  baud,  and  instead  of  one,  I  should 
obtain  promotion  to  two/' 

At  this  my  father  laughed  heartily,  saying,  "  Pe- 
ter, vou  have  exactly  hit  the  mark.  I  cannot  im- 
agine how  we  ever  could  have  been  so  blind,  as  to 
call  you  the  fool  of  the  family." 

To  this  I  made  no  reply,  for  it  was  difficult  so  to 
do  without  depreciating  others  or  depreciating  my- 
self; but  I  changed  the  subject  by  commenting  up- 
on the  beauties  of  the  park,  and  the  splendid  tim- 
ber with  which  it  was  adorned.  '•  Yes,  Peter,"  re- 
plied my  father,  with  a  sigh,  "  thirty-five  thousand 
a  year  in  land,  money  in  the  funds,  and  timber 
•worth  at  least  forty  thousand  more,  are  not  to  be 
despised.  But  God  wills  every  thing."  After  this 
remark,  my  father  appeared  to  be  in  deep  thought, 
and  I  did  not  interrupt  him. 

We  stayed  ten  days  with  my  grandfather,  during 


vihifh  he  would  oHcn  detain  me  for  two  hours  after 
broaklhst,  listening  to  my  adventures,  and  1  really 
liL'lif've  was  very  partial  to  me.  The  day  before  I 
v.Liil  auay  he  said,  "'  Child,  you  arc  uoinjr  to-raor- 
r<j-.v  ;  now  tell  me  \\  hat  you  would  like,  as  I  wish 
tuLivo><)ua  t/jken  of  rcj;ard.  Don't  be  afraid: 
what  shall  it  be — a  watch  and  seals,  or-«— any  tiling 
you  most  fanry  ?" 

'•My  lord,'"  replied  I,  "if  you  wish  to  do  me  a 
favor,  it  is,  that  you  will  apply  to  the  first  lord  of 
the  Admiralty  to  appoint  lieutenant  O'Brien  to  a 
line  frigate,  and  at  the  same  lime,  ask  for  a  vacancy 
ns  midshipma:!  for  me." 

'•  O'Brien  '.''  rei)licd  his  lordship  ;  "  I  recollect  it 
wa.s  he  who  accompanied  you  from  France,  and  ap- 
nrars.  by  your  account  to  have  been  a  true  friend. 
1  am  pleased  with  your  request  my  child,  and  it 
bhall  be  granted.'' 

111:^  lordbltip  then  desired  me  to  hand  him  the 
paper  and  ink-ftaiiJ,  wrote  by  my  directions,  sealed 
the  Icttrr,  ana  told  me  he  v.  ouUf  srnd  me  the  an- 
swer. The  next  day  wc  ()uittcd  Kagle  Park,  his 
lordshij)  wishing  my  father  good-bye  with  (wo  fin- 
gers, and  to  me  extending  one,  as  before  ;  but  he 
said,  "  1  am  pleased  with  yoti,  child  ;  you  may  write 
occasionally." 

When  we  were  on  our  route  home,  my  father  ob- 
served that  "  I  had  made  more  progress  with  my 
grandfather  than  he  had  known  any  one  to  do,  since 
he  could  recdllect.  His  sayin;,' tliat  you  might  write 
to  him  is  at  least  ten  thousand  pounds  to  you  in  his 
will,  for  he  never  deceives  any  one.  or  changes  his 
luiad.''  My  reply  was,  that  1  should  like  to  see 
the  ten  thousand  [>ound9,  but  that  I  was  not  so  san- 
guine. 

A  few  days  after  our  return  home,  I  received  a 
letter  and  enclosure  from  lord  Privilege,  the  con- 
tents of  which  were  as  follow  : — 

vol..  I.  IG 


Wa  PETER  SIMPLE. 

"  My  dear  Child, — I  send  you  Lord 'a  an- 
swer, which  I  trust  will  prove  satisfactory.  My 
complimeiifc!  to  your  family. 

"  Yours,  etc. 

"Privilege.'' 

The  enclosure  was  a  handsome  letter  from  the 
first  lord,  stating  that  lie  had  appointed  O'Brien  to 
the  Sanglier  frigate,  and  had  ordered  me  to  be  re- 
ceived on  board  as  midshipman.  I  was  delighted 
to  forward  this  letter  to  OBrien's  address,  wiio  in 
a  few  days  sent  me  an  answer,  thanking  me,  and 
stating  that  he  had  received  his  appointment,  and 
that  I  need  not  join  for  a  month,  which  was  quite 
time  enough,  as  the  ship  was  refitting  ;  but,  that  if 
my  family  were  tired  of  me,  which  was  sometimes 
the  case  in  the  best  regulated  families,  why,  then 
1  should  learn  something  of  my  duty  by  coining  to 
Portsmouth.  He  concluded  by  sending  his  kind  re- 
gard to  all  the  family,  and  his'torc  to  my  grandfa- 
ther, which  last  I  certainly  did  not  forward  in  my 
letter  of  thanks.  About  a  month  afterv.ards  I  re- 
ceived a  letter  from  O'Brien,  stating  that  the  ship 
was  readv  to  go  out  of  harbor,  and  would  be  an- 
chored olt  Spithead  in  a  few  days. 


CHAPTER  XXVIL 

Captain  and  Mr».  To— Pork— We  go  to  Plymouib,  and  fall  in  wiiJi  our 
old  captain. 

1  IMMEDIATELY  took  leave  of  my  family,  and 
»et  off  for  Portsmouth,  and  in  two  days  arrived  at 
the  Fountain  inn,  where  O'Brien  was  waiting  to 
rp««ive   me.     "  Peter,   my  boy,  I  feel   so  much 


PETKR  SIMPLE.  243 

obliged  to  you.  that  if  your  uncle  won  t  go  out  of 
the  world  by  fair  means,  I'll  pick  a  quarrel  with 
him.  and  shoot  him,  on  purpose  that  you  may  be  a 
lord,  as  I  am  determined  tliat  you  shall  be.  Now 
come  up  into  my  room,  where  we'll  be  all  alone, 
and  I'll  tell  you  all  about  the  ship  and  our  new  cap- 
tain. In  the  first  place  we'll  begiji  with  the  ship, 
as  the  most  important  personage  of  the  two :  she's 
a  beauty.  I  forget  her  name  before  she  was  taken, 
but  the  Trench  know  how  to  build  ships  better  than 
keep  them.  She's  now  called  the  Sanglicr,  which 
means  a  wild  pig,  and  by  the  powers',  a  pi^  ship 
she  is,  as  you  will  hear  directly.  The  captain's 
name  is  a  very  short  one,  and  wouldn't  please  Mr. 
Chucks,  consisting  only  of  two  letters,  T  and  O, 
which  makes,  To  j  his  whole  title  is  captain  John 
To.  It  would  almost  appear  as  if  somebody  h.id 
l)roken  off  the  bettor  halt  of  his  name,  and"  only 
left  him  the  commencement  of  it ;  but,  however, 
it's  a  handv  name  to  .sij»n  when  he  pays  oft' his  ship. 
And  now  I'll  tell  you  what  sort  of  a  looking  craft  he 
is.  He's  built  like  a  Dutch  schuyt,  great  breadth  of 
beam,  and  verv  square  tiic\.  He  rnplied  to  have  the 
quarter  galleries  enlarged  in  the  last  two  ships  he 
commanded.  He  weighs  about  eighteen  stone, 
rather  more  than  les.".  He  is  a  good  natured  sort  of 
a  chap,  amazingly  ungenttel,  not  much  of  an  officer, 
not  much  of  a  sailor,  but  a  devilish  good  hand  at 
the  trencher.  Hut  he's  only  a  part  of  tiie  ct-ncern  j 
he  has  his  wife  on  board,  who  is  a  red-hcrrin;j  sort 
of  a  lady,  and  <cry  troub!r5;omo  to  boot.  What 
makes  her  still  more  annoying  ir-,  that  phe  has  a 
piano  on  boanl.  very  much  out  of  tunc,  on  which 
she  plays  very  much  out  of  time.  Holy-stoning  is 
nrnsic  compared  to  her  playing.  Even  the  captain's 
spaniel  howls  when  she  comes  to  the  high  notes; 
but  she  affcrt.s  the  tine  lady,  and  always  treats  the 
officers  with  music  when  they  dine  in  the  cabin, 
which  makes  them  very  glad  to  get  out  of  it." 


i>44  PETKK  SlMTLr.. 

''  Biit  O'Brien,  1  thouglit  wives  were  not  pcrmit- 
lod  on  board." 

'•  Aery  true,  but  there's  the  worst  part  in  the 
man's  ciiaracter  3  he  knows  that  he  is  not  allowed 
to  lake  his  wife  to  sea,  and,  in  consequence,  he 
never  sa}s  she  is  his  wite,  or  presents  lier  on  shore 
to  anybody.  If  -iny  of  the  other  captains  ask  liow 
Mrs.  To  is  to-day  ?  '  Why,"  lie  replies,  '  pretty 
well,  1  thank  you  ;'  but  at  the  same  time  he  gives 
a  kind  of  smirk,  as  if  to  say,  •  She  is  not  my  wife  ;' 
although  every  body  knows  that  she  is,  vet  he  prefers 
that  they  should  think  otherwise,  rather  than  be  at 
the  expense  of  keeping  her  on  shore  5  for  you  know, 
roter,  that  although  there  are  regulations  about 
wives,  there  are  none  with  regard  to  otl:cr  women.'' 

"  But  dees  his  wife  know  this  ?"  inquired  I. 

••  I  believe,  from  m.y  heart,  she  is  a  party  to  the 
whole  transaction,  for  report  says,  that  she  would 
skin  a  flint  if  she  could.  She's  always  trying  for 
presents  from  the  officers,  and,  in  fact  she  commands 
the  ship." 

'•'  lleally,  O'Brien,  this  is  not  a  very  pleasant  pros- 
pect.'' 

"  Whist !  wait  a  little  ;  now  I  come  to  the  wind- 
up.  This  captain  'J'o  is  very  partial  to  pig's  male, 
and  V.  e  have  as  many  live  pigs  on  board  as  we  have 
pigs  of  ballast.  The  first  lieutenant  is  right  mad 
about  them.  At  the  same  lime  he  allows  no  pigs 
but  his  own  on  hoard,  that  there  may  be  no  confu- 
sion. The  manger  is  full  of  pigs  ;  there  are  two 
cow-pens  between  the  main-deck  guns  drawn  from 
the  dock-yard,  and  converted  into  pig-pens.  Tlie 
two  sheep-pens  amidships  are  full  of  pigs,  and  the 
geese  and  turkey-coops  are  divided  off  into  apart- 
ments for  four  soics  in  the  fanAlij  way.  jVow,  Pe- 
ter, you  iec  ti:ere"s  little  or  no  cvpcnse  in  keeping 
pigs  on  board  of  a  large  frigate,  w  ith  so  much  faij- 
soup  and  whole  peas  for  them  to  eat,  and  this  is 
the  reason  why  he  keeps  them,  for  the   devil  a  bit 


PETER  SIMPLE.  24o 

of  any  other  stock  has  lie  on  board.  I  presume  he 
means  to  milk  one  of  the  old  sows  for  breakfast 
when  the  ship  sails.  The  first  thing  that  he  docs 
in  the  morning,  is  to  go  round  to  his  pigs  with  the 
butcher,  feeling  one,  scratching  the  dirty  cars  of 
another,  then  he  classes  them — his  bacon  pigs,  his 
porkers,  his  breeding  sows,  and  £o  on.  The  old  boar 
is  still  at  the  stables  of  this  inn,  but  I  hear  he  is  to 
come  on  board  with  the  sailing  orders  ;  but  he  is 
very  savage,  and  is  therefore  led  on  shore  to  the 
very  last  moment.  IS'ow  really.  Peter,  what  with 
the  squealing  of  the  pigs  and  his  wife's  piano,  we 
are  almost  driven  mad.  I  don't  know  which  is  tlie 
worst  of  the  two  :  if  you  go  afl  you  hear  the  one, 
if  you  go  forward  you  hear  the  other,  bv  way  of 
variety,  and  that,  they  say,  is  charming,  but,  is  it 
not  shocking  that  such  a  beautiful  frigate  sliould  be 
turned  into  a  pig-sty,  and  that  her  main-deck  should 
smell  worse  tnan  a  muck-heap  V 

"  But  how  does  his  wife  like  the  idea  of  living 
only  upon  hog's  flesh?" 

•*  She  1  Lord  bless  you,  Peter!  why,  she  looks  as 
spare  as  a  sh.nrk,  and  she  h.is  just  tlic  appetite  of 
one,  for  she'll  boll  a  four-pound  piece  of  pork  be- 
fore it's  well  put  on  her  plate." 

'■  Have  you  any  more  such  pleasant  intelligence 
to  communicate,  O'Brien  ?"' 

'•  .No.  I'cter,  vou  Imve  the  worst  of  it.  The  lieu- 
tenants are  goml  ofticers,  and  pleasant  mess-mates ; 
the  doctor  is  a  little  cpieer,  and  the  purser  thinks 
himself  a  wag ;  the  master,  an  old  north  country- 
man, who  knows  his  duty,  and  takes  his  glass  of 
grog.  The  midshipmen  are  a  very  genteel  set  of 
young  men,  and  full  of  fun  and  frolic.  Til  bet  a 
wager  there'll  be  a  bobbery  in  the  pig-sty  before  long 
for  they  are  ripe  for  misrhicf  Now,  Peter,  1  hard- 
ly need  say  that  my  cabin  and  every  thing  1  have  is 
at  your  service  ;  and  I  think  if  we  could  only  have 
a  devil  of  a  gale  of  wind,  or  a  hard-fought  action, 


246  PETER  SIMPLE. 

to  send  the  pig's  overboard  and  smash  the  piano,  we 
should  do  very  well." 

The  nextday  1  went  on  board , and  was  shown  down 
into  the  cabin,  to  report  my  having  joined.  Mrs. 
To.  a  tall  thin  woman,  was  at  her  piano  3  she  rose, 
and  asked  me  several  questions, — who  my  friends 
were — how  much  they  allowed  me  a  year,  and  ma- 
ny other  questions,  which  I  thought  impertinent : 
but  a  captain's  wife  is  allowed  to  take  liberties.  She 
then  asked  me  if  I  was  fond  of  music  I  That  was 
a  difficult  question,  as.  if  1  said  that  I  was.  i  should 
in  all  probability  be  obliged  to  hear  it  3  if  1  said 
that  I  v.as  not,  I  might  have  created  a  dislike  in 
her.  So  1  replied  that  I  was  very  fond  of  music  on 
shore,  when  it  was  not  interrupted  by  other  noise. 
"Ah  !  then  I  perceive  you  are  a  real  amateur,  Mr. 
Simple,''  replied  the  lady. 

Captain  To  then  came  out  of  the  after-cabin, 
half  dressed.  '■  Well,  youngster,  so  ycuve  joined 
at  last.  Come  and  dine  with  us  to-day  5  and  as  you 
go  down  to  your  berth,  desire  tlie  sentry  to  pass  the 
word  for  the  butcher  5  I  want  to  speak'with  him." 

I  bowed  and  retired.  I  was  met  in  the  most 
friendly  manner  by  the  officers  and  by  my  own 
messmates,  who  had  been  prepossessed  in  my  favor 
by  O'Brien,  previous  to  my  arrival.  In  our  service 
you  always  find  young  men  of  the  best  families  on 
board  large  frigates,  they  being  considered  the  most 
eligible  class  of  vessels  5  I  found  rny  messmates  to 
be  gentlemen,  with  one  or  two  exceptions,  but  I 
never  met  so  many  wild  young  lads  together.  1  sat 
down  and  ate  some  dinner  with  them,  although  I 
was  to  dine  in  the  cabin,  for  the  sea  air  made  me 
hungry. 

"  Don't  you  dine  in  the  cabin,  Simple  V  said  the 
caterer. 

"  Yes,"  replied  I. 

"  Then  don't  eat  any  pork,  my  boy,  now,  for  you'll 
have  plenty    there.     Come,  gentlemen,  fill  your 


PETER  SIMPLE.  147 

glasses  :  we'll  drink  happiness  to  our  new  messmate, 
and  plediiini^  him,  we  pledge  ourselves  to  try  to 
promote  it." 

'•  I'll  just  join  you  in  that  toast,"  said  O'Brien, 
walking  into  the  midshipman's  berth.  "  What  is  it 
you're  drinking  it  in  ?" 

"  Some  of  Collier's  port,  sir.  Boy,  bring  a  glass 
for  Mr.  O'Brien.'' 

"  Here's  vour  health,  Peter,  and  wishing  vou  may 
keep  out  of*  a  French  prison  this  cruise.  Mr.  Mon- 
tague, as  caterer,  1  beg  you  will  order  anotlier  can- 
dle, that  I  may  see  what's  on  the  table,  and  then 
perhaps  I  may  find  something  1  should  like  to  pick 
a  bit  off." 

"  Here's  the  fag  end  of  a  leg  of  mutton,  Mr. 
O'Brien,  and  there's  a  piece  of  boiled  pork." 

"  Then  I'll  just  trouble  you  for  a  bit  close  to  the 
knuckle.  Peter,  vou  dine  in  the  cabin,  so  do  I — 
the  doctor  refused." 

"  Have  you  heard  when  we  sail,  Mr.  O'Brien  ?" 
inquired  one  of  my  messmates. 

•*  I  heard  at  tlie  ailmiral's  office,  that  we  were 
expected  to  be  ordered  round  to  Plymouth,  and  re- 
ceive our  orders  there,  either  for  the  East  or  West 
Indies,  they  thought ;  and,  indeed,  the  stores  we 
have  taken  on  board  indicate  that  we  are  going  for- 
eign, but  the  captain's  signal  is  just  made,  and  pro- 
bably the  admiral  has  intelligence  to  communicate." 

In  about  an  hour  afterwards  the  captain  returned, 
looking  very  red  and  hot.  He  called  the  first  lieu- 
tenant aside  from  the  rest  of  the  officers,  who  were 
on  deck  to  receive  him,  and  told  him,  that  we  were 
to  start  for  Plymouth  the  next  morning  ;  and  the 
admiral  liad  told  him  confidentially,  tliat  we  were  to 
proceed  to  the  West  Indies  with  a  conyoy,  which 
was  then  collecting.     He  appeared  to  be  very  much 


alarmed  at  the  idea  of  going  to  make  a  feast  for  the 

ilv  hii 
rendered  him  very  unfit  for  the  climate.    This  a«i 


land-crabs  ;  and  certainly  his    gro«s  habit  of  bodj 


»»  PETER  Si-MFLE. 

was  scon  spread  ihrcugh  the  i;l.ip,  mid  there  was  of 
course  no  little  bustle  and  preparation.  The  doctcr, 
who  had  refused  to  dir.c  iti  the  cabin,  upon  plea  of 
being  unwell.,  sent  up  to  say,  that  he  felt  himself 
BO  much  belter  that  lie  would  have  great  plea.<;urc 
to  attend  the  Eumnici:s,  and  he  joined  the  first 
lieutenant,  O'Brien,  and  I,  as  v.e  walked  in.  V.'e 
sat  down  to  table  5  the  covers  were  removed,  and  a-s 
the  midshipman  prophesied,  there  v.as  plenty  ef 
pork — mock-turtle  soup,  made  out  of  a  pig's  head — 
a  boiled  leg  of  pork  and  peas  pudding — a  roast  spare- 
rib,  with  tlie  crackling  on — sausages  and  potatoes 
and  pigs  pettitoes.  I  caunot  siv  that  I  diblikcd  my 
dinner,  and  I  ate  very  hcaitil}';  but  a  rcabt  sucking- 
pig  came  on  as  a  second  course,  which  rather  sur- 
prised me  :  but  what  surprised  me  moie,  was  the 
quantity  devoured  by  Mrs.  To.  She  handed  her  plate 
from  the  boiled  pork  to  t!:e  roast,  asked  for  some 
pettitoes,  tried  the  sausages,  and  finished  with  a 
whole  plateful  of  sucking-pig  and  ituffing.  We  had 
an  apple-pie  at  the  end,  but  as  we  had  already  eaten 
apple-sauce  with  the  rcast  perk,  we  did  not  care  fcr 
it.  The  doctcr,  who  abomirated  pork,  ate  pretty 
well,  and  was  excessively  attentive  to  !Mrs.  To. 
"  Will  you  not  take  a  piece  of  the  roast  pig,  doctor?" 
said  the  captain. 

'•  Why,  really,  captain  To,  as  we  are  bound  by 
all  reports,  to  a  station  where  wc  must  not  venture 
upon  pork,  I  think  1  will  not  refuse  to  take  a  piece, 
for  I  am  very  fond  of  it." 

"  How  do  you  mean  ?"'  inquired  the  captain  and 
his  lady,  botli"  in  a  breath. 

''Perhaps  I  may  be  wrongly  informed,"  replied 
the  doctor  ;  "  but  I  have  heard  that  we  were  order- 
ed to  the  West  Indies  ;  now,  if  so,  every  one 
knows,  that  although  you  may  eat  salt  pork  there 
occasionally,  without  danger,  in  all  tropical  cli- 
mates, and  especially  the  W'.'&t  Indies  two  or  three 


PtTKK  blMFLt.  219 

days  living  upon  this  nirat  will  inin.tc'.iatel}  produce 
d}5cntcn-,  which  is  always  fatal  in  lliat  climate. " 

••  Indeed  I"  exclaimed  the  captain. 

•*  You  dcn't  fay  so  1"'  rcjoii:ccl  tl.e  lai!y. 

'•1  do  indeed;  and  have  alwass  avridcd  \ht' 
West  Indies  Ibr  that  very  reason — 1  am  eg  fond  of 
pork.'' 

The  doctor  then  proceeded  to  give  i. early  one 
hundred  instances,  of  messmates  ai;d  shipnicn  who 
bad  been  attacked  with  dysentery,  from  the  eating 
of  fret^ii  pork  in  the  West  Indies  5  and  OCrien, 
perceiving  the  doctor's  drift,  joined  him,  idling 
some  most  astonishinfj  accounts  of  the  dreadl'ul  ef- 
fects of  pork  in  a  hot  country.  I  think  he  said, 
that  when  the  French  were  blockaded,  previous  to 
the  burrendcr  of  Martinique,  th.at,  having  nothing 
but  pigs  to  eat,  thirteen  liundrcd  out  of  hcvcnteen 
hundred  soldiers  and  officers  died  in  the  course  of 
tJircc  weeks,  and  tlic  others  were  so  reduced  by 
disease,  that  they  were  obli^-ed  to  capitulate.  The 
doctor  then  changed  the  subject,  and  talked  about 
tlic  \cllow  fever,  and  otht  -  diseases  of  tl.(!  climate, 
so  that,  by  his  account,  the  West  India  islands 
were  but  hospitals  to  die  in.  Those  most  likely  to 
be  attacked  were  men  in  full  strcn^i  health.  J'hc 
spare  men  stood  a  better  chance,  'i'his  conversa- 
tion was  carried  on  until  it  was  time  to  leave — Mrs. 
To  at  last  quite  silent,  and  the  captain  uulpini;  down 
his  wine  with  a  si^h.  When  we  rose  from  table. 
Mri.  To,  did  not  :isk  us,  as  usual,  to  stay  and  hear 
a  little  music  j  she  was,  like  her  piano,  not  a  little 
out  of  tunc. 

"  By  the  powers,  doctor,  you  did  that  nately,'' 
said  d'Brien.as  we  left  the  cabin. 

'•  O  Bricn,"  said  the  doctor,  "  oblige  me,  and  you, 
Mr.  Simple,  oblige  me  also,  by  not  saying  a  word 
in  the  ship  about  what  I  have  said  ;  if  it  once  gets 
wind,  1  shall  have  done  no  good  ;  but  if  you  both 
hold  your  tongues  for  a  short  time,  I  think  I  may 


250  PETER  SIMPLE. 

promise  you  to  get  rid  of  captain  To,  his  wife,  and 
nis  pigs."  We  perceived  the  justice  of  his  observa- 
tion; and  promised  secrecy.  The  next  morning  the 
ship  sailed  for  Plymouth,  and  Mrs.  To  sent  for  the 
doctor,  not  being  very  well.  The  doctor  prescribed 
for  her,  and  I  believe,  on  my  conscience,  made  her 
worse  on  purpose.  The  illness  of  his  wife,  and  his 
own  fears,  brought  captain  To  more  than  usual  in 
contact  with  the  -doctor,  of  whom  he  frequently 
asked  his  candid  opinion,  as  to  his  own  chance  in  a 
hot  country. 

'•  Captain  To,"  said  the  doctor,  "  I  never  would 
have  given  my  opinion,  if  you  had  not  asked  it, 
for  I  am  aware,  that,  as  an  officer,  you  would  never 
flinch  from  your  duty,  to  whatever  quarter  of  the 
globe  you  may  be  ordered;  but,  as  you  have  asked 
the  question,  1  must  say,  with  your  full  habit  of  bo- 
dy, 1  think  you  would  not  stand  a  chance  of  living 
for  more  than  two  months.  At  the  same  time,  sir, 
I  may  be  mistaken  ;  but,  at  all  events,  I  must  point 
out  that  Mrs.  To  is  of  a  very  bilious  habit,  and  1 
trust  you  will  not  do  such  an  injustice  to  an  amia- 
ble woman  as  to  permit  her  to  accompany  you." 

"  Thanky,  doctor,  I'm  much  obliged  to  you,"  re- 

{»lied  the  captain,  turning  round  and  going  down  the 
adder  to  his  cabin.  We  were  then  beating  down 
the  channel ;  for,  although  we  ran  through  the  Nee- 
dles with  a  fair  wind,  it  fell  calm,  and  shifted  to  the 
westward,  when  we  were  abreast  of  Portland.  The 
next  day  the  captain  gave  an  order  for  a  very  fine  pig 
to  be  killed,  for  he  was  out  of  provisions.  Mrs.  To 
still  kept  her  bed,  and  he  therefore  directed  that  a 
part  should  be  salted,  as  he  could  have  no  company. 
I  was  in  the  midshipmen's  berth,  when  some  of 
them  proposed  that  we  should  get  possession  of  the 
pig;  and  the  plan  they  agreed  upon  was  as  follows  :— 
they  were  to  go  to  the  pen  that  night,  and  with  a 
needle  stuck  in  a  piece  of  wood,  to  prick  the  p'g 
all  over,  and   then  rub  gunpowder  into  the  parta 


PETER  SIMPLE.  251 

wounded.  This  was  done,  and  although  the  butch- 
er was  up  a  dozen  times  during  the  night  to  ascer- 
tain what  made  llie  pigs  so  uneasy,  the  midshipmen 
passed  the  needle  from  watch  to  watch,  until  the  pig 
was  well  tatooed  in  all  parts.  In  the  morning  watch 
it  was  killed,  and  when  it  had  been  scalded  in  the 
lub,  and  the  hair  taken  off,  it  appeared  covered  with 
blue  spots.  'J'he  midshinman  of  the  morning  watch, 
who  was  on  the  main-deck,  took  care  to  point  out 
to  the  butcher  that  the  pork  was  measly,  to  which 
the  man  unwillingly  assented,  stating  at  the  same 
time,  that  he  could  not  imagine  how  it  could  be, 
for  a  Hncr  pig  he  had  never  put  a  knife  into.  The 
circumstance  was  reported  to  the  captain,  who  was 
much  astonished.  J'he  doctor  came  in  to  visit 
Mrs.  To,  and  tlie  captain  requested  the  doctor  to 
examine  the  pig,  and  give  his  opinion.  Although 
this  was  not  the  doctor's  province,  yet,  as  he  had 
great  reason  for  keeping  intimate  with  the  captain, 
lie  immediately  consented.  Going  forward,  he  met 
me.  and  I  told  him  the  secret.  "That  will  do," 
replied  he  ;  ''  it  all  tends  to  what  we  wish."  The 
doctor  returned  to  the  captain,  and  said,  "that  there 
was  no  doubt  but  that  the  pig  was  nieaslv,  which 
was  a  complaint  very  frequent  on  boar^  ships, 
particularly  in  hot  climates,  where  all  pork  became 
vxfa-iltj  —  one  great  reason  for  its  there  prov- 
ing ?o  'unwholesome.'"  The  captain  sent  for 
the  first  lieutenant,  and,  with  a  deep  sigh,  ordered 
him  to  throw  the  pig  overboard ;  but  the  first  lieu- 
tenant, who  knew  wliat  had  been  done  from  O'Brien, 
ordered  the  nnuUr's  mate  to  throw  it  overboard  ; 
the  master's  mate  touching  his  hat,  said,  "Ay,  ay, 
sir,"  and  took  it  dovvn  into  the  berth,  where  we  cut 
it  up,  salted  one  half,  and  the  other  we  finished  be- 
fore we  arrived  at  Plymoutli,  which  was  six  days 
from  th<;  time  we  left  Portsmouth.  On  our  arrival, 
we  found  part  of  the  convoy  lying  there,  but  no  or- 
ders lor  (IS  ;  and  to  my  great  delight,  on  the  follow- 


252  PETER  SIMPLE. 

ing  day,  the  Diomede  arrived,  from  a  cruise  off  the 
Western  Islands.  I  obtained  permission  to  go  on 
board  v.ith  O'Brien,  and  we  once  more  greeted  our 
messmates.  Mr.  Falcon,  the  first  lieutenant,  went 
down  to  captain  Savage  to  say  we  were  on  board, 
and  he  requested  us  to  come  into  the  cabin.  He 
greeted  us  warmly,  and  gave  us  great  credit  for  the 
manner  in  which  we  had  effected  our  escape. 
When  we  left  the  cabin,  I  found  Mr.  Chucks,  the 
boatswain,  waiting  outside. 

"  My  dear  Mr.  Simple,  extend  your  flapper  to 
me,  for  Fm  delighted  to  see  you.  I  long  to  have  a 
long  talk  with  you." 

"  And  I  should  like  it  also,  Mr.  Chucks,  but  Fm 
afraid  we  have  not  time  3  I  dine  with  captain  Sav- 
age to-day,  and  it  only  wants  an  hour  of  dinner 
time.'' 

'•  Well,  Mr.  Simple,  I've  been  looking  at  your 
frigate,  and  she's  a  beauty — much  larger  than  the 
Diomede." 

"  And  she  behaves  quite  as  well,"  replied  I.  •'  1 
think  we  are  two  hundred  tons  larger.  You  ve  no 
idea  of  her  size  until  you  are  on  her  decks." 

'■  I  should  like  to  be  boatswain  of  her,  Mr.  Sim- 
ple ;  that  is.  Avith  captain  Savage,  for  I  will  not  part 
with  him."  I  had  some  more  conversation  with  jMr. 
Chucks,  but  I  was  obliged  to  attend  to  others,  who 
interrupted  us.  We  had  a  very  pleasant  dinner  ivith 
our  old  captain,  to  whom  Ave  gave  a  history  of  our 
adventures,  and  then  we  returned  on  board. 


FETEH  SIMPLE.  253 


CHAPTER  XXVIII. 

We  jKt  rid  or  the  pin  and  piano-rorte — The   Inst  bo»t  on  sliore  t>rrore 
•ailiiig— The  first  heuteoaiit  too  hasty,  and  the  consrqiK'urrs  to  me. 

We  waited  three  days,  at  the  expiration  of  wliich 
we  heard  that  captain  To  was  about  to  e.xchanpe 
with  captain  Savage.  We  could  not  believe  such 
good  news  to  be  true,  and  we  could  not  ascertain 
the  truth  of  the  report,  as  the  captain  had  j:one  ou 
shore  with  Mrs.  To,  who  recovered  fast  after  she 
was  out  of  our  doctor's  hands;  so  fast,  indeed,  that 
a  week  afterwards,  on  questioning  the  stewartl,  up- 
on liis  return  on  board,  how  Mrs.  To  was,  he  re- 
plied, "O  charming  well  again,  sir.  she  has  eaten  a 
whole  pig  since  she  left  the  ship."'  But  the  report 
was  true  ;  captain  To,  afraid  to  go  to  the  West  In- 
dies, had  eflecled  an  exchange  with  captain  Savage. 
Captain  Savage  was  permitted,  as  was  the  custom 
of  the  scnice,  to  bring  his  first  lieutenant,  his  boat- 
swain, and  his  barge's  crew  with  him.  lie  joined 
a  day  or  two  before  we  sailed,  and  never  was  there 
more  joy  on  board  ;  the  only  people  miserable  were 
the  first  lieutenant,  and  those  belonging  to  tiic  San- 
plier  who  were  obliged  to  follow  cajjtain  To;  who 
with  his  wife,  his  pigs,  and  iier  piano,  were  all  got 
rid  of  in  the  course  of  one  forenoon, 

I  have  already  described  pay-day  on  board  of  a 
man-of-war,  but  I  tlimk,  that  the  two  days  before 
Bailing  are  even  more  unj)Iea:ant;  allhoujili  ;.'ener- 
ally  speaking,  all  our  money  being  spent,  we  ,iie  not 
sorry  when  we  once  arc  fairly  out  of  liiulur,  and 
find  ourselves  in  bhif  u^aler.  The  men  never  work 
well  on  those  days  ;  they  are  thinking  of  their  wives 
and  sweelhrarts,  of  the  pleasure  they  liad  when  at 
Hbcrty  on  shore,  where  they  might  gi-t  drunk  with- 
out punishmrnl  j  and  many  of  them  arc  eitlier  half 
drunk  at  the  time,  or  suffering  from  the  eflccts  of 
previouB  intoxication.    The  chip  is  in  disorder,  and 


254  PEIER  SIMPLE. 

crowded  with  the  variety  of  stock  and  spare  stores 
which  are  obliged  to  be  taken  on  board  in  a  hurry, 
and  have  not  yet  been  properly  secured  in  their 
places.  The  first  lieutenant  is  cross,  the  officers 
are  grave,  and  the  poor  midshipmen,  with  all  their 
own  little  troubles  to  attend  to,  are  harassed  and 
driven  about  like  post  horses.  "  Mr.  Simple/'  in- 
quired the  first  lieutenant,  "  where  do  you  come 
from  ?" 

"  From  the  gun  wharf,  sir,  with  the  gunner's 
spare  blocks,  and  breechings." 

'•  Very  well — send  the  marines  aft  to  clear  the 
boat,  and  pipe  away  the  first  cutter.  Mr.  Simple, 
jump  into  the  first  cutter,  and  go  to  Mount  Wise 
for  tne  officers.  Be  careful  that  none  of  your  men 
leave  the  boat.     Come,  be  smart." 

Now,  I  had  been  away  the  whole  morning,  and  it 
was  then  half-past  one,  and  I  had  had  no  dinner: 
but  I  said  nothinsr,  and  went  into  the  boat.  As  soon 
as  I  was  off,  O'Brien,  who  stood  by  Mr.  Falcon, 
said,  "  Peter  was  thinking  of  his  dinner,  poor  fel- 
low." 

"  I  really  quite  forgot  it,"  replied  the  first  lieu- 
tenant, "  there  is  so  much  to  do.  He  is  a  willing 
boy,  and  he  shall  dine  in  the  gun-room  when  he 
comes  back."  And  so  I  did — so  I  lost  nothing  by 
not  expostulating,  and  gained  more  of  the  favor  of 
the  first  lieutenant,  who  never  forgot  what  he  called 
zeal.  But  the  hardest  trial  of  the  whole,  is  to  the 
midshipman  who  is  sent  with  the  boat  to  purchase 
the  supplies  for  the  cabin  and  gun-room  on  the  day 
before  the  ship's  sailing.  It  was  my  misfortune  to  'De 
ordered  upon  that  service  this  time,  and  that  very 
unexpectedly.  I  had  been  ordered  to  dress  my- 
self to  take  the  gig  on  shore  for  the  captain's  or- 
ders, and  was  walking  the  deck  with  my  very  best 
uniform  and  side  arms,  when  the  marine  officer, 
who  was  the  gun-room  caterer,  came  up  to  the  first 
lieutenant,  and  asked  him  for  a  boat.     The  boat  was 


PETER  SIMPLE  255 

manned,  and  a  midshipman  ordered  to  take  charge 
of  it;  but  when  he  came  up,  the  first  lieutenant 
recollecting  that  he  had  come  off  two  days  before 
with  only  half  his  boat's  crew,  would  not  trust  him, 
and  called  out  to  me,  "  Here,  Mr.  Simple.  I  must 
6cnd  you  in  this  boat ;  mind  you  are  careful  that 
none  of  the  men  leave  it ;  and  bring  off  the  sergeant 
of  marines,  who  is  on  shore  looking  for  the  men 
who  have  broken  their  liberty."  Although  I  could 
not  but  feel  proud  of  the  compliment,  yet  I  did  not 
much  like  going  in  my  very  betst  uniform,  and  would 
have  run  down  and  changed  it,  but  the  marine  offi- 
cer and  all  the  people  were  in  the  boat,  and  1  could 
not  keep  it  waiting ;  so  down  the  pide  I  went,  and 
we  shoved  off.  We  had,  besides  the  boat's  crew, 
the  marine  officer,  the  purser,  the  gun-room  stew- 
ard, the  captain's  steward,  and  the  purser's  steward  j 
BO  that  we  were  pretty  full.  It  blew  hard  from  the 
S.  E.,  and  there  was  a  sea  running,  but  as  the  tide 
was  flowing  into  the  harbor  there  was  not  much  bub- 
ble. We  noisted  the  foresail  flew  before  the  wind 
and  tide,  and  in  a  Quarter  of  an  hour  were  at  Mut- 
ton Cove,  where  the  marine  officer  expressed  his 
wish  to  land.  The  landing  place  was  crowded  with 
boats,  and  it  was  not  without  sundry  exchanges  of 
foul  words  and  oaths,  and  tJie  bow  men  dashing  the 
points  of  their  boat-hooks  into  the  shore  boats,  to 
make  them  keep  clear  of  us,  that  we  forced  our 
way  to  the  beach,  The  marine  officer  and  all  the 
stewanls  then  left  tho  boat,  and  I  had  to  look  after 
the  men.  I  had  not  l)een  there  three  minutes  be- 
fore the  bow  man  said  that  his  wife  was  on  the 
wharf  with  his  clothes  from  the  wash,  and  begged 
leave  to  go  and  fetch  them.  I  refused,  telling  him 
that  she  could  bring  them  to  him.  "  Vy  now,  Mr. 
Simple,''  said  the  woman,  "  arn't  you  a  nice  lady'a 
man.  to  go  for  to  ax  me  to  muddle  my  wav  through 
all  them  dead  dogs,  cabbage  stalks,  anif  stinking 
Hake's  heads,  with  my  bran  new  shoes  and  cleau 


?:-e  PF.TER  SIMPLE. 

stockings  ?"  I  looked  at  lier,  and  sure  ennugli  slie 
vv-as,  as  they  say  in  France,  bie7i  chaussee.  "  Come, 
Mr.  Simple,  let  him  out  to  come  for  his  clothes,  and 

fou'll  see  that  he's  back  in  a  moment."  I  did  not 
ike  to  refuse  her,  as  it  was  very  dirty  and  wet,  and 
the  shingle  was  strewed  with  all  that  she  had  men- 
tioned. The  bow  man  made  a  spring  out  with  his 
boat-hook,  threw  it  back,  went  up  to  his  wife,  and 
commenced  talking  with  her,  while  1  watched  him. 
"  If  you  please,  sir,  there's  my  young  woman  come 
down,  mayn't  I  speak  to  her  V  said  another  of  the 
men.  I  turned  round  and  refused  him.  He  expos- 
tulated, and  begged  very  hard,  but  I  was  resolute  j 
however,  when  I  again  turned  my  eyes  to  watch  the 
bow  man,  he  and  his  wife  were  gone.  "  There,'' 
says  I  to  the  coxswain.  '•  I  knew  it  would  be  so  j 
you  see  Hickman  is  off." 

'•'  Only  gone  to  take  a  parting  glass,  sir,'*  repHed 
the  coxswain  :  "  he'll  be  here  directly." 

'•'  I  hope  so;  but  I'm  afraid  not."  After  this,  I 
refused  all  the  solicitations  of  the  men  to  be  allowed 
to  leave  the  boat,  but  I  permitted  them  to  have  some 
beer  brought  down  to  them.  The  gun-room  stew- 
ard then  came  back  with  a  basket  of  soft  tack,  i.  e. 
loaves  of  bread,  and  told  me  ihat  the  marine  officer 
requested  that  I  would  allow  two  of  the  men  to  go 
up  with  him  to  Glencross'  shop,  to  bring  down  some 
of  the  stores,  Of  course,  I  sent  two  of  the  men, 
and  told  the  steward  if  he  saw  Hickman,  to  bring 
him  down  to  the  boat. 

By  this  time  many  of  the  women  belonging  to 
the  ship  had  assembled,  and  commenced  a  noisy 
conversation  with  the  boat's  crew.  One  brought 
one  article  for  Jim,  another  some  clothes  for  Billj 
some  of  them  climbed  into  the  boat,  and  sat  with 
the  men — others  came  and  went,  bringing  beer  and 
tobacco,  which  the  men  desired  them  to  purchase. 
The  crowd,  the  noise.and  confusion,  were  so  great, 
that  it  was  with  the  utmost  difficulty  that  I   could 


PETER  SIMPLE.  257 

keep  my  eyea  on  all  my  men,  who,  one  after  anoth- 
er, made  an  attempt  to  leave  the  boat.  Just  at  that 
time  came  down  the  sergeant  of  marines,  with 
three  of  our  men  whom  he  had  picked  up,  roaring 
drunk.  They  were  tumbled  into  the  boat,  and  in- 
creased the  difficulty,  as  in  looking  after  liiose  who 
were  riotous,  and  would  try  to  leave  the  boat  by 
force,  1  was  not  so  well  able  to  keep  my  eyes  on 
those  who  were  sober.  The  sergeant  then  went  up 
after  another  man,  and  I  told  him  also  about  Hick- 
man. About  half  an  hour  afterwards  the  steward 
came  down  with  thr  two  men.  loaded  with  cabbages, 
baskets  of  eggs,  strings  of  onions,  crockery  of  all 
descriptions,  paper  parcels  of  groceries,  legs  and 
shoulders  of  mutton,  which  were  crowded  in,  until 
not  only  the  stem  sheets,  but  all  under  the  thwarts 
of  the  boat  were  also  crammed  full.  Thoy  told 
me  that  they  had  a  few  things  more  to  bring  down, 
and  that  the  marine  officer  h.id  gone  to  Stone- 
house  to  see  his  wife,  so  tli.nt  they  should  be  down 
long  before  him.  In  half  an  hour  more,  during 
which  1  had  the  greatest  difficulty  to  manage  the 
boat's  crew,  llirv  returned  with  a  dozen  geese  and 
two  ducks  tied  hy  the  legs,  but  without  tlio  two 
men,  who  had  given  them  the  slip,  «o  that  there 
were  now  three  men  gone,  and  I  knew  Mr.  Falcon 
would  l>e  very  angry,  for  thev  were  three  of  the 
smartoBt  men  in  the  ship.  I  was  now  determined  not 
to  run  the  risk  of  hising  more  men,  and  I  ordered 
the  boat's  crew  to  shove  off,  tliat  I  might  lie  at  the 
wharf,  where  they  could  not  flinib  up.  They  were 
very  mutinous,  grumbled  very  much,  and  would 
hanily  obey  me  :  tlie  fact  is,  they  had  drunk  a  great 
deal,  and  some  of  them  were  more  tlian  hiiif  tipsy. 
However,  at  last  I  was  obeyed,  but  not  witlmut  be- 
inpf  saluted  with  a  shower  of  jnvoctivos  from  the 
women,  and  tlif  f.Terrations  of  thr  n)en  Iwlongmflr 
to  tlie  whcrriep  and  .'/lorf-boats  which  werr  washed 
against  our  !<ide9  bv  the  swell.  The  weatimr  had 
vol.     I  17' 


258  PETER  SIMPLE. 

become  much  worse  and  looked  very  threatening. 
I  waited  an  hour  more,  when  the  sergeant  of  ma- 
rines came  down  \%ith  two  more  men,  one  of  whom, 
to  my  great  joy,  was  Hickman.  This  made  me 
more  comfortable,  as  I  was  not  answerable  for  the 
other  two  ;  still  I  was  in  great  trouble  from  the  riot- 
ous and  insolent  behavior  of  the  boat's  crew,  and 
the  other  men  brought  down  by  the  sergeant  of 
marines.  One  of  them  fell  back  into  a  basket  of 
eggs,  and  smashed  them  all  to  atoms ;  still  the  ma- 
rine officer  did  not  come  down,  and  it  was  getting 
late.  The  tide  being  now  at  the  ebb,  running  out 
against  the  wind  there  was  a  very  heavy  sea,  and 
I  had  to  go  oft'  to  the  ship  with  a  boat  deeply  laden, 
and  most  of  the  people  in  her  in  a  state  of  intoxi- 
cation. The  coxswain,  who  was  tlie  only  one  who 
was  sober,  recommended  our  shoving  olf.  as  it 
would  soon  be  dark,  and  some  accident  would  hap- 

fen.  1  reflected  a  minute,  and  agreeing  with  him, 
ordered  the  oars  to  be  got  out,  and  we  shoved  oti, 
the  sergeant  of  the  marines  and  the  gun-room  stew- 
ard perched  up  in  the  bows — drunken  men.  ducks 
and  geese,  lying  to;:et}ier  at  the  bottom  of  the  boat 
— the  stern  sheets  loaded  up  to  the  gunwale,  and 
the  other  passengers  and  myself  sitting  how  we 
could  among  the  crockery  and  a  variety  of  other 
articles  with  which  the  boat  was  crowed.  It  was  a 
scene  of  much  confusion — the  half-drunken  boat's 
crew  catching  a-aba,  and  falling  forward  upon  the 
others — those  who  were  quite  drunk  swearing  they 
would  pull.  "  Lay  on  your  oar.  Sullivan  ;  you  are 
doing  more  harm  than  good.  You  drunken  rascal^ 
I'll  report  you  as  soon  as  we  get  on  board.'' 

'•  How  the  divil  can  1  pull,  your  honor,  when 
there's  that  fellow  Jones  breaking  the  very  back  o' 
me  with  his  oar,  and  he  never  touching  the  water 
all  the  while  I'- 

"  You  lie,''  cried  Jones ;  "  I'm  nulling  the  boat 
by  myself  against  tV.e  whole  of  the  larboard  oars." 


PETER  SIMPLE.  259 

"  He's  rowing  dry,  your  honor— only  making  bi- 
lave." 

"  Do  you  call  this  rowing  dry  V  cried  another, 
IS  a  sea  swept  over  the  boat,  fore  and  aft,  wetting 
everybody  to  the  skin. 

'•  Now,  your  honor,  just  look  and  see  if  I  an't 
pulliniT  the  very  arms  off  me  ?"  cried  Sullivan. 

'•  Is  there  water  enough  to  cross  the  bridge, 
Swinburne  ?"'  said  I  to  the  coxswain. 

"  Plenty,  Mr.  Simple  ;  it  is  but  quarter  ebb,  and 
the  sooner  we  are  on  board  the  better." 

We  were  now  pxst  Devil's  Point,  and  the  sea 
was  very  heavy  ;  the  boat  plunged  in  the  trough, 
8o  tliat  I  was  afraid  tliat  she  would  break  her  back. 
She  was  soon  lialf  full  of  water,  and  the  two  afler- 
(.ars  were  laid  in  for  llie  men  to  bale.  ''  Plase  vour 
I'onor,  hadn't  I  better  cut  free  the  legs  of  tliem 
(lucks  and  geese,  and  allow  them  to  swim  for  their 
lives?"  cried  Sullivan,  resting  on  his  oar;  "the 
poor  birds  will  bo  drowned  else  in  their  own  iliment.'' 

"  JVo,  no — pull  away  as  hard  as  you  can." 

Bv  this  time  the  drunken  men  m  the  bottom  of 
the  boat  began  to  be  verv  uneasy,  from  the  quanti- 
ty of  water  wliich  wasfied  about  them,  and  made 
several  stn^^oring  attempts  to  get  on  their  legs.. 
They  fell  down  again  upon  the  ducks  and  geese, 
the  major  part  of  which  were  saved  from  l)eing 
drowned  by  l>cing  suffocated.  The  sea  on  the 
bridge  was  very  heavy  ;  and  although  the  tide  swept 
u.s  c)ut,  we  were  nearly  swamped.  Soft  bread  was 
wisliing  about  the  bottom  of  the  boat;  the  parrels 
of  su^r^r.  pepper,  and  salt,  were  w«t  through  with 
th^  salt  w  iter,  and  a  sudden  jerk  threw  the  captain's 
steward,  w!to  w:i«  seated  upon  the  gunwale,  close 
to  the  after-o.ar,  risht  upon  the  wliole  of  the  crock- 
er>'  and  o^ran.  which  addi-d  to  the  nnss  of  destruc- 
tion. A  few  more  yeas  shipped  completed  the  job, 
antl  the  i:iMi-rt»orii  slfward  was  in  despair.  ••  That's 
•  darling."  cried  Sullivan  ;  "  V.m  politest  b«al  in 


260  PETER  SIMPLE. 

the  wliole  fleet.  She  makes  more  bows  and  court- 
seys  than  the  finest  couple  in  the  land.  Give  way, 
my  lads,  and  work  the  crater  stuff  out  of  your 
elbows,  and  the  first  lieutenant  w^ill  see  us  all  so 
sober,  and  so  wet  in  the  bargain,  and  think  we're 
aU  so  dry,  that  perhaps  he'll  be  after  giving  us  a 
raw  nip  when  we  get  on  board." 

In  a  quarter  of  an  hour  we  were  nearly  alongside, 
but  the  men  pulled  so  badly,  and  the  sea  was  so 
great,  that  we  missed  the  ship,  and  went  astern. 
They  veered  out  a  buoy  with  a  line,  which  we  got 
hold  of,  and  were  hauled  up  by  the  marines  and 
after-guard,  the  boat  plunging  bows  under,  and 
drenching  us  through  and  through.  At  last  we  got 
under  the  counter,  and  I  climbed  up  by  the  stern  lad- 
der. Mr.  Falcon  was  on  deck,  and  very  angry  at  the 
boat  not  coming  alongside  properly.  "  I  thought, 
Mr.  Simple,  that  you  knew  by  this  time  how  to 
brin^  a  boat  alongside." 

"So  I  do,  sir,  I  hope.''  replied  I ;  ''but  the  boat 
was  so  full  of  water,  and  the  men  would  not  give 
way." 

"  What  men  has  the  sergeant  brought  onboard?" 
"Three,  sir,"  replied  T,  shivering  with  the  cold, 
and  unhappy  at  my  very  best  uniform  being  spoiled. 
"Are  all  your  boat's  crew  with  you,  sir?'' 
"  No,  sir,  there  are  two  left  on  shore  ;  they — " 
"ISot  a  word,  sir.     Up    to    the    mast-head,  and 
stay  there  till  I  call  you  down.     If  it  were  not  so 
late,  I  would  send  you  on  shore,  and  not  receive 
vou    on   boaixl    again  without   the    men.     Up.  sir, 
immediately.  ' 

1  did  not  venture  to  explain,  but  up  I  v/ent.  It 
was  very  cold,  blowing  hard  from  the  S.  E.  with 
heavy  squalls  ;  I  was  so  wet.  that  the  wind  appear- 
ed to  blow  through  me.  and  it  was  now  nearly  dark. 
I  reached  the  cross-trees,  and  when  1  was"*  seated 
there,  T  felt  that  1  had  done  my  duty,  and  had  not 
boon  fairlv  treated.     Du.nng  this  time,  the  boat  had 


PETER  SIMPLE.  261 

been  hauled  up  alongside  to  clear,  and  a  pretty 
clearance  there  was.  All  the  ducks  and  ceese  were 
dead,  the  eggs  and  crockery  all  broke,  tlie  proccry 
almost  all  washed  away  ;  in  short,  as  O'Brien  ob- 
served, there  was  "  a  very  pretty  peneral  avemge." 
Mr.  Falcon,  still  very  anpry.  '*  VV'ho  arc  the  men 
missing  ?"  inquired  he,  of  Swinburne,  the  coxswain, 
as  he  came  up  the  side. 

•'  Williams  and  Sweetman,  sir." 

"Two  of  the  smartest  topmen,  I  am  told.  It 
really  is  too  provoking  :  there  is  not  a  midshipman 
in  the  ship  I  can  trust.  I  must  work  all  day,  and 
get  no  assistance.  The  service  is  really  going  to 
the  devil,  now,  with  the  young  men  who  are  sent 
on  board  to  be  brought  up  as  oHicera,  and  who  are 
above  doing  their  duty.  What  made  you  so  late, 
Swinburne  1" 

''  Waiting  for  the  marine  officer,  who  went  to  the 
■tonehouse  to  see  his  wife;  but  Mr.  Simple  would 
not  wait  any  longer,  as  it  was  getting  dark,  and  we 
had  so  many  drunken  men  in  the  boat."' 

'■Mr.  Simple  did  right.  I  wisli  Mr.  Harrison 
would  stay  on  shore  with  his  wife  altogether, — it'a 
really  trilling  with  the  service.  Pray.  Mr.  Swin- 
burne, why  had  not  you  your  eyes  about  you,  if  Mr. 
Simple  was  so  careless  ?  How  came  you  to  allow 
those  men  to  leave  the  boat  ?" 

'•  The  men  were  ordered  up  by  the  marine  officer, 
to  bring  down  your  stores,  sir,  and  they  cave  tlie 
steward  the  slip.  It  was  no  fault  of  Mr.  Simple's, 
nor  of  mine  either.  We  laid  off"  at  the  wharf  for 
two  hours  before  we  started,  or  we  should  have 
lo«t  more  ;  for  what  can  a  poor  lad  do,  when  he 
has  charge  of  drunken  men  who  toill  not  obey  or- 
ders ?''  And  the  coxswain  looked  up  at  the  mast- 
head, as  much  as  t«  say.  Why  is  he  sent  there? 
"  I'll  Uike  my  oath,  sir,"  continued  Swinburne, 
"  that  Mr.  Simple  never  put  his  foot  out  of  the 
boat,  from  the  time  that  he  went  over  the  side  until 


26!^  PETER  SIMPLE. 

he  came  on  board  ;  and  that  no  young  gentleman 
could  have  done  his  duty  more  strictly." 

Mr.  Falcon  looked  very  angry,  at  first,  at  the  cox- 
sw.iin  speaking  so  freely,  but  he  said  nothing.  He 
took  one  or  two  turns  on  the  deck,  and  then  hailing 
tlie  mast-head.desired  me  to  come  down.  But  I  could 
not;  my  limbs  were  so  cramped  with  the  wind 
blowing  upon  my  wet  clothes,  that  I  could  not 
move.  He  hailed  again ;  I  heard  him  but  was  not 
able  to  answer.  One  of  the  topmen  then  came  up, 
and  perceiving  my  condition,  hailed  the  deck,  and 
said  he  believed  1  was  dying,  for  I  could  not  move, 
and  that  he  dared  not  leave  me  for  fear  I  should 
full.  O'Brien,  who  had  been  on  deck  all  the  while, 
jumped  up  the  rigging,  and  v^'as  soon  at  the  cross- 
trees  where  I  was.  He  sent  the  topman  down  into 
tlie  top  for  a  tail  block  and  the  studding  sail  haul- 
yards,  made  a  whip  and  lowered  me  on  deck.  I 
was  immediately  put  into  my  hammock ;  and  the 
surgeon  ordering  me  some  hot  brandy-and- water, 
and  plenty  of  blankets,  in  a  few  hours  I  was  quite 
restored. 

O'Brien,  who  was  at  my  bedside,  said,  "Never 
mind,  Peter,  and  don't  be  angry  with  Mr.  Falcon, 
for  he  is  very  sorry." 

"I  am  not  angry,  O'Brien  }  for  Mr.  Falcon  has 
been  too  kind  to  me  not  to  make  me  forgive  him 
for  being  once  hasty.'' 

The  surgeon  came  to  my  hammock,  gave  me 
some  more  hot  drink,  desired  me  to  go  to  sleep, 
and  I  awoke  the  next  morning  quite  well. 

When  I  came  into  the  berth,  my  messmates  asked 
me  how  I  was,  and  many  of  them  railed  against  the 
tyranny  of  Mr.  I-'alcon  5  but  1  took  his  part,  saying, 
tnat  he  was  hasty  in  this  instance,  perhaps,  but  that, 
generally  speaking,  he  was  an  excellent  and  very 
just  officer.  Some  agreed  with  me,  but  others  did 
not.  One  of  them  who  was  always  in  disgrace 
sneered  at  me,  and  said,  ••  Peter  reads  the  Bible, 


PETER  SIMPLE.  J63 

and  knows  thnt  if  you  smite  one  cheek,  /le  must 
oft'er  the  other.  JSow,  I'll  answer  for  it.  if  I  pull 
his  rii^ht  ear,  ho  will  offer  me  his  left."  So  saving, 
he  lugijed  r.ie  hy  the  ear,  upon  which  I  knocked 
him  dortn  for  his  trouble.  The  berth  was  then 
cleared  away  for  a  fight,  and  in  a  quarter  of  an  hour 
my  opptmcat  gave  in  j  but  I  suffered  a  little,  and 
had  a  very  black  eye.  I  had  hardly  time  to  wash 
myself  and  ciian<;e  mv  shirt,  which  was  bloody, 
when  I  was  summoned  on  the  quarter-deck.  When 
1  arrived.  I  found  Mr.  Fakon  walking  up  and  down. 
He  looked  very  liard  at  mc.but  did  not  ask  uie  any 
qaestions  as  to  the  cause  of  mv  unusual  appearance. 

'•Mr.  Simple,"'  said  he,  "I  sent  for  vou  to  beg 
your  pardon  for  mv  behaviour  to  you  last  night, 
which  was  not  only  very  hasty  Lul'very  unjust.  I 
find  tijat  you  were  not  to  blame  for  the  loss  of  the 
men." 

I  felt  very  sorry  for  him  when  I  heard  him  speak 
so  handsomely,  and,  to  make  his  mind  more  easy,  I 
told  him  that,  althou^^h  I  certainly  was  not  to  blame 
for  the  loss  of  those  two  men,  still  I  had  done 
wron!:j  in  permitting?  Hickman  to  leave  the  boat; 
and  that,  had  not  the  scrjreant  picked  him  up,  1 
should  have  dine  off  without  him,  and  therefore  I 
did  ilcserve  th<;  punishment  w  liich  I  had  received. 

Mr.  Simple,"  replied  Mr.  I'alcon,"  I  respect  you, 
and  admire  your  feelings  :  still,  I  was  to  blame,  and 
it  is  my  duty  to  .'i|»<»logizc.  >«ow  go  down  below. 
I  would  have  requested  the   pleasure  of  your  com- 

f»any  to  dinner,  but  I  perceive  that  Bfunething  else 
las  occurred,  which,  under  any  other  circumstan- 
ccs.  I  would  h:ive  inquired  into,  but  at  the  present 
I  shall  not." 

I  touched  mv  hat  and  went  below.  In  the  mean 
time,  O'Brien  liad  been  made  acquainted  with  th« 
occasion  of  the  niiarrel,  which  he  did  not  fail  to 
explain  to  Mr.  Kalcon,  who,  O'Brien  declared, 
"  was  not  the  least  bit  in  the  world  anjry  with  mt 


364  PETER  SIMPLE. 

for  what  occurred."  Indeed,  after  that,.  Mr.  Falcon 
always  treated  me  with  the  greatest  kindness,  and 
employed  me  on  every  duty  which  he  considered 
of  consequence.  He  was  a  sincere  friend  j  for  he 
did  not  allow  me  to  neglect  my  duty,  but,  at  the 
same  time,  treated  me  with  consideration  and  con- 
fidence. 

The  marine  officer  come  on  board  very  angry  aV 
being  left  behind,  and  talked  about  a  court-martial 
on  me  for  disrespect,  and  neglect  of  stores  intrust- 
ed to  my  charge  3  but  O'Brien  told  me  not  to  mind 
him,  or  what  he  said.  "  It's  my  opinion,  Peter, 
that  the  gentleman  has  eaten  no'  small  quantity  of 
flapdooddle  in  his  lifetime." 

"  What's  that,  O'Brien  V  replied  I>  "  I  nevev 
heard  of  it." 

"  Why,  Peter,"  rejoined  he,  "  it's  the  stuff  they 
feedfooli  on." 


CHAPTER  XXIX. 

▲  long  conversatien  with  Mr.  Chucks — The  admotage  of  having  ■ 
prayer-book  in  your  pocket — We  run  down  the  Trades — Swinbuine 
the  quartermaster,  and  bis  yarns — The  captain  f-lle  sick. 

The  next  day  the  captain  came  on  board  with 
sealed  orders,  with  directions  not  to  open  them  un- 
til off  Ushant.  In  tlie  afternoon,  we  weighed  and 
made  sail.  It  was  a  fine  northerly  wind,  and  the 
Bay  of  Biscay  was  smooth.  We  bore  up,  set  all 
the  studding-sails,  and  ran  along  at  the  rate  of 
eleven  miles  an  hour.  As  I  could  not  appear  on  the 
quarter-deck,  I  was  put  down  on  the  sick  list.  Cap- 
tain Savage,  who  was  verv  particular,  asked  what 
waa  the  matter  with  me.    't* he  surgeon  replied,  "  An 


PETER  SIMPLE.  SG5 

inflamed  eye.''  The  captain  asked  no  more  ques- 
tions ;  and  I  took  care  to  keep  out  of  his  way.  I 
walked  in  the  evening  on  the  forecastle,  wlien  I 
renewed  mv  intimacy  with  Mr.  Chucks,  the  boat- 
swain, to  whom  I  gave  a  full  narrative  of  all  my  ad- 
ventures in  F"ince.  "  I  have  been  ruminatinar,  Mr. 
Simple,'  said  he,  "how  such  a  stripling  as  you 
could  have  gone  through  so  much  fatigue,  and  now 
I  know  how  it  is.  It  is  blood,  Mr.  Simple, — all  blood 
— you  are  descended  from  good  blfod  ;  and  there's 
aa  much  difference  between  nob'lily  and  the  lower 
classes.os  there  is  between  a  racer  and  a  carthorse." 

''  I  cannot  ac»ree  with  you,  Mr.  Chucks.  Common 
people  are  quite  as  brave  as  tliose  who  are  well- 
ix>rn.  You  do  not  mean  to  say  that  you  are  not 
brave — that  the  seamen  on  board  this  ship  are  not 
brave  ?" 

"  No,  no,  Mr.  Simple  *,  but  as  I  observed  about 
myself,  mv  mother  was  a  woman  who  could  not 
be  trusted,  and  tliere  U  no  saying  who  was  my 
father ;  and  she  was  a  very  pretty  woman  to  boot, 
which  levels  all  distinctions  for  the  moment.  As 
for  the  seamen.  (Jod  knows,  I  should  do  them  an 
injustice  if  1  did  not  acknowledge  that  they  were  as 
brave  as  lions.  But  there  are  two  kinds  of  brave- 
rv,  Mr.  Simple, — the  bravery  of  the  moment,  and 
tiie  courage  of  bearing  up  for  a  long  while.  Do 
you  understind  me  V 

"I  think  I  do  J  but  still  do  not  agree  with  you. 
Who  will  bear  more  fatigue  than  our  sailors  ?'' 

"  Ves,  yes,  Mr.  Simple,  tliat  is  l^ecause  they  are 
ciidnred  to  it  from  their  hard  life  ;  but  if  the  com- 
mon sailors  were  all  such  little  thread-papers  as 
you.  and  had  been  brought  up  so  carefully,  they 
would  not  have  gone  through  all  you  have.  That's 
my  opinion,  Mr.  Simple,— there's  notliing  like 
blood." 

"  I  think,  Mr.  Chucks,  you  carry  your  ideas  on 
Uiat  subject  too  far." 


266  PETER  SIMPLE. 

"  I  do  not,  Mr.  Simple  ;  and  I  think,  moreover, 
that  he  who  has  more  to  lose  than  another  will  al- 
ways strive  more.  JNow  a  common  man  only  fighta 
for  his  own  credit  5  but  when  a  man  is  descended 
from  a  long  line  of  people  famous  in  history,  and 
and  has  a  coat  m  arms,  criss-crossed,  and  stuck  all 
over  with  lions  and  unicorns  to  support  the  dignity 
of — why,  lias  he  not  to  fight  for  the  credit  of  all  his 
ancestors,  whose  names  would  be  disgraced  if  he 
didn't  behave  well  1" 

"  I  agreed  with  you,  Mr.  Chucks,  in  the  latter 
remark,  to  a  certain  extent.'' 

"  Ah,  Mr.  Simple  !  we  never  know  the  value  of 
good  descent  when  we  have  it.but  it's  when  we  can- 
not get  it,  that  we  can  '  predate'  it.  I  wish  I  had 
been  born  a  nobleman — I  do,  by  heavens  !"'  and  Mr. 
Chucks  slapped  his  fist  against  the  funnel,  so  as  to 
make  it  ring  again.  '•  Well,  Mr.  Simple,"'  contin- 
ued he,  after  a  pause, ''  it  is,  however,  a  great  com- 
fort to  me  that  I  have  parted  company  with  that 
fool  Mr.  Muddle,  with  his  twenty-six  thousand  and 
odd  years,  and  that  old  woman,  Dispart,  the  gunner. 
You'don't  know  how  those  two  men  used  to  fret 
me  ;  it  was  very  silly,  but  I  could'nt  help  it.  Now 
the  warrant  officers  of  the  ship  appear  to  be  very 
respectable,  quiet  men,  who  know  their  dutv  and 
attend  to  it,  and  are  not  too  familiar,  which  f  hate 
and  detest.  You  went  home  to  your  friends,  of 
course,  when  you  arrived  in  England  1" 

•'  I  did,  Mr  Chucks,  and  spent  some  days  with 
my  grandfather,  lord  Privilege,  whom  you  say  you 
once  met  at  dinner." 

"Well,  and  how  was  the  old  gentleman  1"  in- 
quired the  boatswain,  with  a  sigh. 

"  Very  well,  considering  his  age." 

"Now  do,  pray,  Mr.  Simple,  tell  me  all  about  it; 
from  the  lime  that  the  servants  met  you  at  the  door 
until  you  went  away.  Describe  to  me  the  house  and 
all  the  roomSjfor  I  like  to  hear  of  all  these  things,al- 
though  I  can  never  see  them  again." 


PETER  SIMPLE.  SK7 

To  please  Mr.  Chucks,  I  entered  into  a  full  detail, 
which  he  listened  to  very  attentively,  until  it  was 
late,  and  then,  with  difficulty,  would  he  pcnnit  me 
to  leave  AY,  and  go  down  to  my  hammock. 

The  next  day,  rather  a  singular  circumstance  oc- 
curred. One  of  the  midshipman  was  mastheaded 
by  the  second  lieutenant,  for  not  waiting  on  deck 
until  he  was  relieved.  He  was  down  below  when 
he  was  sent  for,  and  expecting  to  be  punished  from 
what  the  ciuartermaster  told  hmi,  he  thrust  the  first 
book  into  nis  jacket-pocket  which  he  could  lay  his 
hand  on,  to  amuse  nimself  at  the  mast-head,  and 
then  ran  on  deck.  As  he  surmised,  he  was  immedi- 
ately ordered  aloft.  He  had  not  been  there  more 
than  five  minutes,  when  a  sudden  squall  carried 
away  the  main-top-gallant  mast,  and  away  he  went 
flying  over  to  leeward,  (for  the  wind  had  shifted, 
and  the  yards  were  now  braced  up.)  Had  he  gone 
overboard,  as    he  could  not  swim,  he  would,  in   all 

[)robabiiity.  have  been  drowned  :  but  the  book  in 
lis  pocket  brought  him  up  in  the  jaws  of  the  fore- 
brace  block,  where  he  hung  until  taken  out  by  the 
main-topman.  Psow  it  so  happened  that  it  w:i3  a 
prayer-book  which  he  had  laid  nold  of  in  his  hurry, 
and  those  who  were  superstitious  declared  it  was 
all  owing  to  his  having  taken  a  religious  book  with 
him.  1  did  not  think  so,  as  any  otlier  lx>ok  would 
have  answered  the  purpose  quite  as  well  ;  still  the 
midshipman  hini.selt  tliought  so,  and  it  was  prcnluc- 
tivc  ot  gofnl,  as  he  was  a  sad  scamp,  and  behaved 
much  l)etter  allrrwards. 

But  I  had  nearly  forgotten  to  mention  a  circum- 
stance which  occurred  on  the  day  of  our  sailing, 
which  will  be  eventually  found  to  have  had  a  great 
influence  upon  my  alter  life.  It  was  this,  I  receiv- 
ed a  letter  from  iiiv  father,  evidently  written  in  a 
great  vexation  amf  annoyance,  informing  me  that 
my  uncle,  whose  wife  I  had  already  mentioned  had 
two  daughters,  and  was  again  expected  to  be   con- 


268  PETER  SIMPLE. 

fined,  had  suddenly  broke q  up  his  housekeeping, 
discharged  every  servant,  and  proceeded  to  Ireland 
under  an  assumed  name.  iS'o  reason  had  been  given 
for  tliis  unaccountable  proceeding  ;  and  not  even 
my  grandfather,  or  any  of  the  members  of  the  fam- 
ily, had  had  notice  of  his  intention.  Indeed,  it  was 
by  mere  accident  tliat  his  departure  w£is  discover- 
ed, about  a  fortnight  alter  it  had  taken  place.  My 
father  had  taken  a  great  deal  of  pains  to  find  out 
where  he  was  residing  5  but  although  my  uncle  was 
traced  to  Cork,  from  that  town  all  clue  was  lost, 
but  still  it  was  supposed,  from  inquiries,  that  he  was 
not  very  far  from  thence.  "  ISow/'  observed  my 
father,  in  his  letter,  •'  I  cannot  help  surmising,  that 
my  brother,  in  his  anxiety  to  retain  the  advantages 
of  the  title  to  his  own  family,  has  resolved  to  pro- 
duce to  the  world  a  spurious  child  as  his  own,  by 
some  contrivance  or  another.  His  wife's  health  is 
very  bad,  and  she  is  not  likely  to  have  a  large  fam- 
ily. Should  the  one  now  expected  prove  a  daughter, 
there  is  little  chance  of  his  ever  having  another ; 
and  I  have  no  hesitation  in  declaring  it  my  convic- 
tion that  the  meaisure  has  been  taken  with  a  view 
of  defrauding  you  of  your  chance  of  eventually  be- 
ing called  to  the  House  of  Lords." 

I  showed  this  letter  to  O'Brien,  who,  after  read- 
ing it  over  two  or  three  times,  gave  his  opinion  that 
my  father  was  right  in  his  conjectures.  ''  Depend 
upon  it,  Peter,  there's  foul  play  intended,  that  is,  if 
foul  play  is  rendered  necessary." 

'•  But^.  OBrien,  I  cannot  imagine  why,  if  my  uncle 
has  no  son  of  his  own,  he  should  prefer  acknowl- 
edging a  son  of  any  other  person's,  instead  of  his 
own  nephew." 

"  But  I  can,  Peter  ;  your  uncle  is  not  a  man  like- 
ly to  live  very  long  as  you  know.  The  doctors  say 
that,  with  his  short  neck,  his  life  is  not  worth  two 
years'  purchase.  Now  if  he  had  a  son,  consider 
that  his  daughters  would  be  much  better  off,  and 


PETER  SIMPLE.  2C9 

much  more  likely  to  pet  married  ;  besides,  tliero 
are  many  reasons  which  I  won't  talk  about  now,  be- 
cause it's  no  use  making  vou  iliink  vour  uncle  to 
be  a  scoundrel.  But  I'll  tell  you  what  I'll  do.  I'll 
go  down  to  my  cabin  directly,  and  write  to  Kather 
M'Crath,  telling  him  the  whole  atlair,  and  desiring 
him  to  ferret  him  out,  and  watch  him  narrowly,  rnd 
ril  bet  you  a  dozen  of  claret,  that  in  less  than  a 
week,  he'll  find  him  out.  and  will  dog  liim  to  the 
last.  He'll  get  hold  of  his  Irish  servants,  and  you 
little  know  the  power  that  a  priest  has  in  our  coun- 
try. ISow  give  the  description  as  well  as  you  can 
ol  vour  uncle's  appearance,  also  of  that  of  his  wife, 
an(5  the  number  of  their  familv,  and  their  ages. 
Father  M'Ciralh  must  have  all  the  particulars,  and 
then  let  him   alone  for  doing  wliat  is  needful." 

I  complied  with  O'Brien's  directions  as  well  as  I 
could,  and  he  wrote  a  very  long  letter  to  Kather 
M'(iratli,  which  was  sent  on  shore  by  a  careful 
hand.  1  answered  my  father's  letter,  and  then 
thought  no  more  about  the  matter. 

Our  sealed  orders  were  opened,  and  proved  our 
destination  to  be  to  the  West  Indies,  as  we  expect- 
ed. We  touched  at  Madeira  to  take  in  some  wine 
for  the  ship's  company  ;  but  as  we  only  remained 
one  day,  we  were  not  pcrinittcd  to  go  on  shore. 
Fortunate  indeed  wouUI  it  have  been  if  we  had 
never  gone  there  ;  for  the  day  after,  our  captain, 
who  hatl  dined  with  the  consul,  was  taken  alarm- 
ingly ill.  From  the  symptoms,  the  Furpcon  dreaded 
tJiat  he  had  been  poisoned  by  something  which  he 
had  eaten,  and  which  most  probably  had  been 
cooked  in  a  co|>per  vessel  not  projxsrly  tinned.  Wo 
were  all  very  anxious  that  he  biiould  recover  ;  but 
on  the  contr.iry,  he  appeared  to  grow  worse  and 
worse  every  <lay,  wasting  away,  and  d\ing.  as  they 
•ay,  by  inches.  At  last  ho  was  put  in  hia  cot,  and 
never  ro^p  Iroin  it  again,  'ihis  melancholy  circum- 
■tanre.  added  to  the  kuowlcd"c  lliat  we  were  pro- 


no  PETER  SIMPLE. 

ceeding  to  an  unhealthy  climate,  caused  a  gloom 
throughout  the  sliip  ;  and  although  the  trade  wind 
carried  us  along  bounding  over  the  bright  blue  sea 
— although  the  weather  was  now  warm,  yet  not  too 
'jvarm — although  the  sun  rose  in  splendor,  and  all 
t\as  beautiful  and  cheering,  the  state  of  the  captain's 
health  was  a  check  to  all  mirth.  Every  one  trod 
the  deck  softly,  and  spoke  in  a  low  voice,  that  he 
might  not  be  disturbed  ;  all  were  anxious  to  have 
the  morning  report  of  the  surgeon,  and  our  con- 
versation was  generally  upon  the  sickly  climate, 
the  yellow  fever, of  death,  and  the  palisades  where 
they  buried  us.  Swinburne,  the  quartermaster,  was 
in  my  watch,  and  as  he  had  been  long  in  the  West 
Indies,  I  used  to  obtain  all  the  information  from  him 
that  I  could. 

The  old  fellow  had  a  secret  pleasure  in  frighten- 
ing me  as  much  as  he  could.  ''  Really,  Mr.  Simple, 
you  ax  so  many  questions, ■'  he  would  say,  as  I  ac- 
costed him  while  he  was  at  his  station  at  the  conn. 
"  I  wish  you  wouldn't  ax  so  many  questions,  and 
make  yourself  uncomfortable — '  steady  so' — •  steady 
it  is  ;'  with  regard  to  Yellow  Jack,  as'  we  calls  the 
yellow  fever,  it's  a  devil  incarnate,  that's  sartin — 
you're  well  and  able  to  take  your  allowance  in  the 
morning,  and  dead  as  a  herring  'fore  night.  First 
comes  a  bit  of  a  headache — you  goes  to  fhe  doctor, 
who  bleeds  you  like  a  pig — then  you  go  out  of  your 
senses — then  up  comes  the  black  vomit,  and  then 
it's  all  over  witn  you,  and  you  go  to  the  land-crabs, 
who  pick  your  bones  as  clean  and  as  white  as  a  sea 
elephant's'  tooth.  But  there  be  one  thing  to  be 
said  in  favor  of  Yellow  Jack  a'ter  all.  You  dies 
straight,  like  a  gentleman — not  cribbed  up  like  a 
snowfish,  chucked  out  on  the  ice  of  the  river  St. 
Lawrence,  with  your  knees  up  to  your  nose,  oryoiir 
toes  stuck  into  your  arm-pits,  as  does  take  place  m 
some  of  your  foreign  complaints ;  but  straight, 
quite  straight,  and  limber  like  a  gentleynan.     Still 


FETER  SIMPLE.  S71 

Jack  is  a  little  iniscliievous.  that's  sartin.  In  the 
Euriiiiscy  we  had  as  fine  a  ship's  company  as  was  ev- 
er pij)cil  aloft, — •  Steatly,  starboard,  my  man,  you're 
hall  a  pint  oH"your  course  ;' — we  dropped  our  anchor 
in  Tort  Royal,  and  we  thought  that  there  was  mis- 
chief brc  win^, for  thirtycight  sharks  followed  thesliip 
into  tlie  Inrbor,  and  played  about  us  day  and  night. 
I  used  to  watcli  them  during  the  night-w.ilch,  as 
their  fins,  above  watrr,  skimmed  along,  leaving  a 
trail  of  light  behind  them;  and  the  second  niglit  1 
said  to  the  sentry  abaft,  as  I  was  looking  at  them 
smelling  under  the  counter — '  Soldier,'  says  I. '  them 
•harks  asv  mustering  under  the  orders  of  Yellow 
Jack  ;'  and  I  no  sooner  mentioned  Yellow  Jack,  than 
the  sharks  gave  a  frisky  plunge,  every  one  of  them, 
as  much  as  to  say,  *  Yes.  so  we  are.  d — n  your  eyes.' 
The  soldier  was  so  frightened  that  he  would  have 
fallen  overboard,  if  1  had'iit  caught  him  bv  the 
scrutf  of  the  neck,  for  he  was  standing  on  the  top 
of  the  taifril.  As  it  was,  he  dropped  his  musket 
over  the  stem,  which  the  sharks  dashed  at  from 
every  quarter,  making  the  sea  look  like  fire — and 
he  h;id  it  charged  to  his  wages.  jC  1  Kis.  1  think. 
However,  the  fate  of  his  musket  ijave  him  an  idea 
of  what  would  have  happenrd  to  liim.  if  lie  had  fal- 
len instead  of  it — and  nc  never  got  on  the  taffril 
again.  '  Steady,  port — mind  your  helm,  Smith — 
you  can  list(-n  to  my  \arn,  all  the  same.'  Well, 
Mr.  Simple,  Yelhn.'  Jack  came  sure  enough.  First 
the  purser  was  ralh.'tl  to  account  for  all  his  rogucr>'. 
We  didn't  care  mu';h  about  the  land-crabs  catiiig 
him,  who  had  m.-ule  so  many  pour  dead  men  chew 
tobacco,  cheatinir  tlieir  wives  an<l  relations,  or 
Greenwich  Ho.H|Mtai,  ;uj  it  might  hap[>(Mi.  'I'lien 
went  two  of  th«-  mwidies.  just  about  your  agf,  Mr. 
Simple  ;  they,  poor  fellows,  went  <i(f  in  a  satl  hur- 
ry :  then  went  the  mister — and  so  it  went  on,  till 
at  last  we  had  no  more  nor  bixty  men  l(>ft  in  the 
■hip.    'I'he  captam  died  last  and  then  Yellow  Jack 


272  PETER  SIMPLE. 

had  filled  his  maw,  and  left  the  rest  of  us  alone. 
As  soon  as  the  captain  died,  all  the  sharks  left  the 
ship,  and  we  never  saw  any  more  of  them." 

Such  were  the  yarns  told  to  me  and  the  other 
midshipmen  during  the  night  watches ;  and  I  can 
assure  the  reader,  that  they  gave  us  no  small  alarm. 
Every  day  that  we  worked  our  dav's  work,  and 
found  ourselves  so  much  nearer  to  the  islands,  did 
we  feel  as  if  we  were  so  much  nearer  to  our 
graves.  I  once  spoke  to  O'Brien  about  it,  and  he 
laughed.  "  Peter,'"  says  he,  ''  fear  kills  more  peo- 
ple than  the  yellow  fever,  or  any  other  complaint, 
in  the  West  Indies.  Swinburne  is  an  old  rogue, 
and  only  laughing  at  you.  The  devil's  not  half  so 
black  as  he's  painted — nor  the  yellow  fever  half  so 
yellow,  I  presume."'  We  were  now  fast  nearing 
the  island  of  Barbadoes,  the  weather  was  beautiful, 
the  vvind  always  fair ;  the  flying-fish  rose  in  shoals, 
startled  by  the  foaming  seas,  which  rolled  away,  and 
roared  from  the  bows  as  our  swifl  frigate  cleaved 
through  the  water ;  the  porpoises  played  about  us 
in  thousands — the  bonetas  and  dolphins  at  one  time 
chased  the  flying  fish,  and  at  others,  appeared  to  be 
delighted  in  keeping  company  with  the  rapid  ves- 
sel. Every  thing  was  beautiful,  and  we  all  should 
have  been  happy,  had  it  not  been  from  the  state  of 
captain  Savage,  in  the  first  place,  who  daily  became 
worse  and  worse,  and  from  the  dread  of  the  hell, 
which  we  were  about  te  enter  through  such  a  wa- 
tery paradise.  Mr.  Falcon,  who  was  in  command, 
was  grave  and  thoughtful ;  he  appeared  indeed  to 
be  quite  miserable  at  the  chance  which  would  en- 
sure his  own  promotion.  In  ever>'  attention,  and 
every  care  that  could  be  taken  to  ensure  quiet  and 
aff'ord  relief  to  the  captain,  he  was  unremitting  :  the 
off'ence  of  making  a  noise  was  now,  with  him,  a 
greater  crime  than  drunkenness,  or  even  mutiny. 
When  within  three  days'  sail  of  Barbadoes,  it  fell 
almost  calm,  and  the  captain  became  much  worse  ; 


PETER  SIMPLE.  £73 

and  now  for  the  first  time  did  we  behold  the  great 
white  shark  of  the  Atlantic.  There  are  several 
kinds  oi"  sharks,  but  the  most  dangerous  are  the 
great  white  shark  and  tlie  ground  shark.  The  for- 
mer grows  to  an  enormous  length,  the  latter  is  sel- 
dom very  lung,  not  more  than  iweUe  feet,  but 
spreads  to  a  great  breadth.  We  could  not  hook  the 
sharks  as  they  played  around  us,  for  Mr.  Falcon 
would  not  permit  it,  lest  the  noise  of  hauling  them 
on  board  should  disturb  the  captain.  A  breeze  again 
sprung  up.  In  two  days  we  were  close  to  the  islaixl, 
and  the  men  were  desired  to  look  out  for  the  land. 


CIL\PTER  XXX. 

I>Mlii    nf    capUin     Sarue — Hii  funrral — Specimen  of  true    Btrbadiaa 
boru — SuLkin^  tlic  moakty — fffVcla  o{  a  liumcanr. 

The  next  morning,  having  hove-to  part  of  the 
night,  land  was  discovered  on  the  bow,  and  was 
reported  by  the  mast-head  man  at  the  same  moment 
that  the  surgeon  came  up  and  announced  the  death 
of  our  noble  captain.  Although  it  had  been  ex- 
pected for  the  last  two  or  tliree  days,  the  intelli- 
gence created  a  heavy  gloom  throui^liout  the  ship; 
the  men  worked  in  silence,  and  spoke  to  one  anoto- 
er  in  whispers.  Mr.  Kalcon  was  deeply  affected, 
and  so  were  we  all.  In  the  course  of  the  morn- 
ing, we  run  into  the  island,  and  unhappy  as  I  was,  I 
■ever  can  forget  tlie  sensation  of  admiration  which 
1  felt  on  closing  with  IS'eedham  Point  to  enter 
Carlisle  Bay.  The  beach  of  such  a  pure  dazzling 
white,  backed  by  the  ull  green  cocoanut  trees,  wa- 
ring their  spreading  heads  to  the  fresh  breeze,  the 
dark  blue  of  the  sky,  and  the  deeper  blue  of  the 
transparent  sea,  eccasionallj  varied  into  green  ■• 


274  FETER  SIMPLE. 

we  passed  by  the  coral  rocks  which  threw  their 
branches  out  from  *,he  bottom — the  town  opening  to 
our  view  by  degrees,  houses  after  houses  so  neat, 
with  their  green  jealousies  dotting  the  landscape, 
the  fort  with  the  colors  flying,  troops  of  officera 
riding  down,  a  busy  population  of  all  color,  relieved 
by  the  whiteness  of  their  dress.  Altogether  the 
scene  realized  my  first  ideas  of  fairy  land,  for  I 
thought  I  had  never  witnessed  any  thing  so  beauti- 
ftil.  "  And  can  this  be  such  a  dreadful  place  as  it  is 
described  1"  thought  I.  The  sails  were  clewed  up 
the  anchor  was  dropped  to  the  bottom,  and  a  salute 
from  the  ship,  answered  by  the  forts,  added  to  the 
effect  of  the  scene.  The  sails  were  furled,  the 
boats  lowered  down,  the  boatswain  squared  the 
yards  from  the  joUyboat  ahead.  Mr .  Falcon  dres- 
sed, and  his  boat  bein^  manned,  went  on  shore 
with  the  despatches.  Then,  as  soon  as  the  work 
was  over,  anew  scene  of  delight  presented  itself  to 
the  sight  of  midshipmen  who  had  been  so  long  upon 
his  majesty's  allowance.  These  were  the  boats 
which  crowded  round  the  ship,  loaded  with  baskets 
•f  bananas, oranges,  shaddocks,  soursops,  and  every 
other  kind  of  tropical  fruit,  fried  flying-fish,  eggs, 
fowls,  milk,  and  every  thing  which  could  tempt  a 
poor  boy  after  a  long  sea  voyage.  The  watch  be- 
ing called,  down  we  all  hastened  into  the  boats,  and 
returned  loaded  with  treasures,  which  we  soon 
contrived  to  make  disappear.  After  stowing  away 
u  much  fruit  as  would  have  sufficed  for  a  dessert 
to  a  dinner  given  to  twenty  people  in  England,  I 
returned  on  deck. 

There  was  no  other  man-of-war  in  the  bay  5  but 
my  attention  was  directed  to  a  beautiful  little  vessel, 
a  schooner,  whose  fairy  form  contrasted  strongly 
with  a  West  India  trader  which  lay  close  to  her. 
All  of  a  sudden,  as  I  was  looking  at  her  beautiful 
•at  line,  a  yell  rose  from  her  which  quite  startled 
Kii,  jtnd  iiSataftdiately  afterwarda  her  deck  was  cov- 


PETER  SIMPLE.  273 

•red  witii  nearly  tvvo  hundred  naked  figures  with 
woolly  heads,  chattering  and  grining  at  «ach  other. 
She  was  a  Spanish  slaver,  whicij  had  been  cap- 
tured, and  hatl  arrived  the  evening  before.  The 
slaves  were  still  on  board,  waiting  the  orders  of  the 
governor.  They  had  been  on  deck  about  ten  min- 
utes, when  three  or  four  men  with  large  Panama 
straw  hats  on  their  heads,  and  long  ratans  in  their 
hands,  jumped  upon  the  gunnel,  and  in  a  few  seconds 
drove  them  all  down  below,  i  then  turned  round, 
and  observed  a  black  woman  who  had  just  climbed 
up  the  side  of  the  frigate.  O'Brien  was  on  deck,  and 
she  walked  up  to  him  in  a  most  consequential  man- 
ner. 

''  How  do  you  do,  sar  ?  Very  happy  you  com  back 
again,'"  said  she  to  O'Brien. 

*'  1  am  very  well,  1  thank  you,  ma'am,"  replied 
O'Brien,  ''audi  hope  to  go  back  the  same  5  but 
never  having  put  my  foot  into  ihi^  bay  before,  you 
have  the  advantage  of  me.'' 

•'  JNebber  here  before,  so  help  me  Ciod  !  me  tinki 
know  you — me  tink  i  rccolcct  your  handsom  face— 
I  Laily  Rodney,  sir.  Ah,  piccaninny  buccra  !  how 
you  do  ?  said  she,  turning  round  to  me,  "  Me  hope 
to  hab  dc  honour  to  W3«h  for  you,  tar,"  courtesying 
to  O'Bnen. 

"  What  do  you  charge  in  this  place  ?" 

"  All  the  same  price,  one  bit  a  piece." 

"  What  do  you  call  a  bit  ?' — inquired  I. 

"  A  bit,  Ijll y  massa  1 — what  you  call  um  bit  ?  Dem 
four  $harp  Mhiti*  to  a  pictarocii.  ' 

Our  deck  was  now  enlivened  by  several  army  offi- 
cers, bcHulrs  gentlemen  residents,  who  came  oti"  to 
hear  the  nowH.  Invitalious  to  the  mess,  and  to  iho 
houses  of  the  gentleman  followed,  and  as  Uicy  de- 
part<d  Mr.  Falcon  returned  on  board.  Hr  told 
O'Brien  and  the  other  otiiccrs,  that  the  admiral  and 
aquadron  were  expected  in  a  few  davs,  and  that 
we  were  to  r»main  in  Carliale  Bay  and  refit  imme- 
diately. 


276  PETER  SIMPLE. 

But  although  the  fright  about  the  yellow  fever 
had  considerably  subsided  in  our  breast,  the  r«- 
membrance  that  our  poor  captain  was  lyirvg  dead  in 
the  cabin  was  constantly  obtruding.  All  that  night 
the  carpenters  were  up  making  his  coffin,  for  he 
was  to  be  hurried  the  next  day.  The  bodies  are  never 
allowed  to  remain  many  hours  unburied  in  the 
tropical  climates,  where  putrefaction  is  so  rapid. 
The  following  morning  the  men  were  up  at  day 
light,  washing  the  decks  and  putting  the  ship  in  or- 
der 5  they  worked  willingly,  and  yet  with  a  silent 
decorum  which  showed  what  their  feelings  were. 
Isever  were  the  decks  better  cleaned,  never  were 
the  ropes  more  carefully  Jlemished  down  j  the  ham 
mock  were  stowed  in  their  white  clothes,  the  yards 
carefully  squared,  and  the  ropes  hauled  taut.  At 
eight  o'clock,  the  colors  and  pennant  were  hoisted 
half-mast  high.  The  men  were  then  ordered  down 
to  breakfast,  and  to  clean  themselves.  During  the 
lime  that  the  men  were  at  breakfast,  all  the  olhcers 
v.eat  into  the  cabin  to  take  a  last  farewell  look  at 
our  gallant  captain.  He  appeared  te  have  died 
without  pain,  and  there  wasabeautifultranpuillityin 
his   face ;  but   even  already  a  change   had   taken 

glace,  and  we  perceived  the  necessity  of  his  being 
urried  so  soon.  We  saw  him  placed  in  his  coffin, 
and  then  quitted  the  cabin  without  speaking  to  each 
other.  When  the  coffin  was  nailed  down,  it  was 
brought  up  by  the  barge's  crew  to  the  quarterdeck, 
and  laid  upon  the  gratings  amidships,  covered  over 
with  the  Union  Jack.  The  man  came  up  from  be- 
low without  waiting  for  the  pipe,  and  a  solemnity 
appeared  to  pervade  every  motion.  Order  and 
quiet  were  universal,  out  of  respect  to  the  deceased. 
When  the  boats  were  ordered  to  be  manned,  the 
men  almost  appeared  to  steal-  into  them.  The 
barge  received  the  coffin,  which  was  placed  in  the 
stem  sheets.  The  other  boats  then  hauled  up, 
jund  received  the  officers,  marines,  and  sailors,  wh» 


PETER  SIMPLE.  277 

were  to  follow  the  procession.  When  all  was  rea- 
dy, the  barge  was  snoved  off  by  the  bow  men,  the 
crew  dropped  their  oars  into  the  water  witliout  a 
■plash,  and  pulled  the  minute  stroke;  the  other 
boats  followed,  and  as  soon  as  tliey  were  clear  of 
tke  ship,  the  minute  guns  boomed  along  the  smooth 
■urface  of  the  bay  from  the  opposite  side  of  the 
ship,  while  the  yards  were  topped  to  starboard  and 
to  port,  the  ropes  were  slackened  and  liung  in  bights, 
so  as  to  give  the  idea  of  distress  and  neglect.  At 
the  same  time  a  dozen  or  more  of  the  men  who 
had  been  ready,  dropped  over  the  sides  of  the  ship  in 
different  parts,  and  with  their  cans  of  paint  and 
bniihes  in  a  few  minutes  effaced  the  whole  of  the 
broad  white  riband  which  marked  the  beautiful  run 
of  the  frigate,  and  left  her  aJl  black  and  in  deep 
mourning.  The  guns  from  the  forte  now  responded 
to  our  own.  The  merchant  ships  lowered  their 
colors,  and  the  men  stood  up  respectfully  with  their 
hats  off,  as  the  procession  moved  slowly  to  the 
landing-place.  The  coffin  was  borne  to  the  burial- 
ground  by  the  crew  of  the  barge,  followed  by  Mr. 
Falcon  as  chief  mourner,  all  the  officers  of  the 
ship  which  could  be  spared,  one  hundred  of  the 
seaman  walking  two  and  two,  and  the  marines  with 
their  arms  reversed.  The  corUffv  was  joined  by  the 
army  officers,  while  the  troops  lined  the  streets  and 
the  bands  plaved  the  dead  march.  The  service  was 
read,  the  voile vs  were  fired  over  the  grave,  and 
with  oppressed  feeling  wo  returned  to  Uiel)oat8,and 
pulled  on  board. 

It  then  appeared  to  me,  and  to  a  certam  degree  I 
was  correct,  that  as  soon  as  we  had  paid  our  last 
respect  to  his  remains,  we  had  also  forgotten  our 
grief  The  yards  were  again  squared,  the  ropes 
hauled  taut,  working  dresses  resumed,  and  all  was 
activity  and  bustle.  The  fact  is,  that  sailors  and 
soldiers  have  no  time  for  lamentation,  and  running  as 
they   do  from  clime  to  clime,  to  does  scene  follow 


a  PETER  SIMPLE. 

scene  in  the  same  variety  and  quickness.  In  a  day 
or  two,  the  captain  appeared  to  be,  although  he  was 
not,  forgotten.  Our  first  business  was  to  water  the 
ship  by  rafting  and  towing  off  the  casks.  I  was  in 
charge  of  the  boat  again,  with  Swinburne  as  cox- 
swain. As  we  pulled  in,  there  were  a  number  of  ne- 
groes bathing  in  the  surf.bobbingtheirwoolly  heads 
under  it,  as  it  rolled  into  the  beach.  "  Now,  Mr. 
Simple,' '  said  Swinburne,  "  see  how  I'll  make  them 
niggers  scamper."  He  then  stood  up  in  the  stern 
sheets,  and  pointing  with  his  finger  roared  out,  "  A 
shark  1  a  shark  !'  Away  started  all  the  bathers  for 
the  beach,  puffing  and  blowing,  from  their  dreaded 
enemy  ;  nor  did  they  stop  to  look  for  him  until  they 
were  high  and  dry  out  of  his  reach.  Then,  when 
we  all  laughed,  they  called  us  "all  the  hangmaa 
iie/s,"  and  every  other  opprobrious  name  which 
they  could  select  from  their  vocabulary.  I  was  very 
much  amused  with  this  scene,  and  as  much  after- 
wards with  the  negroes  who  crowded  round  us 
when  we  landed.  They  appeared  such  merry  fel- 
lows, always  laughing,  chattering,  singing,  and 
showing  their  white  teeth.  One  fellow  danced 
round  us,  snapping  his  fingers,  and  singing  songs 
■without  beginning  or  end.  "  Eh  massa,  what  you 
say  now  ?  Me  no  slave — true  Bardsidian  bom, 
sir.  Eh! 

"  Nebba  see  de  d.\j 

Dat  Rodney  run  away, 

Nebba  see  um  night 

Dat  Rodney  cannot  fl^ht. 

Massa  me  free  man,  sar.  Suppose  you  give  m« 
pictareeU;  drink  massa  health. 

Neblja  see  de  day,  boy, 
Pompey  lickum  de  Cseaar 

Eh  ?  and  you  nebba  see  de  day  dat  de  Grasshopper 
he  run  on  de  Warrington. '^ 

"  Out  of  the  way,  you  nigger,"  cried  one  of  the 
men  who  was  rolling  down  a  cask. 


PETER  SIMPLE.  t» 

"  Eh !  who  you  call  nigger  ?    Me  fre«  man  and 
true    Bardadian   born.     Go  along,  you  man-of-war 


Man-of-war,  buccra, 
Man-of-war,  buccra. 
He  de  boy  for  me, 
6o<]ecr  buccra, 
Sod^er  buccra, 
Mcbba,  nebba,  do, 
Nebba,  nebba  do  for  me  ; 
8od?er  give  me  one  shilling, 
Sailor  give  me  two. 

Maisa,  now  supposo  you  tjive  me  only  one  picU- 
reen  now.   Yoii  roally  handsome  young  gentleman." 

"  Now  just  walk  ofT,"  said  Swinburne,  lifting  up 
a  stick  he  found  on  the  beach. 

"Eh!  walk  off. 

Nebba  see  de  day,  boy, 
Badian  run  away,  boy. 

Go  do  your  work,  Bar.  Why  you  talk  to  me  7  Go, 
work,   tar.     I  free   man,  and  real  Bardadian  bom. 

"  Negro  on  de  shore 
See  de  ship  come  in, 
De  buccra  come  on  shore. 
Wid  de  hand  up  to  do  chin  ; 
Man-of  war  buccra. 
Man-of-war  buccra, 
He  de  iKiy  (or  me, 
Man  of-war  buccra. 
Man-of-war  buccra, 
Gib  piaareen  lo  me." 

At  thin  moment  my  attention  waa  directed  to 
another  ne^To,  who  lay  on  thit  beach  rolling  and 
foaming  at  t}ie  mouth,  apparently  in  a  fit.  "  NVnat'a 
the  matter  with  that  fellow  7"  said  I  to  the  samA 
negro  who  continued  close  tome,  notwithstinding 
Swinburne's  stick.  "Eh I  call  him  Sam  Slack, 
massa.     He    ab  um  ttc   He  fit."     And  fuch  was  ap- 


280  PETER  SIMPLE. 

parently  the  case.  ''  Stop,  me  cure  him  }•'  and  he 
snatched  the  stick  out  of  Swinburne's  hand,  and 
running  up  to  the  man,  who  continued  to  roll  on 
the  beach,  commenced  belaboring  him  without 
mercy.  " i.h,  Sambo!"  cried  he  at  last,  quite  out 
of  breath,  '•  you  no  better  yet — try  again."  He 
recommenced,  until  at  last  the  man  got  up  and  ran 
away  as  fast  as  he  could.  jNow,  whether  the  man 
•was  shamming,  or  whether  it  was  real  tic  tic,  or 
epileptic  fit,  I  know  not  5  but  I  never  heard  of  such 
a  cure  for  it  before.  I  threw  the  fellow  half  a  pic- 
tareen,  as  much  for  the  amusement  he  had  afforded 
me  as  to  get  rid  of  him.  "Tanky,  massa,  now 
man-of-war  man,  here  de  tick  for  you  again  to 
keep  off  all  de  dam  niggers."  So  saying,  he  hand- 
ed the  stick  to  Swinburne,  made  a  polite  bow,  and 
departed.  We  were,  however,  soon  surrounded  by 
others,  particularly  by  some  dingy  ladies  with  bas- 
kets of  fruit,  and  who,  as  they  "said,  "  sell  ebery 
ting."  I  perceived  that  my  sailors  were  very  Ibnd 
of  cocoanut  milk,  which"  being  a  very  harmless 
beverage,  I  did  not  object  to  their  purchasing  from 
these  ladies,  who  had  chiefly  cocoanuts  in  their 
baskets.  As  I  had  never  tasted  it,  I  asked  them 
what  it  was,  and  bought  a  cocoanut.  I  selected  the 
largest.  "  iS'o,  massa,  dat  not  good,  for  you.  Bet- 
ter one  for  buccra  officer."  I  then  selected  anoth- 
er, but  the  same  objection  was  made.  '•  ]No,  mas- 
sa, dis  very  fine  milk.  Very  good  for  de  tomac."  I 
drank  off  the  milk  from  the  holes  on  the  top  of  the 
cocoanut,  and  found  it  verv  refreshing.  As  for  the 
sailors,  they  appeared  very  fond  of  it  indeed.  But 
I  very  soon  found  that  if  good  for  de  tomac,  it  was 
not  very  good  for  the  head,  as  my  men,  instead  of 
rolling  the  casks,  began  to  roll  themselves  in  all  di- 
rections, and  when  it  was  time  to  go  off  to  dinner, 
most  of  them  were  dead  drunk  at  the  bottom  of 
the  boat.  They  insisted  that  it  was  tlie  sun  which 
affected  tham.     Very  hot  it  certainly  was,  and  1  be- 


PETER  SIMPLE.  281 

lieved  them  at  first  when  tliey  were  only  giddy: 
but  I  was  convinced  to  the  contrary  when  I  found 
that  they  became  insensible  ;  yet  liow  they  li.id  pro- 
cured the  liquor  was  to  me  a  mystery.  When  I 
came  on  board,  Mr.  Falcon,  who  althouy;h  acting 
captain,  continued  his  duties  as  first  lieutenant  al- 
most as  punctually  as  before,  asked  how  it  was  that 
1  had  allowed  my  men  to  i^et  so  tipsy.  I  assured 
him  that  1  could  not  tell. that  1  had  never  allowed  one 
to  leave  the  watering  place,  or  to  buy  any  liquor  ; 
the  only  thing  that  they  had  to  drink  was  a  little 
cocoanut  milk,  which,  as  it  was  go  very  hot,  I 
thought  there  could  be  no  objection  to.  Mr.  Fal- 
con smiled  and  said,  "  Mr.  Simple,  I  am  an  old 
stager  in  the  West  indies,  and  i  II  let  you  into  a 
secret.  Do  you  know  wljat  '  guckiiif;  the  moixkey ' 
means?"  "  .No,  sir."  "  Well,  then  111  tell  you; 
it  is  a  term  used  among  seamen  for  drinking  ru.n 
out  of  cocoaniUs,  the  milk  having  been  poured  out, 
and  the  liquor  substituted.  ISow,  do  you  compre- 
hend why  your  men  are  tipsy  V  1  stared  with  all 
my  eyes,  for  it  never  would  have  entered  into  my 
head  ;  and  1  then  perceived  why  it  was  that  the 
black  woman  would  not  give  me  the  first  cocoanuta 
which  I  selected,  1  told  Mr.  l-'alcon  of  tins  cir- 
cumstance, who  replied,  '•  Well,  it  was  not  your 
fault,  only  you  must  not  forget  it  another  time. 

It  was  my  tirst  watch  that  night,  and  Swinburne 
was  quarter-master  on  deck.  "  Swinburne,"  said  I, 
"  you  have  often  been  in  the  West  Indies  before, 
why  did  you  not  tell  me  that  the  men  were  '  suck- 
«»V»  '^*  monktij '  when  1  tliought  that  they  were  only 
drinking  cocoanut  milk. 

Swinburne  churkled,  and  answered,  ''  Why,  Mr. 
Simple,  d'ye  see,  it  didn't  become  me  as  a  ship- 
mate to  peach.  It's  but  seldom  that  a  |)o<)r  fellow 
bu  an  opportunity  of  making  himself  a  '  little  hap- 
py,' and  It  would  not  be  Tair  to  take  away  the 
chance.  I  suppose  you'll,  never  let  tliem  hara  co- 
csanut  milk  again  V 


288  PETER  SIMPLE. 

"  No,  that  I  will  not ;  but  1  cannot  imagine  what 
pleasure  they  can  find  getting  so  tipsy." 

"  It's  merely  because  they  are  not  allowed  to  be 
BO,  sir.     That's  the  whole  story  in  a  few  words.'' 

"Well,  I  think  I  could  cure  them,  if  I  were  per- 
mitted to  try." 

"  I  should  like  to  hear  how  you'd  manage  that, 
Mr.  Simple," 

"  Why,  1  would  oblige  a  man  t«  drink  off  a  half 
pint  of  liquor,  and  then  put  him  by  himself.  I 
would  not  allow  him  companions  to  make  merry 
with  so  as  to  make  a  pleasure  of  intoxication.  1 
would  then  wait  until  next  morning  when  he  was 
sober,  and  leave  him  alone  with  a  racking  headache 
until  evening,  when  I  would  give  him  another  dose, 
and  so  on,  forcing  him  to  get  drunk  until  he  hatea 
the  smell  of  liquor." 

"  Well,  Mr.  Simple,  it  might  do  with  some,  but 
many  of  our  chaps  would  require  the  dose  you 
mention  to  be  repeated  pretty  often  before  it  would 
effect  a  cure  ;  and  what's  more,  they'd  be  very  wil- 
ling patients,  and  make  no  wry  faces  at  their  physic." 

"  Well,  that  might  be,  but  it  would  cure  them  at 
last.  But  tell  me,  Mr.  Swinburne,  were  you  ever 
ia  a  hurricane  ?" 

"  I've  been  in  every  thing  Mr.  Simple,  I  believe, 
except  a  school,  and  I  never  had  no  time  to  go 
tliere.  Do  you  see  that  battery  at  Needham  Point  7 
Well,  in  the  hurricane  of  '82,  them  same  guns  were 
whirled  away  by  the  wind  right  over  to  this  point 
here  on  the  opposite  side,  the  sentries  in  their  sen- 
try boxes  after  them.  Some  of  the  soldiers  who 
faced  the  wind  had  their  teeth  blown  down  their 
throats  like  broken  'baccy  pipes,  others  had  their 
heads  turned  round  like  dog  vanes,  'cause  they 
waited  for  orders  to  the  '  right  about  face'  and  the 
whole  air  was  full  of  young  niggers  blowing  about 
like  the  peelings  of  ingins." 

"  You  don't  suppose  I  believe  all  of  this,  Swin- 
burne ?" 


PETER  SIMPLE.  283 

"  That's  as  may  be,  Mr.  Simple,  but  I've  told  the 
story  so  often  that  I  believe  it  myself." 

"  What  ship  were  you  in  V 

"  In  the  Blanche,  Captain  Faulkner,  who  was  as 
fine  a  fellow  as  poor  captain  Savage,  whom  we  bu- 
ried yesterday  ;  there  could  not  be  a  finer  than  ei- 
ther of  them.  I  was  at  the  taking  of  the  Pique,  and 
carried  him  down  below  after  he  had  received  his 
mortal  wound.  We  did  a  pretty  thing  out  here 
when  we  took  Fort  Roval  by  a  coup-de-main,  which 
means,  boarding  from  tlie  main-yard  of  the  frigate, 
aad  dropping  from  it  into  the  fort.  But  what's  that 
under  the  moon  ? — there's  a  sail  in  the  offing." 

Swinburne  fetched  the  glass  and  directed  it  to  the 
spot.  "  One,  two.  three,  four.  It's  the  admiral, 
■ir,  and  the  squadron  hove-to  for  tlie  night.  One's 
a  line-of-battlcship.  Til  swear."  I  e.xamined  the 
vessels,  and  agreeing  with  Swinburne,  reported  them 
to  Mr.  I'alcon.  My  watch  was  then  over,  and  u 
■oon  as  I  was  released  I  went  to  my  hammock. 


KlfD    or    VOL. 


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